25 November 2009


I had a weird dream last night.

MS and I were at a restaurant at a round table. I was sitting next to his mom, who was in much better health than I have ever seen her, and my mom was next to him. My mom (who will be Mom for the rest of this and PS for MS's mom) kept suggesting to PS different options for food.

What was funny is the menu had all these dinner options, but it was the full meal. Like you got a chicken thing with the potatoes and veggies but also the wine and dessert to go with it. Mom was suggesting to PS a meal but said she'd drink the wine for PS since she didn't like it. PS looked at me and MS and started laughing and said, "Hell, no. I like my wine." I've never seen her drink wine - only coffee or soda.

But then this tall woman came in with a green facial mask on - she was rubbing it in and i was jealous because I have wanted to do a mask for awhile. Anyway, she then turned to mom to talk then back to the table and it was all rubbed in. Anyway, she came off like she was MS's mom, but she wasn't. Tall, short hair, kind of Meryl Streep-ish look except with black hair - almost like Muffy T from LS for those who remember her.

Then I looked to my left and there was another big table of women, with one man whose back was to me but I could tell it was my former Uncle Robin. And all my cousins from my mom's sister were sitting there. Tanya had stood up and with a big look of surprise saw me and said, "Girls, Moe is over there!" And then Nicky looked over to me but squinted, like she couldn't get me in focus, and I squinted back at her, teasing her, and said, "Hi Nicole." And she just turned back to the table.

It was weird. And I'm not sure what to do with all of that.

It was especially weird after the night I had had. Mom FINALLY agreed to go pick out a paint color for her kitchen - which stems from a conversation from Ava's birthday when I asked her what she wanted for Christmas this year and she said she had never gotten her gift from last year. Which is a whole other story and this is already a long enough post as it is. (K - I know, I know - "t" "y".)

Anyway, we picked out the color and I sent her on her merry way and waited for MS so we could make sure we got the right kind of paint. I laid out over $130 for paint, primer and a few supplies that MS didn't have, joy of joys. So I called her to tell her we actually bought it and all she said was, "Ok. I didn't get your insurance check from you."

UGH! No thank you, no nothing. Just "I didn't get a check from you." Truthfully it kind of hurt.

Oh, blah blah blah. I'm so sick of it all. But that interaction (which was a lot more drawn out than that) wiped me out. I felt bad because I really wanted to enjoy the evening but it just kept flooding back and emotionally I was a sack of potatoes. So unfair to me and to MS.

Someday I'll figure this shit out and be able to push this crap aside. Someday.


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