Packing sucks

I'm sure JB would agree with me on this, but packing sucks. Especially books. OMG! The books I have are insane! I think I've packed at least 8 boxes of books already and I have more in my storage and still more to pack! And that's just books! (I am taking your advice though and not buying an iPod while I'm supposed to be packing...even though I could use some major retail therapy.)

But it's more than that. It's putting away memories that have been made in my little cupboard below the stairs (i.e. my apartment). It's packing up my life, into small and hopefully manageable boxes for when I get a truck to stack them in and transfer to a new location to start this all over again.

This is truly a moment when I believe that we are constantly part of God's creation - recreating our lives and changing the world. God didn't just make the world and wash his hands of it when God was finished. Nope...God made it and constantly worked through us pathetic sinners to recreate it into something better, and when the shit hit the fan, helped to clean it up and start all over. It's amazing.

And maybe that's what I'm doing. The shit hit the fan and now I'm cleaning it up to start fresh in a new locale. Sort of. I think it was just that my life needed a change. It was time. Maybe even past time, but I think this will be good. And even though I'm packing all my pathetic belongings into boxes to stack and transfer elsewhere, change is good and this is a good thing for me.

I got it!

IT

As one year ends, another begins

Well, aren't I just profound with that title? Truthfully, I have never felt the intense changes of one year to another as I am feeling them this year. Less than a week ago I was offered a new position with my part-time job (i.e. becoming full-time there) and I accepted. Less than a week ago I put in my resignation at my current position, to end the beginning of January. Less than 24 hours ago I was searching for a new home in my soon-to-be new city, trying to sort out what I can afford, what I can't and guessing at what my monthly income will be with the new position. And in less than 2 weeks, I will be at the new position, beginning my new life.

I came home here in the Cities last night to sleep a bit before beginning the intense process of packing, moving and transforming my life. I really feel like I'm entering the Federal Witness Protection Program or something. I'm going to have to change my address, my phone number, my email, packing up everything I own and moving to a place where I have friends but they are fewer in number. Truly this city has become home for me over the past 6 years. I have family here - not blood relatives, but the other kind of family: the family you know you can call on to go grab a beer, or just shoot the shit with without feeling like you may be judged for your actions. A family where you were chosen to be loved by them...not because they have to.

It's kind of intense right now. I find myself in a stage of bipolar behavior. I go from ecstatic moments of "yay I have a new job which I have wanted for 10 years and I can't wait to start! YAY!" to "holy shit, I'm leaving my friends and a place I truly love and am going to miss more than I thought." I go from bawling to rejoicing. From tearing up at the thought of leaving to tearing through papers and throwing crap I've collected while I pack.

What a freakin' roller coaster. The next couple weeks are going to be intense. I know I can make it through, but holy crap, this is going to be exciting and rough.

And then there was one

16:4:1 = Me.

It's like a dirty math problem. Oh wait, no. That's a Friends line. Nevermind.

Well slap me up and call me stupid

I linked to the wrong post!
THIS is what I bought. I'm so excited. It should be here next week. But thanks for the affirmation anyway, Cate! :)

Psst...

Remember this post?
Well, I bought it.
I'm so bad. I hope Santa will still come.

Last day

Basically, today is my last day in the cities before Christmas. I'm heading home tomorrow AM (maybe tonight after Altar Boyz since my mother is FREAKING OUT about the freezing rain and such headed their way) and though I may be back for a quick stop off, depending out tomorrow goes, this is basically it until after Christmas.

Man, tomorrow. That's just scary. I know what's happening tomorrow and I'm excited and scared and nervous all at the same time. It's a big step for me if what I'd like to happen would happen. I guess we'll see how things go. You just never know. Especially since the other is still a possibility too.

Okay, I know I'm talking in code here...sorry. I'll write more later when I know more. For now, I'm just freaking out a bit myself since Christmas is Monday and I still have gifts to find for relatives and gifts to finish for others. And cookies to bake. And flat bread to make. And krumkake to roll. O! the pressure of it all! :)

So anyway, Merry Christmas, if you're so inclined.

For the record

I still haven't put up my Christmas tree.

So far, so good

Yep, I'm on vacation. Truly, I am. Yet there are still these sightings of me at work. (I really need to get a computer at home!)

But so far it hasn't been bad. I've had breakfast with fun people, I've had supper with other fun people, I've helped a friend move many, many heavy boxes to her new apartment, I've relaxed and read books and started knitting a blanket for a friend. Life is good.

Speaking of books, JB gave me this book and Brenda gave me this book, of which I've almost finished the latter. Yeah, it's not on my list, but when people loan me books I want to read them right away so I can return them. I haven't been so good with that in the past. In fact, I think I still have a book of Sean's I need to return to him. Hmm.

Anyway, the book from Brenda has been very interesting. Upon my initial reading of the series, I found a lot of Christian-like set-ups, as well as Greek Mythology and other just basic world views in life. Granger points out these quite well, but also steps into a few other thoughts I hadn't considered. It really kicks out from under their feet the whole "Harry Potter is evil" phenomenon that was occurring early in the series publication days. It only goes through book 5, and now I want to reread those first books to see if I can see the match-ups he's made, and then read book 6 to see if I can see the patterns still occurring.

So so far, that's what I've been doing. I know all you readers in internet land are really excited about this. Whatever. I just didn't want you to think I had disappeared due to the Rapture or something. Oh and I have an interview on Wednesday, for which I'm excited and nervous and excited again. I'm hoping it will go well, though it would mean an entirely new life (both in the workplace and in general location of life) would begin. It's kind of fitting that all this is happening during Advent, the season of waiting and preparing for the coming of Christ. I've been waiting too...and maybe if this goes well my life will begin again anew.

I'll be back in the meantime and will fill you all in. Until then, enjoy life!

Danger, Danger

So vacation may be a bad thing for me. I am so not motivated when I don't have anything to do. Example: I got up around 8, went for a massage (yay, Keith!), then went home and took a nap. How sad and pathetic is that?

Okay, so Sarah says I can have unproductive days, but seriously, this was pathetic!!! This is not a good start to the vacation. I have so much I need to get done and I.DID.NOTHING!!!

Hopefully, tomorrow will be better. Cross your fingers, folks!

Leaving you

WOW! I missed a day yesterday and somehow I survived. Craziness. It's just a foreshadowing of what is to come. Tomorrow I begin my vacation... *sigh*. I'm very excited for this time away and yet at the same time it makes me a bit nervous to be away for such an extended period of time. I hope to do some serious baking, return my flabby ass to the gym, and get some serious reading accomplished.

Cate mentioned a while ago, again, the From the Stacks challenge. Last week before I left for my faboo weekend, I picked out 5 more books to read (I'm already in the middle of 3 but apparently they don't count). So here's my list, in no particular order:

• Generations of Faith by Carl G Eeman (K had recommended this to me last year before she moved and I haven't read it yet!)
• Charming Billy by Alice McDermott (this is on my shelf and I don't know why, so I figure I'll read it and hand it off to mom)
• Pursued by Grace by Jim Klobuchar (found book in Lost and Found, so I thought, why not?)
• Taking Jesus Seriously by John Cowan (this was recommended to me by Ian and I love Ian so I'm sure this will be interesting)
• Baudolino by Umberto Eco (I had started this a while back when Jay was reading a lot of Eco books and I haven't finished it, so maybe I can now)

I'm also hope to finish the other 3 I'm reading - the Bono book, Book 4, and the Dale Carnegie book I've been reading. And maybe if I get through these 8 I can get the new Stephen King book. Should be a good time.

Anyway, I hope to come back here to visit on occasion while I'm on vacation. But just in case, I hope you all have a fabulous holiday season!

Revelation

Not often do I say this, but I am jealous of my sister.

Yeah, she's older than me. Yeah, for a long time we lived in basically two different worlds (she was in college when I was in 1st grade). Yeah, she's pretty cool.

But I've never really thought of myself as jealous of her (except for her skinniness and beauty - she is the looker in the family). I always just saw her as someone I looked up to, someone I admired and someone I really respect and love.

But tonight I realized I'm also jealous of her. She has things I want. She is good at things I'm scared I'd fail. She is an amazing woman.

She has a family - a wonderful, loving, caring family. She is completely in love with her husband, anyone could see it. She is an incredible mom - giving and demanding respect from her kids who love her a ton. She is so 'put-together'. In a million years, I don't think I could ever be as together as she is.

And I'm jealous.

I know I'm coming up a few years behind her in all this, but I wish I was now where she is now. My sister is an amazing woman.

It's good to be home

Welcome back, boys. It's great to have you back.
Counting the days till the rest.

Signing the Magna Charter

This weekend my friend Justin will help a church become a church, a whole church and nothing more than a church, so help them God.

Justin helped begin a mission start church in MI last year about this time and they are aptly named Advent Lutheran Church. This Sunday they sign the charter. It’s very exciting!

When J-man started all this over a year ago he invited me to be a prayer partner with the church: I, Moe, agree to pray daily for Advent Lutheran Church and its ministry for the next year starting this day. I will also pray for Pastor Justin and his family as they continue to strive to listen for God’s voice on this journey. In addition to whatever else the Spirit leads me to pray for; I will lift up the search for leaders, the establishment and functioning of small groups, the vitality of worship, and the openness to being surprised by the work of God.

I have been proud to be a silent partner with this church. It’s amazing to me what God is doing through my friends on a daily basis. I decided this fall to offer my tithing to Advent to help them and to help me feel even more connected. I can’t wait to visit sometime and see Advent in person (and Justin...I miss you, man!).

If you’re the praying sort, I invite you to pray for Advent this weekend as they sign the charter and become even more whole as a church and community.

You can't go yet!!!

Soon I’ll be on vacation. Like a real vacation from work where I’m not off guarding things or pretending to be on vacation to just stock up comp time for later. No, I’ll be on a real vacation: away from here, away from the computer (sort of, I’ll probably hit the library a few too many times), and away from email (that’s going to kill me).
It’ll be good. I’ll get to bake, knit, shop, relax, watch cheesy 80’s movies until my eyes ache, and just have a jolly good time.

BUT vacation doesn’t happen yet. I have to wait a few more days.

I think my mind is already gone though.

Wanting to be Tops

Last night was great. I got to spend time with my fabulous friends JB, Megan, Megan’s Chris, Emily, Kevin and Kevin. Kevin’s Sarah was supposed to be there, too, but she wisely opted to rest up for her important approval interview today (and she was approved, naturally). But much Top Chef was watched, cookies and chips were consumed, and beers were coerced by me from others.

Top Chef is an interesting show and I’m sure most of you out there in TV-land know what it is, but this was a new one for me. I don’t have cable so watching shows on stations like Bravo, TV Land, Showtime, Comedy Central, TBS, HBO, etc., just doesn’t happen in my world. I live with six stations, my rabbit ears and a tiny TV.

So anyway, Top Chef was pretty cool and since over the past year I have become “miss baker”, this was very interesting. I’m so not creative to come up with what they do. I admit, I yelled at the TV and wondered why people were still competing who just didn’t seem to be very together, as it were, but really deep down I’m jealous. I wish I had their abilities, drive, skills to do and go after what they want.

And until I figure out what I’m going to do with my life, I’m going to use their recipes and start practicing on my own cooking skills.

Thursdays Tip

“We have learned the difference between putting Vaseline and K-Y Jelly up your nose.”

In case you’re wondering, both moisturize but KY is less oily. Don’t ask how I know this.

Extra! Extra!

Our school is testing a free newspaper program here this week and next. Our paper choices are the USA Today, Pioneer Press and New York Times. It’s been interesting. I don’t normally read any of these. It’s been interesting to skim them, though I haven’t had time to really sit down and read them. Maybe tonight. I'll let you know my preference. Eventually there will be two of the three here for students to read. I'm curious to see which win out.

Must. Leave. On. Time.

Over the last few months I have been working extra hours…mostly because I don’t have students who can come to work at my normally scheduled end time of 4:30 due to classes or CPE, and today is not unlike the others.

But today, I am really feeling the effects of working 9.5 hours straight. My luncher was sick and so I’ve been stuck here straight through. Now normally working at a desk for almost 10 hours wouldn’t be a big deal, but I deal with people all day long, and I’m trapped…I can’t leave so people come to stay and chat. Most are respectful of my time and work I have so they don’t stay long, but some know that I can’t go anywhere so they stay and chew my ear off - for almost 40 minutes (of course this is the exception to the case and he has mental issues and telling him he has to go doesn't always work). I have to be hospitable so I can’t tell them off, and faking work doesn’t work either. I have, at times, picked up my cell phone and called the phone so I have to answer it but I’m not clever enough to come up with a story line. I should have one written up I could read.

So now I have a headache, my fingers are cold, and it’s unusually bright over my desk today. Odd. But Standoff is on tonight and my goal is to clean off my coffee table so at some point this week I can put up my Christmas Tree. Yay!

Still crazy after all these years

First – sorry to tag you, Cate. You just seem so cool and I wanted to know more. But please don’t feel obligated.

Second – me being me, I woke up with the ultimate weirdness of me and in the last four hours since I have completely forgotten it. So, too bad for you but writing…

Holy cow…it just came back to me. That was weird. (Can I count that too?)

So my ultimate weirdness, for which Dave and Rolf continue to make fun of me, is my way of reading certain books. Since I was little I have had this ‘thing’ when reading book series. If I start a series in hardcover, I have to finish it in hardcover. If I start a series in paperback, I have to finish in paperback. I cannot read one of the books in hardcover and buy the paperback later to keep for the collection. That doesn’t work. I have to read it in the published format I began in.

I know this is crazy. And it really makes no sense to many, well most people, and really I don’t know why I am this way. But all my Harry Potter books are hardcover. Most of my Stephen King books are hardcover, except for the Dark Tower series. Those I can only read in paperback. In fact, my mom bought me book 5 for Christmas one year but she bought it in hardcover and I haven’t been able to read the series since. (I’m insane, I know.)

And now the Song and Ice series I’ve been promoting is the same way. I started it in paperback because that’s what Dave got me for Christmas last year. And since I started that way, I will finish that way. Book 4 just came out in paperback a few months ago but last spring Rolf kept trying to get me to read his hardcover version or (worse yet!) listen to his audiotapes of it. (Don’t get me started on that one.)

I just can’t do it. I don’t know why, but I can’t. So alas, I’m trying to take my time with this book because book 5 isn’t even finished yet, let alone published, and I’d hate to have to wait another year before I can read that one.

Tagged by Ice Cream

I've been tagged by Bethany. And, like Bethany, this is my first tag, too!

Here are the rules: Each player of this game starts with the "6 Weird Things about You." People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

So six weird things about me...

• I put a ton of pepper in my ketchup if I happen to be eating fries (seriously, see me taking the top of the pepper shaker and pouring). And I actually prefer to add mustard to that mix as well. It adds a little kick.
• Everyday I carry a black bag with me to work with papers and files in it, but I rarely open it during the day to take anything out.
• According to my dearest friend, I apparently am very fire-hazard conscience. Not sure what that means…I mean, seriously: I live in a death trap.
• I tend to find things “funny”. Not that they are, but that seems to be my comment for anything and everything. “Oh, she had neck surgery.” “Funny.” See? Yeah, I don't know why.
• I will listen to a song, sometimes a CD, over and over and over again until I bore of it. Currently I’m listening to Lily Allen.
• I love making lists, so much that I will make a list to remind me to make a list.
  

Wait suddenly I have more…here are another six.

• I eat M&Ms in a color sequence: Brown, Blue, Red, Green (sometimes the last two interchange to be green, red) then Yellow, and Orange last, because they’re the best.
• To add to that, I have been known to buy a large bag of the multi-colored M&Ms and divide them into baggies so I could eat them in the proper order.
• I carry my lunch in a Victoria Secret bag and I work at a church school.
• I don’t celebrate my birthday publicly. Last year I made cupcakes all alone in my apartment. It was the best day.
• When I was younger I knew I wasn’t the prima donna type for any theatrical production I was in so I would try to opt for the male roles. I succeeded in playing a pirate (a friend’s mom actually thought I was a guy and that I was more masculine several of the actual men on stage with me. My name was Rutherford.) and a brother to Joseph (my name was Gad).
• I have this thing for numbers, dates, years. In college I was called Calendar Girl because they would ask me questions like, “When was the first Murder Mystery party at The House?” and I could rattle off that it was Oct. 8, 1993.

Okay, I have to stop or everyone will know my secrets.

If I tagged you and you have a "no tag" rule, I'm sorry!

Tagging:
Karen
Cate
JB
Megan
Kevin
Justin

It's chilly out

At least it's not chili out. That'd be a mess. Not to mention the smell of the beans and farts that would occur.

So today was a busy day, even though it wasn't which I know doesntt make sense but it does. I worked on some paperwork for the office today and filled out another app that I mailed tonight.

And I was told I'll be working Saturday too. I don't mind. It'll be good to get a little extra cash before the holidays and it's a great work day opportunity. I'll be working with the media which is always fun and another opportunity to hone my PA skills. I love my job, I just wish I could do it ALL the time (hint hint, RC). :)

I'm writing this while I wait for my LT to finish proofing some of my work. He's at home with the kids and I'm still at work. (I'm posting this later than it actually is.) I think me and Linda are the only folks around anymore. I like working here when it's quiet like this. I can concentrate a bit better. My LT doesn't understand that when it's a paper month and I kick him out so I can work. He's constantly trying to get me to leave on time, which is a valid cause, I know, but I can get so much more accomplished when I'm not getting interrupted every five minutes. The next 3 months will be good (sorry LT!) since he'll be at training and I can schedule my time a bit better. The new sergeant and I can handle things quite nicely. It'll be a bit of a flashback to the days with KB and I were doing all the work on our own each month for a few years in a row, or the few months when KB was out with Levi and I was basically on my own (even with the two folks in the shop).

I had a fun experience today thought when RC took us to see his memorial museum. He's a collector of all things good and fun from years gone by and this museum is dedicated to Boy Scout memorabilia. I keep trying to talk him into setting up a blog and buying a scanner and digital camera so he can track and share the rest of his stuff, but that hasn't worked yet. I'm going to succeed sooner or later. I don't think he understands that I am a stubborn, red-headed, Norwegian-German-Swedish woman and one way or another this will work. Maybe I should tell him about the blog ads option so he could supplement his income and hobby... hmmm...

Anyway, the museum was super cool and there's still more to be put in. I'll have to take my nephews there if they ever come out this way. They're really into scouting out East so this might be up their alley (and maybe they could score time with the official collector). Ideas, ideas, ideas.

So in the time I've been sitting here I think I've checked our voice mail about 8 times and I know there haven't been any calls because I've been sitting here too. But it's fun. LT programmed one of our speed dials to the voice mail number and it sounds like a familiar nursery rhyme. It's great. It's kind of sad but the highlight of our day is checking voice mail on speaker phone and hearing that. Man, we need a life.

Today's highlights

• Sleeping on my stomach for the first time in decades
• Finishing the notams this morning instead of tomorrow
• Printing in Color!
• Getting the needle out... wait, what?
• Talking with RRR - that man makes me laugh my ass off
• Deer sticks, mmmm
• Hearing my mom's latest romance story
• Spending a quiet evening at home

It’s like an empty hole

There’s no more NaBloPoMo. I’m really sad. For now I’m going to leave up my Yoda. I did participate and I made it through. Here’s my winner button. Once JB comes back I’ll coerce her to help me get it on my sidebar again. (I really need to learn more about design.)

But okay…so to day is the first day of December and Mom Nature is showing the world she can make things colder than snot. And thanks to Papa Time, today is a Friday ending one of the not so great weeks of my existence.

I must. I MUST make a concerted effort to be happier this month. The last few months have been pretty icky on so many levels and I need to change that for my own sanity, as well as yours if you're reading this. I can make it through all these changes. I’m a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke. I can be happy.

This month will bring about changes in my life – either I will have a new job in this town, a new job elsewhere or I’ll be still in my current location but in a different position. Whatever decision is made (either via selection or just sheer determination from me) I will be strong and stand by that decision and go with it.

It’ll be interesting. I promise to my faithful 5 readers to be happier, less vengeful, and I’ll try to occasionally be funny.

Those people

So Sarah and I are sitting at the desk talking about THE books when we both get stuck trying to remember a characters name. So we both dive into our bags looking for our books (I have #4, she's in #2), and we're rapidly looking for the name when VS walks up. She smiles knowingly. Sarah looks up, "We're those people." Yep. We're those people.

Last day, I'm sad

Today is the last day of NaBloPoMo and I must say this has been really great. I’ve read a few others today who have found this to be a great experience, others are thankful it’s over, and me…I’m really happy I did this.

There is this thing about discipline and being focused on the tasks you set for yourself. Mine this month was to see if I could actually blog everyday. Could I find something to write about or at least a picture to post? I’ve actually found I’ve had more fodder (blog-fodder, that is, thanks Cate!) than I thought I would. At times I did post more than once. And once it was a race for the finish line, just so I could make sure I got in on the day.

Of course, many of my posts may not have appealed to the masses, Catholic or otherwise, but they were me. And being able to journal, as it were, for an entire month, each day has been a great experience.

It’s interesting to look back on previous posts. I was even looking back to last January and seeing movies I watched or books I read that I don’t readily recall. I know that in the future as I look back on this month and see an entry for every day will be a great joy.

So my hope is to be able to continue this practice. I’m not going to go barreling into work if I haven’t written for the day, but I am going to make it a practice. This has been very good for me.

AND on top of all that, it has allowed me to discover some great writers out there in the world.
So thank you M. Kennedy for starting NaBloPoMo. This has been a joy.

What is my function?

I suddenly have School House Rock in my head. Dammit.

Though actually that’s fitting. I once thought I was the conjunction here, keeping everything together. But anymore I wonder.

There is a serious lack of communication around here. Things are discussed with one person, who then discusses them with others, then a decision is made and the person in the beginning who was effected (or is it affected? I always get those wrong.) is left out of the conversation until much later when someone else gets upset because they aren’t doing things the way it’s supposed to be done but the first person didn’t know, wasn’t informed of the change, so then they are left feeling about | | this big.

And then callous remarks are made on email, which is one thing if it’s valid and to the person in question, but when it’s not and when it’s copied in to 3 or 4 other people, that’s just downright rude. And to call the person to talk to them about it doesn’t work when the phone isn’t working.

Okay… so there’s my vent for the moment. My question still remains from months ago: just what the hell is my function here anymore? Do ‘they’, whoever they is, not want me here anymore? If that’s so, why don’t they just fire me? If they do want me here, why aren’t they expressing that?
You know, I love this place – the meaning behind it, ITS function – but the inner relationships and workings that go on here suck. Sometimes I think the church is the most unhealthy place in the world. Everyone is thought to be ‘nice’ and expected to be so, but truth is everyone is human and it doesn’t work that way, so when you hope and think that this would be the place where things are supposed to be good and then they turn out worse than a corporate setting, it just puts a damper on everything.

Venting

I know I have no control over this but I really HATE it when people have full conversations at full voice that last for parts of hours in front of my desk while I’m on the phone trying to help customers and talk with my bosses. I suppose I have no choice since my job isn’t worth much anymore since all I’m supposed to do is answer the phone, but rude, can I just say, RUDE?

I love this book!

I’m in the middle of book 4. *sigh* I love this series. It really is the best. Of course if you haven’t read the first four, start there.

Looking for a Christmas gift for me?

I want this!
The beanbag, not the girl.

Odd weather

It looks like spring today. It sounds like spring. It’s raining and thundering and lightning out. How crazy is this weather? And tomorrow it’s supposed to be cold and there’s a chance of snow this week. In fact, I heard on the radio that there will probably be good skiing weather by the weekend, not that I ski (there’s this fear of falling thing I have). But it’s just weird out.

I am a loser

Yes, I am. Don’t try to tell me anything different. I know what I am. And it takes a strong person to own up to their faults. Many people go their entire lives without admitting what they are. People all over the world continually deny themselves of their truest self. But not me.

I.AM.A.LOSER.

Need proof?

• It took me three days to find my cell phone charger. (I found it tucked in one of my boots.)
• It took two days to find my tape recorder. (It was under the seat of my car.)
• Sunday I went to church thinking I had left my choir folder there, but no. It wasn’t there. Where was it? Under the other seat in my car.

And the clincher that I truly am a loser: My mind is gone. I have no idea where that went.

Breathing

Okay, so I made the phone call and received my message. I wasn’t selected for the first job. This isn’t a bad thing completely. Yes, it would have been nice to be selected but maybe it’s okay. I don’t have to move across two states in the middle of Midwestern winter, and now I have opportunities to look for something else that may suit me just as well as this would have but maybe closer to where I am.

So on to the next two options: one is at a church, one is here/there. We’ll see what happens next.

I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to just pack up everything and move somewhere – not having a job or anything but move and then settle in and find a job once I’m there. Could I do it? Hmm…am I that adventurous or would I wimp out?

avoiding phone calls

In the attempt to avoid really blogging today since I have a voice message on my phone that I’m a bit nervous to return, I’m posting this meme, borrowed from Greens n Cornbread. I’m using his way of coding things:
Items in bold are ones I have done.
I am amending the exercise to italicize those I really want to do.
Those in red are those I am actively avoiding.
Those in green I kinda-wanna try but can't make up my mind or haven't conquered that fear yet.

01. bought everyone in the bar a drink

02. swam with wild dolphins

03. climbed a mountain

04. taken a ferrari for a test drive

05. been inside the great pyramid

06. held a tarantula

07. taken a candlelit bath with someone

08. said “i love you” and meant it

09. hugged a tree

10. bungee jumped

11. visited paris

12. watched a lightning storm at sea

13. stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise

14. seen the northern lights

15. gone to a huge sports game (define huge, though)

16. walked the stairs to the top of the leaning tower of pisa (substitute St. Paul’s Cathedral in London and I can highlight)

17. grown and eaten your own vegetables

18. touched an iceberg

19. slept under the stars

20. changed a baby’s diaper

21. taken a trip in a hot air balloon

22. watched a meteor shower

23. gotten drunk on champagne (change it to gotten ‘sick’ and I can highlight)

24. given more than you can afford to charity

25. looked up at the night sky through a telescope

26. had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment

27. had a food fight

28. bet on a winning horse

29. asked out a stranger

30. had a snowball fight

31. screamed as loudly as you possibly can (“Go into the light, Mr. Heckles!”)

32. held a lamb

33. seen a total eclipse

34. ridden a roller coaster

35. hit a home run

36. danced like a fool and not cared who was looking

37. adopted an accent for an entire day

38. actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment (it’s been awhile though)

39. had two hard drives for your computer (ah the joys)

40. visited all 50 states

41. taken care of someone who was drunk (and I don't mean myself)

42. had amazing friends

43. danced with a stranger in a foreign country (does Alaska count? Or Texas?)

44. watched whales

45. stolen a sign

46. backpacked in europe

47. taken a road-trip

48. gone rock climbing

49. midnight walk on the beach

50. gone sky diving

51. visited ireland

52. been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love

53. in a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them

54. visited japan

55. milked a cow

56. alphabetized your cds (and VHS tapes, and DVD’s)

57. pretended to be a superhero (when I was a kid we did this all of the time. I am assuming that this meme applies to adulthood - but I don't really know why)

58. sung karaoke (and I’m not doing it again)

59. lounged around in bed all day

60. played touch football

61. gone scuba diving

62. kissed in the rain

63. played in the mud

64. played in the rain

65. gone to a drive-in theater

66. visited the great wall of china

67. started a business

68. fallen in love and not had your heart broken (I agree with Bob: I wish I knew how to do this, seems to me you can't do one without the other - no one is perfect)

69. toured ancient sites

70. taken a martial arts class

71. played d&d for more than 6 hours straight

72. gotten married

73. been in a movie

74. crashed a party (inadvertently)

75. gotten divorced

76. gone without food for 5 days

77. made cookies from scratch

78. won first prize in a costume contest

79. ridden a gondola in venice

80. gotten a tattoo

81. rafted the snake river

82. been on television news programs as an “expert”

83. gotten flowers for no reason

84. performed on stage

85. been to las vegas

86. recorded music (not the best though)

87. eaten shark

88. kissed on the first date

89. gone to thailand

90. bought a house

91. been in a combat zone

92. buried one/both of your parents

93. been on a cruise ship

94. spoken more than one language fluently (I can sing them though)

95. performed in rocky horror

96. raised children

97. followed your favorite band/singer on tour

98. passed out cold (not cold, but I have passed out, though I called it falling asleep and since I didn’t have an hangover the next day I don’t really call it a pass out moment)

99. taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country

100. picked up and moved to another city to just start over

101. walked the golden gate bridge

102. sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking

103. had plastic surgery

104. survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived

105. wrote articles for a large publication

106. lost over 100 pounds (20 would be okay)

107. held someone while they were having a flashback

108. piloted an airplane (I am counting this since SLAG did let me take the ‘wheel’ so to speak. Granted he kept his hand on the throttle but I was steering)

109. touched a stingray

110. broken someone’s heart (maybe? See 68)

111. helped an animal give birth

112. won money on a t.v. game show

113. broken a bone

114. gone on an african photo safari

115. had a facial part pierced other than your ears

116. fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol

117. eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild

sidenote where is 118?

119. had major surgery

120. had a snake as a pet

121. hiked to the bottom of the grand canyon

122. slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours (only when sick)

123. visited more foreign countries than u.s. states

124. visited all 7 continents

125. taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days

126. eaten kangaroo meat

127. eaten sushi

128. had your picture in the newspaper

129. changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about (I don't know, but I'm so damned opinionated and stubborn I might have just from sheer tenacity.)

130. gone back to school

131. parasailed

132. touched a cockroach

133. eaten fried green tomatoes

134. read The Iliad

135. selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read

136. killed and prepared an animal for eating

137. skipped all your school reunions (Again agreeing with Bob: there aren't more than one or maybe two people I went to high school with I would care to see)

138. communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language

139. been elected to public office

140. written your own computer language

141. thought to yourself that you’re living your dream

142. had to put someone you love into hospice care

143. built your own PC from parts

144. sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you

145. had a booth at a street fair

146. dyed your hair

147. been a dj

148. shaved your head (though I have thought about it)

149. caused a car accident (unfortunately)

150. saved someone’s life

Returning to the land of choices

So I’m back. Did ya miss me? Oh, wait, no? Well, no kidding. I wouldn’t have missed me either.

I’m sitting at work tonight, awaiting arriving guests and listening to the same organ piece being played again and again. This reminds me of when I first started working here and Jana would play every morning the same 4 measures of this intense piece over and over and over and over…well you get the idea.

I often get people commenting to me during the day, “Wow, organ music right there for your enjoyment! You must feel so lucky to hear such great music.” Yeah, yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I do. I highly value the skills, talents, abilities, gifts, stamina, determination these folks have, but after awhile, it can get old. I occasionally try to turn on the radio or CD when I’m getting frustrated with the same section being played, but it doesn’t usually tune it out, so instead of I turn on my children’s ears and turn a deaf ear to all of it. Good thing I’ve had 31 years of practice, huh mom?

But anyway, tonight I’m back in the cities, with still no future in sight. My horoscope for today scared me a bit:
It's time for you to face your own ghosts before tackling the issues of your friends and family. Your role within your peer group can become muddled over the months ahead if you don't. You may be seeking harmony through your social relationships, but this cannot be found until you first find a bit of peace within yourself.

And tomorrow’s is this:
You thought you were right on track, but you may realize just how much you must change in order to keep up with the shifting landscape. If you aren't comfortable with your place in the outer world today, look to your chosen career for clues. Your relationship to your profession can tell you what you need to know.

Yeah, the second one scared me a lot actually. I think this is my basic problem. I’m not sure what I should be doing. KG and I were talking earlier how it was so simple as a child, decisions were made for us, but now we’re the ones making the decisions and if we screw up it has a bigger impact than it did.

I suppose in reality I can’t really make a bad decision because if what I choose doesn’t work out I can always quit and start again, right? I mean, people do it everyday so why can’t I?

Maybe it’s because failure never has been an option. I always had to do really well at things and if I didn’t I felt horrible. Once when I was in high school I deliberately failed an English quiz just so the rest of my classmates would see that I wasn’t perfect, which, of course, I already knew. (and of course after I failed I felt even worse) In fact in college I remember being the only one in the class to get a listening quiz correct and the girl next to me (with perfect pitch, mind you) got many wrong! That was a complete fluke (and I keep the quiz in a frame with a note from RD on it).

Well, none of that really makes sense with what I’m trying to write. I may or may not hear tomorrow regarding the job I interviewed for Wednesday. Another position closes in a week and a half, and yet another opens Friday. So many options…maybe too many for me. :)

sad :(

Well, vacation time is over, moe. It's time to go back to the real world.

I have a lot of pictures from the weekend, I'll try to post some here soon to share.

Hope you have had a great weekend!

Why i don't have cable

1. I can't afford it.
2. It's not worth the money.
3. I end up staying up way past midnight watching some stupid movie or game show because, "ooo 1 vs. 100 is on, and on this channel a julia stiles movie, and on this channel rachael ray! yay!"
4. I'd never sleep. Or function with the world. (instead I blog.)

Happy Black Friday everyone!

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's Turkey Day! It's Turkey Day! It's Turkey Day!

Yes, folks, that time of year is here again - the day where nothing is served I should eat (except maybe the turkey) but fun will be had by the entire Moe family. I'll get to see my newest niece and play Cranium with my siblings. Lots of food will be consumed and the day will end with 3 hours of fabulous TV: Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy and CSI. Could life be any sweeter?

Two basic rules of thought

Amazingly I have only two basic rules of thought. (well, in this situation at least)
1) in relationships always think positively until you have proof that it's bad, because it may not be as bad as you think.
2) after job interviews, always think the worst, because then if you don't get the job you won't be disappointed.

Interview went fine today. As I told a friend, I wasn't throwing up-nauseated before, during or after which usually means that it's not a bad choice, but I also wasn't completely positive that it's THE job for me. I think I'd do very well at it, I think working with the two who interviewed would be great - they both seem very cool, but who knows what they were thinking about me.

I blanked a few times, I hemmed and hawed a few times, and I'm really not sure I answered them the way they would have liked. But for the record - I was me. And if they don't like me, they won't like me and that would not be a good way to work.

It was left they would let the person they select know either today or Monday. I haven't heard anything which still leaves it a 50/50 status. We'll see what happens. I can't start until after New Year anyway so no pressure yet.

Thanks for all the great words of wisdom on the comments. You all are great! and I hope you all have a great holiday!

Tempting

Today was a good busy day.

I know that probably doesn't make much sense but it was a good day and a busy day. I like those. In fact, I was actually happy at work (granted at one point I sent a list of 'did ya knows' somewhat bitching about some things but it was all in jest really). But yes, I was happy. As I worked on the list of things I had set forth for me to do, it occurred to me just how much I had to do and what little time I had to do it. Sometimes I long for the day when I could be doing all that and so much more. Tis my dream really.

A few weeks ago (did I write about this already?) I met with one of my supervisors who wants to know three things: where do I want to be, what do I want to do, what trips my trigger. (well the last one he phrased as 'what makes your heart sing', but that seemed a little too frou frou for me.)

Three things came to mind immediately: SD, PA, PA. And yet right now I don't have that option unless I'm on camp or weekends. There is so much that could be done, so many plans I have in my head of how to make us better known, so many things we could do. But right now, not an option.

So instead I'm having to figure out what to do in the meantime (if there is such a thing since there's no guarantee that PA will ever be FT). Tomorrow is the interview. Questions will be asked, answers will be given (hopefully coherently) and a decsion will be made. Maybe it'll be me, maybe not. Only the burning bush seems to know.

It's like heroin

Yep, I think I'm addicted.

Today I was at my workplace where they have (!) blocked personal blogs due to personal content. I couldn't check a blog all day. No wonder I'm a bit looped tonight. My mother thought it was just the rum and coke, and then rum and Crystal Lite, but no...it truly was the lack of being able to read blogs all day. Heavens! Whatever shall I do?!?

Less than a 2 days before my first interview for one of the four jobs I'm looking at right now. I wish I had a white board I could write out all the pros and cons and compare all of them side by side. Or if there was just a sign that would beam down and tell me which one is going to be the right one. As my friend Brenda says, "You need a burning bush!" no shit. I totally need that right now. This silence isn't quite working for me.

It's not that one job is better than the other - well, except for one which is truly at the bottom of the list. They all have their good points, they all have their great points, but they all also have these horrid points that scare the living crap out of me. Because if I pick one and the horrid points come to light then I'm screwed and have missed out on other great opportunities. But if I pick the other and those horrid points come out, well...you see the pattern here. So it almost comes down to which horrid points are going to be less horrid. That's where I need the white board.

Or for heaven's sake, the burning bush.

Crazy

(For the record: that was Patsy Cline in my head typing that, not Britney Spears)

Today I head home for a week of vacation/work. I get to work at my other job for 3 days and then rest for 3, then back here to work on Sunday. I’m excited because I get to see my newest niece as well as my other niece and 2 nephews. Fun will be had by all. And I will do my best to post. My mom has dial-up and a computer from 1997 so it’ll be interesting if I can get on at all.

But I leave you with this fabulous shot. I finally got a good Indians hat which I love and adore, and because I know you all are Indians fans, I thought I’d share it with you. (Ooo... it's so pretty!)

Mail

Isn’t it odd how Amazon will send a huge box with only one item in it? What is that? I don’t understand. And yet I’m trying to send back stupid stuff I ordered and also send a care package to a friend and I cram that sucker as full as I can, padding it for protection, but using the most normal size box for the items inside. I just don’t get it.

Anyway, today I got the Lily Allen CD and the Bitter:Sweet CD I’ve been wanting. It’ll be a nice drive home tomorrow. I also got the latest in the A Song of Ice and Fire series. Of course this probably isn’t the latest but it’s finally in paperback and I’m sure you know my ‘thing’ about paperbacks. Well, maybe not, but I’ll fill that in another time.

New Niece!

I have yet another niece in my family now. Ava Jane was born Wednesday at 7:09am, 9lbs 15.7 oz, 21.25 inches long. And I get to see her in a few days! YAY!

I’m really glad my brothers and sister have taken up the job of supplying my mother with grandchildren. It leaves my life pretty carefree.

Happy Birthday, Mark!

Suck that ice, Mark!

Debbie, Mark and Jane (and Chris via phone)

Debbie and Dave

Jeff was cold

Jane and Mark being ‘Mark’