friendship

t was talking about friendships today...and it makes me feel a little bit like an intruder, reading his blog as i do off a recommendation from our mutual friends. but his comments and prayers make me think, so t, if you do read mine (not that I expect you to) i just want to thank you for your words of wisdom and your deepfelt prayers that you are sharing with the internet world which i have been blessed to read and absorb.

friendships are tricky. t had mentioned how few of birth-college friends he has left. i think about my life too - anthony is the only from high school though you could count kristin though she and i weren't friends in hs, just lately through the ang. And really my only true college friend i have left is tre. beth and i keep in touch on occasion and every now and then some of the masquers drop a line. karla and i have been off and on in-touch and i am trying desperately to make it to her wedding in december to try to renew the bonds. i sent an email to my dear friend vicki last week but i haven't heard anything in return, which makes me sad but i think she and i have ventured to different places in our live. oh and matt is moving here but he and i weren't that close in college, but maybe that'll change now. So there's a handful i've named, but really tre is the only one i still am close with. it's odd.

i think about all those friends i have lost touch with - it makes me sad: tara, grant, gary, kent (oh kent!), jim (sigh), darren, kim/ joel, jason (my moon!), josh/ nicole, ric, kristy, rachel/ alan (these last two I think are even living up here somewhere!), dolly, beth/ jason, tim, saire, julie, amy/neil, jill, brian, jason t, dr. j, dr. e, dr. bill, dr. alan, angela, matt p, matty, jim, tom b, derek, jen, jay, erin, cris, chaun, patrick, and i'm sure more whom i can't remember right now, but will add as I do. how can you share so many moments and times together but lose complete touch?

i look at my life now, having been at the sem for 5 years, a student 4 of those years and i see the relationships i have had - many continue but many have ended as lives change and people move on. mandy and i were close our first year, but then things changed. heidi and i were together often my second year but now she's in texas and we keep in touch periodically. jay and i still stay in contact, which is great, and i hope that continues after he is married, but i suspect that may change too. mikey, oh mikey, i miss mikey. he and i drop lines to each other occasionally too, but as psuedo boy/girl-friends to each other you'd think we'd keep in contact more. :) and chris - chris honey i miss you.

now k&e are leaving, j-man has left, and i'm still here. [yes leland is still around for awhile, and jb is still here too :) ] i hope we can continue to keep in contact. it will be difficult as their lives change and become immersed in their congregations and as i continue here becoming immersed back into the seminary world.

i look back over the list of missing 'wolves' and it makes me sad. so many memories and they are gone - not the memories but the opportunities to make more with them. i look at those leaving now and i know memories will still be made with them but they will be different - planned and intentional as we will have to work to keep the friendship alive. i'm seeing too that i need to take some steps to work on those missing relationships or they won't rekindle. it's scary as there will be hurt when some don't respond, but joy if they do.

maybe it's just summer and this feeling of laziness that comes with the 75 degree, sunny days that make me want to play hooky and spend the day at lake nokomis with a great book, picnic and suntan lotion (i tend to burn, being the fair-skinned, red-head I am) and think about these people and take time to write them letters. maybe i'm just realizing how self-centered i am and selfish i have been and still am with my friends. maybe i take them for granted and they leave me because i don't care about them enough. or i give up on them because of my self-centeredness. maybe i'm jsut a total beeatch who should be left alone. but i hope not. i hope my friends know that i really do care about them and want them to succeed in everything they do, that i want to be there for them every step of the way and if i can't be that they know that they are in my thoughts and prayers daily.

a short one for the road

i made a promise to myself that i wouldn't blog this morning as i have work i need to get done but i'm not quite motivated yet. maybe in 9 minutes i can really start.

broke down and had some cheese and a few nut thins last night. mmm mmm good. might as well go back to the normal eats for a bit or at least close to it. just finished my morning egg whites with peppers. yummy! i had to get some clarity from my South Beach SME* last night. she filled me in of all i needed to know - or at least what i need to know to start - like that i can still have crystal lite when i'm in phase 1 (thank goodness!). it will be a bit difficult next week when we choir folk are going out...but dc will be my saving grace. at least i can pretend i have rum in it even though i'm not supposed to...but my friends won't need to know! :) i'm so vindicitive.

hung out with a1&a2 last night - we intended to go to a movie but by the time things settled down so we could go it would have been really late to go and a1 was really tired and lying on my floor watching friends. a2 ran to the store to get laundry detergent then came back and we watched the gag reels before calling it a night. boring but fun.

tonight is my first wedding rehearsal in about a year. c had taken me off them because of c&s so i haven't been in the wedding game. it should be interesting. it's a pretty easy, basic wedding with simple music and only one witness on each side. i think it'll be really nice. it's a good one to ease me in on since next week is an outside one.

it makes me excited for a1&a2's wedding when that happens next year. i don't know if i should be part of their 'brain trust' as they call it but i would love to be able to help out. it'd be interesting to plan an event from top to bottom on my own without c there to walk me through it. i think it's something i need to do so i can see if this event planning thing is what i want to do our not. i think i enjoy this job - well i do, but do i have the skills or knowledge to take it to the next level. that's the question.

okay my time is up, in fact i went over by a minute. more later perhaps.

*subject matter expert

How about some celery? Peppers? No, you look like a lettuce lover.

day 3, and while lettuce and veggies are good, they just don't work in the wee morning hours before lunch. and then salad for lunch just doesn't quite cut it. i'm hankering for a smoothie. maybe...

saw tsn today. that was fun to see him back from prinston. wow that doesn't look right when i type it so either i'm spelling it wrong or nj words are just messed up. let's try another: trenton. yep that looks weird too. (Update: I am spelling it wrong! Dang I'm an idiot... princeton - there you go. trenton still looks weird though.)

slept great last night which is good. ma is still dealing with 'him' issues and it's driving me nuts. i wish he'd leave her alone or pledge (and act) his undying love. this in between crap is for the birds. sometimes i'm glad being single.

watermelon anyone?

I'm enjoying life with watermelon and bananas for the last time (most likely) this week. Monday I'll be starting South Beach. I'm only writing this here because, if I don't, I don't know if I'll keep it up. I need to be accountable somewhere so I'm going to do it here. If you don't want to read about the foods and things I'm going to be undertaking, then don't read the blog. It won't be primarily SB but I need to/want to track what I'm doing and I think this will be a good way. i was trying the myfooddiary.com but it got depressing when I'd get frownies everyday for stupid reasons. I like keeping track of my food so I'll probably keep it going but it'll be interesting to see how it plays out my life and how many frownies I get doing SB instead.

K turned me on to Stephanie Klein's blog. She's becoming a bigger name out east with her writings. (she remindes me of Heather Armstrong at dooce - she says whatever she wants - very open and direct - I wish I could be like her) Stephanie had one blog the other day which really made me stop and think. It made me realize that I'm not the only person who had the threat of fat camp as a kid, or struggles with weight and food on a daily basis. It's reassuring that I'm not alone even as I struggle with my own demons.

rephrase

OK...so let me rephrase things from yesterday - Yes people I love will be leaving me and things will be incredibly different but friends will still be around whom I will hang out with and have a glorious time with - la until he leaves, jb even though she's not really here :) and i'm sure there are others I'm missing. i didn't mean to leave you out of the blog yesterday. you are all important and it just makes me realize that i really do have more friends than i think - that is if you'll stay my friends after yesterday's emotional tirade. :)

quickly

i have to be quick with this because i have a meeting in 20 minutes but i need to write. good thing i can type fast.

erik made the comment that changes are going to be more acute for me because i'm staying while everyone else is moving on. i hadn't thought about that. in past years it hasn't made that much of a difference because i still have had friends/colleagues around - and there still will be some here since not all of the 'seniors' have calls or have officially finished, but those aren't the ones that i'm really close to so erik's right (as usual) it will be quite a change. and it's all culminating by Sunday. sheesh...where did the time go.

last night erik, k and i grilled out at my apartment. they had never been over and it gave me a great reason to clean (wow I can see my floor again!). it was such a great time with so much great food. erik is truly the grill master as the steak (i will say it again) was MMM MMMM MMMMMMM good. we had such a great time last night and i will truly miss hanging out with them. at least we set a date for october for me to go visit. yay!

i am very sad that i didn't get to spend more time with justin before he left. i should have been there thursday but i had already promised deandave i would babysit that night and of course it would be the one night they actually stayed out later. oh well...i will see him again soon I hope at the very least at his ordination the end of august.

okay time is up....

Routines

Life really can throw some curve balls, no? Just when I start thinking things are going well, suddenly I get the urge to try something different. Most can cope with the change go with the flow, with maybe some minor grumblings, but there are others out there in the world that just want to fight it every step of the way, especially when there is no explanation for the change, just that it's happening.

I, sadly, used to be one of these latter people, but I am finding more as I grow older that I have become (and maybe truly always was one but thought the latter was the norm and of course that's what I should be - normal) the previous. Change keeps happening around me and I'm okay with it. In fact I'm the cause of some of the changes and that doesn't frighten me - in fact, it makes me happy. Change is scary at times, but it is rarely for the worst. Change can make things better. It means to transform, to lay aside and abandon for something else. And I would say most people strive to transform themselves into something better - e.g. they want to abandon their fatty self and transform into a thinner person - and so they change their routines - they make changes to their eating patterns - they 'change' clothes and run or walk or work out. These changes are for the good!

But some changes are hard for people to take and accept. Changes in friends and social circles can be a struggle. So many I know are going through these changes and I with them as I am part of them. People are moving or have moved, people are getting new jobs, people are leaving this tight knit to spread out and share their love and gifts with others. It feels like our circles are breaking apart, but I think we must instead realize that our circle isn't breaking, but growing - stretching out to the other sides of the world, it seems, and embracing other circles - we're becoming those magic rings magician's use that are all linked together and form a huge strand - we're like the Olympic Rings - all different colors but all linked together for one common good - we're like a chain that just can't be broken.

Sometimes the chain does break or the link comes free - this does happen - and the decision comes to either fix the broken link or replace it with a new one. It's a struggle and a hard decision to make - sometimes the rest of the chain is dependent on that link - but often the rest of the chain can survive without the link and so it becomes a tough decision.

At times like that all you can do is pray - pray that either the chain stays together or the link is replaced with another strong link.

Wow...I didn't mean for that all to become so distressing. The thing is with all these changes going on, changes in relationships are going to happen as well. It will take a lot of work on everyone's part to stay together. And if one side doesn't want that, sometimes you just have to step back and wait for them to come to you. But trusting that God will keep the relationships as they should be are essential. God is the light and the truth and only through God are we together in the first place.

leland is heartless

he stands before me eating ice cream and offering me none. what an ass.

dorks of the world, unite!

I have to chuckle. I just made a 'funny' which really wasn't that funny but the woman I made it to was very kind. She had walked by and I had said, "hello, how are you?" she replied, "I am well. How are you?" And I said, "I am well...as well." hahaha. Then I said, "I'm such a dork." She said, "Well, congratulations and I empathize with you." This led to a discussion on whether or not you can congratulate someone and yet still have pity for them. We came to the conclusion that you can do both - in fact, I relish in it. :)

Last night was great...Debbie and I met up at Major's for our favorite Spinich Cheese Dip and Pepporoni/Green Olive pizza. SO bad for us but OH SO GOOD! It was a great time - she and I haven't seen in each other since Marky Mark's party so it was good to catch up.

I came to a realization today after reading both J's and L's blogs that time has completely gotten away from me and J will be leaving us soon. It makes me sad. L put together an incredible book for J of quotes and scripture and he invited me to join in. In my state of dorkiness I tried to come up with what I wanted to say, but what to do you say to a man who has been such a great friend and a South Dakota boy to boot? I finally shot something out but it didn't fill the emotions and what I wanted to say the way I wanted. I can only hope that J knows and understands just how much I will miss him and have treasured his friendship over the years.

Blessings to you, Justin dear. You are loved and will be missed.

I've got couscous!

C let me out of work yesterday an hour early! WOW! On my way home Morty hit 10,000 miles. It was a very exciting moment. I called Mom to share it with her but had her voice mail so I just left her a long message first then called back and she answered. It was pretty funny. So when I got home I sat and finished HP6. It was really good! The ending sucked a bit but also left things open for HP7. Nicely done. This really has been a great series. I saw today on imdb.com that Ralph Fiennes is playing Lord Voldemort in the next movie coming out. I suppose I should watch the first ones so I can catch up - they are a little different from the books which drives me nuts but maybe it won't be so bad. I mean, come on! Ralph Fiennes! He's a hottie!

After I read I took out the garbage and ran into A&A. Their friend Erica was over so I met her and chatted for a bit then headed in to clean. I wasn't in the door 2 minutes when A came down and invitied me to supper. That was really sweet. I felt a little bad because I felt like I had inadvertently vied for an invite which I really hadn't. But they said I didn't and just wanted me there. We had grilled salmon, grilled corn and couscous (I picked out the shrooms to A's amusement). A& Erica played Trivial Pursuit while A and I chatted outside. All in all, a very nice evening.

whoops

So the whole, "I have to clean the house!" and "I'm reading HP slow to savor it" sort of flew out the window yesterday. It was still hotter than snot so after working a couple hours at the ID I went home and ended up reading and watching movies the rest of the day - how sad. I did do laundry, so at least I accomplished something, but my house is still in shambles! How sad am I...don't answer that - it's rhetorical.

But HP is turning out to be quite delightful - it's much more adult than previous books but still with the hint of kidness. I'm really enjoying it.

Very good news - E got a call so he will soon be forevermore Pastor EG. Well That's not what we're calling him but brevity is the the highest goal here at blogger... :) Anyway, Congrats E! I'm really happy for you!

And while we're on the subject of E, let me also pass along best wishes for K as she interviews today. Prayers are with you, dear! :)

Pictures

One of Jake's presents was a camping set with a pop up cup. He had a lot of fun with this, until he found my gift which was squeezy balls that looked like blown-up animals and a net. Very fun. :) He actually had a lot of great presents, lucky kid.

Jake tried to eat the plastic balloons off his Elmo cake.
Good thing Granny was there to save him! :)

Hey! I'm 2 today!
(well July 1 and this picture was a day later,
but who's really going to be that picky...)

Tre part ii

Yesterday was a fabulous day as I got to spend most of it with Tre and her Joel. So fun, though 5.5 hours in the Mall o' Death is not my ideal way to spend a day, but it was great. I highly approve of Tre's choice in this man...he's a sweetheart, not even once complaining about walking through the mall for all those hours. And hell, he put up with me! :) He was great.

Then, my new employee of the month made a point to call me with the next best news: my Harry Potter book had arrived!!!! YAY! Well, we don't officially HAVE an employee of the month, but if we did E would be the recipient. :)

Then, I went to Target and picked up the pics from J-man's b-day party. Very cute. I got a couple really good ones...and as promised I have attached them here if they work right. We'll see, no?

Last night was good, I did dishes, had some supper and vegged. I only read a couple chapters of HP as I promised E that I would take my time and savor the read (even though, unlike E, I do re-read books many times and definitely will with this one).

Today looks to be another quiet day - though I HAVE to clean my house. The mess is running away with things. It's time to SORT! YAY!

SO here are the pics if I can get them to work... later gators...
wait, no...I'm going to put them in a separate entry so they are easier to read...

His Girl Friday

WOW! Last night was the first of my season tickets to the Guthrie. Somehow Lee in the ticketing office hooked me up with Row B, seat 54 - RIGHT UP FRONT! I was all of 4 feet from Angela Bassett, Courtney B. Vance and Reginald Vel Johnson. How freakin' cool! SO, for those 4 of you who read this, if you want a great play to go to please go see His Girl Friday. One guy down the row from me left at intermission because he hated the "nyuk, nyuk" aspect of it all. It's a little that but so appropriate for the show. I think if they had downplayed it, it wouldn't have been as good. The guy who plays Earl is great and the girl playing Mollie was fabulous. What a show! I highly recommend it.

Today, I had great news from two of my friends. My friend Karla from NSU is getting married in December! YAY! It's such a great excuse to go to Texas in the winter. AND my friends Sara and Ryan are pregnant again! It's just so great!

I feel about this big | |

I hate dating. This is why I was going to not even think about it this summer...too much pressure, having expectations, getting them shot down and feeling like snot. Saturday I was supposed to go to a movie with T. Well T has a 7 year old daughter and Friday was her birthday, but the party was on Saturday. T thought that he and I could still meet up since her party was supposed to be finished by 4. I didn't hear from him from Wednesday night until 7pm Saturday night when he called to say that he was still at the birthday party and his ex had gone for ice and blah blah blah. I was annoyed, mostly because he didn't call until we should have already been out, but also with myself for even considering dating at this time. It's that old tried and true feeling that when someone shows you a hint of interest, suddenly you must be desirable again, even though you're probably not. Anyway, I didn't get him called back on Sunday because I just wasn't sure what to say. Finally yesterday I wrote and said, "Hey T, I got your message from Saturday. This week doesn't work for me. Maybe another time?" (He had asked about a movie next weekend, but Tre is in town and I'm watching DL's kids Friday and working Sunday - but I didn't feel like I should have to explain all this to him). So he writes today and says: "thats ok, sorry about last weekend, again, thankyou anyways, ive been very busy ( with the real world, work, gabby, and other matters ) i completely understand, good luck to you." So now I feel like a total heel because he took it as I was blowing him off...which in some ways maybe I was but ugh. I feel like snot and I don't like that feeling.

Anyway...I started myfooddiary.com yesterday. It's interesting to actually put down on paper (so to speak) what you eat throughout the day and accounting for the nutritional value. Yesterday I was sort of doing well, but then I ended up with too few calories. Weird but I suppose that's probably accurate. So I'm watching it a bit more today and we'll see how it goes.

I'm very excited about this committee I'm on. It seems like things are finally coming together and we have so many good plans for the fall. I hope we can make this committee better and worthy of the respect it deserves. It'd be nice to make it a committee that people actually WANT to be on rather than the one everyone avoids because they hate it. What a goal! :)

OOOOOO And tonight! Is my first night of season tickets to the Guthrie! YAY!

Sanding away the grime

Yesterday morning I started my latest project. My neighbors A&A upstairs have a picnic table - one of the old fashioned ones actually made out of wood and painted red! It's a smaller version of ones you think of with separate benches for us to sit. Well the paint has been peeling for awhile now and I've been itching to do something about it. So I chatted with them about it and they are sweet enough to let me play out my butch side. :) So Saturday I got up and started scraping away at the paint. When I got annoyed, which didn't take long, I whipped out Dad's power sander and started sanding away the paint. Suh-weeet! I felt like Tim Allen or something. It was great and I got almost all of the top of the table done...with a few spots missed. Overall it's starting to look great. Now I have a project for the next week or so - provided I come home each night and work on it some. I have to finish the top and flip over the table to work on the bottom. Of course I started at such a great time since the weather is supposed to be hotter than blazes this week. Oh well. :)

Last night I was supposed to go to a movie with T. Yeah, that didn't happen. I don't understand why I can't get to the second date with these guys...ugh. Oh well...maybe it was for the best, I was/am a little unsure about it anyway since he has a daughter and is shorter than me (how shallow am I!). He called around 7 last night but I was on the phone with Tre...she was doing better and I get to see her next weekend! YAY! And meet her man J. It's about time I meet J since my approval is pertinent to the continuation of their relationship. ;) just kidding. I'm sure I'll love him since Tre does.

Today I'm working because there's a baptism here at school. Pretty cool. The Baptism of Soledad is similar to my sanding project... As I sanded away the paint and grime the new wood shone through cleaner and brighter than ever...as Soledad is baptized, the water will wash away the grime of sin and leave her cleaner and brighter than ever... what a blessing! Blessings on Amy, Steve, Sigourney and Soledad. :)

tre

Talked with Tre last night. She wasn't her usually perky, speed-takling self which worries me. I know she's down about her many doctor's appointments and turning 30 and it worries me. I hope seeing her next week will help. After we chatted she did seem more upbeat than when we started talking. I worry about her and I miss her horribly. I wish we lived closer to each other but I know that's not going to happen anytime soon so we'll just have to make due. I need to make more of an effort to see her now that I'm not as busy. She's too great. And I get to meet her J-man next week which will be interesting. If he doesn't measure up to my/her standards I just don't know what I'll do. :)

Doing well so far on the eating plan, except for last night. I had pasghetti and salad - tons of carbs! - but it was so good. Otherwise I've been doing well this week. And I've been on time or early to work! YAY! Not that I'm not usually on time, but this week has been great.

This weekend looks to be good. Movie tonight with C&B and then scraping and starting to sand our picnic table tomorrow and movie tomorrow with T. Sunday I'm helping at a baptism doing the sound...thank goodness it's just one mic needed! :) It's nice to have weekends fairly free to do what I want again.

Blogging...

hello j-man. I'm back. :)

What a weekend! My fabulous boss gave me Tuesday off so I was able to go home for 4 wonderful days. It was great. After speeding on Hwy 7 to get to Brookings Saturday AM, I spent a great day at Kev and Joey's for Jake's b-day party. I'm hoping to get pictures soon and I'll upload if I can figure out how. Jake was so cute! He walked around most of the morning saying, "Presents? Presents?" :) And of course he loved my present. I got him a bath toy - a basketball hoop with 5 squirty balls shaped like overblown animals. So fun. Joey said that he wouldn't leave the tub that night without them. :) YAY me! I also got him a stuffed Elmo doll that is almost as big as he is and a stuff Shrek that talks. I gave that to him on the 4th and while we were having snack time we set Elmo next to him and Jake proceeded to share his banana with Elmo. When Elmo 'said', "Jake I'm full, you can have my banana," Jake said, "Tank yoo, Elmo." Oh! So precious...it just breaks your heart. :) Or rather fills a heart with joy.

The weekend was also great because Kevin took me out shooting. I think I'm supposed to qualify on an M-9 this year for guards but I've never shot a pistol so Kev offered to help me out. :) We went to the range and shot a .40, a .45 and a .44 Magnum. Sweet. I alternated between the .40 and .44 mostly to help build my shoulder muscles (.44) and to get used to the feel of the pistol (.40) since it's most close to what I'll be shooting in November. I looked SO the part of a military girl - big clunky steel-toed military boots from Kevin, jeans and a baby-doll Breast Cancer site t-shirt. Oh, wasn't I just a dainty flower. :)

Sunday night we went to Lisa and Ryan's for fireworks. All was great til one exploded wrong and shot under Dick, Harry and Mary. That was quite exciting. not. But overall Ryan put on a great show and the 4th actually seemed like the 4th again. It's interesting to celebrate it while reading David McCullough's John Adams. I love McCullough's history books. He makes them come alive, even if they are slower reading than I'm used to. I have 3 more of his waiting in the wings - Truman, Mornings on Horseback (about Teddy Roosevelt) and 1776.

Monday Mom and I ran to Sioux Falls quick and then did a Morbid Tour - we went to West to check on the flowers at Dad's, then Pioneer to check on grandma's stone - which is wrong, and then to East to check on Tuffy and Jimmy's. We would have made it to St. Olaf, but by the time we got to East Mom just wanted to go home, rightfully so. We had lunch and then went to Brookings for the 4th of July 'parade'. It was mostly rescue trucks driving down the street. But it made me tear up - I must be having a month of PMS or something - I wasn't expecting that. I don't know if it was all the patriotism I actually saw for once or what, but it was pretty powerful. Thank goodness for sunglasses. The rest of the day we just spent washing cars, taking a walk and relaxing. All in all a stellar weekend.

Now I'm back at Events full-time. It's a good thing I think. Yesterday I ran errands for Rick's party with Carol and ran some errands I have needed to for about a month (like getting a copy card!) and chatted with Carol on some other plans. She's gone today so I can work in her office this afternoon instead of the hole. I hope we can figure this stuff out soon. But until then I guess I'll just go with the flow.

Walked around Lake Nokomis twice last night. 5.4 miles - a nice start to losing those extra pounds I've gained. :) I started to fix my life a bit yesterday too. Mom and I had read this tip to help your mornings go smoother - set a timer 10 minutes before you have to leave the house- and it worked. I was 5 minutes early yesterday and 10 minutes today. Craziness that a little thing like that would help. But I'm back on my eating plan a bit. Not completely since I didn't eat at all after lunch yesterday - though I did have a glass of milk before mowing, but I don't think that counts. But I'm on my way to greatness - or was it hotness....I can't remember the motto Jay and I set up. I think it was "We're on our way to hotness." that sounds right. I'll have to find it and hang it up with my Arnold poster. I'll be set.