14 April 2008

How does your brain work?

I should have written this when I was thinking about it this afternoon. Tre and I had a nice chat going which got me thinking about how different people's brains work. But then she inspired me to get my ass off the couch and finish the work I had started, as well as starting and finishing a couple other things I've been putting off, and what I wanted to talk about disappeared into the void. But I'll try to recap it here.

We were talking about our days. She was at work but I have the day off since we have a compressed schedule. She had asked what I had been doing, so being the anal retentive person I am I recapped what I had accomplished: 5 loads of laundry, grocery shopping, and a couple other things I can't remember now. She said that I sounded busy. Not as busy as I should be, I said. I have a horribly messy kitchen but I'm avoiding it, as well as all the clothes I want to pack up to take to Goodwill (still...I've been talking about this for months) and other stuff, but that I was avoiding them nicely.

She said something about not being able to do that, something about being anxious about getting things done. I said that I don't worry about it. If I get it done I get it done, if not, well no big deal because I'll never get everything done. And then I rambled on a little more (imagine that!).

She asked what inspiration writer/speaker I've been listening to. I said, no one. I just make my brain think that way, because I can't let myself get stressed about the little things like that, despite the fact that my mentor at work is all about the little things. Of course, I live alone and have no friends so it's not like I'm entertaining. Really, the only person I have to deal with is myself and if I can't live with myself even in my messy periods (like Picasso's Blue period) then I have bigger issues that I need to work through than just getting my kitchen cleaned. She said something about that she would rather have organization than chaos in her life so that's why when her house feels chaotic then she is...or something like that.

I don't like chaos either. I'm all about NLPs (neat little piles – my college boyfriend still curses me for teaching him this technique, but that's a whole other story). And it's not like my home is really a disaster area. There are a few places, corners mostly and my closet in my bedroom, where there are boxes of things I need to go through, but my main living area is...well, okay. It's not pristine like I feel it should be, but why does it have to be pristine? Who says it has to?

Why does my brain work that way and hers doesn't? Why do I just not care about a pristine house or even a more clean house than I have right now? Maybe there's something truly wrong with me that I'm okay with having a messy kitchen throughout the week (I clean once a week, if that), that I'm okay if I don't vacuum or make my bed. But then again, my apartment is the size of her living room and dining room in her house...so she has more mass area that she has to deal with. She also has a dog and works two jobs, so that adds to her as well.

She had said when I was moving in that she thought I was a minimalist because I had a very small truck for all my stuff and she had to have a big truck when she moved. I don't consider myself a minimalist in any way shape or form...I have a lot of crap that I don't use. I have 100s of DVDs and VHS movies. (Actually, I watch all of those – yes, I have no life.) I have books galore, so much that most of the boxes in my storage are books. And if those aren't filled with books they are either filled with one of two things: paper, or clothes that I keep meaning to take to Goodwill. I keep so much stuff. I'm a hoarder, as I've mentioned earlier.

I'll admit that I do feel better when my house is super clean. There's something about that accomplishment and the freshness of it all. But I don't stay up nights lamenting that I didn't get that kitchen sink cleaned or the laundry put away. Not that Tre does this either, but we do have a different way of thinking about this stuff. I don't know. Maybe it's just one of those mysteries of the world. Like she said, she does entertain (she has friends) so maybe she just has a different mindset.

Sometimes I wish I had a different mindset.

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