09 July 2009

Family Ties

I have a hard time saying no...especially to family. And the fact that I don't have an immediate family of my own, except for Nika and 'rents, doesn't really help me much in the "just say no" department.

I love my sister and brothers. I really do. I'm so blessed to have such awesome siblings. But sometimes...well every year around this time...things just start to irk me.

One of my brothers likes to go to Sturgis for the bike rally. Who wouldn't, right? Well this is all fine and well, except he has 2 kids - 6 and 2.5 years old - who can be a handful. Every year he has asked our mom to watch them for this week - a WEEK. Mom's all alone, has a job (which yes, we're all annoyed with because she's supposed to be retired, but I understand her need to do something), likes to go dancing...in short has a life.

Well, my brother gets ticked off because Mom hems and haws over this week about watching the kids the entire time. I don't blame her. Two kids is a lot to handle, especially at that age and even more so all alone. Which then brings me into the picture, since I'm the single girl with no life (supposedly), and so he then asks me to help Mom out that week. I have a job, I have a life of my own too. And it's not that I don't love my niece and nephew, but wow.

I have a couple beefs with this whole thing. One is that my brother hasn't talked to me in weeks, then suddenly he needs something (i.e. a babysitter) and suddenly he wants to chat. Another is that he's asking/demanding/expecting a lot of our mother without giving much in return. It's rare if he goes down to see her for more than an hour (Com'on kids, we have to go), but he expects her to drop everything for him. Yet another is that per the multiple emails over the last two weeks, he had planned three different trips - only one with his kids. I don't ever remember my parents taking a vacation on their own. We were always with them. And one other is that maybe, just maybe, he needs to think about taking this trip every year. Is it necessary? What about every other year? Do both he and his wife have to go? I don't know...she works out there and this year so will he, but he's going to have to realize that this isn't always going to work. guh.

I'm just annoyed and pissed partly because I get stuck in the middle - him bitching to me about mom and vice versa. I probably shouldn't be posting this but I'm looking for some guidance if anyone can help. I told him I would work it out with mom if she watches the kids that week that I would help, but I have obligations too and so I need to know soon.

Now if I could just be my sister and say no, things would be fine. But I feel guilty doing that when I know my mother can't say no. That's what's more frustrating is that I know she can't/won't say no and so she'll end up watching the kids and then I'll get the talk about how she feels she's being taken advantage of and so on.

i don't know...

1 comment:

Kat said...

How about saying you'll help for mom,s sake, but...tell him everything else too. It is too much to ask given the circumstances, given that he does nothing for her... Tell him all of it, in as pleasant a way as you can but be straight with him, too. Says me. =)