12 March 2009

Selfish?? Helpful??

So as I was pulling up the dashboard so I could type me thinks here, I started to wonder if what I'm going to write here is just a selfish post, but I'm going to do it anyway.

I sometimes wonder, just how helpful I really am to my friends. I have a great network of friends - those I hang out with, those who I know I can rely on to help me through tough times, those to run with, those to talk about men with, and those who will tell it to me straight.

Those in the latter group are all of 2 people. I love these two so much. They chose me to be part of their family and I am so blessed to have them in mine. They have helped me through rough times, not by coddling me, but by being honest when I needed to hear that. They have helped me to better myself by helping me to see who I really am. I love them for this.

Tonight one of them called me, and as always asked me about my current ventures in life and how those are going. She was great at asking questions, the right questions, and helping me to see where this stage of my life is and where it may be heading.

Then she was talking about her situations right now and I listened, I gave my opinion, but when we hung up I really wondered if I helped at all. She is always helpful, and I know there have been times when she's apologized for saying something to me, but truthfully she has always had the best advice of any of my friends.

But I don't know that I can help her like she helps me. I worry about that because I don't want our relationship to be one sided, where I'm always relying on her for help but giving her nothing in return.

She's not the only one I worry about. I wonder if I'm going through a selfish phase of my life or something, or if this is really how I am. I'm horrible at calling people up and asking them how they are, mostly because I hate talking on the phone, but all my friends are out-of-town, out-of-state and other than blogs or email, the phone is really the best way to talk to them.

Am I doing my part in my relationships? If not, how can I fix it?

1 comment:

Baritonality said...

I'm guessing 2 things...

1.) That you spoke with this friend the way you speak with me.
2.) That you are conscious of the difference between a good friend and a bad friend.

These two things make me think that you were helpful. You wouldn't be worried about it if you weren't helpful. Ego and incompetence go hand in hand.