Talking out loud

I think I talk too much. I need to think more. Or just listen better. or something.

Months ago...well 3 or so...I was really in a mess, trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. Now I'm 3 days away from returning to events and while I'm super excited about it - getting back to a normal routine with only one job during the day and keeping my mind somewhat on straight - I'm still a little apprehensive about it. I chuckle at comments made and the job issues we've been going through. We have too many people doing one job. It's true, and in the corporate world, someone would probably be gone, but we don't do that here. Which makes me wonder why and if I should leave? Am I staying again because I fear change so much? Because I fear the lack of stability? Because I fear losing benefits and not having dental? It makes me feel like such a chicken with no backbone. I feel like I should take a risk and move on.

But then the question comes up - what would I move on to do? "I'm trained for nothing!" I hear a voice cry out in my head. I can file, I can type - woohoo. I feel like I should be doing more, but then other days I'm very content doing the little I do here. But then I wonder if I'm actually content or if I'm just so lazy that doing the little bit I do do here that I'm feeling sufficient but really I'm being a total lazyass.

I don't know. Maybe I could advance here. There are ways I suppose, I was nominated for President but we all saw how well that turned out. :) Until then I suppose I can put up with mark asking me every other day when I'm leaving.