I like the idea of camping, but hate it in practice.

I was thinking about camping this morning. Or camps, as it were. And perceptions of people. And naiveté and character judgment and what does that mean for each person as an individual and a group as a whole. There have been times in my life I have wondered if I am a poor judge of character. I seem to lean toward people, not all mind you, but some people who aren’t healthy themselves or healthy for me. I’m not sure what attracts me to them, what supreme force is drawing me toward being in some sort of relationship with them, but I am. Maybe I’m too trusting or just too stupid, and in thinking about it I wonder, then, who the ‘right’ people to be around are?

I made a comment to one of my friends (F1) yesterday about another person (F2) I have occasion to talk with and the F1 said about F2, “He’s someone I wouldn’t ever associate myself with.” My comment had nothing to do with the person in general (just a comment they had made that stuck with me – and it wasn’t even their own…it was a quote from elsewhere) but F1’s comment made me stop to think for a moment because two other separate friends (F3 & F4) have said the same thing about this person. Now I’m not in a close personal relationship with the F2 but if he comes through the occ I’m not about to snub him or not talk to him. And not saying F3 or F4 would either, maybe F1 but I don’t know, but it makes me wonder what is it about this person that keeps people I respect away from him? And then I wonder what would F3 & F4 say to me about F1? Would F1 be someone they also wouldn’t associate themselves with? How’s that for cryptic? And what is the characteristic in me that keeps me friends with all of these people when apparently they don’t get along? What camp do they each belong to and what is the right camp to be in? Is there one right camp? And if there is, how do you REALLY know that it IS the right camp? What characteristics of the camp set it apart from the others make it the better one to choose? And should you choose?

This led me to wonder about the camps in general. When I first got here, ie here, I remember stories about camps – how you couldn’t even sit in the dining room in certain areas if you didn’t belong to a certain ‘camp’. I found it interesting that a so-called Christian institution where you’re taught that Jesus said to love another as yourself (is that a Joel-ism, E?) that so many would segregate themselves from others. (I wonder if this was when the Luther Junior High status began?) So maybe there is a fear…a fear of someone else’s theology or belief rubbing off on themselves that keeps people apart. A fear of the unknown. Or a fear that what you really believe isn’t right and what they believe is and what if you’re doing it all wrong, so instead you cling closer to what you believe to be right, praying and hoping all the way the you’re right and they’re wrong – or at least that you’re right.

So this is where I get confused with relationships. And maybe I’m doing it wrong and that’s why I’m so screwed up. I know there are times when I have associated myself with people who have just not been good for me, and in hindsight I see that those who pointed it out to me were right or I finally figured it out myself (I’m a bit of a slow learner, apparently). But having had that happen to me several times, especially in the very past recent years I worry about the relationships I am in right now. Are my friends, those closest and dearest to my heart, ones that are truly good for me? Are my acquaintances people I should keep close or should I look for others? Can you really look for good people to hang out with? Or do those relationships just happen? What do you look for in the people you hope to be your friend? And if you limit yourself to just people who have these certain characteristics, are you limiting the growth of yourself as a person?

Maybe it’s my SD small-town background that keeps me thinking this way. In HS you had to be involved in everything – or at least most people were. 90% of students were in some sport, most were in Oral Interp at one point or another, most were in band or choir at least for a short time – they had all tried it sometime during their high school years. Many found their niche early, I however stayed in as many groups as I could – Bball (though I warmed the bench), VBall, Boys BBall Stats; Track Stats; Oral Interp; Theatre; Honor Roll; Girls State; HOBY; All State Choir; Augie Band Fest; regular Band; regular Choir; FHA; Girl Scouts; whatever I could be in, I was. I wonder now, looking back if that was due to my mother pushing me to be involved or because I was (and am) constantly searching for where I fit in. In college my life didn’t change; I was in choir, concert band, marching band, chamber singers, theater, Masquers, SAI, I took extra English classes, I took extra History classes, I took Philosophy, I majored in Music (both Vocal & Instrumental) and minored in Drama and probably close to history and English as it were. I was involved in as much as I could “to get the ultimate college experience” and I left feeling more confused about my future than ever. I thought maybe Seminary could help, but that was the same thing except instead of organizations to join I instead took on jobs so I wouldn’t be in debt. Again, I graduated more confused than ever.

Perhaps focusing on one good thing – whether it’s a friend camp or a major or whatever – really is the way to go. What’s that quote? “It’s better to know a lot about one thing than little about a lot of things.” Does that apply to relationships? Birds of a feather and all that? Is it better to stick with who you know and know them very well than to venture out and know a lot of people just not deeply? Is camping the way to go?