Why didn't I think of that before?

As much as I want to build my equity by buying a house I realized tonight one big reason why I don't want to buy right now.

I agreed to bring a side salad type item for a lunch thing tomorrow and so I stopped at the nearby grocer to pick something up. It's freakin' cold here today with wind that is just insane. (Why? Why is there wind?)

So I was still in my work gear and doing the Truffle Shuffle* back to my car when I hear this guy standing on the corner say something to his friend about me. I shuffle to my car a little quicker, because seriously it was cold, but also I wasn't in the mood for a confrontation tonight.

Anyway, I'm buckling up (I'm a safety girl!**) and the guy knocks on my window. I lower it a little bit and he says, “Hey... uh hey there, girl. You look like you could go for a steak.” Now several things flash through my mind – a) he's going to kill me, b) he's cold and hungry and I should just give him money but I don't have any cash on me, and c) maybe today is a good day to be a vegetarian because ew! what kind of pick up line is that? And besides I have leftover chicken at home and I just swore off buying more unnecessary items and steak is truly unnecessary.

So I go with the latter and say, “Nah, I'm not a steak eater. I'm a vegetarian. Thanks though.” and rolled up my window. And as I drove home, I felt bad because I should have helped him out, though I'm not positive he needed help (maybe he really was trying to pick me up – or kill me) and maybe I need to start carrying more cash, because I'm not comfortable with strange men in my car (who want to pick me up – or kill me).

Then as I got to my apartment I realized that even though I really, really want a place I can call my own, having a house would be a little nerve wracking. Because – well, because I'd be there alone.

Now I know this seems a little odd since I had that post not long ago about how I hate coming home alone. But I realized that even if I do come home to an empty apartment, I'm not completely alone. There are people around me – next door, down the hall, the next floor up or down. There are people nearby. If I move to a house, my very own house all my very own, I will be all alone. And that is just a fear I'm not ready to face. There's safety in numbers and even if I don't know people in my apartment building, they are there.

* God bless Chunk.

** Yay Vivian!