I'm cleaning up my notebooks this afternoon, trying tof make sure I have all my taskers completed for today, and I found a note I wrote a few months back. Well, I think it was a few months back, there's no date listed.
I do this a lot - write random things to myself or others and then never do anything with them. I find them later and try to figure out what I was thinking or doing at the time. This one is interesting. I know the week, at least I think I do - it's one of two, but my fear that is evident is crazy. I don't know why I worried so, the days in question went off fine. I was nervous the entire time, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. I'm still learning the position that this is discussing, but it's fine. It's just funny how I work myself up over things sometimes.
Anyway, this is the note:
It's days like today, or weeks like this one, where I question my existence & job choice. I'm so much of a CO [not sure what I meant with that] & yet my job is not of that sort.
I feel stupid this week - I know shit about my job for this weekend & I wonder why * was selected for this tasking - other than there was a hole & I was avalable. I'm expendable. But this weekend I'm in a key role - I think - but I know nothing of what I'm to be doing. I am literally scared for this weekend.