31 March 2009

Tom Smykowski

I'm having a total Tom Smykowski "Jump to Conclusions" mat moment. And it took Boss3 to wake me up.

I suck at this dating thing and I think I'm pushing myself and the situation too much. This is the problem with society today - TV and problems are solved in 22 minutes (minus the commercials), the Internet has made instant gratification a norm, and when things don't happen on those instant timelines it seems like things aren't going right.

People don't work that way. And I don't know what the hell I was thinking in that the relationship I'm in right now should work the same way. Ugh. I'm so annoyed with myself right now.

Granted, I still think there are some things that could have happened by now (at least this week) that could have made my life a little better. But since I don't know the situation on the other end I really shouldn't be jumping to any conclusions yet. I have to give the benefit of the doubt.

So I'm just trying to breathe and work things out in my head. And by listening to Boss3 maybe I give a little more time to this whole thing.

30 March 2009

A Sliding Doors moment

"Oh that's just perfect. First I want Gerry to come around and James comes around. Now I want James to call and Gerry calls." Or something close to that.

Why does life happen this way? Is there some sort of signal in the world that causes this to occur? I don't understand.


I went to bed at 8 last night. It was odd but I was tired and since I wasn't getting together with anyone else I figured I might as well just go to bed.

I've had a weird month in my social life. Ups and downs, confusion and contentment, questions and some answers. It's been going okay and I'm a pretty understanding person. I was going to type easy-going, but I probably am on the outside, but when I sit in my office alone or, especially, my apartment alone and I start to think, then I'm not so easy-going.

Dating is not an activity I understand. To me if you like someone you spend time with them. But apparently there are rules and issues with that. You can show someone you like them, but not too much. You can tell someone you like them, but not too soon. Those parameters are what I don't get.

I was going to hang out with LV last night, I thought. We didn't have anything set in stone because the weekend was pretty crazy. So I called when I was heading down to Lisa's but never heard anything. That wasn't surprising since LV is pretty considerate and wouldn't interfere if I have something else going on. So I called on my way home...no answer, no call back.

My sister had made the comment last night that maybe I scared LV away. Great...like I don't already have self-esteem and confidence issues in the world of dating as it is, now she needs to throw that in my face. So I said, "Probably. That seems to be the way my life goes." I kind of laughed it off, but in the alone world of my apartment last night and this morning now, I wonder if I did. Did I say something wrong? Did I suggest the wrong thing? Did I ask too much? Do I expect too much? Probably.

And then again, maybe it's nothing. Maybe things are fine. Maybe it's just me and my paranoia and neurotic tendencies bringing out the real Moe. I don't know.

The good thing is that I can't sit around the computer all day waiting for a response since KC and I are going shopping for SBK's wedding this weekend. I asked KC if she'd help me with my hair on Saturday since I'm a ponytail girl and that probably isn't the best option for a wedding. She got all excited like she has a new doll to dress up. We're going dress shopping today and she spent some time Friday night online finding dress options for me. Should be interesting. But it's something to occupy my time since I can't go into work.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see how the day goes.

29 March 2009


Okay, so our inspection is over. We get our results on Tuesday, I think. I'm banned from work tomorrow though, per Boss1, so I'll have a Monday off for once - the first in at least a month if not more. Crazy.

Overall I think things went well. I started off the day with oatmeal, BB brought me a chai (so sweet!) and I had my radio blastin' when Boss1 and Boss5 came in. It was great. Boss5 was shocked to see me like that but Boss1 was all, "she's always like that...must be a good day." And truly I usually am at 6:30 in the morning. :)

The bad thing was the end of the work day when we had a 90 minute meeting where the facilitators were giving out really bad info and JJ and I were trying to edumacate them on the right stuff. VERY frustrating. So I ended work on a slightly bad note. Oh well... I'll get over that.

My sister hosted a family thing this afternoon for Mom's 65th which is tomorrow. It was nice...I got to see my nieces and nephews and hang out with them. I got real food without having to cook (and I was so hungry so I ended up eating more than I should have), and still got out of there early. I was hoping to meet up with LV tonight but since I haven't gotten a phone call I'm guessing that's out. Hopefully I'll hear something tomorrow. Or maybe I'm too scary (my sister hinted at that, nice, thanks lady).

So I know it's 8 but I'm going to go to bed. I've been waking up at 3:30 lately and I have a lot to do tomorrow even though I'm not working. Typical. :)

Don't forget

I can't forget the oatmeal.

28 March 2009

Mucho better!

I think it was the oatmeal.

Yep, it's gotta be the oatmeal that did it. Yesterday I forgot my oatmeal at home and had to eat breakfast bars from EB. And as you read the day was a horrid extravaganza.

Today, I had my oatmeal and it was actually a very good day. My Boss1 briefing this morning went really well; the pee tests we had to have went great - and were quite funny actually; and then some really good things:

I got my homework from my inspector yesterday finished before noon and when she came by she apologized because what I pulled together wasn't going to count on my inspection (as bad or good) but she wanted me to be aware of it because new inspections beginning next month will need the info she made me track. It was a great moment actually. We talked, we laughed, she gave me some pointers and then said we passed. YAY!

Next up was my files which need to be in a set order as well. RG was working diligently on them and LH came over to tell him what we really needed to focus on. I learned something about RG - he can get things done when there's a light under his ass (kind of like me). He finished up the files and ordering system in about 3 hours and we passed that too.

Our inspector for that portion was hilarious and when we were finished he coerced me into calling LH and telling her he had found a bunch of violations. I played it up but couldn't keep the smile off my face. I really thought she was going to call me on it but she didn't. He went over to actually brief her on what went on and she called me declaring revenge. It was great.

All in all, the day went SO much better than I expected. We have one more day to go and we'll get our final results on Tuesday. I'm feeling pretty optimistic, but there's always a chance. So I'm going to continue to pray and hope for the best.

A side note though: I have many friends in the Fargo Moorhead area. If you're so inclined, please keep those folks in the SE ND area and NE SD area in your prayers and thoughts. It's going to be rough the next few weeks.

27 March 2009

Huh...not a great start

Well, my part of the inspection began this morning after an hour of work starting. I had had my chai and I felt pretty confident I would represent my area well.

Well, not so much. Apparently our training tracking wasn't up to snuff and a few people in our organization (like 73 of them) fell through the cracks. So I spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon tracking down their training records in their sections so we could update the system.

Sadly, I'm still missing 7, not to mention all the newbies who have come in and haven't received the training at all yet. But at least it's not quite as bad as I thought.

My only fear is what my rating will be tomorrow after I re-present my training report. I need to make some additional fixes before I report. Hopefully I can make that happen.

To top off the day we had another huge violation happen that had to be dealt with. This part really made my day suck, because I know that what my part was in it was not perceived as I intended but I don't think those making the infractions really understood how it affected me, or could affect my job.

Anyway, it's a lot I can't talk about here and it's kind of fixed, but I'm still frustrated with the whole situation. My trust in this person and situation has been violated and I'm not sure it can be renewed. That's disappointing, on many levels.

But tomorrow is another day. Yes yes it is. I had some pizza tonight and I'm going to go to bed and dream of someone handsome so I can be in a happier place before I start my day tomorrow.

A day and a half left of inspection...then a day and a half off. The countdown continues.

26 March 2009

Here we go!

Today was a whirlwind of a day. Inspectors arrived and wow, here it starts. The bad thing was that everything got pushed earlier so my plans to finalize things all got shortened. I had to add a couple other supply buys which took some extra time and at one point I just opened a file drawer and shoved papers in. Ugh. Not a good way.

But tonight before I left for the night, I typed up part of my contingency book - a fabulous binder for people who may have to step into my job if I leave and take over (of course I'm ALWAYS there and when I'm not it's because I don't need to be there, so why put this together? I don't know).

Part of this binder is to put in writing everything you do on a daily, weekly, monthly basis and then how to do it. I got 4 pages done, small font at 11pt, and I'm still not done. It's insane what I do...not everyday, but often enough that I have to list it. I got the main points down but over the next few days I really need to update this a bit more. What an insane project but I suppose it's one of those that I have to do.

Tomorrow the inspectors begin their process. I have an 8:30 for sure on one of my programs. After that I have no idea what to expect. I'm hoping it'll be work as normal, but we'll see. This will go all weekend. Then we'll find out our results on Tuesday. Should be interesting. Crossing fingers and praying a lot.

25 March 2009

Early to bed, early to rise...

It's too bad Ben didn't finish that statement with, "will give a woman strong, skinny thighs," because I'd be a rockstar if that were true.

Woke up at 3:30 for no apparent reason today. Put off getting up til 4, and finally said, the hell with it. I did get my kitchen cleaned up which I meant to do last night. It's kind of nice to have that accomplished for the day. I mean, at least if nothing else goes right, my sink is shined. :)

I'm curious what this day will bring. I kind of laid myself out there yesterday in an email with some event offers and I'm wondering what the response will be (if anything). I'm hoping for good things, but am I? I'm not necessarily hoping for an affirmative to the events, but at least an acknowledgment of some sort that I'm not off my rocker for suggesting them. We'll see.

Inspection starts in 2 days. Boss1 seems to think I'm in the clear, but who really knows. I have papers to file today, a binder to put together, and a few things to tie up. Tomorrow will be busy with prepping for the inspectors to arrive so I'm sure my actual job will not be able to be done.

So here's hoping that I can get it all accomplished today, because I really want to run tonight. :)

Happy Wednesday!

24 March 2009


My friends tell me I'm too hard on myself. I set too high of expectations for me and when I do reach them I beat myself up for it.

Truth or fiction?

Probably truth. I've always tried to strive for the best, because if you're not going to do it well, why do it at all? But I've never been good at always understanding and accepting my limitations. Sometimes I can't do it all.

In running marathons I have followed this practice: Set your goal for the time you want, the time you're okay with, and the time you absolutely won't go over. This gives me a bit of leeway. For example, TC last October I wanted to finish in 5:30, I was okay with 5:45, but I absolutely would not finish beyond 6:00. And I made my final time option, and I was extremely happy.

But when I'm training, I'm not good at this. If I don't do what I "should" do, I beat myself up. That's probably stupid on my part.

I'm doing this with the inspection this week too. Boss1 came in today and said, "How you doing?" I said, "What do you think?" and gestured to my mess of a desk. He asked me why I was worried so I asked what I could expect since I've never been inspected before. He said, "They probably won't ask you a thing except for Boss4's stuff."

Well, Boss4s stuff I can totally handle. It's my stuff I'm freaking out about. But hopefully, Boss1 will be right and they won't ask me a thing. *knock on wood*

But if you're so inclined...please pray for me anyway. The shit hits the fan Friday. :)

23 March 2009

Cooking experiments

So I'm attempting lasagna tonight for the first time ever. I have it in the oven now but I'm a little worried about it. It doesn't seem to have the kick I was hoping it would have. Of course, I added garlic, but forgot onions. And it's a recipe off the Ronzoni box so it's a little healthier than most, which is probably part of the problem. Plus I'm using ground beef instead of Italian sausage. I don't know...we'll see how it turns out.

My dinner date was supposed to be here tonight, but due to a meeting I'm going there. I really need to get something to help me transport food. I just taped up a box from an art print I bought to hold my 9x13 pan. um...hello! Oh well, it's a short trip.

Maybe it needed more garlic. hmmm

It's raining here today. I like the rain. Of course, this is actually a bad thing where I live. Up north they are sandbagging and other places are worried about flooding. Not good so early in the year. I hate when we get so much water now and then in June/July/August we'll be dry as a bone and almost drought stages. I wish there was a way we could hoard up all this water, save it in a big tupperware dish and use it later. But I suppose that's just silly.

I probably should have used ricotta instead of cottage cheese but the cheapo grocery store didn't have ricotta. Dammit.

I went into work today for a little bit, only 5 hours. I should have stayed longer but I just didn't want to. I know I'll regret it the next couple days, but last week I worked almost 7 hours on Monday, plus long hours the rest of the week and by Friday I was ready to kill people or cry...it was a toss up for whatever particular moment I was in. So I got some of my stuff done I needed to, and then I ran errands. I got groceries and bought myself flowers (of course I could have gotten them for free if I had bought two packages of steak - yeah, like I eat that much steak in a year). The flowers are pretty. I'm glad I did that for me. :)

Okay, I need to get changed and ready for dinner. Hopefully it'll be okay. Cross your fingers!

22 March 2009

Kat is brilliant at kicking butt

Shortly after I wrote the last post, I went on Facebook and was lamenting about running. Finally, Kat just said DO IT. So I did.

And it was a very good thing. I ran 4 miles. The first two were a bit rough with shins tightening up all the time. But the last half were great. I walked only a couple times - over the wooden bridge and then after a steep hill for about 20 feet and then I finished up.

It was good of me to go, and I really owe it to Kat for kicking my butt into going. I feel much better today than I have in awhile. I've even been going through papers, in honor of Discardia, of course, and made cookies tonight! And the cookies turned out really well, so my mood must be better.

Well, back to work. I have a dinner date here tomorrow night so I better get my apartment cleaned (ie straightened) up so I don't look like a total slob. Plus that will help me feel better, too.

Words of Wisdom

After much deliberation this morning, I opted for church over running. I could have done both, but I'm kind of a prude and I don't like the 9:30 service - I love the 8am service. And I could have gone running after church...still could in fact, but my back twisted funny and I'm a little worried about that.

But church was good. Lon talked about snakes and negativity today. I realized that the past week I have been really negative. My life has felt like it has sucked, work is intense and insane, but a lot of it is my own fault. I should have completed the big project months ago, but I just didn't want to. And now I have tomorrow to finish...tomorrow and only tomorrow (unless I go in today).

Lon's sermon, though, reminded me of Say Anything when Lloyd says to Constance, "Geez! Why can't you just be happy? How hard is it to just decide to be happy and be it?" "Gee...it's easy," she says.

Truth be told, it is easy. Anyone can be happy. Sure things will get you down, but if you follow Lloyd's advice or maybe even Art Garfunkel, "always look on the bright side of life," things can be great.

I've forgotten that. I let myself be sucked into the intensity and negativity of preparing for this inspection, instead of keeping my head up and above water and keeping a smile on my face. I need to do that - not just for my job, but for my health. Happiness is key. And I can be happy, there's no reason not to be. Truly, life is good.

21 March 2009

A day of nothing

Almost nothing. I did do a few things, but not much.

This was such a weird day. I went to bed last night at 9, which is normal. I felt kind of bad because I was talking with my friend Rocky and yawning horribly. So I signed off with him and crashed. I didn't set an alarm for once, because I didn't have any reason to be up at a specific time. I really thought I'd wake up around 6 at the latest just because it's usually how I roll.

I woke up at 8:30. How crazy is that???

Apparently, I needed the sleep. It's not completely surprising, given the crappy week I've had, but even with the crappiness I still got 8 hours of sleep almost every night. You'd think I'd be okay, but I guess my week drained me more than I had thought.

I took care of a couple mini errands I could do at home and then went to the Post Office to pick up my package from Kat. I'm so excited for this but I can't post anything here just yet. I will though, because I love what I got. :) Thanks, Kat! You're awesome!

I hit Taco Bell just for something different, and then came home. All afternoon I kept looking outside and thinking I should go for a run, but I just didn't have the energy or desire. I know when I do run when I feel like that, my form is crappy and I end up walking more than running so, other than getting outside in the beautiful weather, it wouldn't have really helped.

So I'm going to go to bed here in a bit (I'm still tired) and then get up at 6 and run. I think that'll be better anyway. I like running in the morning, so it should be good. And I'll get it done before the weather turns crappy and before church. And my guilt can go away. :)

Tomorrow should be a good day. I'm hoping for a great evening, so please cross your fingers for me! I should go in to work, but I think I'm going to take one more day and just go in on Monday instead. The week of hell will begin then, so one more day of happiness is probably needed. :)

20 March 2009

I'm pathetic

I'm tired.
I'm sleepy.
I'm stupid.
I'm a nutcase.
I'm a spaz.
I'm spastic.
I'm crazy.
I'm insane.

I'm a girl.

19 March 2009


I'm suddenly very sad, anxious, worried and concerned all at once. What does it all mean? I'm probably over thinking it, as I do, but this is just off. I want my pie plate. But I'm also concerned. Did I screw up? What did I do? Shit.

18 March 2009

This is how my mind wanders when I work too long and I'm super tired

Comfort Food week...month
I have had such a need/desire for comfort food lately. It's awful, mostly because my comfort food is all carb related and God knows I don't need anymore carbs in my life - especially those like popcorn, Girl Scout cookies, whoppers (oh wait that's just sugar), cookies, cake, pie (though at least I'm getting some fruit then), etc. It's bad. I kind of miss my days of eating tuna or chicken for breakfast and cheese for a snack. But it just doesn't satisfy like popcorn does these days. It's a darn good thing I'm running as much as I am right now, or this could be very detrimental to my health. :)


Boss3 - Well I'm gonna go make some noise.
Me - That's great! It's been awhile since you've been up.
Boss3 - Yes, it has.

Now granted, we were talking about flying, but when overheard it really doesn't sound like that, especially with the snickering afterward and my realization of "that's so wrong".

It's funny
I don't know why I stay late at work. I'm so much more of a morning person. The problem is we already start early in the morning so I'm already here. I just need to shut my door so people leave me alone, but I'm not allowed to do that, so I stay late. But I'm not motivated or awake right now, yet here I sit working. What the hell.

17 March 2009

Please don't let me jinx this...

I'm thinking maybe, just maybe, spring is here. I slept with my window open last night and it was the almost the best sleep I've had in a long time. I say almost only because if this inspection wasn't going to kill me first and keep my brain firing on all cylinders all the freakin' time, it would have been.

I'm really tired of tossing and turning and waking up in the middle of the night with a list of things I still need to accomplish. I'm so tired of that. I'm so tired of going to work with that list in my head only to find about 20 other tiny projects on my desk as well. So I do the tiny projects to get those off the desk but while I do those another 20 land their too, thus burying the bigger list that is still in my head which will wake me up again that night.

I'm just so tired of it. Crossing my fingers since this is the day for me - Happy St. Patrick's Day! - that with my red hair, my should-be-Irish background, and the Guinness waiting for me at home, I will accomplish a LOT.

Here's hoping!

16 March 2009

...for a hamburger today

It feels like Tuesday to me. I'm not sure why, other than I went into work today and stayed until almost normal quitting time. So that might be it.

I don't know. I've felt off today. I'm sure part of it was going to work, part of it was giving up my car to my mother for a few days (hers is in the shop), part of it was just feeling off. I don't know.

It's beautiful here today. It's still 60+ degrees out. I have my windows open and I'm loving the fresh air. I ran home from work, as will be the norm this week til I get my car back and maybe even beyond that, and my legs were so stiff. I think it was because I wore shorts for the first time since Oct. 10 so my legs were shocked to have Vitamin D shining down on them and being unsupported by running tights. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

It's crunch time at work and this week is going to suck. I need a hug.

15 March 2009

Oh the Ides of Texas are Upon you

Okay, well I've had that song in my head since it's the Ides of March and for some reason Texas keeps popping into my brain. There's no reason for the latter. In fact, it makes zero sense. Oh well.

It's been an interesting day. Suddenly it's 8:30 pm and the day has flown by. I don't quite remember what I did so I need to list it out. Lucky for you, I'm going to do that here.

I woke up at 6 and stayed in bed until 7. Having gone to bed at 8 the night before, this probably was an okay thing.

I went to church at 8 and heard a good law-filled yet gospel filled sermon. Let's just say, it's still with me 12 hours later. That's unusual.

I came home and ate some scrambled eggs because protein is so good for you.

I put some laundry in and snoozed on my couch while it was in the dryer.

Mom called and made a very simple situation very difficult until I convinced her that the simple way is just that: simple.

I gathered things together for my week since I will be running to and from work this week as Mom is using my car. So tomorrow I have to load up my locker to make sure that I have everything I need.

I went grocery shopping, Target and Taco Bell, all under an hour. I love that I'm a planner for shopping. :) I got a hydration backpack which will be great for Youth Camp this summer but awesome for my runs this week too.

I came home and got on Facebook. Now it's 8:30 and I'm a little behind in my plans. And I'm tired and I really need to go to bed, but I have a few more things to do. So I better get offline now. :)

14 March 2009

Irishman over-Half Marathon

So today was the Irishman in honor of St. Patty's Day here in town. Normally the Irishman consists of a 5 mile, 5K, and 1 mile race. You run these and they give you your times for each and then an overall time at the end. You also get a finisher certificate and another t-shirt. The things I do for beer and t-shirts.

So Karen and Jen were coming down for the Irishman with me, Sarah was going to run the 5K and Joey was coming down for that too. So I opened up my home so we could meet up and walk to the starting lines. I live right in the middle of them so this seemed smart and economical on my part. We could walk there, warm up, and we wouldn't have to deal with parking.

Well, I'm about .8 of a mile from the starting line. We walked this road 5 times, plus another little stretch (.7) to the start of the mile. So another 4.7 miles on top of the 9.2 we already ran. That's 14 miles we covered today. And we were going to walk to the bar where the awards ceremony was happening but we were running late so we drove instead.

I wasn't ready for 14 miles today. OMG. That hurt. And I'm really tired. I was going to go see "Milk" tonight, but I think I'm going to stay home and rest on my couch instead.

Wow. It was an intense day but a lot of fun. I'm really glad Karen and Jen came down to run it with me. If I had had to do that alone, that would have really sucked.

13 March 2009

Not much to say

Other than, Thank God the week is over. I could have stayed at work all night tonight. I could easily go in tomorrow and put in a full day plus some.

But I just couldn't do it anymore. So I went home an hour early and spent some time pampering myself for a night out with a friend.

Tomorrow I'm running the Irishman. I can't wait. My knees are a little sore today, so I'll have be careful how I sit and what I do tonight so I don't injure them and not be able to run. All my girls are coming down to run, so it should be a good time.

I hope you all have a great night tonight. Yeah, it's Friday the 13th, but it's really just another day.

12 March 2009

Selfish?? Helpful??

So as I was pulling up the dashboard so I could type me thinks here, I started to wonder if what I'm going to write here is just a selfish post, but I'm going to do it anyway.

I sometimes wonder, just how helpful I really am to my friends. I have a great network of friends - those I hang out with, those who I know I can rely on to help me through tough times, those to run with, those to talk about men with, and those who will tell it to me straight.

Those in the latter group are all of 2 people. I love these two so much. They chose me to be part of their family and I am so blessed to have them in mine. They have helped me through rough times, not by coddling me, but by being honest when I needed to hear that. They have helped me to better myself by helping me to see who I really am. I love them for this.

Tonight one of them called me, and as always asked me about my current ventures in life and how those are going. She was great at asking questions, the right questions, and helping me to see where this stage of my life is and where it may be heading.

Then she was talking about her situations right now and I listened, I gave my opinion, but when we hung up I really wondered if I helped at all. She is always helpful, and I know there have been times when she's apologized for saying something to me, but truthfully she has always had the best advice of any of my friends.

But I don't know that I can help her like she helps me. I worry about that because I don't want our relationship to be one sided, where I'm always relying on her for help but giving her nothing in return.

She's not the only one I worry about. I wonder if I'm going through a selfish phase of my life or something, or if this is really how I am. I'm horrible at calling people up and asking them how they are, mostly because I hate talking on the phone, but all my friends are out-of-town, out-of-state and other than blogs or email, the phone is really the best way to talk to them.

Am I doing my part in my relationships? If not, how can I fix it?


I'm tired today. I ran the 5K route today and it took way too long. Granted it was cold, I haven't ran in a week, and Karen and I were talking a lot so we walked (plus that way SG could catch up with us). But that makes me really nervous for Saturday's races.

Tomorrow night I'm going out with a friend to celebrate their birthday. It should be fun, but since I'm supposed to be planning this, I'm a little worried it won't go well.

So I'm going to sleep on it and see what my subconscious reveals. Wish me luck.

11 March 2009


Lord knows I'm not a very spontaneous person. I like my schedules. I like my routines. I like my calendar and knowing what's coming next. But sometimes spontaneity is a very good thing.

Take this week for instance. Monday night I was at a friends house for dinner with his college friend. As the three of us bantered we decided we'd get together on Tuesday as well. I said sure without even thinking twice about my calendar. But then my friend also volunteered that I'd bring pie. (I don't think he thought I'd actually take him seriously though).

So Tuesday AM I got up, made the pie crust and put it in the refrigerator to chill during the day. I decided when I got to work that I'd leave an hour early so I could get home and make the pie. I did, made the pie and went down to my friends again. It was great!

Tonight I'm sitting at work, planning to work late so I could get a few projects done when the lovely Karen calls and asks if I'm free for dinner. Abso-freakin-lutely! I haven't seen Karen in forever so this was an awesome idea. I ran home to change, picked her up and we had a great night talking and catching up.

I haven't been home, in my apartment, where I could actually do things since Sunday, but Sunday I wasn't functional after the long shitty week. Last week I worked late every night but Tuesday when I came home and made cookies for the boss's birthdays. I have not had a quiet night in a very long time.

Tomorrow night, I'm back on schedule. I'm running. This is a very good thing. Friday night I'm going out with a friend for their birthday. And I think Saturday I will finally be able to relax for awhile. It's almost scary to think about...I'll have time to think. wow.

For now, off to bed for me. I'm 23 minutes late.

10 March 2009

Ramblings throughout the day

Boss1 to me "You're losing it," after I told him I was listening to Aqua.

Boss2, "So what's the latest on the weather?" Boss1, "Looks like shit!"

I got to see Dinger today. Dinger always makes my day. He was on my first work trip eons ago and walked me through everything. Work trips freak me out anyway because I usually have no idea what I'm doing or what I'm supposed to do, but Dinger took me under his wing and helped me out. He is such a doll. He's retired from our company now so I don't get to see him as often, but whenever he comes to base he stops by for a hug and a chat. It makes my day. This is a great way to start the week.

My bosses are sick. Not like "sick and wrong", just sick. Boss3 is out with the flu but not before spending most of Saturday morning infecting all of us before Boss1 made him go home. Boss1 is now developing a cough and not feeling the best. He's still upright, which is good, and he's off to get medicine over lunch, which is better, but dammit...if these guys get me sick, I'm going to have to hurt someone. I have too much work to do this week and too many extra-curricular activities planned this week. I cannot get sick.

My friend Matthew: If Al Gore were a drummer, would he play Algorhythms?

09 March 2009

Sometimes it's not so bad

I slept in this morning until almost 6:30! Holy crap! That's so late. :) hahaha. But it did seem late when it has been 5 am wake-up-calls since last Tuesday.

I went into work around 9ish this morning and worked until just about 4. I only claimed 6 hours, because I played a little Sodoku and vented with Andy for awhile.

Deaner came in around noon with his space heater in hand. I was so glad for that. I'm always cold, so this isn't really anything new, but they also turn down the heat on weekends and Mondays since most of the normal world doesn't work those days. So I was chillier than normal. But the heater helped.

I got a lot accomplished so I'm really glad I went in. It sucks not having a day off since the 1st, but it will be better in the end.

I'm off to hang out with a friend tonight. It should be fun and a much needed night of relaxation. Plus he has a bigger TV than I have so maybe the Big Bang Theory and HIMYM won't seem so small.

08 March 2009

Out damned spot

I really need to stay out of my head. All my fretting...most likely for nothing. It shall be proved more so tomorrow, but as of today, it was NOTHING. Just me being stupid, once again.

The day is finally over. The weekend is finally over. And while the new week is starting (though Boss1's week doesn't start until tomorrow so we had a moment of clarity confusion at lunch today), I'm really glad the last week has finished. What a week from hell.

This week shouldn't be too bad. I have to go in to work tomorrow and Tuesday will be a stressful day as I try to finish things up. But the rest of the week should be okay. Which is good because I have a race on Saturday. Our town is having the St. Patty's Day parade this Saturday instead of on the 17th since it's in the middle of the week, which means the road races are also that day.

I signed up for the Irishman this year, which is a 5 mile at 0900, a 5K at 1130 and a 1 mile at 1400 (right before the parade starts - actually at the front of the parade since we start the race and the parade follows along the same route - should be interesting). Karen, the ever-fabulous Karen of course, is running this with me. I think my SIL is running the last two races, and my running partner is just running the 5K. I can't wait. It should be a great day of running... and of course Guinness to follow.

For now, I'm going to go to bed and get ready for the week. I've had a nice evening relaxing. I had white-trash pizza for dinner and actually sat on my couch for about 40 minutes watching part of the first season of My Boys.

Life is good. And hopefully will be better soon.

07 March 2009

Oh I can't get you out of my head...

This is a song I really do like. Yeah, I know that Kylie girl sang this too, and I think Coldplay did a cover once as well, but this is the version I know and love. I first heard this a few summer's back on the Aurgasm Summer Soundtrack. If you're a music lover and you've never been to Aurgasm, you really should check it out.

Anyway, this isn't really about the lyrics other than the "I can't get you out of my head" part. And it's not referencing anyone amazing. It's about me. I can't get me out of my head.

This is a dangerous thing when I get stuck in my own head. It "makes me want to push my finger, through my eye, into my brain, and swirl it around." I start to think things I shouldn't, and while someday they may be justified thoughts, thinking them right now is not helping the situation. It just makes me all crazy like and screwed up. I can't do that. I need to get out of my head.

Now...can any one out there help me?

06 March 2009

From the universe

My Horoscope:
"You are directly affected by today's retrograde of prosperous Venus as she begins to back up in your sign. Over the weeks ahead, you may be given a second chance to make a relationship work. But now, it's likely that you feel stuck because you aren't making sufficient progress. Don't work so hard at figuring everything out. It will all make sense soon enough."

My Fortune:
Write a letter to an old friend. (I did this! I wrote my older-older brother today!)

05 March 2009

And people think I'm an "overthinker"

I woke up on the other side of the bed this morning. Not the 'wrong' side...just the other side. Which means that I slept very restlessly last night.

I'm a weird sleeper. Usually I'm on my back, pillows under my knees (for my back) and out like a light, barely moving for 7-8 hours. This morning I woke up half on my right side, half on my belly, legs splayed all about and in a very odd position. I righted myself and looked at the clock.


Shit. So I got back in my normal sleep position and closed my eyes. "Just a bit more shut eye, that's all I need."

What I should have told myself was, "Just a little more SLEEP." Because shut eye I got. My eyelids would not open until 4:32 when my alarm went off. But that did not stop my brain from working overtime thinking through all I need to do today.

So I'm tired, but wide awake. Yawning, but ready to go. It's a weird feeling. Oh well, I might as well get ready and go to work early. It'll be nice and quiet for an hour or so at least. :)

04 March 2009

Holy crap, what a day.

It's probably not a good sign to start the day pulling out of the Starbucks drive thru and have your boss wave at you as he drives to work.


Now, I know I have a very distinctive car, but that was just ridiculous. Oh well. I followed him in which usually gets the guys at the door a conversation starter - "How early do you start work with Boss1?"

But we both walked in and almost literally hit the ground running. We had 3 meetings this morning in one building, then he had two in his office, which turned into 5 with people standing in line waiting. I finally got out of there for lunch at 12:40 (five minutes to meet my lunch date). He still had two phone calls to make, which didn't get him out of there until after 1.

I know we work 10 hour days and all, so late lunches aren't too big of a deal, but this was awful. I went for Mexican and ended up cleaning up LVS's plate too. (He left his lettuce) and I came back and had some Twizzlers. The day was so intense I was starving.

The rest of the day just killed. Thing after thing after thing. I finally went to a colleague's office at 5 and whispered, "So if I happened to walk down here at close with a Diet Coke in hand, do you think some rum or crown could find it's way inside it?" And it did. Thank goodness.

I still stayed at work til 7, but I'm nowhere near getting what I need finished finished. So tomorrow when Boss1 is at his meetings from 8-12, I'm shutting my door and am going to work without interruption. I can't wait.

Thank you, Lotus

This is the best picture I have seen in a very long time.

03 March 2009

Friends' quotes today

I went into Boss2's office to find out his schedule for next week. He opens his planner and tries to turn to the specific page and says, "The pages won't turn to that day. The pages are stuck together!" I said, "Chandler!" He didn't get it.

Tonight, my SIL and I had a IM regarding my oldest nephew who was really screwing up (to which I IM'd him and talked with him and suggested a tactic so he wouldn't get yelled at again) and at the end of our conversation she said, "Thanks for cheering me up." She was very stressed so I said, "I helped!" She didn't get that one either.

Where are Sallie and Sarah when I need them???

Random thoughts today

So today will be random posts from throughout the day.

Math - we use it every day

I woke up with this joke in my head: Why was six afraid of seven? Because, seven eight nine!
Lame, I know. But that was in my head. And then I realized that today is Square Root Day! So my math tendencies must have been in full force throughout the night.

Card Sharp
We have an ID card thing on base...you're not supposed to go anywhere without it, and you're really not supposed to leave it in your computer when you leave your computer area. Boss1 went to the printer this morning and I followed behind him (this is like 10 steps outside our doors). So I said, "Should I go take your ID card for you, sir?" He said, "Doh! But wait, I'm with in the sightline of it." Okay sure. Anyway, about 10 minutes later he was standing outside my door and I looked up and he walked in like he had something to say, but instead just pulled his hand from behind his back and flipped out his ID card. :) Funny.

Okay that probably wasn't that funny to y'all but it was hilarious to me. :) I am easily amused though.

As of 11:08 I am bossless today. YAY! Oh, wait, Boss4 may still be around. Hmmm. Well, no matter - he and I don't work that closely. Boss1 is in meetings, Boss2 is on a road trip, and Boss3 is at a training. This afternoon MUST be productive!!

Dammit Jim, as of 1:34 now I have Boss2 back. Shoot. Here I thought it'd be quiet all afternoon. Not that that's a good thing since I'm usually unmotivated anyway. Must.get.work.done.

Too much reading

So my running partner loaned me the coveted book, "he's just not that into you." This is a great book...for those who aren't dating or are on the verge of trying to figure out what the hell is going on in the mind of a guy they've been out with recently. This is not a good book for someone who's semi-In a Relationship because it just confuses the issue more. That's just my opinion though. I'm no expert...obviously. I mean I'm no Greg.

Baking time
Tomorrow are two of the higher ups birthday's - well, actually one is tomorrow, the other is Thursday, so I need to make cookies tonight. I was "taking a poll" last week to find out their preferences - cookies, cupcakes or pie - because I discovered Boss1 and Boss3 like pie. These other two like cookies, so that's what we're having. I should stay late and work tonight, but I think I'm going to go home and bake and try to get back in a work mode in my head. I have not been doing well. Too many other things on my mind lately. :(

02 March 2009

Monday Monday

Today was a weird day. I got up semi-early and went to work.

I know...I went to work. My plan was to work for 4 hours and get a bunch of work done. The bad thing was that I was not motivated. Hello, it's MONDAY...this is my day off and, more importantly, my day to do errands and laundry and get ready for the week. Which reminds me, I haven't ironed yet. Dammit.

Anyway, so work was unproductive, so I came home and decided to work here instead. It sort of worked. I have a better grasp on my GM's that I HAVE to finish this week. I also got to chat with a friend via Facebook, and another friend agreed to help me with a present for my Mom for her birthday.

Tonight SG and I ran 2.5. We haven't ran in awhile, but it was really good to get out again. On my way home I called Mom to see how things were going for her. She had had a car accident on Saturday so her car was kind of banged up. It's drivable but when she can get it fixed (insurance and parts, etc) she'll be out of a vehicle for about 3 days.

So I'm trying to figure out how she can borrow my car and my plan for getting to work. This might be a perfect time to start my eco-friendly/exercise plan of running to work. I've been wanting to do this anyway, so this might be a great time. I just have to hope that the weather will be decent so it works.

I also took another step today and ordered some stuff to use to stop biting my nails. Maybe it's time I grew up and out of that habit. Hopefully it'll work. :)

01 March 2009

A nice start to a new month

Today's sermon focused on change. The simple truth of life is that people hate change, and yet, also in truth, change happens every day. As Baptized Christians we were forever changed the moment the water touched us and we were blessed.

One moment struck me during the sermon when BigO said that we need to (paraphrasing here) suck it up and realize that the evil and crap that has happened and continues to happen is because of us. It's not that we don't do things to help improve the world, but because we're here it's also a mess.

But we can continue to strive for change, when we wake up each morning and realize that we are sinners but we have another opportunity to make life and ourselves better. We have to ask and attempt - it's what we can do.

The sermon was really good. I was tempted to stay for the second service so I could hear it again, but I might just email BigO and see if I can get a copy.

After church my friends parents (from high school) were there. JK came up to me and gave me a big hug (again - I got hugs before church from them too) and she said, "I have to tell you, Moe, you look especially beautiful today! Have you lost weight?"

In truth, I have been losing...not great amounts but a little bit at a time, which is nice, but being the realist (or pessimist) that I am I'm not holding my breath that it'll stay off. But I said thank you and that I'm working on it.

It was so sweet to hear that though. I don't get compliments very often, which is to be expected since I spend 80% of my life in a uniform that is NOT flattering at all. So JK made my day start off really well.

On another note, I'm trying to figure out what my Lenten discipline will be this year. Yeah, I know I should have had this figured out by now, but I'm still not quite there. The bad thing is the entire month of Lent is during my prep time for our inspection and there's no way I'll be able to do the traditional "giving up" of something. I'll need my vices in a bad way this month to stay sane. But I can try to do some "giving" instead. I just need to figure out the best thing to do.

Anyway, I need to do some training for work. What fun for a Sunday. :)