And nothing has changed. I thought it might have…maybe because I was able to change a little while being gone, but nothing has changed. I locked myself in the hole for an hour before letting anyone know I was here…time to blog, time to sift through the emails, time to gather my thoughts back into this world after being in a world of … almost make-believe (and at one point, Hyde was playing one of the puppets from Mr. Rogers so I’m not exaggerating here). I say make-believe only because it seemed so wonderfully surreal – I was completely away from here and calm and relax. I checked into work once via phone, only because I realized I need to see if joe had responded regarding our meeting today – a vital meeting and well worth the time. But 2 minutes into making my presence known, everything was back to last week – bitching ensued, complaints, stress, resentment, and anger - I actually had moments of disgust that people couldn’t look past the little things and it wasn’t just disgust at them, but at myself because I started to feel myself sucked into it and I stepped back to fight the suction into the hole. I hope I can continue to step back…I don’t want to get sucked in again, and I fear I will – the nature of the beast maybe… I’m not sure…but I really hope I can stay strong and avoid the swirling cesspool of these games. There is so much more to life. e and j were on the money today…these little things seem so petty compared to the other issues of life.
18 October 2005
i've been back 4 hours
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2 comments:
No worries. I mean, I played a boy in two different musicals in college and I turned out fine. I think hyde will be okay. :)
I can't wait to come back. The weekend was great and I miss you all already.
it is such a letdown to come back and see that things are the same. but, if you've reached a little different perspective yourself, then they're not. because a shift in the system will make a difference.
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