04 November 2009

Hidden treasures?

Sometimes decluttering is a good thing. You find things you haven't seen in awhile and remember stories and events of the good times of ago. Like PB and Tuna - which I still can't quite remember the stories, but I'm sure they were funny and to find a can of tuna and a jar of PB in a box just makes it funnier.

But then there are things that just weigh heavily. It's not that you forgot about them but you had buried them deep in your psyche and they didn't (seem to) mean much. But then you find them and everything is dredged up again.

Like finding an evaluation by my mother of me when I was in elementary school. This wasn't bad. It got me into a gifted reading program which was fun, as I recall. It's just interesting to see how your mother saw you. But then, there's the evaluation by the psych guy before LS. The guy who had met with me for all of 3 hours and then proceeded to determine who I really was.

What scares me is that he may be accurate. Some of the things he wrote still hurt, and I sometimes wonder if I should have an evaluation again, but then I wonder what if it was worse now, almost 10 years later?

But what if he was wrong? Or what if I just think he was wrong? How do I overcome these things he has said and try to live beyond them? Can I strive to be something better than his comments or is that so ingrained in my being that I can't?

I'm not sure anymore. And part of what he wrote makes me worried for my future career. I need the things he says I don't have and I'm not sure how to get them.

1 comment:

kendi said...

You already know what I'm going to say to this. One word. Begins with a "t." Ends in a "y." Has totally saved my life. We all just need to learn to cope with ourselves and try and turn hindsight into foresight. You can do this. You just need someone to guide you.