Thursday Thirteen

I’m jumping on the GEORGE! bandwagon who jumped on the Thursday Thirteen bandwagon even though I haven’t done my 100s yet. Well, actually I have 100 things but I have almost 200 and I need to whittle it down.

So until then, here you go (and I’m going to steal from GEORGE! because I like his Thirteen title):
Thirteen things that make Moe smile:

• Color-sorting M&Ms
• Snail Mail
• MINIs!
• Hugs
• Kisses
• Baking Apple Pie
• Fresh, crisp morning air
• Running
• Free midday phone calls
• Having hair long enough to braid
• Good theatre
• Emails from good friends
• Hoodie sweatshirts

Does it make me immoral?

Six years ago I went to a famous restaurant with 11 other friends, all whom happened to be male. It was a pleasant time, as I and Matt both had gift certificates for the location and we ended up only having to pay for our drinks. A sweet deal and great afternoon, all in all.

What made it interesting is because of the type of restaurant and the reputation it holds, a few women who lived in my dorm were quite upset because the men had gone there. They attacked Matt for taking others with him and said he was violating the Beatitudes. During this ‘discussion’ I mentioned I had gone too. Oh the fury in this woman’s eyes.
We found out later that she had lit candles and had a prayer vigil for us and our souls.

Imagine how she’d feel if she found out I went again last night. Hmmm.

So what causes this place to become a place considered sinful? Just because the girls are scantily dressed? Hell, you can see more skin at the Ice Capades or in the mall or at the fair. This seems pretty tame, especially when they’re wearing nylons and hi-top Reeboks with poofy socks from the 80s. Besides the wings are good!

Important to know

"Some choices will choose you. How you face these choices ... is what will define the context of your life." ~Dana Reeve

JB and MT – cheese curds will not choose me, no matter how hard you try. :)

Good Problem

It’s a good problem to have, really. On one hand, moving back home and being closer to the family while still having a decent paying job with good benefits would be great. On the other hand, staying and expanding on a current decent paying job with good benefits and being close to mucho amounts of culture (e.g. the Guthrie) would also be great. It comes down to which would make me happier? And that’s what I just don’t know right now.

Almost 10 years ago now I began, knowing that it would be a long road but hoping it to be happy. It has turned out to be one of the best roads I’ve traveled – the opportunities, the friends, and the accomplishments have been so numerous. I’ve established a level of almost perfection that I strive to meet each month and when I do and I’m holding it in my hands, it’s an overwhelming feeling of joy I have. To step back from that and return to where I started 10 years ago, yet on a different level and in a different location, seems idiotic. Yes, my current levels can be reached, but I want to expand even more. There is so much more I can see happening in this area – it CAN grow and it should grow. And I would really like to be part of that. The opportunity is there if the higher-ups can be convinced, especially now with the other changes afoot. (Yes, Dr. Watson, I said ‘afoot’.)

But to give up an opportunity to get my foot in the door on more permanent level now, to see if something can shake out in the future, also seems idiotic to give up.

And then there is the current situation. How much do I want to ‘wait and see’ what happens? How much time do I allow? With the new opportunities that have been presented, how will that affect the future – and would it help the first hand above if I stayed and accepted those opportunities? Or would it be just copping out and playing it safe? The experience and new training is an exciting prospect, and it could be used to enhance the other current position if the higher-ups would see fit to allow a permanent function of it. But am I willing to wait and see, with the possibility that it wouldn’t happen?

And then the question is – is it the position or the permanency of it that is the appeal? Which would help me be happier in the long run?

Like I said – it’s a good problem to have. I just wish it were easier to sort out.

LA, thanks for listening last night and helping me sort out some of this and ask questions that needed to be asked. JB, I know you hate when I’m vague. Sometimes I wish I could just be more open on this blog – it would help to really type out everything and get folks opinions or just type it out for me. But then questions seem to arise that I can’t always answer. But maybe I need to take the advice of Cyril:

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self." -- Cyril Connolly

Until I figure out if I can do that, this is all I can give.

The Good, The Bad, and the Confusing

This week has been a myriad of emotions – dealing with relationships, jobs, life in general. I’m going to try to highlight them as best as I can, not really for my 3 readers but for me, and by posting it I’ll (maybe) remember them later in life. :)

The good

• Many job opportunities/options
• Prison Break is back!
• Surprise mail
• Massages
• Dinner party with friends/new friends (they loved my pie!)
• Putting together a great start for a new committee
• Late night conversations
• New books
• Rain and grey skies
• Getting to attend Chapel for once! Woohoo!

The bad

• Too many job opportunities/options
• Emotionally unstable
• 4 hours
• 19 days
• 13 more days

The confusing

• The many job opportunities/options
• Emotions doing a 180 at a moment’s notice
• Wanting to be where I can’t be
• Not knowing where I want to be

At least the good outnumber the bad and confusing, right?

Just let it out

Have y’all seen the commercial for Valleyfair! where the guy is in a small group and talking about “Bob’s tuna”? well here…try here (not sure if the link will work being it’s myspace and all). Anyway, I was doing this this morning. A few months ago we were asked to block out a room, move out the meetings/classes in that room to other rooms so the room would be open (make sense?). Well, today I find out via an email from an email from an email that the room isn’t needing to be blocked off anymore and we can move everything back that we had moved out. Fun, isn’t it? So I was doing “bob’s” scream today. But only briefly because then I just started to laugh at the sheer idiocy of it all. :) Life's great.

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I hung out with A&K last night and 7 other close friends for a Project Runway party. The food and chatting was awesome – especially hanging out with A&K again. It had been awhile so it was great to see them again. And meeting new people is always fun. The show, I think Aaron said it best, that watching in concert was awesome but otherwise it would be one I would truly click past while channel surfing. But 10 people in a room yelling and laughing at the contestants on TV was quite fun. This is a weekly thing for this group and unfortunately next week would be the last time I could go (choir and all).

Mind readers

There a few people in this world with whom I truly feel like I connect. I have many acquaintances but few close friends, and the ones I do call friend often we seem to share a brain.

Not literally of course, since most of these few live very far away, but there are times when I’ll pick up the phone to call and it will ring with them calling me. Or when we are together we’ll say the same thing at the same time. Or we’ll email each other with the same question at the same moment. All very weird.

Well, this happened again recently. A couple months ago a friend and I were talking about books and he mentioned this one. Well, I hadn’t thought about it until recently and so I decided to buy it. Well, yesterday in the mail – what do I find? The book, of course, but sent not by the company where I buy my books, but from my friend. Last night we chatted for a bit and I had to laugh about it. I asked if he bought a copy for himself (he had lost his long ago) and he said no, so I said he could have the one I bought. He couldn’t believe I had bought it too. Crazy. Great minds think a like, I guess.

s l o w

2 weeks, 2 days

16 days…

It seems like a lifetime. So much has happened in these last couple weeks. The time has flown by – it seems like only yesterday I was at guards finishing up the paper, but yet it seems months ago that we did that. I’m excited since it should be coming out today, yet I’m also nervous because there were so many issues with putting it together – I just hope it looks right.

The last couple weeks have meant a lot of changes in lives around me. Jobs, relationships, health – it’s amazing how quickly things can change.

Life is too short. Why do we try so desperately to speed through things? Shouldn’t we be taking the time to relish it? Enjoying the beautiful weather? Spending time with loved ones as often as we can?

I’m guilty of this as well, but maybe it’s time to change. Change seems to be in the air, maybe I need to change more too.

FOX is the best

Tonight brings us back to the exciting adventures of Lincoln Burrows and *sigh* Michael Scofield. It’s such a great day! I spent the weekend rewatching the entire season of Prison Break (season 1 came out on DVD a couple weeks ago) and so I’m primed and pumped for tonight’s return of this awesome series. It is a bit odd to be cheering on convicts, but there is an underlying story about fighting for your family and standing by them in the thick of everything. Even if you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend jumping in tonight with both feet and watching (however, make sure you have a strong stomach…there are moments when it’s tough to watch).

Mail Call

I just received these in the mail today: the book, the other book and the CD for this. Guess what I’m doing tonight?

The Indians win it! Omigod the Indians win it!

YAY! Apparently I just can’t be in the vicinity of the game…I can only watch online. But the Indians win it! WOOHOO!

I want to go...

*sigh*

And I can’t wait to see what Tim Burton does with Johnny in his production of it.

Hateful Jan*

So I’m sad. The Indians lost. Of course there were several factors that played against me:

• I didn’t have my hat. My intention was to go to Hat World after work and buy one. Now although Hat World did have an Indians hat, it was a “one size fits most” which doesn’t fit me – too big. (no one can tell me I have a big head…hahaha) I did check other sports stores in the immediate area but only Twins and Yankees hats were to be found.** So alas, I had no hat.
• Every game that MT and JB have gone to, the Twins have won. Not sure why, but they have. (is this why you haven’t gone to a Twins/Yankees game JB?)
• I was surrounded by Midwestern Lutherans who only know the Twins to be the major league baseball team. Cheering for the Indians around them won me many daggered looks and death threats. And while I enjoy a good death threat as much as the next guy, I would like to go back to SD someday to see my friends and family again.

So there you have it. The Indians lost. And it’s all my fault. I am toying with the idea of going to the game again today, sans MT and JB and see if my charm can’t help them win at least one against the Twinkies, but we’ll have to see.

*A line from my youth. It works here though.

** I think I should write a letter to the editor of the Strib: Twin Cities not diverse. If you’re going to claim yourself as Hat World, Champs Sports or Footlocker or Sports Authority – shouldn’t you carry ALL the major league sports teams, not just the Minnesota ones? We are cities made up of transplants – do you really think all the transplants are Minnesota team supporters?

Muddy Waters...and not the musician

Have you ever driven in the cities, in a mix of a foggy, misty morning, and looked at the skyline, only to see a shadowed shape of the buildings, but not all the details?

Yeah? Well, that’s what my life is feeling like.

I know the buildings are there, the foundations were set and structure built around them, but seeing the details through the fog – the intricate designs of the towers, the texture of the stone and marble, the reflections of the windows – that’s not there yet.

BUT clarity will come. It’s just going to take a lot of sunshine to burn off that fog. And that’ll come too. What’s the saying? If you don’t like the weather, just wait an hour? Well, maybe my hour will be a couple weeks or a couple months. Either way, it will burn off.

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On a separate note – went to the Guthrie last night and saw their first show on their new proscenium stage. It was “The Real Thing” by Tom Stoppard (of Shakespeare in Love and Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead fame). This was a very interesting play, discussing love and what is real love from the eyes of Henry, Annie, Max, Charlotte mostly. I’m not sure if Stoppard solved it, though I think a good point was made that love hurts, and it almost has to hurt at times to be real. It can’t just be something you phone in, you have to be engaged in the process of love – not only with the other person, but understanding and loving yourself. Without it, you’re just there, committed without a full commitment. Very moving. Oh, and my favorite line: “It’s scary with stupidity becomes coherent.”

So tonight I’m heading to the Twins vs. Indians game where I will, of course, be rooting for the Indians. Now, as history serves, generally any team I root for tends to lose (which was evident last night). But my hope is that as I wear my new Indians hat (I left mine in SD…stupid), this curse will be lifted.

It's time to think

“grace defies reason and logic. love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff.”

This quote is from an interview from this book.

My super smart friend K just finished the book and had a few quotes on her blog. Wow. This is amazing. It’s so true. Grace does defy reason and logic. There’s no reason for God’s grace. It’s just there. what a blessing.

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This weekend was pretty quiet. I watched a lot of CSI and Numb3rs*and then watched “Good night, and good luck” which was an awesome movie. Growing up I had always heard of the Senate vs. McCarthy hearings but never really knew or understood what it was about. Ed Murrow was not a household name, at least not in my house, but what he and Fred Friendly did is truly amazing. They stood up for what they believed and fought for the little guy, and essentially all of people of the USA. I wish journalism was still like that. They took a week and really hammered out all of the info, making sure their story was as accurate as they could be. Today things are just shot from the hip because everyone demands an explanation now. No, right NOW! So sad.

Our society has become a series of moments…sound bytes, if you will. I wonder if we’re lacking substance – in our workplace, in our recreation, in our homes. I’m sure the 50’s weren’t all glory and goodness like we see in the movies, but I know things were slower. There was more time to think. Sometimes we just don’t have time to think anymore.

And I want to think. So I ordered the Bono book from above and this one which was recommended to me by my friend Ian. And I am going to read these and the other books sitting on my floor and shut off the TV for awhile. I need to think

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*See folks…I get on these kicks and I have to follow through until I get bored – this might be weeks, it might be days. One never knows.

Don't quit your day job

Two girls just walked in singing “Love is a Battlefield.”

I’m scared.

Plus, it’s just so very hard to keep from laughing sometimes.

Just a walk in the park...

There’s nothing like a night of CSI and apple pie (#6!) to make a girl smile. Well, that and new, on sale for $10, crop, track pants. Oh and purple bandanas. Oh and making plans with A1 for tonight. Woohoo!

Okay…so in all seriousness, I am feeling better. I’ve decided not to let the bully (i.e. my negativity and other’s negativity) land me on my ass. Change happens for a reason. There is chaos during the change process but that’s what life is all about. It’s how you handle the chaos that makes the difference. There is good in everything, and finding and holding on to the good will get you through the icky parts.

So that’s what I’m going to do. While I am still confused on some of the issues, my plan is to confront those and find out why and how this is happening. Then I can intelligently deal with the situation, as best as this non-intelligent girl can do. I think a lot of my comments this week have been based on emotions – the suddenness of the change, the lack of information, the unclear outcome of what is in store – and I need to focus more on how to make it work in my life – either by jumping in with both feet if that would be the best option, testing the waters with my toes, or stepping away from the river.

How’s that for completely confusing? Sorry folks. I can’t go into detail here, but I am working through it. I thank all of you for your happy thoughts sent my way. I’m on the upswing on the see-saw again. This time the bully will land on his ass as I jump off and head for the swings.

And truly – It’s all about the CSI and pie. :)

Still see-sawing (aka the “especially” post)

I can’t seem to get off this damn thing. I never liked it as a kid…especially when the other kid would jump off and I’d slam on the ground and my butt would hurt from the impact. I’m hoping that things level off and I don’t slam my ass back into the ground with this one. Ugh.

My problems seem small…especially compared to all the kids starving in the US and beyond, especially compared to all the terrorist idiots out there being stupid, especially compared to emergency surgeries and being out of work until you heal, especially compared to the homeless panning for ‘gold’ on the street corners throughout the cities, especially compared to hell.

Yet the whiner in me wishes for some attention from people I ask for it from – not hanging up on me to talk to your latest boyfriend, not walking away from me in the middle of the conversation just because you’re done – at least have the courtesy to tell me you’re finished talking to me or let his message go to voice mail and call him back. Because see – I understand that other people are going through shit too…but if you’re going to offer to listen, then listen.

Ouch…maybe I just slammed to the bottom.

Wait, nevermind. I’m fine. Happy-go-lucky. I just need to bake. That’s what I’m missing…baking. Me thinks it especially be a pie night. mmm CSI and pie…there really is nothing better.

See-Saw Effect

It is universally known that when one part of your life is going well, another part goes in the crapper. How you get out of the crapper is always the interesting part.

Disenchanted and feeling random

Last night I made my first ever cherry pie – and it exploded all over the pan. Well, it’s not bad, it just bubbled up and out on one side, splitting the top crust. Good thing I put the pie on top of a pizza pan first. Of course, I made the crust differently too, which probably didn’t help. This is what I get for taking 2 weeks off from making pie. Shame on me.

Oh well, I also made 3 tiny apple pies…as I have done before. They turned out really well and were quite yummy. I had one last night, and I’m eating one today for dessert. Mmm.

I need gum today. And I’m out. Oh wait! DG brought me gum. YAY!

But I got new plants today at the desk. Hopefully, they’ll get to stay. DG brought me a Bonsai and some pink peace lilies and another pink flowering plant I’m not sure the name of. They are really pretty, and I’m not a fan of pink but I love them! YAY! It’s so nice to have foliage again!

There’s a large crack in my windshield. :( This makes me very sad. Morty is only 19 months old, how can he have a crack already? Of course, he did get a chip within 2 weeks of his birth, so I guess it’s only understandable. I just don’t like rocks. I’ve had enough of rocks this week.

It’s running weekend again. Joy. Running is good. Sit-ups are good. Pushups are good. And the pie I will have afterward will be even better.

It’s beautiful and sunny and I’m feeling blah. What’s up with that? Strange.