The fuel and the curse

For beginning runners, those who have set a goal and are striving to meet it for the first time, numbers can mean everything. (Well, pain means a lot, too, but that's another writing all together.) Numbers represent setting and meeting the goals - the first time you run 1 mile, the first time you run 10 minutes without stopping, the first time you run a 5K. Even that first time you say, “I don't want to run far today, maybe just 6 miles.” That's one of those amazing goals. Not to mention the training that goes in: running 10 hours in a week or 20 miles, doing 60 crunches, completing 40 pushups, staying in your target heart rate zone, etc.

It all comes down to numbers. And these numbers can keep a person motivated. I first ran the 5K and completed it in 34:56 with an 11:15 pace. Then I ran a 10K in 72:47 with an 11:43 pace - my pace numbers dropped but I was also going farther. The numbers reflect that. So I would try to push my time and I would run the 5K for fun and drop my time down. Monday I ran it in 33:02. That's dropping almost 2 minutes off my time and that's after not running for 3 days.

2 minutes doesn't seem like a lot, but in running, even the seconds count and every second does count.
All these numbers can keep the fuel alive, keep pushing a new runner to do better, to keep going, to try to one-up themselves.

That is until the curse of the numbers falls upon them.

The curse is when a race is approaching and suddenly there aren't enough days to prepare, or the days are just stretching so long that you just wish they'd speed up so the whole thing would be over. You find yourself counting down - 15 days to go, 10 days to go, 3 days to go - and you just want it to be over. The joy has been lost because it's just been looming over you for so long and it just.needs.to.be.done.

And then the curse of time comes back to haunt you. You are a beginning runner. You've never run a marathon before. You're 5'5" with short, stubby legs that just don't have a great stride so it takes longer to get where you want to go. And you want to get to the end of those 26.2 miles, but you only have 6 hours to do it, preferably 5:15. Can you do it? Or will the curse of indifference come to haunt you?

I'm in between these stages right now - I really want the marathon to be over but I still wish I had a few more days to improve my time, not that it would with just a few more days - I need months. So I'm just focusing on the experience. I will complete the marathon. I will complete it in under 6 hours, barring injury or whatever. I have a goal to beat a time of someone I work with who finished a downhill marathon in 6:21:05. And I will finish. And I will finish under 6 hours. Those are three redundant statements but very important to repeat. Despite numbers, despite elements, despite being short and stubby, I will finish.

And the curse will be broken.