"Gosh!"

To quote Napoleon.

So here I am, trying to be the good blogger and putting up post after post about my trip and all I get back is, “what about the half marathon?” Hello! Sometimes my friends are so harsh.

Just kidding. I appreciate everyone's interest and concern. Truth is, I suck. KG after I saw you, I came down with this awful cold that knocked me out. I slept for hours and was drugging up with Nyquil, Dayquil, cough meds, aspirin – all to no avail.

So Friday I finally gave in that I probably wouldn't make the 13 miles since I hadn't ran much the last two weeks, and though maybe I could do the 5K instead. But Saturday when I woke up, I felt worse than I had the day before – my cough was worse and my head was full of snot. Not a pleasant way to run, so I went back to bed and slept for a few more hours, waking up feeling better, but still in no shape to run.

So the long and the short: I suck. Sorry folks.

a few things

To answer an earlier question from tonight - yes this is all I do. :)

So I really like this post. I found it through my favorite superhero's site. I forget sometimes that I am often the only one who reads this or really cares, and that's okay. I'm not writing for the masses. I am writing for me. This is important to me and that's what matters.

And I'm a new superhero. I not only have Earth, but also Seaglass. I'm so cool.

And a few more

The middle of nowhere – almost literally. I took this gravel road on a whim as I was out driving around. I had started going down the scenic byway of Spearfish Canyon, missed every turn I wanted to take until I saw this one to Deerfield Lake. Since I didn't get to hike it the first time I thought, "Why not?" So I turned down and ended up really in the middle of nowhere for a very long time until I made it to the lake. This was a nice quiet area where I refilled my water bottle and took a couple pics. After driving on this road, my car was covered with dust and when I shut the boot on my Mini, dirt literally fell off the car. Awesome.

And most important: My new running shoes (on the right)! I'm almost to 400 miles on my current shoes (on the left) and I need to get the new ones broke in for the marathon – woohoo! I love the Runner's Shop! The owners are friends of my college roommate's parents. (How's that for a Kevin Bacon moment) The cool thing is they keep the shoes you buy in the computer and can pull them up. The ones on my left were my first pair of Brooks which I turned out to love, so I wanted another one. The bad thing is that as Brooks updates their collection they change colors, apparently with more feminine options - so this time they're purple - well lavender really but still. ICK! Oh well, I can be feminine, I guess.

Picture Time!

So I know you've all been anxiously awaiting these...here are some pics from my trip:

Me and Karen sitting in the Big Chair by the Rushmore Borglum Museum in Keystone (which always confuses me since the guy's name was Gutzon so shouldn't it be the Gutzon Borglum's Rushmore Museum? Or maybe it's the Lincoln Borglum museum, but same premise. Oh and just a note of fun, my friend Shawn looks JUST like Gutzon. It's freaky. When I find that pic, I'll post that, too.)

Deerfield Lake – very pretty. I went for a short hike here one of my last days there, and subsequently was rained on.

A butterfly on flowers at Deerfield Lake. I love my camera. *sigh*

Roughlock Falls – which looks big but was small compared to the next.

Spearfish Falls – which looks small but was huge compared to the previous. Serious spray coming off of this one. Very beautiful.

Like you didn't know this already...

I'm weird. Yep, I know it and fully admit it. And it's true.

Recently, I tried ear candling. This was pretty cool, I will admit. I was a little nervous but I had heard good things about it from a couple people at work. And since I've been sick the last week (the second time in a month) I thought maybe a good ear cleaning would be good.

I'd go into all the sick details of how I did this, but I'd rather you just read about it here, here, here, or here. They can explain it better than I can. There are disputing arguments on this – some people say it's great, others say it doesn't really work. But I tell you, the wax I saw had to have been wax out of my ears and my head feels more open and clearer than it has in weeks. So I'm a new believer.

Revelations

This week has been a very good week for me. It's been interesting – first working the 5 day week (it's Thursday when I'm typing this and I really feel like it's Friday and I should be done now). But the 5 day week isn't bad. We started at 7 and generally I worked until 5 or 5:30 each day, without stress, without anxiety, without feeling like I was working to beat the clock – and this is one of those weeks where I actually am, because if I don't finish this stuff this week I won't get it done, and for some reason that doesn't bother me. Maybe because I know I can get it done and I have complete confidence in that.

But the big thing I've realized is that it really is okay to leave things at the office. Sure I've thought briefly about things I have to do the next day but really those thoughts have been few and far between. Friends will know that if I was back at the 'normal' job this was not the case. During the day I'd be always on the go, trying to get the next thing done, always stressed and trying to stay on top of every last thing. And then at night, oh heavens, at night I'd dwell and agonize over what I had to do the next day, contemplating going in early or working through my lunch/run or working late.

But this week has been kind of a breath of fresh air. While I've worked 'late' every night, I haven't felt like I was working late. I just kept going and getting things done. I quit when I was ready to quit but didn't feel like I had to stay or that I needed to stay. And at night I have just let it all go. I have read books, watched movies, hung out at Dunn Bros (for the WiFi – which I should be doing tonight instead of writing this while I'm sitting on my bed and publishing it later), and just relaxed. It has been a complete change of pace for me.

I kind of like it.

In August's O magazine there's this quote: “There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever.” - Mahatma Gandhi. And this one: “Finish every day and be done with it....You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it...serenely, and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

These are two quotes I'm going to take with me and read them each day. Gandhi's is important all day long – especially as I worry about the stupidest little things that seem to come up. And Emerson's will be the last words I read as I leave work. I'm going to put it on my Outlook calendar to open up at me for the last 15 minutes of the day. I need to keep these in mind.
This week has been a relief. I have felt more normal than I have in a long time (even though I've been sick all week – damn summer colds). This is a feeling I want to keep.

I don't have a title for this post

I'll start this with a minor apology – I wasn't here last night to write to y'all and I still haven't downloaded my awesome pics with My November Guest. Sorry.

But the last two days have been very productive. It's interesting being back on the 5-day work week. I haven't done this in months. We still start at 7 and we're supposed to be done at 4, but of course, I, being the workaholic I am, work til 5:30 as usual. I'm so stupid. BUT my colleague and I are getting a ton done and have a very good possibility of finishing everything this week (which was my goal from the beginning). At least we'll finish all that we can finish this week – the main project. Some items have to wait until Don comes back and that's not until Monday.

So our projects are cool – one is a slideshow my colleague is working on; the other is a pseudo yearbook. Both projects are filled with the pics we took last week of the Youth Camp. Her project includes music, of course, and mine is just my own natural flair. I did have to take a good lunch break today and downshift from the 'professional image' thinking I had in mind and go towards the 'cheesy' mindset instead. Not that having pics of kids on the cover is cheesy, but when I had a this cleancut, awesome cover and now I have to fade it out and add pics of kids being kids, it hurts my professional side just a wee bit. But I will say that watching “Everyone Loves Raymond” during lunch does help to ease the transition.

I haven't done much touring of the area (my original intent). Our later work nights aren't that big a deal, and I can even deal with the fact I have a cold - again, but the heat is killing me. It was 77 this morning at 7am when I was going to work and 108 when I got off work at 5:30. When I went to Target 90 minutes later it was still 104. Ugh. And what's bad is there are places I want to go. Sunday I went to a cool lake MNG had suggested but didn't hike because it was hot as blazes and I didn't have adequate supplies for the 10 miles around it (even though I really wanted to). Maybe tomorrow night. Of course, if my projects go well, I'll be back here next year so I can catch what I missed this year then, right?

Of course, as I type that, I'm reminded of a co-worker who died over the weekend in a motorcycle crash. Life is too short. Which also makes me wish I could just not have to work and could travel to be with my friends. JG I miss you! K and E – I can't wait to see you in August! MT – I'd love to visit you in London! JB I'll see you in August too! And there's still the inevitable marathon in my future.

Suddenly, I'm tired.

Quickly

So this will be quick because I'm sitting at Dunn Bros and have been for about 2 hours now, sipping my Chai and nibbling my scone (both aren't faves but needed so I can access here via WiFi), and I think the staff may start asking me to leave if I don't finish up. Plus I need to recharge the 'puter.

Last week I was at a camp working with kids who's parents are all part of the National Guard (Army and Air). It was a pretty cool week, as I look back on it. The program is awesome, bringing kids together who are all in the same boat yet hundreds of miles apart. It helps them to connect with each other and realize they aren't alone, all while learning a few military tidbits, spending some time canoing and playing games and checking out the great attractions of the state.

My job was to take pictures of it all. Admittedly I'm really worried about this. Granted I have my new camera! which is super awesome and worked great, but I'm a little worried about the operator. I'm not sure I got what I intended or needed. I guess we'll see. I had another photographer with me and hopefully she got some good stuff too and we can put out a stellar product for the kids this week and i'll be asked back next year.

And lucky me, it wasn't just for the kids. I was able to connect with some great people I work with as well as others from the other side. Shawn, Rebecca, Rachel, BJ, Shannon, Alex, Kevin, Kevin, Sarah, Sarah, Dale – and many more – were all awesome and I'm so glad I was able to hang out with them and get to know them while we worked at this cool event.

AND lucky me, I got to see My November Guest yesterday. She's the best. I forgot to download the pics from my camera so you'll have to wait another day for those, but it was great to see her again.

One more week to go...putting together the stellar yearbook from the event and prepping for a Half Marathon coming up Saturday. To be honest, I'm really nervous about the latter (well, both actually, but I know I can handle one). I haven't run a Half yet, and I didn't get time to run last week, so this week will be brutal as I prepare. Good news, it's on a downward slope so hopefully the 13 miles won't be too bad. :)

What the hell am I doing?

Like I said here, I knew this week was going to be rough. And it has been – maybe not as bad as it could have been (like today when I was falling apart and my friend asked if someone had died and I said no, they said – well it can't be that bad then) – but in the scheme of things it hasn't been the best.

Monday was great, Tuesday was rough, Wednesday I work up at 2:30am and couldn't get to sleep again until after 4. Of course then when the alarm went off at 5:45 I was extremely exhausted but had to get ready for work.

Wednesday was an okay day, but not great. I started off by apologizing to one of my bosses for my crappy behavior on Tuesday, then I just tried to function. It was crazy busy and I can't even remember how things went at work. That night my niece had a great T-ball game, but unfortunately my nephew did not have a very good baseball game. I won't even mention the score here – it was just heartbreaking.

Thursday I woke up late and my contact broke, so I was back in glasses. It's amazing how quickly one can get used to not having to wear something on your face all day long. The highlight was getting my camera that I had ordered Wednesday. YAY Circuit City!

Friday I was still in glasses and trying desperately to get things completed. I worked late, had some issues with my contact that made me want to cry (but they sorted out) and did a lot of laundry.

Today was absolutely hectic. It's one of those days that makes me feel like a technician. I'll have to explain that sometime. It's a little more detailed tan I want to do here. Anyway...at the end of the day everything had just culminated and I finally fell apart. That was good since it was cleansing, but so very bad for the location that it happened. You know...I can't go into it again. Let's just say it was bad...very bad.

Okay, so anyway...I'm heading off for a fabulous week. I need this so called “vacation” according to my friend. And even though I was just gone last week, I think he's right. It's not really a vacation – I'm actually going to work, but it'll be fun work. I'm spending a week taking pictures and another week creating a yearbook of the pictures. I can't wait, honestly. It'll be grand fun.

And God willing I'll get to see My November Guest! :)

Retail Therapy

My friend Debbie is awesome at retail therapy. Often hers takes place at the Galleria and specifically Tiffany's (the little blue boxes just chase the blues away!). I can't quite afford that location though and I've never been a fan of retail therapy.

I think, unfortunately for me, that I have taken retail therapy upon myself lately. A few months back I bought this fabulous computer I'm typing upon; I've purchased my Guthrie season tickets for next year (not that I've received them yet – note to self: call them and see!); I bought Jonathan Adler sheets; I went back to contact lenses and broke one Thursday so essentially I bought 1 and ½ pairs in the space of 3 weeks; and, yes, Karen, I bought that camera.

Now, to be fair, I bought the camera to help me with my work trip I have. I need a good camera I can succeed with, and my point and click doesn't work.

So I now have a Nikon D40. And it's so pretty! I love it, especially that it feels like a camera, that the pictures turn out awesome, and that I feel like a photographer. I'm really excited about it.

The bad thing about all this is, I'm running out of money. Not a good thing. Retail therapy is great in that it helps you feel good after the crappiest week ever (save bits and pieces and one day), but the credit card bill that follows just causes undue (or overdue, depending on when you pay it off) stress.

Avoiding the expensive stuff; or what I didn't know didn't hurt me

For whatever reason - here's a High School meme – graciously stolen from Greens 'n Cornbread

1. Who was my best friend? I used to think it was Else, or Mark, but looking back I don't know that I had a best friend at all. I had a lot of acquaintances and associates, but best friends? Nah.

2. What sports did you play. Volleyball was my best sport, but I also rode the bench in Basketball. I kept stats for boys basketball and track though.

3. What kind of car did you drive? I had a light blue '87 Ford Tempo.

4. It's Friday night, where were you? Usually at one of the games – football or basketball. During track season I was at home studying. I was a geek.

5. Were you a party animal? oh, hell no. I was not a popular girl. In fact, those girls would stand in front of me and invite girls 2 years younger than me to parties.

6. Were you considered a flirt? oh, hell no. (see above). Not until college did I get my flirt groove on.

7. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? We didn't have the orchestra option, but I was in band and choir (and theatre if you want to go for the full nerd gamut)

8. Were you a nerd? Yep. And was voted Brown-noser of the year my senior year (only because I had to sit in the front row during government class – keep in mind the front row was still 3 rows from the actual front row)

9. Did you get suspended/expelled? oh, hell no. (see #s 5, 7 and 8).

10. Can you sing the fight song? Bits and pieces of it, but now that I think about it, I'm not sure I'm even humming the right tune.

11. Who was your favorite teacher? Probably Mr. Gunderson – he was always fair and kept classes interesting. Second would be Mr. Sittig even though I hated him in basketball...he was a great math teacher. In fact he taught me a trick that helped me make it through college while working full-time and carrying tons of credits. (If you want to know the trick, let me know)

12. School Mascot? Bulldog

13. Did you go to prom? Small town so I went to three. One wasn't mine – I was the blind date for my friend's boyfriend's friend at their prom. My school proms (juniors and seniors prommed together, so to speak) I went solo and hated both.

14. If you could go back and do it over, would you? oh hell, no. High school was not a happy time. I had few friends, studied a lot, had really no social life, and felt pretty out of my element for a majority of the time.

15. What do you remember most about graduation? Walking down the aisle with Matt; laughing during the supposed 'tearful' song the senior girls sang; feeling very glad to be done; hating that we had to wear purple – damn girls; and the slide show where we put our baby pics and then our senior pics and I had submitted one where I'm pulling my dress slightly up (I was 6 mths old) and Arnie turned to me and said, “Why don't you do that anymore?”

16. Where were you on senior skip day? We didn't have an official senior skip day – in fact I believe we were told that if we did skip we'd be suspended and not allowed to walk at graduation. We did have time to go to the park to take senior pics together for the slide show.

17. Did you have a job your senior year? Not during the school year – my dad was adamant that I spend my time learning and participating during the school year. But during the summer I worked a ton.

18. Where did you go most often for lunch? I didn't really eat lunch and if I did I usually brought it from home and ate it in the hallway while reading a book. (See #5 and 8)

19. Have you gained weight since then? oh, hell yes, but so has most of the rest of my class.

20. What did you do after graduation? I worked at Arby's 40-50 hours a week. I was on their beck and call list. Then I went to college where I met a very good friend the first day and we've actually stayed in contact. Crazy.

21. When did you graduate? 1993.

22. Who was your prom date? Why is this question down here? I went with Scott my sophomore year – the blind date. No dates junior or senior – I was 'too cool' to be dragged there by a guy.

23. Are you going/did you go to your 10 year reunion? We didn't have one. That's how 'together' my class is/was.

24. Who was your home room teacher? We didn't have homeroom; but our advisor was Mr. Gunderson and someone else I don't remember.

25. Who will repost this after you? Whoever really feels like they need to relive the past. Me? I'm just scared to touch my new camera and break it the first day so I thought I'd do this instead.

YAY for Internet shopping

This is on its way to me via Circuit City. *sigh* Look how pretty!

It's 3am...do you know where your pillow is?

Just wanted to say good morning since it's 3am and I'm the only one up anywhere!

*maniacal laughter*

Someday I'll learn how to shut my mind off and sleep a full 8 hours! woohoo!

Sometimes you just know

Today has been a rough day. Not completely; granted I had some really good moments. But overall, looking back, this was a rough day. It's weird actually...I'm feeling a bit like Felicia in Witches of Eastwick when she says to her husband, “Something is inside me, Clyde. Something is crawling inside me. I can feel it. Something evil.” Not that I'm going to throw up cherries or anything but still...I just feel bitter or something...

It's one of those things. As June came to an end, I looked ahead to July (as most people do) and I knew, just glancing at my schedule, that July was going to be both an icky and a great month. It would be rough. I knew that...I knew it as June ended, and I should have done something about it. I should have prepared better, I should have been eating better to prepare, I should have ran more, I should have gotten laid or something just to make June end well as a sure-to-be rough month loomed ahead.

But did I? No, of course not! That would be too logical. Instead I ended June trying to get over an illness, feeling lathargic and crappy from it, and stressed and tensed out for the upcoming week-long family reunion/one week of work/two weeks of deployment. Things were coming at me faster than I could say 'boo' and I just wanted to curl up and hide from it all.

Last week was actually great to see the family again. And despite a few extremely tense moments, I had a great time. We met up in the Wisconsin Dells and went to a water park, a train museum, rode the duck boats, swam and drank a lot. It was great. I spent the weekend recouping by holing up in my apartment with Harry Potter and my computer (yes, I know I didn't blog – sorry).

Today was my first day back to work in 10 days. And as expected, it was tense. I have a lot to get done in four days and on top of that there's this form that has to be filled out for someone's promotion and it's fallen on me to do it. There's a whole story surrounding this and I won't go into it but it's really frustrating to me that I have to do this because others didn't. Another person who was up for a similar promotion had all the paperwork filled out before he even met the promotion board, but the owner of the one that I have to fill out doesn't even seem concerned about it. But it has to be done this week and I'm just annoyed.

Then I went to buy a new camera for the two week trip starting Sunday and Best Buy is out and now I live in a town where there is only ONE Best Buy. How is that possible? Oh yeah, I live in the sticks.

So I'm a little sad and frustrated right now. Sorry.

I am thankful for the little, vital things that keep me going – a great email from a friend I miss a lot, a movie that same friend's husband likes because it reminds him of college, the All-Star game and salsa from Harry & David. Hopefully I'll pull out of my funk. Sorry folks.