01 May 2008

Voices 1

NaBloPoMo's theme for the month is voices and boy let me tell you my voice was aching to break free today.

It started out with a phone confrontation with a colleague and it really pissed me off. I found out later that at least I wasn't the only one getting yelled at by this person but still there was no reason for this.

I was doing my job based on my job description and what I am supposed to do and there was a minor problem (easily fixed with a reboot) which triggered this immediate phone call (before the reboot). Then in that same phone call another issue was brought forth, again falling in my realm of things and I was attacked for, basically, supposedly butting into an area that's not my own. Fact, I needed to be involved in the issue, too. I can't really get into details which makes this really vague... sorry.

But what was funny, as I was on the phone with the colleague, I was getting so frustrated. The person wouldn't even let me talk and explain what I had done, why I had done it - they kept interrupting me as I tried to talk. I was literally holding the phone, my face in a angered look, clutching my free hand in a fist, and visible shaking because I just wanted to scream, "SHUT UP!" The funny part was that my boss walked by right at that moment and was genuinely concerned. Later I just wanted to walk outside and scream out, "FCUK!" because I couldn't get it out.

Thankfully, my good calm voice came to the forefront as I breathed in deep and when this person finally came up for air with a 2-second delay I jumped in and said, "Let me explain what I did so you understand." I said this in a very pointed way, but polite because I'm super nice. Anyway, we finally hung up and I muttered, which I'm sure Boss1 heard, "And that's why I should just go home."

The other voice in my head was this // close to saying to the phone person, "Fine. Then I'll let you work on the project this weekend that I agreed months ago to help on, since apparently I'm not supposed to be doing any of this. And those three articles I was writing...yeah, I'll just skip that too. Besides I have my own work to do."

But I didn't, though when they emailed later this afternoon wanting to get together tomorrow and asking how much work I've gotten done on the project, I said, "I haven't even looked at it. I'm hoping to tomorrow AM but I have a bunch of my work I need to get done and I have meetings all afternoon." Grrr.

Somehow my voice of reason eventually came out and my blood pressure went down and I was breathing easier. But I do regret venting to people about the situation whom I probably shouldn't have been venting to. I lost my venting post a while back and I'm really needing an outlet, especially in times like this. I need to find someone I can trust to talk to.

Or I just need to take up yoga so I can find my inner peace and calming inner voice.


Karen Elizabeth said...

I totally get the needing to vent to the right person, but not having The Right Person to vent to. My year, thus far. The person who knows when to listen, that you usually aren't looking for advice, just a sympathetic or available ear and maybe some affirmation...and that's it. No life changing words, no optimistic discourse on all the "good" things about my job.
yes, I know.

Anonymous said...

Oh that bites! Sometimes people just get it into their minds about the situation and go off on tangents. I hate that...that's probably the most irritating thing!

Kat said...

OOOh. But. Venting is SO helpful... I understand. Sorry you had to deal with assholishness. No fun.