I think I talk too much. I need to think more. Or just listen better. or something.
Months ago...well 3 or so...I was really in a mess, trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. Now I'm 3 days away from returning to events and while I'm super excited about it - getting back to a normal routine with only one job during the day and keeping my mind somewhat on straight - I'm still a little apprehensive about it. I chuckle at comments made and the job issues we've been going through. We have too many people doing one job. It's true, and in the corporate world, someone would probably be gone, but we don't do that here. Which makes me wonder why and if I should leave? Am I staying again because I fear change so much? Because I fear the lack of stability? Because I fear losing benefits and not having dental? It makes me feel like such a chicken with no backbone. I feel like I should take a risk and move on.
But then the question comes up - what would I move on to do? "I'm trained for nothing!" I hear a voice cry out in my head. I can file, I can type - woohoo. I feel like I should be doing more, but then other days I'm very content doing the little I do here. But then I wonder if I'm actually content or if I'm just so lazy that doing the little bit I do do here that I'm feeling sufficient but really I'm being a total lazyass.
I don't know. Maybe I could advance here. There are ways I suppose, I was nominated for President but we all saw how well that turned out. :) Until then I suppose I can put up with mark asking me every other day when I'm leaving.
28 June 2005
Drive home thoughts
Life is weird. I was thinking this last night as I drove home. Did God really intend for us to get up every morning and drive in a tin box, go sit in a plastic or metal box within a wooden or brick box, eat from a lunch box, and drive back home in a tin box surrounded by others in tin boxes? Was this really what God wanted us to do?
Storm...
You gotta love Minnesota summer storms. Lightning, thunder, power outages...it's just a joy. Especially when your phone shorts out - again - and somehow a call is made from your phone to 911 so a friendly (we hope) neighborhood peace officer comes knocking, no wait... POUNDING at your door at 4:22 AM. It's such a joy when he shines lights in your neighbor's bedroom window, and then rings your doorbell but scampers off before you can see who it is through the peep hole.
Yes, friends, such a situation happened to me this fine morning. The A's and I were totally freaked out so we DID call 911, explained the situation and hung up. Then 911 called back and said that I apparently had made a call to them which was why they came by to see if anything was wrong. But when I went downstairs and checked my phone all I had was static - again. This is starting to get really frustrating. One more chance for these folks and then I'm going to go strictly cell.
But the storm was pretty cool. It was one of those few times I wished I had windows so I could have watched instead of just listening or having to go upstairs and open the door to watch. Oh well...someday I'll have a window.
Three afternoons to go...It's becoming a little surreal. I'm not sure what my life will hold when I'm finished in SemRel. It'll be odd not going across the street each afternoon, and though I rarely used them, since I eat in 5 mintues, I will miss the 90 minute lunches. ;) But it'll be good to get back to Events full time. CA and I have some plans of things we want to do with our department and sections. With me back full-time, hopefully we can do some of them and help put Luther on the map! :)
Yes, friends, such a situation happened to me this fine morning. The A's and I were totally freaked out so we DID call 911, explained the situation and hung up. Then 911 called back and said that I apparently had made a call to them which was why they came by to see if anything was wrong. But when I went downstairs and checked my phone all I had was static - again. This is starting to get really frustrating. One more chance for these folks and then I'm going to go strictly cell.
But the storm was pretty cool. It was one of those few times I wished I had windows so I could have watched instead of just listening or having to go upstairs and open the door to watch. Oh well...someday I'll have a window.
Three afternoons to go...It's becoming a little surreal. I'm not sure what my life will hold when I'm finished in SemRel. It'll be odd not going across the street each afternoon, and though I rarely used them, since I eat in 5 mintues, I will miss the 90 minute lunches. ;) But it'll be good to get back to Events full time. CA and I have some plans of things we want to do with our department and sections. With me back full-time, hopefully we can do some of them and help put Luther on the map! :)
27 June 2005
22 June 2005
Friends
Suddenly I have Garth Brooks in my head, "I have Friends in Low places..." but it is SO not fitting today. My friends aren't LOW. They are so cool! Tuesday night J, A, K, E and L and I all went out for supper, and then K, E and I continued on for a night of drinking and fellowship. Supper was great. L is just a cutie and SO like his father, which is a little scary :) . What's even more surprising is that K,E and I went to visit J last night at his workplace. OMIGOSH! I went out two nights in a row! And stayed up past 10:30! Whoa...the world must be coming to an end.
What was really amazing to me, not surprising though, is that these folks, these amazing individuals and couples are incredibly intelligent and venturing into a completely new realm of their life. They are taking the chance, heading back out in the world (not that they haven't been there already since these are the most level-headed people I know) and starting their lives anew. What's also wonderful is that they want to include me in their journey. K or was it E had a brilliant plan last night to begin a community of 6 people: J, E, K, J, E and me to have a joint journal in which we can comment and discover and discuss their lives post-seminary. They're including me which is great because then I can stay connected wtih them. It's amazing the plans that transpire over drinks at a bar. :)
Well...a couple blogs ago I mentioned I was going to take a step toward being my own person. Step one was telling Dana to hold off on introducing R to me (he's been trying to set us up for the last couple months but schedules just haven't worked) - but the main reason on holding off is because I just need to be me for awhile... Step two was ordering my tickets for next year. I ordered my season tickets for the Guthrie - 5-play packet plus Macbeth and Measure for Measure. A chunk of change, but I think for 12 months of entertainment prepaid it actually will be good. Plus they are assigning me a night so it will be on my calendar and i can't back out! YAY! I also got the 4-pack for the SPCO again, but only because they gave me 3 vouchers for the tickets I didn't use last year. So 7 tickets at about $17 each, too good to pass up. Step three is going out more. Obviously I'm doing well so far this week. I also found a music/movie night at district del sol which I'm planning to partake in.
It's an exciting time...one part-time job will be done in a week and I will be free of all extra activities associated with it. Freedom is coming! I feel like Paul Revere - "Freedom is coming! Freedom is coming!"
What was really amazing to me, not surprising though, is that these folks, these amazing individuals and couples are incredibly intelligent and venturing into a completely new realm of their life. They are taking the chance, heading back out in the world (not that they haven't been there already since these are the most level-headed people I know) and starting their lives anew. What's also wonderful is that they want to include me in their journey. K or was it E had a brilliant plan last night to begin a community of 6 people: J, E, K, J, E and me to have a joint journal in which we can comment and discover and discuss their lives post-seminary. They're including me which is great because then I can stay connected wtih them. It's amazing the plans that transpire over drinks at a bar. :)
Well...a couple blogs ago I mentioned I was going to take a step toward being my own person. Step one was telling Dana to hold off on introducing R to me (he's been trying to set us up for the last couple months but schedules just haven't worked) - but the main reason on holding off is because I just need to be me for awhile... Step two was ordering my tickets for next year. I ordered my season tickets for the Guthrie - 5-play packet plus Macbeth and Measure for Measure. A chunk of change, but I think for 12 months of entertainment prepaid it actually will be good. Plus they are assigning me a night so it will be on my calendar and i can't back out! YAY! I also got the 4-pack for the SPCO again, but only because they gave me 3 vouchers for the tickets I didn't use last year. So 7 tickets at about $17 each, too good to pass up. Step three is going out more. Obviously I'm doing well so far this week. I also found a music/movie night at district del sol which I'm planning to partake in.
It's an exciting time...one part-time job will be done in a week and I will be free of all extra activities associated with it. Freedom is coming! I feel like Paul Revere - "Freedom is coming! Freedom is coming!"
16 June 2005
Story Time
3 Musketeers were walking along one day and they came upon a stump. On the stump sat two hotties named Sara and Theresa. “Oh joy, oh rapture! We at last have seen true beauty! (they were looking at Theresa) Our lives will never be the same!” they said to each other.
The first turned to Theresa and said, “Oh beautiful fair maiden, what can I do to win your hand?” Theresa looked up at him and said, “Well, strange man with a feather in your cap, I love whipped up fluffy chocolate. Do you think you could find me some?” The Musketeer waved his feather and said, “your wish is my command.” And POOF! He became a big barrel of whipped, fluffy chocolate.
The second Musketeer looked at Theresa (Sara was starting to feel a bit put off but no matter, she loved Theresa more than these three guys anyway) and said, “Oh beautiful fair maiden, what can I do to win your hand?” Theresa looked up at him and said, “Well freaky man with a sword in his belt, I need some hard chocolate to help transport my fluffy chocolate, can you help?” The musketeer drew his sword and nicked his finger. “Dammit!” he cried, and immediately stuck his finger in his mouth to stop the bleeding. Somehow he waved the sword around and he turned into hard chocolate.
The third Musketeer, having watched in horror at his friends who turned themselves into a delectable treat for Fair Theresa (as she was becoming known) turned to Sara and said, “Hey baby, I have a Harley out back. Wanna go for a ride?” Sara contemplated this for a moment, for the Musketeer was ever so ruggedly handsome with short black hair and deep chocolate eyes and strong hands and shoulders and arms that she just wanted to be wrapped up in. But the more she contemplated the more the chocolate began to melt, for it was a hot day, and she said, “Well, baby, hot as you are, I could really use a Strawberry Daiquiri instead.” And she grabbed the Musketeers fancy sash and waved it around his head and the musketeer turned into a huge blender of Strawberry Daiquiri with lots of rum.
Theresa said, “Finally, our snack for the day arrived! Who the hell were those guys? The waiters?” Sara said, licking her fingers of the whipped fluffy chocolate and sipped her strawberry daiquiri, “Who the hell knows but at least they taste good!”
Moral of the story: Never tempt Theresa or Sara with wishes when they are longing for chocolate and rum.
The first turned to Theresa and said, “Oh beautiful fair maiden, what can I do to win your hand?” Theresa looked up at him and said, “Well, strange man with a feather in your cap, I love whipped up fluffy chocolate. Do you think you could find me some?” The Musketeer waved his feather and said, “your wish is my command.” And POOF! He became a big barrel of whipped, fluffy chocolate.
The second Musketeer looked at Theresa (Sara was starting to feel a bit put off but no matter, she loved Theresa more than these three guys anyway) and said, “Oh beautiful fair maiden, what can I do to win your hand?” Theresa looked up at him and said, “Well freaky man with a sword in his belt, I need some hard chocolate to help transport my fluffy chocolate, can you help?” The musketeer drew his sword and nicked his finger. “Dammit!” he cried, and immediately stuck his finger in his mouth to stop the bleeding. Somehow he waved the sword around and he turned into hard chocolate.
The third Musketeer, having watched in horror at his friends who turned themselves into a delectable treat for Fair Theresa (as she was becoming known) turned to Sara and said, “Hey baby, I have a Harley out back. Wanna go for a ride?” Sara contemplated this for a moment, for the Musketeer was ever so ruggedly handsome with short black hair and deep chocolate eyes and strong hands and shoulders and arms that she just wanted to be wrapped up in. But the more she contemplated the more the chocolate began to melt, for it was a hot day, and she said, “Well, baby, hot as you are, I could really use a Strawberry Daiquiri instead.” And she grabbed the Musketeers fancy sash and waved it around his head and the musketeer turned into a huge blender of Strawberry Daiquiri with lots of rum.
Theresa said, “Finally, our snack for the day arrived! Who the hell were those guys? The waiters?” Sara said, licking her fingers of the whipped fluffy chocolate and sipped her strawberry daiquiri, “Who the hell knows but at least they taste good!”
Moral of the story: Never tempt Theresa or Sara with wishes when they are longing for chocolate and rum.
30 May 2005
There's a change a-comin'
Lately I have been in a funk. I'm not sure why, but little things have been annoying me. It's odd. I'm not sure why I feel this way - diet? hormones? I don't know... but it's been frustrating not knowing. I'm not sure that I do know anything more now than I did but I hope I'm starting to figure it out. I'm growing...maybe finally into the person I actually am than the one I think people think I should be.
I've been doing a lot of thinking this weekend, which is always dangerous for me. I've been annoyed with a friend of mine recently...every little thing they do sets me off and I just get cranky. I know my friend had the same situation with someone else we knew too...(let's use Bob and Margaret just so I can keep them straight)...Right as Margaret was getting ready to move on to her new life she started to do things that would annoy Bob. I know this because Bob would tell me how annoying Margaret was getting with her whining and neediness. Well, now, sadly, I think Bob is doing the same thing to me. Except it's not whining and neediness but criticism and belittling. I know Bob doesn't think this is how he is treating me but this is how I feel. I think back to even December when "Christmas with the Kranks" came out and Bob said this was just a horrible storyline because it puts all of Christmas on to a snowman. Then Bob happened to be at my house and saw that I had the Grisham book (Skipping Christmas) by my reading chair and Bob made a snide comment about me reading it. I realize now that I hemed and hawed my way around it because I suddenly felt guilty for reading this book that Bob didn't like. And I realized on Saturday and Sunday, as I was thinking (always a dangerous prospect) that it wasn't just this one time that I felt put down or belittled by my actions from Bob. I'm tired of trying to prove myself based on Bob's thoughts about what is right and what is wrong. Bob and I have been in other arguments before about religious things too which have left me feeling like I know absolutely nothing. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm not stupid. I have opinions. I have knowledge and I don't need another father or big brother to tell me what to do.
I don't know...maybe this is me finally figuring out who I am and becoming comfortable with myself. Saturday night I went to the MN Orchestra Concert at Orchestra Hall and for the first time in years, almost a decade - maybe even the first time ever - I felt completely comfortable going by myself. Usually I get this gnawing, stomach turning feeling in my stomach like I'm about to screw up or that I'm just super nervous before I would do something on my own. I believe strongly in having your 'own' time with yourself and doing things alone, but I would always feeling nervous like I have an empty pit in my stomach where you just feel hollow and alone. But Saturday, for the first time, I felt completely calm and confident in going by myself and enjoying the musical experience. As I thought about it driving home I thought maybe it's because I'm finally 30 but the week after I turned 30 I went to Britten's War Requiem by myself and felt this same hollowness then. (This is probably why I never cashed in my other 3 tickets to SPCO). But I think it's because over the past couple months where my life has been so insane with C&S and work and guards that I'm finally coming to understand who I am and that it's okay to be that person. I'm not a bad person, I'm not stupid (though I sometimes do stupid things), and it's okay to be me. ME - the person I hardly ever actually let out. I'm always trying to be someone else and I think it's okay for me to let that go and just be me. I know it's going to take a bit more to figure out what that exactly means as I'm just coming into being me, but it'll be worth it in the end I think.
So as a step in this process...the next two weeks will be good for me to be away from Luther, even though I'm at guards the whole time, and on the 13th I'm going to join the place I want to join, despite the odd looks I received from Mark and Debbie when I said I was going to, and I'm going to do things I want to do and learn to be me. I have held off on so many things out of fear of being judged. I know now that if people want to judge me they will, but I can't let that bother me. I just need to be me.
I was watching Season One of Joan of Arcadia yesterday and Chessmaster God said this: "Don't play the other persons game. Play your own." very profound. I need to stop playing everyone else's game and be myself. This will be a struggle - 30 years of trying to be what others wanted me to be is going to be hard to overcome, but it'll be worth it in the end I think, I hope, I pray.
I've been doing a lot of thinking this weekend, which is always dangerous for me. I've been annoyed with a friend of mine recently...every little thing they do sets me off and I just get cranky. I know my friend had the same situation with someone else we knew too...(let's use Bob and Margaret just so I can keep them straight)...Right as Margaret was getting ready to move on to her new life she started to do things that would annoy Bob. I know this because Bob would tell me how annoying Margaret was getting with her whining and neediness. Well, now, sadly, I think Bob is doing the same thing to me. Except it's not whining and neediness but criticism and belittling. I know Bob doesn't think this is how he is treating me but this is how I feel. I think back to even December when "Christmas with the Kranks" came out and Bob said this was just a horrible storyline because it puts all of Christmas on to a snowman. Then Bob happened to be at my house and saw that I had the Grisham book (Skipping Christmas) by my reading chair and Bob made a snide comment about me reading it. I realize now that I hemed and hawed my way around it because I suddenly felt guilty for reading this book that Bob didn't like. And I realized on Saturday and Sunday, as I was thinking (always a dangerous prospect) that it wasn't just this one time that I felt put down or belittled by my actions from Bob. I'm tired of trying to prove myself based on Bob's thoughts about what is right and what is wrong. Bob and I have been in other arguments before about religious things too which have left me feeling like I know absolutely nothing. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm not stupid. I have opinions. I have knowledge and I don't need another father or big brother to tell me what to do.
I don't know...maybe this is me finally figuring out who I am and becoming comfortable with myself. Saturday night I went to the MN Orchestra Concert at Orchestra Hall and for the first time in years, almost a decade - maybe even the first time ever - I felt completely comfortable going by myself. Usually I get this gnawing, stomach turning feeling in my stomach like I'm about to screw up or that I'm just super nervous before I would do something on my own. I believe strongly in having your 'own' time with yourself and doing things alone, but I would always feeling nervous like I have an empty pit in my stomach where you just feel hollow and alone. But Saturday, for the first time, I felt completely calm and confident in going by myself and enjoying the musical experience. As I thought about it driving home I thought maybe it's because I'm finally 30 but the week after I turned 30 I went to Britten's War Requiem by myself and felt this same hollowness then. (This is probably why I never cashed in my other 3 tickets to SPCO). But I think it's because over the past couple months where my life has been so insane with C&S and work and guards that I'm finally coming to understand who I am and that it's okay to be that person. I'm not a bad person, I'm not stupid (though I sometimes do stupid things), and it's okay to be me. ME - the person I hardly ever actually let out. I'm always trying to be someone else and I think it's okay for me to let that go and just be me. I know it's going to take a bit more to figure out what that exactly means as I'm just coming into being me, but it'll be worth it in the end I think.
So as a step in this process...the next two weeks will be good for me to be away from Luther, even though I'm at guards the whole time, and on the 13th I'm going to join the place I want to join, despite the odd looks I received from Mark and Debbie when I said I was going to, and I'm going to do things I want to do and learn to be me. I have held off on so many things out of fear of being judged. I know now that if people want to judge me they will, but I can't let that bother me. I just need to be me.
I was watching Season One of Joan of Arcadia yesterday and Chessmaster God said this: "Don't play the other persons game. Play your own." very profound. I need to stop playing everyone else's game and be myself. This will be a struggle - 30 years of trying to be what others wanted me to be is going to be hard to overcome, but it'll be worth it in the end I think, I hope, I pray.
23 April 2005
bad blogger
A few of my friends have felt that they are bad bloggers recently. Erik started it, but then Erik always starts it. :) just kidding, Erik! But I find it funny Justin felt bad too, and now I'm feeling guilty for not writing in a week, too! I have a legitimate excuse, none of this senioritis stuff...I've just been out of town.
Last Thursday through Thursday I was at guards in exciting SoDak (as we SoDakian's like to call it). The first day was awful, I felt micro-managed and annoyed the entire day and then was told at the end of it that I just need to learn to let the stress roll off my back and learn to take orders (which they called 'suggestions'). I think I was just really tired after working 15 hours and then driving home 4 hours. But a hot bath and a rum and coke worked wonders! The rest of the time was okay. Our special edition of the paper turned out smashingly! (I'd show you but then I'd have to kill you).
Wednesday night I went to Lisa and Ryan's so I could give Emmy her birthday present(s). She was really cute that night and my nephew Zach entertained us all with statistics on the states. "Hey, Aunt Sara, did you know..." and then he'd start with whatever he had just read about the state of Alaska or Minnesota or South Dakota from his state coin booklet. That boy just sucks in information like there's no tomorrow. All while Emmy (im)patiently waits her turn to open her presents. Very cute.
So now today I'm working at the desk for a few hours and then heading to Mary's to watch Collateral with Nick and Mary. This and next weekend are pretty much my only weekends 'free' until Memorial Day weekend. But Jay's coming in the middle of those which will be good.
Oh! And today is Mikey Widner's b-day! Happy Day Mikey! :)
Last Thursday through Thursday I was at guards in exciting SoDak (as we SoDakian's like to call it). The first day was awful, I felt micro-managed and annoyed the entire day and then was told at the end of it that I just need to learn to let the stress roll off my back and learn to take orders (which they called 'suggestions'). I think I was just really tired after working 15 hours and then driving home 4 hours. But a hot bath and a rum and coke worked wonders! The rest of the time was okay. Our special edition of the paper turned out smashingly! (I'd show you but then I'd have to kill you).
Wednesday night I went to Lisa and Ryan's so I could give Emmy her birthday present(s). She was really cute that night and my nephew Zach entertained us all with statistics on the states. "Hey, Aunt Sara, did you know..." and then he'd start with whatever he had just read about the state of Alaska or Minnesota or South Dakota from his state coin booklet. That boy just sucks in information like there's no tomorrow. All while Emmy (im)patiently waits her turn to open her presents. Very cute.
So now today I'm working at the desk for a few hours and then heading to Mary's to watch Collateral with Nick and Mary. This and next weekend are pretty much my only weekends 'free' until Memorial Day weekend. But Jay's coming in the middle of those which will be good.
Oh! And today is Mikey Widner's b-day! Happy Day Mikey! :)
12 April 2005
Ice Cream!
Okay, so Karen rocks! She is so awesome! Karen was worried that I wouldn't get enough to eat for lunch today because the pasghetti I brought from home turned out to be a lot less than I thought it was, but nothing was really appealing in the caf so I just came to work and ate my noodles. BUT Karen just came by and brought me chips and ice cream! She's so great. She may deserve a raise. :P
11 April 2005
Weekend update with ... MOE!
Friday kicked butt! It was so awesome! Rumblings was just a hands down incredible show. The movement, the dancers, the soloists...wow! Tom Linker is an incredible composer too. It was great. I can't wait to go next year! Oh, and watching half naked men dance around in blue jeans was quite nice. :)
Saturday night was ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE! WOW! I love Britten's War Requiem anyway, but the tenor soloist really stole the show. James Taylor, not the pop singer, has this clear, smooth unlike-any-other tenor voice I've heard. He was so pure and un-nasal...it was beautiful! He could sing me to sleep anytime. In fact, as Beth and I used to say, I'd sleep with that voice. :) wow.
Sunday was good. Church went well and the C&S event went well too. But now today, I'm SO tired...I could have slept til noon...or at least 9 since sleeping til 7:30 is really sleeping in for me.
The rest of my week is really filling up...tomorrow night Mary and Mary Ann and i are going to the Guthrie for "As You Like It". I'm a little sad that Tom isn't here to go with me again. "AYLI" was my first-ever Guthrie show when Tom and I road tripped up to the cities my 2nd year of college. What a bonding time for us! He's so great!
Wednesday is choir again and Thursday I head home for a week of guards. Craziness. Oh well, today is Emmy's birthday so at least it's a good day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EMMY BEAR! :)
Saturday night was ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE! WOW! I love Britten's War Requiem anyway, but the tenor soloist really stole the show. James Taylor, not the pop singer, has this clear, smooth unlike-any-other tenor voice I've heard. He was so pure and un-nasal...it was beautiful! He could sing me to sleep anytime. In fact, as Beth and I used to say, I'd sleep with that voice. :) wow.
Sunday was good. Church went well and the C&S event went well too. But now today, I'm SO tired...I could have slept til noon...or at least 9 since sleeping til 7:30 is really sleeping in for me.
The rest of my week is really filling up...tomorrow night Mary and Mary Ann and i are going to the Guthrie for "As You Like It". I'm a little sad that Tom isn't here to go with me again. "AYLI" was my first-ever Guthrie show when Tom and I road tripped up to the cities my 2nd year of college. What a bonding time for us! He's so great!
Wednesday is choir again and Thursday I head home for a week of guards. Craziness. Oh well, today is Emmy's birthday so at least it's a good day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EMMY BEAR! :)
07 April 2005
not much to say
I feel like I should have a ton to say, but I don't. I'm 30 now and life hasn't really changed like I thought it would. Well, maybe it has a little. I feel like I should be more responsible now or something. Of course I ruined that right away by ordering and receiving a Wonder Woman cami/panty set. Very cool. Maybe I need to move on and away. I've thought about just packing up and moving somewhere completely new and starting my life over, but the lack of stability freaks me out to no end and gives me an ulcer just thinking about it. I'm such a wuss.
Last night Debbie and I gave Mark a new purse from bust.com. Of course we thought it was going to be much bigger than it actually turned out to be, but I think he said he's going to use it for his sticky notes he needs for his organ music. We stuffed it with a "Hungry Hippos" toy I had gotten in my kids meal from Wendy's yesterday. It looked pretty funny, bulging as it did. I think Mark was a bit scared though when we said we needed to set up a meeting with him. Then yesterday before choir he said, "Are we meeting now?" and I said, "It's not really a 'before-choir' topic." He looked kind of nervous. I felt a bit guilty for torturing him that way but it turned out okay. The things we do.
Friday and Saturday Mn Dance Theatre is doing a production of Rumblings. My friend Debbie is part of the quartet singing along. It's supposed to pretty cool. I'm going on Friday. It'll be great! :)
Saturday night I'm going to see Britten's War Requiem at the Ordway. I've been waiting months to go to this. Alas, I'm going alone but at this point, I don't care. It should be fabulous. I still have 3 tickets I need to cash in for SPCO performances. Eek! I need to get those ordered so I don't waste my money I already spent!
So life is still going...nothing exciting as you see. But hey, it's my life.
Last night Debbie and I gave Mark a new purse from bust.com. Of course we thought it was going to be much bigger than it actually turned out to be, but I think he said he's going to use it for his sticky notes he needs for his organ music. We stuffed it with a "Hungry Hippos" toy I had gotten in my kids meal from Wendy's yesterday. It looked pretty funny, bulging as it did. I think Mark was a bit scared though when we said we needed to set up a meeting with him. Then yesterday before choir he said, "Are we meeting now?" and I said, "It's not really a 'before-choir' topic." He looked kind of nervous. I felt a bit guilty for torturing him that way but it turned out okay. The things we do.
Friday and Saturday Mn Dance Theatre is doing a production of Rumblings. My friend Debbie is part of the quartet singing along. It's supposed to pretty cool. I'm going on Friday. It'll be great! :)
Saturday night I'm going to see Britten's War Requiem at the Ordway. I've been waiting months to go to this. Alas, I'm going alone but at this point, I don't care. It should be fabulous. I still have 3 tickets I need to cash in for SPCO performances. Eek! I need to get those ordered so I don't waste my money I already spent!
So life is still going...nothing exciting as you see. But hey, it's my life.
31 March 2005
And your name is...?
Do you ever see someone and say "Hi, so-and-so" and then wonder if you actually called them by their right name?
30 March 2005
Baptism
Today is a baptism...the rain is a rebirth into a new life, a new world. It's incredible. I love it! I just wish I were home sitting in my garage where I could watch the rain wash away all the dirt and dreariness of the winter. Ah... *sigh*
No word from Scott and I've succumbed to the fact I'll never hear from him again. Well, that's not entirely true since I'll see him at the C&S event April 10. But I'm sure he'll avoid me and I'm not going to go out of my way to seek him out. Mike said he wants to smack him up 'cross the head. I hope he does so! :) Oh and the 10th will be interesting since David is the student speaker I think. Joy. What a great day that'll be....
Mark got his Mini last week. It's so cute! He's worried about us parking next to each other in case they were to mate and then we'd have little Mini's running around. I need to find him a little one like Mary or Lisa got me - maybe a white one I could put gray spots on or vice versa. :) He was worried about leaving it outside in the rain today, so I declared today his baby's baptism day. I'll have to find him a candle or at least a rubber ducky to commemorate it. :)
No word from Scott and I've succumbed to the fact I'll never hear from him again. Well, that's not entirely true since I'll see him at the C&S event April 10. But I'm sure he'll avoid me and I'm not going to go out of my way to seek him out. Mike said he wants to smack him up 'cross the head. I hope he does so! :) Oh and the 10th will be interesting since David is the student speaker I think. Joy. What a great day that'll be....
Mark got his Mini last week. It's so cute! He's worried about us parking next to each other in case they were to mate and then we'd have little Mini's running around. I need to find him a little one like Mary or Lisa got me - maybe a white one I could put gray spots on or vice versa. :) He was worried about leaving it outside in the rain today, so I declared today his baby's baptism day. I'll have to find him a candle or at least a rubber ducky to commemorate it. :)
23 March 2005
Holy Holy Week, Batman!
Okay, so I know it's holy week and all, but really...no contact since last Thursday? Is that a good sign? I don't think so. I know he's busy but even just a quick note, "hey, I'm fine, surviving...things suck...talk to you soon" would be nice. But nothing. He did ask last week about dinner this Thursday, but Cantorei sings at Central. If it was the bigger choir I'd probably skip but it's the small choir and I really feel like I should be there. dang it. i'm trying to be patient but that's truly not my strongpoint.
21 March 2005
Tiny Pies, Aaron, and...
I made tiny pies again yesterday. My sister thought it was kind of a cute idea and this time they didn't fall apart as bad as they did the first time! YAY! I used my other muffin tin and a slightly bigger circle for the base...I made little slits so I could form it in the tin, which worked but I need to remember to press those sections together better...two of them leaked a bit. But one turned out perfectly! So I took that to Debbie after church. She had a solo which was really nice - a Jean Faure piece called "The Palms" - very fitting for yesterday. Anyway...she thought it was super cute and fun. YAY!
Aaron...ah, Aaron. In the words of Beth, "I'd sleep with that voice." Damn, that boy can sing. Aaron is playing Marcello in the Theatre Latte Da production of "La Boheme" playing through April 3 (the best day of the year!). But, again, Damn! He's so incredible and what a stage presence. wow!
okay...so Discardia isn't going as well as I would like. I do have some things at least up and in boxes, but not enough. Tomorrow night I HAVE to focus - it's essential! And to make matters worse, apparently we have mice in the house. A&A saw one Friday night in their kitchen and I've been hearing them in my bedroom walls the last two nights. Nothing like waking up at 3:30 in the morning to the pitter patter of tiny mice feet. ick.
Aaron...ah, Aaron. In the words of Beth, "I'd sleep with that voice." Damn, that boy can sing. Aaron is playing Marcello in the Theatre Latte Da production of "La Boheme" playing through April 3 (the best day of the year!). But, again, Damn! He's so incredible and what a stage presence. wow!
okay...so Discardia isn't going as well as I would like. I do have some things at least up and in boxes, but not enough. Tomorrow night I HAVE to focus - it's essential! And to make matters worse, apparently we have mice in the house. A&A saw one Friday night in their kitchen and I've been hearing them in my bedroom walls the last two nights. Nothing like waking up at 3:30 in the morning to the pitter patter of tiny mice feet. ick.
18 March 2005
Scary Update
Karen...those are the best goals I have ever seen! Excellent, Smithers! I'm excited to start working on them. I'll let you know how it goes.
For the record though, I got home last night and came up with a plan. I was looking around my house and realized that my cupboards and bookshelves were fairly organized but my floors were in shambles with papers, magazines, clothes, and just stuff laying everywhere. Discardia officially starts on Sunday, but I'm going to start today and put together some boxes and start sorting things - clothes for goodwill, stuff for guards all in one place so I'm not searching every month, files where they need to be filed...etc. I have a plan, it's written down and I'll be setting it in motion tonight. Wish me luck!
For the record though, I got home last night and came up with a plan. I was looking around my house and realized that my cupboards and bookshelves were fairly organized but my floors were in shambles with papers, magazines, clothes, and just stuff laying everywhere. Discardia officially starts on Sunday, but I'm going to start today and put together some boxes and start sorting things - clothes for goodwill, stuff for guards all in one place so I'm not searching every month, files where they need to be filed...etc. I have a plan, it's written down and I'll be setting it in motion tonight. Wish me luck!
We are on the road to hotness
There's my new motto. :) Of course I share the motto with Jay. He sent a new work out for us today...ugh. I did the three mile run which felt great, I will admit. I took it at an easy pace since it's literally been months since I have been in the gym. But man, it was great to be able to run again. The next step will be adding in the weights again...tomorrow. I'm switching the plan around a bit since I'll have to shovel tonight. UGH! SNOW! And tomorrow, hopefully the gym will be less busy.
I never used to have a problem working out with the guys, but of course, for a good portion of the time Jay was with me so I was more worried about him than the other guys and Jay made me concentrate on my form instead of what the jocks were thinking. Oh well...I'll get back there again.
Apparently people think I'm already losing weight so I shouldn't have to work out. Joan said that today, Brenda asked me what I was doing to lose since it looked like I had lost a lot recently and mom even said something similar when I was home for guards. I guess being stressed, having no appetite and hardly eating is finally paying off. :)
So like I said, there's the motto for Jay and I: We are on the road to hotness. I'm going to post that wherever I can to remind me that he comes back for graduation in 6 weeks, Anthony's wedding is in 4 and Mr. Olympia is coming in October and boy do I want to be ripped for that one - not to compete but to be there as someone who people look at and say, "damn, now why isn't she entered?" :) That may not quite happen but it's a nice goal. baby steps...
I never used to have a problem working out with the guys, but of course, for a good portion of the time Jay was with me so I was more worried about him than the other guys and Jay made me concentrate on my form instead of what the jocks were thinking. Oh well...I'll get back there again.
Apparently people think I'm already losing weight so I shouldn't have to work out. Joan said that today, Brenda asked me what I was doing to lose since it looked like I had lost a lot recently and mom even said something similar when I was home for guards. I guess being stressed, having no appetite and hardly eating is finally paying off. :)
So like I said, there's the motto for Jay and I: We are on the road to hotness. I'm going to post that wherever I can to remind me that he comes back for graduation in 6 weeks, Anthony's wedding is in 4 and Mr. Olympia is coming in October and boy do I want to be ripped for that one - not to compete but to be there as someone who people look at and say, "damn, now why isn't she entered?" :) That may not quite happen but it's a nice goal. baby steps...
Scary
Okay...someone named Anonymous asked me how Wednesday night went. I'm not sure who Anonymous is and since not many know I have this site I'm a little scared. Oh well...
I did try to write all this yesterday but it didn't take for some reason and I got annoyed and didn't feel like retyping it all. Wednesday went okay. It wasn't as good as I wanted it to be. The chanting sucked...I was off on the first section and ended about a step higher than I should have. But after that Debbie said I settled into it quite nicely. The solo wasn't very good...I wasn't expecting the accompanist to play the organ...it's hard to hear on organ but it worked I guess. Carolyn and I hadn't had a chance to practice together so we were truly winging it. Whatever it's done.
It was just an off night in general...no one really was - well there was a weird disconnect in both choirs and having to sing between the two rehearsals didn't help me at all. No one was on pitch, nothing seemed to be flowing together smoothly...it was like we were fighting with ourselves the whole way. We got to one point where I'm supposed to sing the middle part with a trio and by that time I was so frustrated and depressed I felt like I couldn't hear a thing and I was singing completely off, which made me even more frustrated. Later we practiced together and I still felt off...I just felt naked and exposed and people were laughing at me...even though they weren't.
Debbie, dear sweet Debbie, came up to me after teh rehearsal and said..."You need to not let them control the trio. You're not getting the notes wrong, you just think you are. You're better than you think. Have the confidence and sing out!" That was a little much suddenly and I started to cry...which made Debbie feel guilty and then I felt guilty for making her feel guilty...
I just seem to have no confidence in myself lately and it's frustrating. Last night, Mary and I were walking through Ikea and we were talking about Jay for some reason and she said, "No, he wouldn't date you because you have no goals." damn...talk about a slam. It took me a bit to realize that she wasn't even talking about the first time Jay and I met when he wasn't quite dating Heather yet, but then was 'because she asked me out first." No, he said this to her not all that long ago...I have no goals, I have no purpose for my life and I'm just wandering through apparently.
Now granted that's true...and that's really scary. Because I don't know how to fix it. I am in awe of people who have found their passion in life. I have no idea what mine is. ugh.
I did try to write all this yesterday but it didn't take for some reason and I got annoyed and didn't feel like retyping it all. Wednesday went okay. It wasn't as good as I wanted it to be. The chanting sucked...I was off on the first section and ended about a step higher than I should have. But after that Debbie said I settled into it quite nicely. The solo wasn't very good...I wasn't expecting the accompanist to play the organ...it's hard to hear on organ but it worked I guess. Carolyn and I hadn't had a chance to practice together so we were truly winging it. Whatever it's done.
It was just an off night in general...no one really was - well there was a weird disconnect in both choirs and having to sing between the two rehearsals didn't help me at all. No one was on pitch, nothing seemed to be flowing together smoothly...it was like we were fighting with ourselves the whole way. We got to one point where I'm supposed to sing the middle part with a trio and by that time I was so frustrated and depressed I felt like I couldn't hear a thing and I was singing completely off, which made me even more frustrated. Later we practiced together and I still felt off...I just felt naked and exposed and people were laughing at me...even though they weren't.
Debbie, dear sweet Debbie, came up to me after teh rehearsal and said..."You need to not let them control the trio. You're not getting the notes wrong, you just think you are. You're better than you think. Have the confidence and sing out!" That was a little much suddenly and I started to cry...which made Debbie feel guilty and then I felt guilty for making her feel guilty...
I just seem to have no confidence in myself lately and it's frustrating. Last night, Mary and I were walking through Ikea and we were talking about Jay for some reason and she said, "No, he wouldn't date you because you have no goals." damn...talk about a slam. It took me a bit to realize that she wasn't even talking about the first time Jay and I met when he wasn't quite dating Heather yet, but then was 'because she asked me out first." No, he said this to her not all that long ago...I have no goals, I have no purpose for my life and I'm just wandering through apparently.
Now granted that's true...and that's really scary. Because I don't know how to fix it. I am in awe of people who have found their passion in life. I have no idea what mine is. ugh.
16 March 2005
Ella-wannabe
Tonight I have to sing for Central's last Lenten service of the church year. Sunday is Palm Sunday so tonight's the final round before Holy Week. It's a little nervewracking. Don't get me wrong, I've had solos before...in fact the last one with Central was in January and, not to toot my own horn, but I did pretty well. Of course being encouraged by Mark helps a lot. It's so fun to sing for him! It's nice to be appreciated ("Oh, it's so sad. He's not even appreciated in his own time. I'd give anything to not be appreciated in my own time!"). But tonight requires chanting...not my forte but I guess I'll make it through...and then the solo during offering. A little scary. I guess we'll have to see how it goes!
15 March 2005
Biased? ha!
My friend Russ is a writer. Well, let me clarify (clarity minus 3!). He's not a writer in the sense of Stephen King or Ernest Hemingway, more like Jim Garamore. Russ writes for his local newspaper. He and I met at DINFOS when we were attending the Basic Journalist Course for our respective services. I beat him out by 3 months for the title of section 3 leader which teamed me up with JO2 Joel Ceaser (at the time...I think he got promoted since then). Anyway, I've been bugging Russ to send me some of his stuff to read. So today, after accusing me of being biased - wait let me get this right... "Thanks so much for the compliments on my writing. God knows your biased, but it made my day nonetheless." So there you go. I made someone's day. Russ IS a good writer though, if you like reading news stories. Here are some of his.
This whole blog thing reminds me of something Joel once said to me when I asked how to improve my writing. He said, "WRITE!" Of course, he meant a novel or something stellar like that, but I think this works just fine for now. Of course Jay would still find me a sad, pathetic case since I'm blogging instead of talking to him, but I think there are times when a girl just needs to write/type things down. This has become a neat kind of journal for me and since I'm on the computer everyday anyway, this works well. yay!
This whole blog thing reminds me of something Joel once said to me when I asked how to improve my writing. He said, "WRITE!" Of course, he meant a novel or something stellar like that, but I think this works just fine for now. Of course Jay would still find me a sad, pathetic case since I'm blogging instead of talking to him, but I think there are times when a girl just needs to write/type things down. This has become a neat kind of journal for me and since I'm on the computer everyday anyway, this works well. yay!
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