Revelations

This week has been a very good week for me. It's been interesting – first working the 5 day week (it's Thursday when I'm typing this and I really feel like it's Friday and I should be done now). But the 5 day week isn't bad. We started at 7 and generally I worked until 5 or 5:30 each day, without stress, without anxiety, without feeling like I was working to beat the clock – and this is one of those weeks where I actually am, because if I don't finish this stuff this week I won't get it done, and for some reason that doesn't bother me. Maybe because I know I can get it done and I have complete confidence in that.

But the big thing I've realized is that it really is okay to leave things at the office. Sure I've thought briefly about things I have to do the next day but really those thoughts have been few and far between. Friends will know that if I was back at the 'normal' job this was not the case. During the day I'd be always on the go, trying to get the next thing done, always stressed and trying to stay on top of every last thing. And then at night, oh heavens, at night I'd dwell and agonize over what I had to do the next day, contemplating going in early or working through my lunch/run or working late.

But this week has been kind of a breath of fresh air. While I've worked 'late' every night, I haven't felt like I was working late. I just kept going and getting things done. I quit when I was ready to quit but didn't feel like I had to stay or that I needed to stay. And at night I have just let it all go. I have read books, watched movies, hung out at Dunn Bros (for the WiFi – which I should be doing tonight instead of writing this while I'm sitting on my bed and publishing it later), and just relaxed. It has been a complete change of pace for me.

I kind of like it.

In August's O magazine there's this quote: “There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever.” - Mahatma Gandhi. And this one: “Finish every day and be done with it....You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it...serenely, and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

These are two quotes I'm going to take with me and read them each day. Gandhi's is important all day long – especially as I worry about the stupidest little things that seem to come up. And Emerson's will be the last words I read as I leave work. I'm going to put it on my Outlook calendar to open up at me for the last 15 minutes of the day. I need to keep these in mind.
This week has been a relief. I have felt more normal than I have in a long time (even though I've been sick all week – damn summer colds). This is a feeling I want to keep.