Tech Feel

I spoke once about feeling like a technician. Today I felt that again, and not necessarily in a good way.
One of the folks in my section came in today and was talking about how slammed she was in her civilian job - working until 10 at night, a class 8-5 both Saturday and Sunday this coming weekend, and just overwhelmed with duties.

Horribly, I initially thought that that was her own fault and I didn't feel sorry for her. That was a quick, fleeting thought as I thought back to all those weeks when I worked over 40 hours, still studied for classes - writing papers, reading texts, studying for tests, and working weekends for weddings or another job. ALL while trying to keep on top of my guard game and prepping for drill weekends and the next issue that would be published. My disdain quickly turned to sympathy.

It sucks, some(most) times, when you're trying to cover the gamut of everything - trying to keep on top of the job that keeps the food on the table, but also keeping on top of the duties and responsibilities for the job that you joined because you felt that connection and desire to do something more for your country (and the extra pay is nice too).

I have forgotten that feeling. It's been only 9 months but I've forgotten what that feels like. I think I need to keep that memory of those experiences alive to keep connected with the traditional folks. I don't want to have that technician feel.

On another note of this, I felt guilty after this weekend too. It was an insanely busy weekend, long hours, lots of training, fun war games but not so fun also, stress, tension, worry, lack of sleep, lack of food, lack of everything. I remember thinking to myself Sunday as I got in my car to go home, "Thank God, I have tomorrow off." And in a split second I realized that I'm the lucky one. I'm LUCKY! I didn't have to go to work the next day after driving 4 hours home that night. I didn't have to drag my sorry butt out of bed at 6 a.m. to make it to work on time the next day. I could sleep in. I could relax and recoup. I had time to recover.

I had to keep that perspective alive. Yes, I work 40 hours a week like everyone else (is supposed to). Yes, my 40 hours is slammed into 4 days. But a lot of people are working more than that and still finding time for everything else. I really have it good.

So maybe that's why Monday I did get up at 6:45, showered quick, dressed and then called the dentist to see about getting a time in, hoping for the morning so I'd have to stay up all day and feeling guilty when they couldn't get me in until 3 and I went back to bed.