31 October 2005

weekend tidbits

So the change to the blog has taken place. I officially posted regarding SB on my new blog this morning only. I’ll probably have less comments from people but I’m okay with that. I just needed to keep my life in order. I had a fabulous weekend. Friday night hung out with the girls until they had to make an emergency visit to the vet. Franny had been hit by a car while we were eating dinner and broke her pelvis and tail. Hyde must be wearing off on me since I cared more about this event than I normally would have considering she’s a cat. :) but I was worried for her, and for a1 & a2. It comes down to family. Franny had been part of their lives for 15 years. She’s no longer just a pet, she’s a family member.

Anyway, so our girl’s night was cut super short but that was completely understandable. I actually hung out with a1 & a2 more this weekend than I have in a long time. It was great! We raked the lawn Saturday AM then Sunday afternoon they came down for pie innards and cookies. Then we went to see Prime. Not a bad movie but not as funny as I thought it would be from the ads. They had one outstanding line, which of course I forgot at home today. I’ll have to drop it here tomorrow.

Great weekend overall…I didn’t go into work and successfully had an actual weekend. I refuse to feel guilty for not coming in, even though I’ll be gone to a seminar all day tomorrow and am taking Friday off. What’s the point of working extra the weekend before to make up for taking time off if the time off you’re taking is for time you have worked extra already?

28 October 2005

a slight change

I think this may make some folks happy, and others not.

Today I copied all my SB entries (the ones that start with ‘day’) to a new blog. (I will eventually delete them here) Check my profile if you want to read it. I would still love any feedback those other SB and other plan survivors have for me, but I decided to separate them out. So enjoy! :)

I like the idea of camping, but hate it in practice.

I was thinking about camping this morning. Or camps, as it were. And perceptions of people. And naiveté and character judgment and what does that mean for each person as an individual and a group as a whole. There have been times in my life I have wondered if I am a poor judge of character. I seem to lean toward people, not all mind you, but some people who aren’t healthy themselves or healthy for me. I’m not sure what attracts me to them, what supreme force is drawing me toward being in some sort of relationship with them, but I am. Maybe I’m too trusting or just too stupid, and in thinking about it I wonder, then, who the ‘right’ people to be around are?

I made a comment to one of my friends (F1) yesterday about another person (F2) I have occasion to talk with and the F1 said about F2, “He’s someone I wouldn’t ever associate myself with.” My comment had nothing to do with the person in general (just a comment they had made that stuck with me – and it wasn’t even their own…it was a quote from elsewhere) but F1’s comment made me stop to think for a moment because two other separate friends (F3 & F4) have said the same thing about this person. Now I’m not in a close personal relationship with the F2 but if he comes through the occ I’m not about to snub him or not talk to him. And not saying F3 or F4 would either, maybe F1 but I don’t know, but it makes me wonder what is it about this person that keeps people I respect away from him? And then I wonder what would F3 & F4 say to me about F1? Would F1 be someone they also wouldn’t associate themselves with? How’s that for cryptic? And what is the characteristic in me that keeps me friends with all of these people when apparently they don’t get along? What camp do they each belong to and what is the right camp to be in? Is there one right camp? And if there is, how do you REALLY know that it IS the right camp? What characteristics of the camp set it apart from the others make it the better one to choose? And should you choose?

This led me to wonder about the camps in general. When I first got here, ie here, I remember stories about camps – how you couldn’t even sit in the dining room in certain areas if you didn’t belong to a certain ‘camp’. I found it interesting that a so-called Christian institution where you’re taught that Jesus said to love another as yourself (is that a Joel-ism, E?) that so many would segregate themselves from others. (I wonder if this was when the Luther Junior High status began?) So maybe there is a fear…a fear of someone else’s theology or belief rubbing off on themselves that keeps people apart. A fear of the unknown. Or a fear that what you really believe isn’t right and what they believe is and what if you’re doing it all wrong, so instead you cling closer to what you believe to be right, praying and hoping all the way the you’re right and they’re wrong – or at least that you’re right.

So this is where I get confused with relationships. And maybe I’m doing it wrong and that’s why I’m so screwed up. I know there are times when I have associated myself with people who have just not been good for me, and in hindsight I see that those who pointed it out to me were right or I finally figured it out myself (I’m a bit of a slow learner, apparently). But having had that happen to me several times, especially in the very past recent years I worry about the relationships I am in right now. Are my friends, those closest and dearest to my heart, ones that are truly good for me? Are my acquaintances people I should keep close or should I look for others? Can you really look for good people to hang out with? Or do those relationships just happen? What do you look for in the people you hope to be your friend? And if you limit yourself to just people who have these certain characteristics, are you limiting the growth of yourself as a person?

Maybe it’s my SD small-town background that keeps me thinking this way. In HS you had to be involved in everything – or at least most people were. 90% of students were in some sport, most were in Oral Interp at one point or another, most were in band or choir at least for a short time – they had all tried it sometime during their high school years. Many found their niche early, I however stayed in as many groups as I could – Bball (though I warmed the bench), VBall, Boys BBall Stats; Track Stats; Oral Interp; Theatre; Honor Roll; Girls State; HOBY; All State Choir; Augie Band Fest; regular Band; regular Choir; FHA; Girl Scouts; whatever I could be in, I was. I wonder now, looking back if that was due to my mother pushing me to be involved or because I was (and am) constantly searching for where I fit in. In college my life didn’t change; I was in choir, concert band, marching band, chamber singers, theater, Masquers, SAI, I took extra English classes, I took extra History classes, I took Philosophy, I majored in Music (both Vocal & Instrumental) and minored in Drama and probably close to history and English as it were. I was involved in as much as I could “to get the ultimate college experience” and I left feeling more confused about my future than ever. I thought maybe Seminary could help, but that was the same thing except instead of organizations to join I instead took on jobs so I wouldn’t be in debt. Again, I graduated more confused than ever.

Perhaps focusing on one good thing – whether it’s a friend camp or a major or whatever – really is the way to go. What’s that quote? “It’s better to know a lot about one thing than little about a lot of things.” Does that apply to relationships? Birds of a feather and all that? Is it better to stick with who you know and know them very well than to venture out and know a lot of people just not deeply? Is camping the way to go?

day 88-27

Uffda. I’m so not where I used to be. Recovery time is slower than I remember. Running is difficult after lifting – especially doing flyes. The tension and stiffness in the chest makes it hard to breathe. So alas, I jogged for about 10 minutes last night before flailing my arms up in defeat (they didn’t go very high – it was more of a wrist fling in the end) and called it a night. crashed at 9 and slept til 6am. ahhhhhh

27 October 2005

day 87-26

YAY! another smiley for me. Having the afternoon off is beneficial for me. I went to Bally’s and actually lifted some today. It was great but made me realize just how out of shape I am. Kudos to me for drinking Crystal Lite all day – it’s an indulgence really since it tastes like Kool-aid but Keith said it was cool since I’m getting my water intake then. Considering I go through two nalgene’s during the day and then more when I get home, I’m doing pretty well. I should be drinking more, but at least I’ve cut back on the DC/splenda mix. Plan to run tonight. I’m liking this gym thing. And Jay said he’d help me again with workouts if I need. I have old ones but those were written after 2 hard core months working out with him. I tried one yesterday and though it wasn’t bad I shouldn’t be this sore – especially having had a massage 2 hours after. Something to work on, I guess. But then I always have something to work on.

just for those wondering...

I don’t have kinney’s hours. I am not his keeper.

I don’t know when the mail goes out.

I don’t know when they put mail in the boxes.

I don’t have combinations for boxes.

I don’t assign mailboxes.

I don’t know the hours of the mailroom other than what is listed on the door.

If they aren’t there, they probably aren’t open or they are on a run. Check the door for times.

If the labels say: To LS or some name that is associated here…it’s probably incoming.

If the labels say: From LS or some name that is associated here…it’s probably outgoing.

By the way, I don’t work in the mailroom.

Afternoon off, part 2 – aka Ball Dimples

Today I went to Keith for my first ever massage. It was fabulous, and he’s hilarious besides. He showed me this massage thing with a golf ball (after we had finished the main session). Really cool. I asked if Top Flight was his preferred brand of golf ball for this exercise and he said, “No, maybe Nike would be better.” Maybe he could be their spokesperson, I said. He replied, “I could. It’s really all about the number of dimples on the balls that make them beneficial.”

26 October 2005

Afternoon off, part 1

Yesterday was great. I took the afternoon off since I have about a month’s worth of comp time to use up – not that that will probably ever happen but I’ll try – and cah and I went to the History Museum to see the Bridal exhibit. It was pretty cool…they had also sorts of dresses to look at and history of some of the ‘rituals’ people do. Then, since we had paid $8 to get in, we went through the Pulitzer Prize Photograph exhibit. This was incredibly cool. I love photography anyway, and to see some of the best shots over the past decades in a huge display was amazing. Each photo had a description, and it made me curious since a lot were taken haphazardly, (one of JFK and Ike through the legs of JFK’s secret service agent – the photographer claimed he was clearing the film in his camera or something), very few were planned shots. For example, the famous one of the Marines raising the flag after WWII (or Vietnam, I can never remember the actual war – sad for a military girl) was a lucky shot. The photographer was actually watching another flag rising and happened to turn around at the right moment and snapped the shot. Besides, luck, there’s a lot of patience in photography, which me being impetuously impatient it’s no wonder I don’t get very good shots. Something to work on I guess…that and getting a better camera.

After the museum I went home – it was about 4pm…crazy. I did a load of laundry then headed to the airport to visit Jay. That seems like prison lingo or something. “I’m at the airport visiting a friend.” Anyway, he had a layover and I had a book I needed to get to him so it all worked out. It was so good to see him and talk like we used to. He’s going to help me with workouts again, once I try out an old one I have from him first.

After the museum I headed to Bally’s to sweat off the day’s events, then home to crash. I got a call from my roomies and landlord throughout the night. we’re going to chat about how to cover the costs of heating this winter. It’s really unfair that a1 & a2 have to cover the costs – I wish I had been thinking when I signed on 2 years ago, but at that point I was told heating and electric was only like $80 a month on the budget plan so if I contributed to the water costs then it would break even. Well, that hasn’t been the case but I so can’t afford to do much more than what I am. It’ll be interesting to see what comes of all this.

Day 85-24, 86-25

Monday was a good day, in accordance to food, until I got home and popped in my standard SB pizza (this is becoming almost automatic when I walk in – not a good sign) and realized that I have chicken thawing that I should be baking instead! So did I bake it on Tuesday? Nooooooooo. I had a meal replacement bar instead. BUT, BUT I did make it to Bally’s Tuesday night – ran for 1.5 miles steady, increasing speed every few minutes or so, then dropped down and jogged a bit, then increased my incline and jogged on that (6.0 inc at 4.5) for a few minutes, then dropped my incline down to 0 and ran at 6.5 for 3 minutes, then walked it all off. I need to work on slowing my heartrate so I kept my hands on the sensors as I did my cool down to see if I could slow it down even while walking. It worked but not the best. Something to work on I guess.

24 October 2005

There was dancing!

This weekend was good, shockingly enough. The dance went really well which made me really happy. I had to book the band and so I immediately called my favorite band, The Jaztronauts. They do a mix of stuff, but mostly jazz and small combo stuff – not big band, as they said they’re about 14 members short to do true big band music. They were great though. Very funny. The last hymn before the postlude was "Let All Things Now Living" (LBW#557) and as I was preparing the band to start after Ferg finished his postlude they said, “You know this song right now is on our playlist tonight. We actually do this one.” Haha…okay, the way I wrote it, it wasn’t funny. You had to be there. ANYWAY, I couldn’t believe that people were actually dancing! Seminary people DANCING – dancing in the NARTHEX! Get this, those of you who know them: Bill and Anita Smith shaking their bootie on the dance floor! Mike and Eva, Rick and Nina, Rick’s brother Karl even! It was great! Students showed up, too! It really was a great feeling, knowing that people enjoyed themselves and I had a small part in it.

The weekend otherwise was fine. I really had little to do with the whole event, other than helping cah out with tasks. But Rick is officially installed and everything was great. Now the board is here and we’re still on our toes.

Oh, and I met a guy. :)

Days 81-20, 82-21, 83-22, 84-23

I was going to start this with, “The weekend went fairly well” but then I realized that this is including even last Thursday. I’m such a blogging loser. Oh well. The weekend (and Thursday) went fairly well. :) I eat my South Beach stuff, which is good, but I’ve been skipping my usual breakfast in lieu of the replacement bars. I need to get back to the eggs. They’re so yummy and probably better for me. This week, seriously I’m going to work on this. Smilies this weekend for walking everywhere! for all these events and for dancing Saturday night. Sweating counts for exercise, right? :)

20 October 2005

day 80-19

80 days. ‘Round the world in 80 days. I feel ‘round the world. Actually not too bad. I think I am a bit skinnier but it’s so hard to tell. I’ve been stagnant with exercising and losing. Not good. Must. Go. To. Bally’s. To. Night.

19 October 2005

day 79-18

Not bad today. breakfast/meal-replacement bar for breakfast (obviously), subway wrap for lunch, sb pizza for supper – lots of dc with splenda though. Otherwise not bad for food. Oh wait, I had a tiny smoothie in the afternoon. That was okay but not probably the best option. Didn’t make it to bally’s last night. I’m so pathetic. I opted to catch up on tv instead and do my laundry – so Numb3rs, Desperate Housewives and Grey’s Anatomy and 2 loads of laundry and early to bed instead of running my ever-growing ass off.

18 October 2005

i've been back 4 hours

And nothing has changed. I thought it might have…maybe because I was able to change a little while being gone, but nothing has changed. I locked myself in the hole for an hour before letting anyone know I was here…time to blog, time to sift through the emails, time to gather my thoughts back into this world after being in a world of … almost make-believe (and at one point, Hyde was playing one of the puppets from Mr. Rogers so I’m not exaggerating here). I say make-believe only because it seemed so wonderfully surreal – I was completely away from here and calm and relax. I checked into work once via phone, only because I realized I need to see if joe had responded regarding our meeting today – a vital meeting and well worth the time. But 2 minutes into making my presence known, everything was back to last week – bitching ensued, complaints, stress, resentment, and anger - I actually had moments of disgust that people couldn’t look past the little things and it wasn’t just disgust at them, but at myself because I started to feel myself sucked into it and I stepped back to fight the suction into the hole. I hope I can continue to step back…I don’t want to get sucked in again, and I fear I will – the nature of the beast maybe… I’m not sure…but I really hope I can stay strong and avoid the swirling cesspool of these games. There is so much more to life. e and j were on the money today…these little things seem so petty compared to the other issues of life.

days 75-14, 76-15, 77-16, 78-17

Let's just say, i enjoyed the food I ate and I will relish this weekend for a long time. for the sake of my thighs, i cannot visit e&k like that again for a little while. but ooooohhhhhh it was good.


Five hours on the road twice this weekend. Once to Nashotah, once back to here. Both rides took me through a plethora of beauty. Bright reds, yellows, oranges, smattered amidst evergreens and plowed fields, ready for the winter. I was blessed to have perfect weather for both trips – bright sun overhead, igniting life and light within the forests – illuminating the colors so brightly it was breathtaking. I loved seeing the bright yellows, sparkling in the sunlight, glistening and shimmering with the wind. My favorite were the trees whose leaves were bright yellow close to the trunk and darker orange as they emerged – they looked like they were on fire. Other clumps of reds, yellows and oranges were surrounded by evergreens, making them look like bouquets with blossoms so bright and ready to be picked and passed on to a new love. It was just beautiful.

My whole weekend was fabulous. Kandees was remarkable. The trip itself was great – I haven’t had much opportunity over the past years to see the colors change. Generally my guard weekends fall the the first of the month, so the beginning of October everything still looks like summer, and by the first weekend in November, everything has fallen and is ready for winter. Seeing the colors was a great bonus.

The bestest part ever was spending oodles of time with k&e. they had a busy weekend – with moving and funerals and preaching and movie meetings and just icky meetings – for them to make time to spend with me was such a gift. I needed this trip away from work, just to regroup and to be able to spend that time with two people I love and a cat I adore was so incredible.

The weekend had its great memories: Sunday morning locks; “it’s like…dairy”; fish fry; boxes; the bunker; theo conversations; conversations in general; heads banging on the many lights; mice or gophers?; Hyde the protector; Marty’s; the hottie at Water Street; Fongs; Cardinals – woohoo!; drinking, and drinking, and drinking; “achoo”; “It’d be much cooler if you did”; duraflame baby; and well I know there are more, but I want to savor some myself. Not that any but k&e will get these anyway… :)

14 October 2005

i'm so excited

“How excited are you, moe?” you might ask today as you see me grinning from ear to ear even though I’m stressed beyond belief at the pile of crap I must finish before noon. “Well, dear ------,” I reply, “I’m so excited I feel like my sister watching David Cassidy on the Partridge Family.”

Okay, no, really – that’s funny. Or maybe it’s just funny in my weird family.

So I’m so excited because I get to go to kandees, WI, today (pronounced k and e’s, get it?). yes I’m a dork, but I’m just so excited! YAY YAY YAY

Or maybe I’m just delirious. I was up late last night trying to figure out what to pack. I went to bed shaking my head because it shouldn’t have been THAT hard to pack for a weekend trip. Then I realized it on my way to work (late) this morning – the last time I went on a REAL LIVE vacation that didn’t involve guards, work or sd was Oct 2002 when I went to Tex-ass for heidi and mike’s wedding. I mean, I’ve been gone places – Dec 02 – Turkey, Guards; July 03 –Denver, LS; May 04 – Israel, Guards; Oct 04 – San Antonio, Guards; Feb 05 – Maryland, Guards; June 05 – WI, Guards; but now, finally, I’m taking a REAL LIVE vacation. (See, you have to put REAL LIVE in all caps because of the importance of the fact it is a REAL LIVE vacation – as opposed to a real dead one).

This is just sad though…why? Why has it taken me SO long to take a real vacation – no thoughts of work, no thoughts of guards, no thoughts of family…just me and my friends chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school (sorry, high school flashback). This just seems wrong – besides the fact I’m quoting that theme song (and the fact I still know it ALL word for word – what a sad commentary on my youth) – it shouldn’t have taken me this long to actually get away from it all.

Anyway, whatever the reason – workaholicism, insaneness, stupidity, whatever – I’m going to enjoy this weekend. (I just hope k and e do too!)

day 74-13

okay day – it’s funny. I went out to lunch today with cah today and I’m finding that I don’t even want the bun when I order a burger – it just seems wrong. No smiley for me today – though I should have since the fish fry is on for Friday – but it’s okay. I worked late and then had to pack and clean before leaving for the weekend. I have bally’s booked in my calendar for next week so there can be no excuse anymore. (unless I get a hot date or something – HAHA! – I crack myself up!)

13 October 2005

day 73-12

Good day, other than the ice cream which tasted SO good, though I did feel like crap most of the day – not just from the ice cream. Had a chair massage at 11am (keith says I have too much tension – must go see him), took a nap when I got home, went to choir and crashed early. I finally slept through the night for once! YAY! and I’m looking hot today. I have my santa shirt on and my skinny gray pants. Damn, am I one hot woman. HA!

I can't think of an appropriate title

The staff enrichment committee I’m on is toying with starting up prayer partners among the staff here at work, at least trying it during Advent. Having recently become one for Advent LC, I’m really excited about this idea. Part of the committee’s purpose is to “make a contribution toward the enhancement of working relationships”. In the corporate world, I know this idea would never fly, but we have a unique situation here that we can embellish on.

Over the years I have worked here I have seen a lot of close, mostly interdepartmental, relationships which leads to a lot of segregation and separation amongst the staff. At gatherings it becomes a time of these small groups – generally from the same areas – gathering around their table and avoiding contact with anyone they don’t normally work with. It’s sad, though I know I did, and sometimes still do, it, too. There something comforting in being with the people you know and this prayer partner thing would directly contradict this notion. That appeals to me.

Maybe I’m an exception to this rule. I’ve come to not mind venturing out and getting to know other people in other sections. The last gathering we had I chatted with SR’s, library staff, faculty, child care, dean’s office…I basically mingled about while I know others just stayed where they felt the most comfortable. It’s not just in social situations either. I have been asked by countless others to talk to persons they aren’t comfortable with because they know I will do it and I “get along with them.” The latter isn’t necessarily true, but others think I do. Maybe it’s my “kill ‘em with kindness” motto that gets me in these situations.

I wish there was some way I could help others understand the need to have a different kind of relationship with their co-workers. I know that there are people in this world that you just wouldn’t want to have contact with outside of this place, but you still have to work with them. You don’t have to invite them to your wedding or kid’s bar mitzvah, but if you can’t tolerate them at all in a social setting, then why are you here?

This isn’t a new thought for me…there have been times, even recently, that I have just loathed this place and some the people here. But I also know that there are a lot more good people here, many I want to know better. Some are just quirky, some have interesting hobbies that I know I don’t know about, some are just downright nice people – I don’t want to miss out on an opportunity to get to know them just because it’s out of my comfort zone.

Then again, what is my comfort zone? I’ve always said I’m an introvert and I still say that today. I have to be an extrovert at work, due to the nature of my job, and sometimes I think maybe I go over the top just so I can fight past my flight nature to run and hide and get away from these crazy people. Instead I become one of the crazy people and I think that has helped me to grow immensely in figuring out who I am and who I want to be.

Of course my other fear is that I’m trying to make people into being how I am, with my ideals. What if I’m wrong? What if I’m coming off all Hitler-like? That wouldn’t be good.

12 October 2005


I just ate ice cream.

It was good.

I feel like crap.

coming out

Watched Tombstone last night for the first time. Yes, that is part of my ‘coming out’. Had some of you worried, didn’t i? :) but dang, that was a good movie. So many stars: Heston, Russell, Kilmer, Elliot, Corbett, Thorton, Priestley, Delany…etc. Incredible movie.

Still couldn’t sleep last night. Went to bed at 10:30, woke up at 2:30, tossed/turned again for awhile, I must have dozed and then woke again at 6:30. Not very restful.

I’ve become hooked on reading secrets. Each week Post Secret posts secrets (duh) that have been sent in. Just a postcard size artwork with a secret listed. I’m not sure how I found this or how I’ve gotten hooked, but Monday’s have become my day to read the new secrets. It makes me wonder what secret I would tell – and if I even have any. This goes back to one of my previous posts ages ago where I said I talk too much. Some of the secrets posted are heartbreaking, some are funny, some are scary. It's nice in a way to read that people are letting go of things troubling them, even if it's in secret.

day 72-11

No smiley for me today. I avoided Bally’s so I could watch Tombstone instead. More on that in another blog. Realized today that I haven’t been eating my celery and other veggies. Not good. I did buy strawberries which have been very yummy.

11 October 2005

day 71-10

Went to Bally’s last night for the first official time. Not bad. Smiley for my calendar! YAY! I went around 1930 so there weren’t a lot of people, nor were there many cute ones. It was fine because I just read Word & World* while I ran. I did okay…300 calories burned, ran/walked for 40 minutes. I could do more but I just need to get into it for now. The “later at night” worked okay, I was worried it wouldn’t, but I think it’ll be fine. I still had trouble falling asleep, but then again, I’ve been having that problem for a month. And I woke up at 0430 this morning and tossed and turned for 2 hours. And now I’m yawning…so that will be a drawback but maybe I can figure something out to alleviate that problem.

*free subscription for a year since I graduated and easy to carry and place on the treadmill. Reading the Lord’s Prayer one from 2002.


Yes, I have been absent from my blogging. While in some ways it has been a blessing, I have also been stressed because I’ve needed to write and haven’t had the time. Oh well. Now most of my issues have come and passed, though some are still weighing heavily on my mind.

Last week was Denim Week. The SEC extended the Denim Day activities and added a few others: cookie bake sale, pink ribbon breakfast. All in all the week went well, even though it was busier than snot.

I must be getting old. Things that I normally would not think about have been coming to a head. I’m learning a lot from my mentor about confrontation, assertiveness, and doing what is right. It’s biting me in the ass right now, so apparently I need to hone my skills.

I can’t believe I leave for WI in 3 days! Actually 3 days from right now I’ll be on the road heading to kandeez! YAY! too bad I have a ton to do in the meantime.

10 October 2005

Days 65-4, 66-5, 67-6, 68-7, 69-8, 70-9

Last week was insane…red vines, sb cookies, barely any salad…not good, enough said.

I did join Bally’s on Thursday. That’s a start I guess. Now I just need to go. Of course they are trying to push for a personal trainer, which I can’t afford. They’ll just have to realize I’m not a complete idiot when it comes to working out. :)

04 October 2005

new pastor on the block

Saturday I had the pleasure and honor of singing at k’s ordination. It was so wonderful and I was SO nervous. K looked beautiful and the service was downright memorable and meaningful. Seeing e in his stole made me feel sad and guilty again for not making it to his. Seeing s&j was fun. S and I had some fun putting together k’s ‘senior photo’ shoot. Can’t wait to see that one. :)

The service was wonderful. I was completely overwhelmed with all these emotions going on. Part of me was just exhausted because last week was a go-go-go-go week (not be confused with a week a-go-go) and by the time I got to Saturday night I was just on edge and sensitive about everything. So for that I became a sap. It was really touching when k’s family surrounded her at the font and related her steps leading in her faith and to this new ministry that I began to well up. Welling turning to leaking which staid the course of the entire service. I felt like an idiot (still do). K-I’m sorry. It was great to see you and E though. I can’t wait to see you in 10 days. YAY!

day 64-3

Perception is an interesting thing. My perception is changing. 2 weeks ago I thought I was looking skinny and getting smaller. Yesterday I realized that I now look at myself again as heavy and flabby. My perception has changed since I have slimmed down some. Of course, I’m still not where I want to be, which could be part of the issue, but I think your mind shifts with how you start to feel and since I have always been the fat girl, I will always see myself as the fat girl, no matter if I whittle myself down to a stick (which isn’t my plan – just a small tree limb – one that only squirrels can climb on).

03 October 2005

hey mom, karen made fun of my phone...

K: who’s phone is this?

S: it’s my phone.

K: you need to get a new phone

S: why?

K: ‘cause it’s old.

S: it works.

K: you need to get a flip phone

S: no, they break!

K: (mimicking phone flippage) You can flip it and be all, “Dude, what’s up?”

S: they break!

K: Can I take a picture with this phone?

S: no, why would I want to take a picture with a phone. Phones are for talking to people, not pictures

K: this is why you don’t have any pictures.

a definition


Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English sæp; akin to Old High German saf sap
1 a : the fluid part of a plant; specifically : a watery solution that circulates through a plant's vascular system b (1) : a body fluid (as blood) essential to life, health, or vigor (2) : bodily health and vigor

2 saramoe

days 61-30, 62-1, 63-2

The weekend went well for sb for the most part. I successfully avoided numerous bags of sf red vines, but did have a bag of pistachios throughout the weekend. Tried the fast food game on Saturday – went to subway and had the atkins wrap. Not bad. It was something different for a change. Successfully avoided pie and dessert after the ordination, but mostly that was because I had to leave anyway. I did stock up on sb meals though – hyvee was having a big sale so I stocked up and brought them back up here. I missed supper last night but I was so tired I barely noticed.

military moments

I had a little Vietnam feeling this morning. Yesterday my officers and future officers had a little insider celebration for me…now, those of you who know me know I hate things directed toward me – even in a good way. Anyway, fl read a letter from r.j., an email from dave and then she and rc punched on my new stripes. Yay I’m a tech. sgt. now…well, officially on Nov. 1 but still. 9 years and I finally made it to tech. rc mentioned that we need to get me to nco academy so I can get the deserving promotion and make master soon. That would be nice. More respect, more pay, more stripes. Of course that goes with the more responsibility required too. It’s all good. After the punching of the stripes we had a little get together with cookies, peppermint patties and sunny d. ick, ick, and ick. But they sent the cookies home with me so they’re sitting at my desk today. (warning warning – illegal illegal).

But this woman, I’ve seen her before cut I’ve seen most everyone before since I do sit at this desk, came up and asked me some questions about the Lutheran and then I offered her a cookie (please take them, the smell is making me ill). She said what are these from. I said, “My other job had an office party yesterday and they sent them home with me.” She said, “What’s your other job?” I thought, do I even know you? But said, “I’m in the air guard.” “OH,” she says. “How do you feel about being a member right now?” I’m thinking, what are you talking about? How do I feel??!? I must have looked as dumbfounded as I thought because she went on to say, “Are you worried about being called up?” now several thoughts went through my mind, 1) lady, I don’t even know you and you’re asking me a personal question – at least in my mind it’s personal; 2) I just got back from 2 days of drill…what do you think I feel?; 3) besides that, it’s my job, if I get called, I get called – there’s nothing I can do about it and feeling anything isn’t really allowed; 4) I can’t express my feelings regarding this because it could lead to violation of the ucmj and I’d rather not risk it. BUT I said, “I don’t know…have a cookie.” She looked at me like I was a total bitch for not answering her but took her cookie and left.

I felt like it was a few years ago and we were having all the uproar with the tables from INViTE and the college republicans and everyone knew I was in the military so they kept asking my opinion and would get upset when I wouldn’t say anything. Ugh!

The Vietnam feeling came because I wondered what the men called up in the draft felt like when asked by their peers ‘how they felt’ regarding going over. There comes a point in your life when choices are limited and you just have to do the job you’re called to do. Not everything is hunkey-dorey or a bowl of cherries – there are tough moments in life where you just have to suck it up and do it. The other part of it all was I just didn’t know this woman, I probably wouldn’t even recognize her as an ls person on the street so what business is it of hers to even ask me that question. And of course I’m kicking myself for even bringing it up. Just keep your mouth shut sara…I have to learn that.