A little behind, a little forward

I'm finally watching Grey's Anatomy from Thursday night. I have a feeling as this next month continues I'll be doing a lot of catching up on the weekend. Mostly because I have 2 tests I need to study for and complete – one before the end of the month, the other asap thereafter. October is going to be busy.

So to try to prepare to move forward, I took a moment to look back. I started with two years ago (see, there are benefits to having the blog thing) and I looked at this post.

I sometimes still wonder about my purpose in life. I have, at least, moved on from just entering items into EMS and telling people where the bathroom is. I'm still, on occasion, working on the negativity thing but I do think I'm doing my best to keep that at bay. The past 9 months have been interesting – living closer to the family has been great though at times very stressful living SO close to mom. I love my mom, but there are times when I just want to scream. Oh well.

But then I looked at this post from a year ago. This was a hellacious night (did I spell that right?). It's kind of blurred from my memory anymore especially since this was a late night. I'd type, do some crunches, go to bed, toss and turn, and then start all over again. I think this went on until about 4. It sucked.

And now I'm not there. All this worry and stress was for nothing. Over the next three months I applied and interviewed for two jobs, had two on the back burner (not including the one I was in) and ended up moving on to the second job I interviewed for and it was the best move I could have made.

I love my job.

I know that seems really odd to hear when a year ago I thought I loved that job and it was stolen from me, in a matter of speaking. I still wonder why, why she was chosen over me for that position, but it's not as big of a concern anymore since I'm in such a great position. My boss is phenomenal – we laugh, we joke, when I screw up he doesn't hold it against me, and we have a great working relationship. And it's not just him, the other bigwigs around whom I work with are fabulous too. I feel included, I feel respected, and I know that if I ever needed to talk with any of them about anything I could.

So now I'm looking forward. One week from now I'll have completed the marathon, running with the superwoman JB who runs at top speed. After that my focus will be for my NCO Academy course solely, then my 7-level training. October will be a crazy, busy month – but I think it will be pretty fabulous.

Safe Haven

I wish I felt safe here. You'd think being where I live (small town usa) I'd feel safe but I don't always.

I live near a great park and right off the bike trail. I love running this trail, the area is gorgeous and the trail and I have become one over the past few months. But my neighborhood isn't the greatest. My friend's Dad, when he found out where I was moving, told her to tell me to not go out at night alone – driving is maybe okay, but definitely not walking or running. I respect his opinion and some of the news stories since I've moved in around here do make me agree.

A month or so ago there was a scuffle in the parking lot right outside my window (though I am on 3^rd floor) where a girl was trying to get her car keys back from the passenger in the SUV and the driver kept trying to drive forward and leave. She kept standing in front and as he'd move the car forward she'd walk with it but stay in front. This went on for awhile – first hearing the yelling (which I assumed was just people fighting in the parking lot like they usually do) but then as it kept going I got up to look and saw this scene. Ugh.

So I don't feel safe going out in the dusk or dark alone to run, even though the wind has finally gone down to a movable level and I could go. But since I'd be running alone I don't feel safe doing it.

It sucks.

What's funny is I used to live south of the ghetto and I had no problems going out running at dusk there...why is this place different?

Heartstopper

That would be the participant guide for the TC Marathon which I received in the mail today.

Suddenly the whole thing is real, and I know this is only the start of the reality setting in, but it still scared the crap out of me for a moment. All those feelings returned of wondering if I can actually finish and if I'll make it. All I want is to not be picked up by the sweep bus and to finish under 6 hours so I can get a medal to prove I did it. That's all I want.

Plan of attack

“Without a plan there's no attack, without attack there's no victory!”

This is a line from one of my favorite cheesy 80's movies (as I called them). If you can name it, I'll buy you a burrito and a bag of their awesome chips at Chipotle.

Anyway, the countdown continues and eventually this marathon will be complete and I'll have nothing to write about, so I'm going to take advantage of this while I can.

So my plan of attack is still in motion. I've been chatting with Debbie on what I will like after the race, and trying to figure out how to make the hand off. I've been checking metro transit to make sure I can get to the dome via train so I don't have to mess with the car situation. And the biggest: I've been trying to mentally prepare.

E and I had talked about a method he had read or heard about where a runner had Bible verses with them while they ran – one for each mile. I scoffed at this at first but running the 19 the other day really made me realize that without RB to talk to and to keep me going or music to listen to and keep me focused (or unfocused on the pain), I'm going to need something to keep me motivated and focused. To try this on my city run the other day I kept trying to motivate myself and muttered various phrases to myself. It worked for awhile until I ran out of phrases I could remember.

So I'm collecting some motivation statements and I just need to figure out how to bring them along with me. Here are the ones I have. If you have any others that could be motivating, please send them along!

• Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

• “you are your own motivation” - girl with sign, JB and Megan

• “you are your very own superhero” - Andrea

• “God is with you because there's nowhere else He'd rather be.” - Beege

• “Run for yourself. You can do it.” - Clueless

• “Prove yourself wrong.” - Megan

• “There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever.” - Mahatma Gandhi.

• Romans 5:3-5, “...but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.”

• I do have the power to motivate myself. - Me

• “Moe, you have to keep going.” - Me

• Just put yourself ahead in time, pretend that it's next month already, and imagine that the past 4 or so weeks just totally rocked. Every hope you now possess for the coming weeks has manifested. Every challenge was breezed through. Every cool person stayed cool, every trickster became an ally, there were happy surprises along the way, and, you got plenty of sleep. This is how we do it. --Kung Fu -The Universe

• “I'm not the fastest - but dammit, I can run.” - Megan

• "Even if you fall flat on your face at least you are moving forward." Sue Luke

• 'Are you going to be a wimp, or are you going to be strong today?'" --Peter Maher, two-time Olympic marathoner from Canada

• “Marathons can only be understood backwards, but must be run forwards.” - magnet

Just running around

Ran around the city yesterday.

Literally.

I decided to run the entire bike trail yesterday. They finally have it all paved and there isn't any construction going on so I could safely run it without worry.

Or so I thought.

Apparently people on the west and north sides of town don't drink water. They just like to see the river roll on by.

I started out from my house which is at mile marker 1. 18 more markers to go to get back to Falls Park (which is mile marker 19) and then another mile home. Everything was awesome the first 5 miles...I even stopped to stretch again after the first mile and walked a bit to stretch out my legs, but once I got them going I had a great run. Finished the first 5 in an even hour, with all the stops (which tells me if I hadn't needed to stop to stretch I would have finished under an hour which would be stellar).

Then the next 5 were just as good though a little slower on time. I was entering new territory on the trail – places I hadn't run before because I'd always turn around and head back. Around mile marker 7 or 8 I stopped for a drink of water (I was carrying my fuel belt but figured I might as well drink from the fountains when I can – luckily I was doing this) then continued on my way.

The rest of the miles sucked. Not only because they were long stretches of flat, straight, never-ending road, but there wasn't another water fountain to be seen until Falls Park (remember? Mile marker 19?).

So I ended up rationing my water, stopped off at one park that one would have thought to have a water fountain or at least a bathroom with a sink. It did have the latter but they were locked, and no water fountain to be found. How people function on those 5 baseball diamonds in the heat of the summer is beyond me.

By mile marker 14 I was struggling. The heat of the day was upon me, there was water all around me but none I could drink, and my mouth felt like a fleece blanket. Sucky.

I made it, with a lot of walking, to Falls Park where I sucked that water fountain dry, filled up my water bottle and headed home. It took at least 2 hours for me to feel back to normal. And I must have been dehydrated because I hardly peed at all.

And on top of all that I still finished in 4:38, which isn't good for a marathon finish, but at least there I know I'll have water stops along the way which will help keep me hydrated.

Now to just keep my legs functioning.

Blahness

Today has been one of those days. I didn't get as much done as I should have, though I am happy that I was able to provide a little help to someone applying for another job (though when he called at the end of the day as he was getting ready to lick the envelope and he saw a rather blatant typo, I felt a bit like poop).

At the end o' the day I was invited to join some of the gang down the hall for a drink and a game of cards. That was fun, actually. I'm not usually one to hang out with co-workers but these aren't bad people to be friends with (especially since they control the money).

But it's still one of those days. I came home to an cold, empty apartment muttering to myself a Lydia line, “I am alone. I am utterly alone.” (“We're here for your daughter, Chuck.”) It's a little scary how these feelings can slip in under the radar and knock you for a loop. Suddenly, everything is a little grayer, a little more rainy (which I usually like), a little more blah. Which means then that I'm blah. Which lately that's what I've been feeling.

This marathon has been encompassing almost my every thought and probably word and deed too, which I'm sure is driving my friends insane. Although, maybe not every word and deed since my boss didn't realize I was running it. But it still feels like it. 15 days. I booked my room at the Inn so I'm set for that at least.

It just seems that this is most of what I'm thinking about and I'm sad that my brother who knows about this and especially my RB isn't able make it to cheer me on, or at least the latter being able to see me finish since he's been the one person there from the beginning – through all the sweat (literally) and tears.

I don't know...I'm just feeling blah.

Oh and the shits of everything...what I thought was opening this fall looks now to be opening not until March. Sad. But I do like the new trailer.

Tech Feel

I spoke once about feeling like a technician. Today I felt that again, and not necessarily in a good way.
One of the folks in my section came in today and was talking about how slammed she was in her civilian job - working until 10 at night, a class 8-5 both Saturday and Sunday this coming weekend, and just overwhelmed with duties.

Horribly, I initially thought that that was her own fault and I didn't feel sorry for her. That was a quick, fleeting thought as I thought back to all those weeks when I worked over 40 hours, still studied for classes - writing papers, reading texts, studying for tests, and working weekends for weddings or another job. ALL while trying to keep on top of my guard game and prepping for drill weekends and the next issue that would be published. My disdain quickly turned to sympathy.

It sucks, some(most) times, when you're trying to cover the gamut of everything - trying to keep on top of the job that keeps the food on the table, but also keeping on top of the duties and responsibilities for the job that you joined because you felt that connection and desire to do something more for your country (and the extra pay is nice too).

I have forgotten that feeling. It's been only 9 months but I've forgotten what that feels like. I think I need to keep that memory of those experiences alive to keep connected with the traditional folks. I don't want to have that technician feel.

On another note of this, I felt guilty after this weekend too. It was an insanely busy weekend, long hours, lots of training, fun war games but not so fun also, stress, tension, worry, lack of sleep, lack of food, lack of everything. I remember thinking to myself Sunday as I got in my car to go home, "Thank God, I have tomorrow off." And in a split second I realized that I'm the lucky one. I'm LUCKY! I didn't have to go to work the next day after driving 4 hours home that night. I didn't have to drag my sorry butt out of bed at 6 a.m. to make it to work on time the next day. I could sleep in. I could relax and recoup. I had time to recover.

I had to keep that perspective alive. Yes, I work 40 hours a week like everyone else (is supposed to). Yes, my 40 hours is slammed into 4 days. But a lot of people are working more than that and still finding time for everything else. I really have it good.

So maybe that's why Monday I did get up at 6:45, showered quick, dressed and then called the dentist to see about getting a time in, hoping for the morning so I'd have to stay up all day and feeling guilty when they couldn't get me in until 3 and I went back to bed.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

I'm not the best of joke tellers or joke players. It's never been a strongsuit of mine, but the other day I had a minor breakthrough.

A few weeks ago my RB's co-workers were giving him shit about his potty mouth and how they all swear more now since they've been hanging out with him. Then one of them started in about how soon I would start dropping the f-bomb all the time because we run together everyday.

RB told me this story while we were running that day, naturally, so we made a plan to get Z in the crossfire sometime when he would call for my boss.

And recently, it all came together:

Phone rings, Z's name on caller ID (my boss is gone – it's showtime!)
Moe: This is Moe (I answer with my name, just in case people are confused of whom they called)
Z: Hey, is the good boss in?
Moe: (plan in motion) How the fcuk should I know?
Z: (stammering) Wa..wa...uh...Moe, you can't talk to me like that. (in shock, not pissiness)
Moe: What? You think I'm his fcuking secretary?
Z: (still stammering) Moe! What's going on?! You can't say that!
I busted out laughing.
Moe: Z, I've been waiting WEEKS to do that!
Z: What?
Moe: (still laughing my ass off) RB told me you guys think he's rubbing off on me so we came up with this plan to say this the next time you called for the boss.
Z: (suddenly it dawns on him) Oh really. You guys planned this.
Moe: yep!

Then we got back to business and continued the phone call, the whole time I'm laughing my ass off. After we hung up, I immediately called RB and told him how I finally got Z. He busted out laughing and after we hung up the guys called him and started giving him shit again.

We know that work isn't supposed to be fun, but damn this is great.

I'm not a decorator

Earlier today:

I give up.
I'm finally giving in to getting new furniture for my office - at least a couple pieces, not the whole gamut. About a week into my job the Finance guy came down and said I needed to order all new furniture. I said, no, because all of what I had was usable and functional. Sure, only 3 pieces matched and all the rest was hand-me-downs and stolen items from others who had upgraded, but it was usable. I come from the culture, sometimes to my detriment, that if it works then keep using it! (This should be proof by my 13" TV from 1993 - still works great! It's just really really tiny).

I thought I was doing okay after I had moved things around to begin with, getting rid of the one big credenza that did nothing but take up space and getting some items that worked, and rearranging everything so I felt a little normal (not quite feng shui, but closer than it was - at least my back wasn't to a door and 3 windows anymore). But looking at the mess on my floor and desk and chairs this morning and wishing I had better storage for all the crap that gets thrown my way and maybe more pictures and color on my walls in general, I gave in.

Luckily, everyone who's been telling me this still agrees and are willing to help me.

So I've been working on some layout designs on floorplanner.com as close to scale as possible. I think I can make it work for all parties involved by only getting rid of maybe 3 large items - 2 of which I may already have a home for - and 2 chairs; then gaining a small sectional workstation which could double as storage and shelving, a side table and two new chairs on rollers that match the neighbors for my guests and those in the 'waiting zone', some plants (I need real life here, not plastic!), and a magazine/file rack to hang on the wall so the forms people always need and reading material can be placed there instead of on my tables, desk, etc. The latter will also be my inbox so my desk can open up a bit or at the very least my outbox so I don't have to think about that stuff anymore too.

I also want some rugs, but I think I'll just buy those myself and then I can take them with me when I leave. They have to go with my Kandinsky print anyway.

I should take some before and after pictures. I'll do that if the items do get ordered. You really should see what I have here. I love my office. I love that I have an office - with windows! And doors! And it's mine! - and so I've just been thankful for that. Now I get (re:need) to decorate and I'm a little nervous. I can only do so much but hopefully I can do a little bit so it feels office-y yet home-y for me.

Update: So I met with our contracting dude and he suggested I change everything. He commended my frugalness but basically, if I'm going to change some of the pieces I might as well change it all. I talked it over with my boss and showed him my plan from floorplanner (office 4) and he approved. So I spent most of the afternoon going through the catalogs and picking out my pieces. I'm still not sure about this. The design isn't really what I want – I'm worried it's going to be really cramped once all the pieces are there. But it needs to be done. I just can't quite find what I want for storage and filing. It seems to either all work for filing or all be storage. I need both and enough of each without overcrowding. I'm worried.

I love my gay boyfriends

Sometimes staying up late is a good thing. I just got off the phone with my awesome friend Chris Nelson. He's so fun. I miss hanging out and drinking with him. (By the way, Deb, E&K and JG – Chris says hi!)

He reminds me, though, of how crucial friendships are – especially those so far away. He mentioned people I haven't thought about in years (some have only been months or weeks) – LeeAnn, Scott, Scott, Jay, Leland (hi, leland!), Dan, Brent, Josh, and others. He commented that it took the Bridge Collapse for him to reconnect with many friends who are still in the cities and that it really shouldn't take a tragedy to do that.

And his most profound statement which cuts to the core: you can choose to be as busy as you want but when you aren't busy you will know just how alone you are.

I miss you, Chris!

I feel old

Today I'm feeling old. I'm sure I'll feel older three week from now, so maybe God's just testing my recovery abilities.

The weekend turned out really well. It was a bit frustrating the first day trying to get everyone to understand a) that we were playing the game, b) that they needed to play with us, and c) how the game needed to be played. Once we got that sorted out and a little training on how to phrase questions things went much smoother and day 2 rocked (except for that minor meltdown at the end when the evalutees missed their deadline(s) and the evaluator was frustrated as she was going to be late for a meeting because of the missed deadline.

Anyway...now it's time to write the reports. That'll be fun.

Oh and to add to my elderly feel, yesterday morning I bit down on a Twizzler and broke a tooth. I expected it to come as last week when I bit on a piece of popcorn a sharp pain flew through my head, but then went away. Sunday when I took a bite of a breakfast bar I felt that same pain again and I figured something was coming.

Anyway, I ended up spitting out the part of tooth in my hand, quickly scanned the Internet for what I should do and went to the bathroom to wash it off and stick it back in. I did and it actually stayed. In fact it'd probably still be there if I hadn't stopped at the dentist to ask them their advice.

So now I get to get a crown, if i can afford it, or fill the tooth like a cavity again. Fun Fun.

Yep, soon, I'll be testing for cataracts and buying my Geritol on line.

Sometimes they talk back.

Shit.

My boss caught me.

Again.

I thought I was alone. I usually only do it when I'm alone and it's quite embarrassing to be caught in the act. It's creepy being caught and a little invasive. But there I was, doing it, minding my own business as I tried to hurry up so I could continue on my way.

And then there he was. Peeking around the corner, smiling a little and then soon outright laughing.

I felt so embarrassed. I was almost ashamed. I wasn't really doing anything wrong. It's just probably not the place to be doing it. And then he saw and heard everything. I don't know how I'll face him again.

Has this ever happened to you? I'm told people do it all the time and that's not a big deal, that sometimes it's even healthy! So why do I feel so guilty?

Yeah...okay, I think I just need sleep or I'll spend all of next week doing it too. And I can't afford to be caught again.

I suppose talking to yourself isn't that big a deal. Right?

It's Thursday!

First off I want to thank everyone who has helped me this week. To all of you who commented either on this writing or via email: You have helped me to feel better about this running gig I have coming up. I'll be okay even if I'm still scared shitless at times. Thank you for your inspiring words that have helped set my head straight again. I appreciate you all more than I can say. And at the end of October the movie about me (except played by a guy) will open (which was supposed to open at the end of this month) and all will be well again.

And to Beege. Girl, I am so lucky to know you (and M!). Thank you for your post and comments this week. I'd link to you here but I won't unless you say it's okay. Your words made me miss seminary and daily chapel services (which usually sucked but at least it was more than I'm getting here). What I miss is hearing the Gospel. I needed that. Thank you so much. (sorry for my mini-breakdown though) :)

-----

Today was a fun day at work. I got slightly high from oodles of toner from copiers and printers as I printed items for 70 packets I have to assemble for the weekend. Then I had a great lunch, running errands instead of miles and watching the geese flying around the lake. As I got back to work I spent 2 hours with the top men on base working out language in a very important letter. That was super fun. Seriously. Working with these guys restores my faith in the military. They really do have good heads on their shoulders and are looking toward the future of our unit. It's really cool to be a part of that, even as minor as it is (as the stenographer).

And tonight I watched Little Shop of Horrors while I began assembling my packets. I'm missing a few items that I'll have to add in tomorrow but at least I won't have all of it to do. I still haven't written my scenarios for the weekend. Procrastination it is not. I swear. :)

One of those nights

So I'm excited. And for once, happily so.

Yeah, that's nothing new but what I'm excited about would probably shock my co-workers. We have an training exercise this weekend and I'm really looking forward to it. Of course I'm one of the evaluators, not a trainee, so that does make a difference.

But it's a good thing, because now that I'm in this new position I can actually use my previous 10 years of experience and help the new folks train in their job and help the rest of the players understand what it means to play the game with us in my old job.

See, every year we have this exercise. Every year that I have been in, my former section was labeled a non-player in the exercise. Or if we did play and tried to play, people didn't know how to play with us. It was like elementary school and being the odd man out or being the fat kid no one wanted on their team. So we'd play by ourselves, humoring ourselves with our own oddities (like wearing the glasses backwards in the mask for 2 hours straight and having an almost permanent mark for the rest of the day because of it) and keeping a low profile.

But not this year. This year we're going to be in the thick of it, which is awesome.

Except that, because we've never played, all our exercises and scenarios have to be created from scratch...by me. I have a general idea of what I want to see happen, but I have to write a lot of it out so that the players will understand what I'm looking for, or at least give them the information and see how they interpret and deal with the situations at hand. I have to find some helpers to make some practice phone calls. I have to find someone to play at the gate to test their confrontation skills with outsiders. I have to really pay attention so I can follow all of what they are doing so I can fully evaluate what they are doing and help them to improve.

All that in a game we've never really played before. All that with players of whom one just got back from training an done just joined the section. All that with scenarios that I haven't written yet. All that with just me as the evaluator of a shop that won't be stationary, shouldn't be stationary, and so I'll be doing as much running as they will.

This should be very interesting.

And that's why, on a Wednesday morning at 1:04 a.m. I'm up writing on my blog. Because I woke up an hour ago in a slight panic because I didn't get anything written during work on Tuesday because of a bunch of other meetings and so my days and times to get these scenarios written are edging closer and closer together.

A slight panic because I have a ton of people to contact tomorrow to get some help.

A slight panic because I have meetings all morning long and my regular job to do besides all this.

A slight panic because there are two CBTs I have to complete before Saturday to do this gig.

A slight panic because I'm worried that maybe I'm not qualified to evaluate and that I'll be butting heads with at least one of the people I'm evaluating.

A slight panic because this is totally new territory for me and I'm suddenly worried I won't be able to live up to the pressure or expectations.

Shee-it.

All calendars should be burned

30 days hath September, April, June and November

And that's all that's left until race day. 30 freaking days. Shee-it.

Okay. I'm officially scared now. My runs have not been going well this week. I've been toying with the SF Half on Sunday but not sure if I can do it. I'm trying to eat better but yesterday was another bust - I totally spaced on lunch (it takes a special kind of stupid to forget to eat) but I wasn't really hungry anyway. Plus I was reading the other day how I'm in the Clydesdale category of runners because I weigh more than a specific amount (that's encouraging - I'm a huge horse who reps for beer - there's a Lane Bryant ad campaign if they need one). Yeah, that's motivating.

And now there are 30 days left and I'm fearing it. I'm fearing the runners flying by me while I trudge on by. I'm fearing the sweep bus. I'm fearing failure.

I especially fear this because for the last month AS has been telling me I should drop out - that there are other marathons. But I just can't bring myself to quit yet. There are still 30 days to go! And I can't quit because if I do I feel like I'll be letting down E and K and JB whom I all talked into running too, and essentially myself. How pathetic am I really.

So I can't quit, but I can't seem to get started either. I need some help on the motivation part. I haven't felt motivated at all lately. Yeah yeah - "You are your own motivation" but I start to run and begin to think of other things I should/could be doing instead and then I stumble - not literally but emotionally, spiritually and motivationally and then, not really thinking about what I'm doing, I'll stop or walk or turn around. I can't quite see the end - hell, I can't even see the middle right now.

What in the hell was I thinking 8 months ago? Seriously.
Help.

Reality check

A year ago if you had told me I'd be sitting on my couch (which at the time was in my mom's garage collecting dirt) watching baseball on television (Indians at the Twins tonight!) I would have said you were nuts.

Don't get me wrong. I love baseball, but until this year I've never really been one to sit down and watch a game anywhere, let alone on TV. Now you can find me checking box scores, reading the write-ups and tracking games at work via Gameday or ESPN, the latter especially when the Indians are playing an afternoon game.

Yesterday Zach and I (pics tomorrow)went to the dome to watch the afternoon game as the Indians beat the Twins, 5-0. My boy Garko had the only home-run and when I stood to cheer about 40 people surrounding me looked at me as if I was insane. I apologized, cheered a bit more and sat down. The gentleman in the yellow shirt next to me (I was like Curious George!) laughed and said I was blushing. Whatever.

Poor Zach, though. He's a Yankees fan but his mom wouldn't let me take him to the game back in April (it was a school night) so he had to settle for the Twins and Indians. But he was stoked that he did get to see Santana play, which he wanted, and 5 other All Stars: Sabathia, Martinez, Sizemore, Morneau, and Torii (dot dot) Hunter.

So alas, somehow I've become a strong Indians and baseball fan. I do like watching the games. I really enjoyed yesterday's game, I even cheered when Torii made an awesome catch and for the Twins double play they had against the Indians. It's all good. It's about the game.

And about the Indians winning. :)

8-yr-old runs 2,212 miles

I'm a wuss.

Granted I do think this is a little excessive, but in looking at the pictures they seem to be taking a lot of breaks and she seems happy most of the time.

And I have trouble getting out the door to run 10. sheesh.

I need to do something.

Today was a good but different day.

I woke up initially at 6, the weather cool and crisp flowing in from my window. It was so lovely I just had to curl back into bed and snooze. I did that for a few hours, actually, then got up and ran 7.5. I was stupid and didn't really eat breakfast – just a piece of toast with some PB.

RB met up with me and we ran – first mile felt good, 10 min; second mile was okay, 12 min; third mile was a little more rough, 13 min; then we half jogged, half walked the next mile; then back on the checking the time – mile 5 was 11 min. Pretty good, I thought considering it. I did realize that I usually can keep running if I do make that my goal, but I also learned that if I do walk for 20 feet or so to catch my breath that's better than walking for half a mile because I can't get my breath.

The rest was a half jog/half walk, mostly because I started to think about the marathon and had a slight breakdown wondering just how stupid I am for signing up. I have not been motivated lately to run. Of course this was day 5 of us running, so I'm sure part of it is that, but I don't know what's wrong with me.

I think a big part of it all is my diet. I know I've said this before but I really am not eating well. I used to try to stay disillusioned by telling myself my diet wasn't that bad, but here it is – I admit it – I suck. I eat horrible food and not enough in general. My normal daily intake is Marshmallow Treasures for breakfast (dry), a few twizzlers for mid-morning snack, run at noon – maybe eat lunch, maybe not – if I do eat lunch it's subway or tuna/cracker to go pack from the BX or a PB&J from the boys across the street, then some more twizzlers or rolos for the afternoon snack, and supper is always a guess – grilled cheese, maybe, spaghetti used to be my staple, WP pizza, or just popcorn. Writing this all down is just depressing.

So here's day zero. I know you're going to love this so I'm going to go back to my other blog and though I'm not going to be following SB as the intention of that blog was, I will be recording what I'm eating. If you'd like to yell at me or give me ideas for good things to eat, please visit that site.

I'll continue to blog here too. I need someplace to write nice things.