09 March 2005

Blown it

Well I guess, I'm not all that I thought I was cracked up to be. Well I'm cracked but that's a whole other story. So I had my date last night with the pastor man. It was great! He's really funny and cute and we talked and talked getting to know one another better. We were having a great time, I thought. But I think I may have scared him away...I was a little too much me and I haven't heard from him all day. Mary kept warning me, "Be yourself, but not too much." but I think I failed in that quest. Questions he asked led to me rambling and babbling like an idiot and then of course, twice, he brought up my future and I just don't know what my future holds. When I stumbled because I was starting to choke up - it happened right as I said, "I'm try to have enough faith to lean on..." and that was when I choked and stuttered. I couldn't get out God which is what I wanted to say, and I stuttered and sounded like an idiot as I took a deep breath and said, "Anyway..." That was close to the end of the night and I think that threw a wrench in it all. But the night ended with us laughing at a joke about a choir group whose leader we both know and then a sideways one-armed hug, which I really don't know what that meant. But he said, So I'll talk to you soon? I wasn't sure if he was questioning me or himself. I said Yeah, that'd be great and we parted ways.
So now we're on the next day...I emailed him around noon to say thanks for the night and say I hope we can get together again soon...or something like that. But alas, nothing from him. I know it's a Wednesday and it's Lent and all but still. :( I'm sad.

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