Part two of day one

It's later. Debbie, her friend Lisa, and I all had a nice time at TGI Friday's. I got my chicken and broccoli which made me happy and Debbie and I were able to connect for everything tomorrow.

I'm getting more and more nervous as the time ebbs closer. My plan isn't going well and as more and more people keep asking me, and I keep thinking about all the people back home who asked me about how I was going to do and what I was doing this weekend and me telling them that I was running a marathon, just adds all this more pressure. THIS is usually why I keep my life my own. Because if for some reason I fail, and it's always a possibility though I'm praying to God that it won't, I have so many more people I have to answer to.

And this isn't supposed to be about them. It's supposed to be about me. This is one of the few places in my life where I really put me first. I don't do this often, though I'm trying to work on self-care. This is my thing, no one elses.

So I'm not only worried about letting everyone else down and having to answer to them, but I'm fearful of letting myself down. Debbie said tonight that - when I was at mile 19 last year and asked if I could go home and she said, “What do you think?” to which I replied, “Fine, I'll see you at the end.” - I just didn't really want to quit. I'm hoping I can keep that will and determination going this year. I need to for me.

So I'm reformulating my game plan for tomorrow. I'm pulling things together. Sarah and Eric nicely helped me get my mind off the race for awhile...more on there method later. And now I need to go to bed and get some good sleep. I hope I can – new bed, new surroundings, worry of the unknown. It's nights like this I long for NyQuil. :)

9:50 – And I just decided to suck it up and order breakfast as room service. I need something in the morning so I ordered oatmeal. That should be good for the race. That and a little Accelerade goes a long way. I hope. Pray for me!