30 November 2006

What is my function?

I suddenly have School House Rock in my head. Dammit.

Though actually that’s fitting. I once thought I was the conjunction here, keeping everything together. But anymore I wonder.

There is a serious lack of communication around here. Things are discussed with one person, who then discusses them with others, then a decision is made and the person in the beginning who was effected (or is it affected? I always get those wrong.) is left out of the conversation until much later when someone else gets upset because they aren’t doing things the way it’s supposed to be done but the first person didn’t know, wasn’t informed of the change, so then they are left feeling about | | this big.

And then callous remarks are made on email, which is one thing if it’s valid and to the person in question, but when it’s not and when it’s copied in to 3 or 4 other people, that’s just downright rude. And to call the person to talk to them about it doesn’t work when the phone isn’t working.

Okay… so there’s my vent for the moment. My question still remains from months ago: just what the hell is my function here anymore? Do ‘they’, whoever they is, not want me here anymore? If that’s so, why don’t they just fire me? If they do want me here, why aren’t they expressing that?
You know, I love this place – the meaning behind it, ITS function – but the inner relationships and workings that go on here suck. Sometimes I think the church is the most unhealthy place in the world. Everyone is thought to be ‘nice’ and expected to be so, but truth is everyone is human and it doesn’t work that way, so when you hope and think that this would be the place where things are supposed to be good and then they turn out worse than a corporate setting, it just puts a damper on everything.

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