friendship

t was talking about friendships today...and it makes me feel a little bit like an intruder, reading his blog as i do off a recommendation from our mutual friends. but his comments and prayers make me think, so t, if you do read mine (not that I expect you to) i just want to thank you for your words of wisdom and your deepfelt prayers that you are sharing with the internet world which i have been blessed to read and absorb.

friendships are tricky. t had mentioned how few of birth-college friends he has left. i think about my life too - anthony is the only from high school though you could count kristin though she and i weren't friends in hs, just lately through the ang. And really my only true college friend i have left is tre. beth and i keep in touch on occasion and every now and then some of the masquers drop a line. karla and i have been off and on in-touch and i am trying desperately to make it to her wedding in december to try to renew the bonds. i sent an email to my dear friend vicki last week but i haven't heard anything in return, which makes me sad but i think she and i have ventured to different places in our live. oh and matt is moving here but he and i weren't that close in college, but maybe that'll change now. So there's a handful i've named, but really tre is the only one i still am close with. it's odd.

i think about all those friends i have lost touch with - it makes me sad: tara, grant, gary, kent (oh kent!), jim (sigh), darren, kim/ joel, jason (my moon!), josh/ nicole, ric, kristy, rachel/ alan (these last two I think are even living up here somewhere!), dolly, beth/ jason, tim, saire, julie, amy/neil, jill, brian, jason t, dr. j, dr. e, dr. bill, dr. alan, angela, matt p, matty, jim, tom b, derek, jen, jay, erin, cris, chaun, patrick, and i'm sure more whom i can't remember right now, but will add as I do. how can you share so many moments and times together but lose complete touch?

i look at my life now, having been at the sem for 5 years, a student 4 of those years and i see the relationships i have had - many continue but many have ended as lives change and people move on. mandy and i were close our first year, but then things changed. heidi and i were together often my second year but now she's in texas and we keep in touch periodically. jay and i still stay in contact, which is great, and i hope that continues after he is married, but i suspect that may change too. mikey, oh mikey, i miss mikey. he and i drop lines to each other occasionally too, but as psuedo boy/girl-friends to each other you'd think we'd keep in contact more. :) and chris - chris honey i miss you.

now k&e are leaving, j-man has left, and i'm still here. [yes leland is still around for awhile, and jb is still here too :) ] i hope we can continue to keep in contact. it will be difficult as their lives change and become immersed in their congregations and as i continue here becoming immersed back into the seminary world.

i look back over the list of missing 'wolves' and it makes me sad. so many memories and they are gone - not the memories but the opportunities to make more with them. i look at those leaving now and i know memories will still be made with them but they will be different - planned and intentional as we will have to work to keep the friendship alive. i'm seeing too that i need to take some steps to work on those missing relationships or they won't rekindle. it's scary as there will be hurt when some don't respond, but joy if they do.

maybe it's just summer and this feeling of laziness that comes with the 75 degree, sunny days that make me want to play hooky and spend the day at lake nokomis with a great book, picnic and suntan lotion (i tend to burn, being the fair-skinned, red-head I am) and think about these people and take time to write them letters. maybe i'm just realizing how self-centered i am and selfish i have been and still am with my friends. maybe i take them for granted and they leave me because i don't care about them enough. or i give up on them because of my self-centeredness. maybe i'm jsut a total beeatch who should be left alone. but i hope not. i hope my friends know that i really do care about them and want them to succeed in everything they do, that i want to be there for them every step of the way and if i can't be that they know that they are in my thoughts and prayers daily.