24 November 2007

'I don't care.'

This is a standard line where I live.

It's not that people don't actually care about things, but it's a line used so someone doesn't have to make a decision that may upset the other person(s) they are with. And the passive-aggressiveness here seems more valuable, at times, than stating what you really think or feel.

I have been guilty (very guilty) of using this line. Often it's not because I don't care but sometimes it's because I don't know what I'd like or where I'd want to go. Sometimes it's because I really don't care. But in thinking about it I wish I could learn to be more firm in my decisions and make up my mind so others I'm with wouldn't have to deal with this and get annoyed as I do when I'm the one doing the asking..

I've had a lot of trouble with this – decision making – and I'm trying hard to come up with ways I can force myself to make decisions and be decisive. I generally do okay on my own, but when others come into play I'm constantly second guessing my actions, because I live in the world of “I don't care.” I can make a decision for me and someone for dinner plans, but if they don't like it they probably won't tell me because they'll just say “I don't care” and the more I do that the more I'll get the reputation of (supposedly) walking all over everyone else.

I don't want that reputation. It would just be nice to not always feel like I have to make the decisions for others. I have enough trouble making them myself.


Okay...so this is a weird post, I know. It's just that this is more than just dinner or what to do Friday night kind of decisions. This plays into relationships. I've had friends who have been ditched by guys who 'have their own decision to make' and my friends wonder “what he wants them to do? Should she wait for him? Put her life on hold? Or what?”

It's frustrating because their answer is right there in their question. Should she put her life on hold? No. Life doesn't hold for anything or anyone. Life continues on. When my friend Grant lost his wife Nicole he and I would email back and forth for awhile. He went back to work earlier than most expected him to, but as he said to me, “Moe, you better than most, know that life continues.” And it's true. You can't wait for someone else to make a decision to continue on with yours – your life or your own decisions.

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