Last night was a great night. choir went okay – cantorei I got to sit by Steve which is always fun, but I had to sing 1st alone which was difficult. I haven’t been in very good voice lately. I’m not sure why. Senior choir went okay. Nothing too exciting, just doing my thing. Afterward Debbie and I went to Major’s for a drink to catch up. It’s always good to hang out with her. she’s a good egg. I met up with another friend and his friend at Brit’s following that – Debbie had to go home – which was fun too, but I’m just out way too late lately. The three of us closed the place down, uffda. And of course I awaken at 6 like normal and work all day and now have to drive home for guard weekend. I’m insane.
I keep thinking back to this dream I had last week. Initially I didn’t think too much of it. But the more I thought about it (thanks to the prompting of tre) the more I came to understand it and really relish it. It was pretty crazy – giant spiders and bugs, mom telling me to get it under control, me freaking out about the fumigation, trying to get my kitty out, and then what about my furniture – if I cover it with a sheet so the fumigation stuff doesn’t get all over it, would the giant bugs hide under the sheets and survive?
It was interesting because it seemed to pull together a lot of themes in my life…Tre helped me sort them out:
Spiders==icky creepy crawly dirty; noted the very large size; feelings of helplessness get the impression of a problem that got out of control
Mom yelling==shamed, horrible pathetic for crying about it the situation needs to be taken care of, possibly shamed that it got so out of control
Fumigation==getting rid of undesirables resolving situation
Kitty==source of comfort; good things; don't want it to be mistaken as an undesirable be sure not to lose the comfort, security, the 'good things' in the clean-out process
Tre said: So anyway, my impression is that it has something to do with cleaning things out--could be as basic as your house; but deeper meaning is implied, especially with the cat and it would be a cool dream to do an interview on because you could probably get a lot from it--it seems like a positive and encouraging one. Could apply to your 'self' and changes you are and/or have been working on--i.e. getting rid of the things that you don't like about your self/life situation, while working to maintain and keep safe those things that you determine to be important...The dream itself just made me think back to the past 2-3 months that you've been consciously working to make changes and especially the conversations in which you are trying to get back to your 'self' and who you are and so many things had gotten into your life that were not healthy and not part of who you want to be...and the extra description you sent in this mail has so much more...white is generally a 'pure' color and the fact that it was your 'living' space--and if we take it back to what you've kind of been working on--purifying your self (to the true you) and your living space and the way your 'mom' was involved is also significant, I’m sure...but i really, really think it's like a progress update or something--or possibly a minder--like the kitty and...totally cool...
This was incredible to read after I had told Theresa about the dream. I forget that dreams do have meanings and they are important to consider. Sometimes they can be just dreams, but sometimes they can mean so much more. It’s amazing. And the fact that I really have been working to rid the ‘evils’ of my life and surround myself with ‘good’ is so on the money. I think I still am worried about a few more lurking ‘evils’ and how I can rid myself of them. I think the worry about covering the couch with a sheet and the bugs hiding under and still living is really a viable worry. There are things that, it’s not that I’m not taking care of them, but instead I’m covering them up with excuses and other issues and avoiding them – keeping those evils alive. I was worried about fumigating them as I know that there will be damage. I think some of this has to do with many things (probably why there were so many bugs): my house is one big one, my job is another, my weight (still losing…after all these years), and relationships that go with some of these others.
Life is in constant flux. There are always changes going on, but it makes a real difference in your life when you make a conscious effort to make changes – changing your living arrangements, your weight, your job, your attitude – and all these changes can be really scary, but exciting at the same time. The fear of the unknown can be a driving force for the changes or it can keep you stuck firmly where you are. The question becomes, where do you want to find yourself?
1 comment:
wow...so much going on. you're doing very hard work emotionally, which is a good thing, and your mind is making sense of it through dreams, which in turn leads to more insight for you.
the thing i've had to come to terms with is some of those things, like weight for instance, are never really done. that's a constant process, with different needs and goals at different times. for me, the concept of fumigation is really pointed, not working through an issue but really trying to exorcise something. getting rid of it altogether, or at least the residue that it leaves on the stuff you really like.
good for you for being out late too much. i miss that, but i'm so exhausted these days that i'm asleep before ten. when did i get old?
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