One of my dear friends left a very poignant comment on my win-a-free-t-shirt post. He mentioned how he'd like to see me soon. I immediately felt bad because I was just in his neck of the woods last weekend and didn't even think to call.
Part of that is because I still have this feeling from my youth of not wanting to impose on others. I've always felt slightly like an outcast - even back in high school when we'd be riding the bus to and from games and the little freshmen girls were getting invited to parties right in front of me. I've never fit in anywhere, just have always tried to be myself and live my own life.
I think moving here has brought that feeling back. I head up to the cities often because I have tickets to the Guthrie (generally, that's the only reason). My boy-friends and Debbie and I almost always get together because, well, we just do. We were all in choir together so I'd see them at church and then we'd do brunch...yada, yada, yada. But my Luther friends...yeah, I've kind of fallen to the wayside on them.
It's not that I don't want to see them, but I know they are busy with their lives and I hate to be a bother. My weekends are sometimes quickies and trying to carve out an hour here for one and an hour here for another seems kind of rude in that I'm not really allowing a lot of time to reconnect and it feels like a revolving door of meeting up with people.
Does any of this make sense? I feel very disjointed on this.
2 comments:
Hi beautiful! :) Makes complete sense! I deal with this when I go home to visit family and want to see former youth group members and their families at the churches that I served... Know that you are missed and prayed for and don't ever feel guilty about not connecting with people when you are back in the cities...the timing will be appropriate...I think the individual who commented was just lamenting that they miss seeing your beautiful face and value the friendship they have with you. The great thing about it all is that God is at the center of your friendships, especially the Luther people, and the time between seeing each other is a second in his timing...Praying this finds you well and that God is blessing you richly in all that you are doing! :) E
I get it.
My guilt comes when people I don't particularly want to see seem to really want to see me. I have a friend out here like that--we were best friends in high school, college roommates, and then she sort of went crazy and we stopped being close at all...and now it sort of seems like she wants that back, now that I'm back. It's weird.
But I also struggle with thinking, "Why on earth would they be excited to hear from ME?!" Yep. I think that hanging out with me is something they would do out of pity rather than a genuine desire to do so.
So I hear ya, girl.
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