Are we in epiphany yet? I need epiphany!

Christmas was awesome – my faboo roomies got me a cooling rack for all my baking, my sister and mom both got me flour sack towels (YAY!), and my sis got me a spoon rest! WOOHOO. Dave got me this AWESOME book – The Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin. It’s incredible! Max had gotten me a GC to B&N so I got book 2 today. YAY! Debbie got me a great gift too – a Willow Tree figurine “with affection”. It’s really awesome. So tonight I’m taking down the Xmas tree and redistributing things on my coffee table. I got other awesome gifts too but I won’t bore you all – you know, all 4 of you who read this.

So Christmas has come and gone now and we’re moving into 2006. This is my week, or last few days, to get my life organized for the ‘year of 30’. So I have to go through finances and budgets and all that – one for taxes, but also because at the beginning of this year I made a vow to watch my finances and see just what the hell I’ve been spending money on. I was pretty good through March then I started to get lazy. So now I need to catch up – donations, checking, savings, Morty, food, etc. I really need to know what I’ve been spending each month so I can better plan for the future. SO that’s the plan this week – sort through all those receipts and checks and plan it out. I’m glad I have it somewhat started, now it’s just finalizing it. Doesn’t that sound like an excellent way to end the year? I think so.

Merry Christmukkah!

quiz a few days late...

Okay so several days ago I did this quiz off of M’s blog but I never posted it here. So here it is.

I'm (a): neat freak, organized, worrying, phobic, fears the unknown, irritable, pessimistic, emotionally sensitive, fears chaos, risk averse, fragile, unadventurous, depressed, frequently second guesses self, likes to fit in, does not like to stand out, perfectionist, hard working, does not like to be alone, clingy, dependent, practical, ordinary, cautious, takes precautions, good at saving money, suspicious, heart over mind, busy, altruistic

Breaking this down and really looking at each description, I’m thinking maybe this is pretty accurate (except maybe the pessimistic and irritable ones – though I know I have my moments, but who doesn’t. and I’m really not a neat freak – anyone who has seen my house would know that.).
Sometimes I really wonder how these quizzes really work. Are specific questions really designed well enough to determine who you are? How can that be when I’m not even sure who I really am? And now that I’ve taken this quiz and read this will that influence how I become?

afternoon of fun...

People kill me – a guy just called and said he has to send a paper in to the professor via snail mail and he doesn’t know what address to send it to. So I said to put the name of the professor, and gave him the mailing address and zip. And he says, “And that’ll get right to him?” uh, yep. It’s amazing how snail mail works. It’s just incredible that the world survived back in the days of the pony express without email or computers. I mean, how did John Adams communicate all those years with Thomas Jefferson? They were states apart! (Massachusetts and Virginia, respectively)

so what?

I hate when people correct me. So what if it’s 3:53 pm and I said “good morning” when I answered the phone. Let it go already! It’s not like it’s life or death – besides, it’s morning somewhere in the world. Just ignore me and tell me where you want to be connected, that's why i'm here.

feeling slightly guilty…yet, not

Last Thursday we had our Advent Tea where we also honored HO on his years of service here. He’s retired now and he will be missed, though the new guy looks promising. Just before it all began, as folks were gathering, Kris put her arm around me and said, “it’s almost done.” And I began laughing – my mood has been sooo blah lately, but as the week went on last week, I steadily became happier. Is it because my xmas shopping is done (just need to mail a couple)? Is it because the weather was better? Maybe my list is getting checked off, one by one? Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because the students are finally leaving – well, now, they’re gone for the rest of the month.

Today quiet looms over the seminary…I’m hearing the buzzing of the lights for the first time in months. A few stranglers are about – including my sister’s husband’s cousin (how’s that for a Kevin Bacon moment). But mostly it’s quiet. I suppose this is a time to get a lot of work done, and as soon as I’m motivated, I intend to do just that.

This weekend was great – Friday night I went to Sponsel’s to hear/see the Jaztro’s play their Xmas show. Phenomenal! It’s always fun to hear them play and the boys really wailed, even without Mo. And Sponsel’s was great! I had never been there before, thinking it was a big conglomerate of apples, but it’s just so fabulous. Topper was amazing – as Joe called him: “the f-ing Willy Wonka of Apples”. Seriously. He gave us a bunch of different kinds to try – and remembering that they had been picked in September – they were still outstanding! As Luke said after Topper did a little jig when we figured out that the Live Music version had cinnamon and lemon hint to it, “That’s a man who loves his job.” I’m so adding it to my list to go to next fall! My pies will be downright fabulous!

Saturday night I went to Chad and Darren’s sweater party – or tacky Xmas sweater party as I like to call it. I don’t own one, thank goodness, so I just went to drink and socialize. I met a few new people, which was fun and got to hang out and sing Xmas Karaoke with Steve and Pete and Chad. Good times.

Sunday night (are you liking the play by play?) Anthony and Kendra had invited me over for dinner (salmon! Mmmm!). Again, good times and fun new people to hang with – Ross, Randy and Vanessa. Good eats, great banter, fabulous wine (It was one of those - thanks, Randy!).

All in all a fabulous weekend (oh and I finished the scarf I was working on and am almost halfway done with the next blanket).

a quick note to j-man and all...

j-man. I’m sorry last year’s ss xmas thing sucked for you. i wish that process would have worked out better for everyone involved. That was one of the reasons I didn’t do it this year, besides the fact that hardly any of my staff really know each other like you guys did last year. Maybe white elephant next year instead. Daily Candy does have some good rules for ss…maybe I should have handed those out last year.

a plethora of nonsense 2

I keep starting an entry and then I get interrupted and I never get it done…so now I have like 4 of these to put in so I’m going to put them all in at once. Enjoy.

Oh wait…to preface all this…I’ve still been blah so these may not be all that exciting. I’m really not liking this blah-ness. I have my moments of joy. I just can’t seem to find them lately. Maybe one will show up as I put these together. :)

Saturday
Saturday we had our ID Xmas party. As we waited for people to arrive I remembered last year’s with J-man anxiously waiting when he could go, e&k handing me the wine from every one, all the fun of watching people dig out their gifts in their stockings, the secret santa, and the fellowship. We had that this year, but only 3 workers showed up initially, another came a little later, and 2 weren’t able to come. It made me sad b/c we had it on a Saturday this year b/c it was the only time we could all meet (I thought) and b/c it wouldn’t be such a rush. BC, SH, RO and I sat around and talked and ate cookies and eventually opened presents. It was just the stockings this year and a few things Carol had. When KG showed up she started asking fun questions – like what are your plans for Xmas, what are your traditions, etc. And I have had nothing but great comments on the tangle toy gift this year. Everyone seems addicted! Woohoo! But I still miss the ol’ gang and the fun we had. This year’s was a little less than I had hoped. I guess it’s just time to start getting used to that.

Saturday night it was the LS Xmas party. Somehow, though I dreaded going, I was able to have a good time. Maybe it’s the Prez’s wife or maybe the Prez since he was kind of giggly that night (if that’s possible). Anyway, I had a couple drinks and the rest of the time a lot of diet coke. I also had straight-up chocolate (we had a fountain) which was good and hung out with Laure and Shawn toward the end of the evening. Apparently I had my game on that night since on Monday I was told at least one person thought I was ‘three-sheets to the wind’ (i.e. ‘drunk’ for you non-understanders of the ancient language of yore). Whatever. If he thought a little giggling and laughter is an indication of drunk, then he really hasn’t seen me out at Boom! with the gay boys after choir. AND he needs to get the stick out of his bottom and join the fun.

Learning to downsize
I am a packrat. (Not to be confused with this pack rat or especially this rat pack, of which I couldn’t be since I’m not a crooner, male, notoriously drunk, nor is this the 1950’s. Though I am a great fan of many of the original rat pack – which by the way did you know that the rat pack [frank, dean, sammy, etc] didn’t like that name and preferred be called the Summit because they were the top and they knew it? Well, now you know. And back to the packrat…) I know this. I’m admitting it. (Hello, my name is Moe and I am a packrat.) And it pains me everyday. The past few days I have been doing better in the email facet at least. I haven’t been keeping EVERY single email like I was. Instead I’ve been deleting things once I’m done with them. Then at the end of the day I empty my deleted items box and it’s so invigorating – just watch as those hundreds of emails (yes, seriously, hundreds! – you should see it when I actually take the time to clean out my sent items and other folders – insane!) going down the shoot. If only I had sound on this computer – I’d set it up with a toilet flush when I empty the folder. whoosh!

She was a what?!
So this weekend – the coming one, not the former one – is my friend Karla’s wedding. I’m sad because it’s in texas and I can’t afford to go, plus choir is singing the Vivaldi Gloria in church Sunday AM so I really shouldn’t go anyway. Karla was always great. She and I were in college together, one year, one day apart, so we’d celebrate our birthdays together (often with Gretchen too who was a day after me). Karla was a great friend – ever supportive, always fun, and great to be around. Maybe next year I’ll have to put up her Halloween picture the year she made her own costume. It was incredible. But not this week – her wedding is coming and she should be seen in white – not pink.

Zoo Inhabitants
KG just stopped by in high spirits, which is great considering its finals week. I’ve once again discovered our purpose here at the ID – to listen to the moaning and then encourage people to go get their work done and that they can get it done in the allotted timeframe they have procrastinated themselves down to. But for a current student sitting here at night during finals week that task can be daunting. KG said she showed up in really good spirits last night, but as people kept coming by and telling her how much they had left to do, the reality of everything SHE had left to do just began to weigh heavily on her and by the end of the night she was really down. Oh the trials and tribulations we folks in the cage go through. I’m going to have to bring out Lucy next year and the tip jar. This is ridiculous!

Thus endeth this installment of the constant blogging of moe. You’d think sometime I could just stick to one topic, but alas, my brain does not work that way.

interesting

So here’s an interesting concept: a metal looking bible. Get this description:

“It's back--now in green and orange metal. Plain, simple--and totally unexpected--this small, plain text NLT Bible is about giving young adults something unique without directly saying it's for them. With a metallic matte finish on the outside and the complete NLT text on the inside, this Bible will be a favorite among students of all ages. Style-conscious teens will find this lightweight compact edition of the Scriptures irresistible.”

Style-conscious? ‘cause it’s not stylish to have a Bible in your backpack unless it’s concealed or camouflaged somehow? And now it’s uncouth to say that “it’s for them”? Are the advertisers saying young adults can now carry a Bible around without being subjected to the ridicule and horrors of their unchurched brethren by hiding the fact they are reading the Bible since it’s in a ‘hip’ metal look?

Another description – for the orange version – is this: “Plain, simple and totally unexpected, the metallic matte finish makes a very cool cover for style-conscious teens. Inside, the plain, simple and totally understandable NLT text. "Identified" or "One Way".”

The true metallic cover does mention that “The New Living Translation is great to read and good to share with anyone who asks you about your book with the cool metal cover!”

But my question is, why do they need a hip cover to hide the Bible and hope that someone will ask them about it? What’s wrong with just a Bible? Or am I just not in touch with the youth today?

New and very important

2 quick things for the afternoon, then I need to get back to work:

• From Mary: “You know, Sara, when you wear a skirt in this weather, you might as well be naked.”
• New Death Mask!

oldest older brother

So my oldest older brother is in town for a couple days. We’ll call him Max. It is GREAT! We don’t see each other near enough, but I have been the luckiest of his 3 siblings to get to see Max more often due to my fabulous military training. It’s sad that our families aren’t closer considering how close we all are. That first closer is in terms to proximity. Our family is really a rare breed. I see so many people who rarely, if ever, talk to their siblings or parents – those people who spend holidays with friends instead of venturing home because going home would be so traumatic. I know mom gets really annoyed with our loving teasing but I think it would be worse if no one was around. I know last year when I didn’t come home for Thanksgiving it was odd. I cleaned my house, put up my tree, watched CSI, but I wasn’t with family and it was really weird. So I am so very thankful for these times together – however brief and heated with our ‘discussions’ are, Max and I still get along great. We argue but it’s completely out of love and respect. We’ll banter back and forth – Catholicism vs. Lutheranism – and still we hug and are saddened when the time comes to part. It really is a great blessing to be able to have these opportunities.

relaxing to chase

Today is my weekly visit with Keith. I’ve been meaning to bring in my own ‘reflective/meditative’ music for awhile and today I finally dug out some CD’s to bring in. Of course, trying to pick meditative music from my eclectic collection is tough. I finally found a CD by Nathan Kuhlman – all piano and then I grabbed Michael Tilson Thomas and the San Francisco Symphony doing a little Prokofiev Romeo and Juliet action. That should be good to relax to.

In the midst of my search I found one of my favorite bands whom I haven’t listened to for awhile. Chase. *Ahhhh.* Chase is a killer jazz/rock band from the 70’s, 4 of whom died in a plane crash, including the founder. The band features four awesome trumpets headed up by Bill Chase – a man who can just wail!

I first heard of Chase when I was student teaching in Redfield, SD. One of the teachers I was working with said he had met Bill Chase when Chase had come to play at NSU back in the early 70’s. He said Bill had a permanent callus on his upper lip from playing so much. Amazing.

The most incredible song that grabbed me is called “Invitation to a River” – it’s a 5 part song (it actually has sections like a symphony or other orchestral piece) all meshed together to tell an incredible story of love, passion, regret, and death. You have to really listen to the words on this one. But more than the words, the music tells the story. I’ve always loved instrumental music for being able to convey emotions that words/singers can’t always pull off (and I’m a singer!). A picture’s worth a thousand words, they say, but music can tell a million (I say). The 4^th ‘movement’ of 'Invitation to a River' is called “Reflections”…the story sets it up that the man is standing at the river bed and contemplating his life and relationship with the woman/women he loves who have broken his heart. There are no words here but Bill plays out the pain and turmoil while he actually plays with his echo – an incredible display of the turmoil and mess that a person can go through with relationships. It sends chills up my spine every time. Goosebumps galore. If you haven’t heard Chase, I highly recommend them.

Advent is here

Leslie puts together an Advent Calendar each year. Nice day 1.

a touch of the dry throat

RC commented to me (though he has yet to leave any comments here) :) this weekend that I had a touch of the ‘dry throat’ (as I put it) from Thanksgiving til last Thursday. True enough. But since then I’ve talked about what I am and vomit so I think I’ve made up for my lack of writing.

I’m feeling disillusioned. Is that the right word? Or maybe it’s just the lack of exercise. I’m just blah lately. I don’t get it. Maybe it stems from getting stood up for dinner last Monday, or not seeing the jazzy boy since last Sunday, or all this stuff for HO that I can’t get my head around, or the flat tire last week, or the holiday/family stress, or maybe it’s just the weather. I see out my ‘office’ windows that the sun is shining. Too bad it’ll be dark by the time I actually drive home.

I feel pathetic because in the grand scheme of things, these little things are so piddly that it seems a waste to think about them, yet somehow they are important, to someone. Maybe Stephanie has it right (see her last paragraph). Really i have a great life. i'm not stuck in the trenches (knock on wood), i'm not (completely) poor, i have food on my table and a roof (or two) over my head, i have good friends who i probably take advantage of and don't care about or honor like i should. for that i am sad. okay i'm sinking back to the abyss. Back to Stephanie's writing. more later when i'm not blah.

emesis

I actually just used Joey’s phrase, “Wow. There’s a lot I didn’t know about vomit.”

“sara is…”

I was checking out jb’s site today and found this game via jb via heidi. I didn’t want to stick with just 10 so I went til I got bored.

Directions: Type "(your name) is", (with the quotes) into a Google search, cut-and-paste the first 10 responses that work. Just pull the answers right out of the excerpt google shows you, don't click the link and search around. The only rule is that each one has to start with "(your name) is".
Here we go ...

Sara is right. (natch)
Sara is rescued from three cowboys (sweet!)
Sara is somewhat of a chameleon in terms of musical style. (that’s true)
Sara is extremely shy. (again, true)
Sara is Dead Wrong (see #1)
Sara is no longer with Bad Boy. (true again…this is scary)
Sara is one of those girls who stand out in whatever they do, from a very young age. (really?!)
Sara is not just all looks and beauty. (of course I’m not!)
Sara is nonetheless the most pampered pupil in the school (that’s not true)
Sara is my hero. (she’s mine!)
Sara is soon coming to a city near you! (daily!)
Sara is thrust into an strange and exciting new world (okay…)
Sara is still haunted by the terrible memories (that’s true)
Sara is in the FBI witness protection program (if I told you, I’d have to kill you)
Sara is not a happy tweenie. (thank God!)
Sara is never sweeter. (true enough)
Sara is getting a puppy for Christmas (I wish!)
Sara is mad! (no!)
Sara is bonkers! (not that!)
Sara is crazy! (Heavens!)
Sara is not schizophrenic (as far as you know)
“Sara is frightened to venture far these days,” Celeste says. (who the hell is Celeste?)
Sara is losing and looking very serious. (losing weight and inches that is…)
Sara is a small-town girl with a big dream (which dream though?)
Sara is more comfortable with ideas than with people (sometimes this is true…especially after a long trying day at the ID)
Sara is a highly intelligent young girl who is slated for an Ivy League school (woohoo! More school loans!)

Can you smell it?

I made an actual apple pie last night – crust from scratch, peeled those apples, mixed it all up. TOO COOL! Too bad I won’t/can’t/shouldn’t eat it. I did smell it a lot…does that suck the flavor out of it? Because if so, there’s no flavor left in it then. It was a lot of fun to make. I felt very domestic. Too bad I’m not domesticated. :) I’ll have pictures sometime soon of it. If you want pictures now, buy me a digital camera.

Things are going well…winter is here and it’s okay. I’m starting to slump into melancholiness (is that a word?). I don’t think it’s the weather…just the holiday season. Ugh. And I love Christmas, it just doesn’t quite seem like it is Christmas yet (I know, I know – it’s not even Thanksgiving yet). Maybe I’m losing the excitement of the season now that I’m older. Maybe I’m just tired. I am planning to decorate the desk tomorrow afternoon – stockings for the kids, maybe a tree, lights of course. Maybe that’ll help get me into the spirit. I don’t know. I need to kiss a boy. There we go. I’ve said it. :)

OH one joyful thing – I can now pull my jeans off without unsnapping or unzipping…maybe time to shop, eh?

and today, boys and girls, the word is...

Procrastination. Yes that was the word for me. As we were growing up, my parents had a word or phrase connected with all of us kids. One of the kids had ‘consideration’. Mom and Dad used that one a lot. Mine was procrastination. I am the queen of procrastination. I think this is why deadlines are so much better for me. I remember in college, one of our profs would say, “get it in when you can.” He was the only prof I EVER knew who actually acknowledged that students were swamped with so much and often couldn’t get everything done on the prof’s timeframe. The bad part was that I, being the procrastinator, would then put off his papers until the last possible moment - that moment when Dr. L would sit me down and say, “I really do need these papers in by next Thursday.” Then I would hunker down and get them done, cursing myself the whole time for not doing them when they were initially due and cursing him for letting me get away with putting them off (it really was his fault, you know).

Well, I’m back in this same state today. I have a project I must get done today but I have no desire to do it. I’ve been putting it off for 3 months, mostly because I’ve been busy with other projects, but today is the day I must get it done. And it bites. Joy.

the beast has awakened

So my horoscope today says this: “You may not know about it just yet, but someone's resentment is taking on a life of its own from behind the scenes, and you may well be at the heart of the situation. But this doesn't mean you caused it, or that you should feel guilty about it. You're in control of what you do, not what others do. So when and if something that's not quite fit for the public emerges, there's no reason for you to feel accountable.” I don’t take a lot of stock in horoscopes but it makes me pause when I read this one.

We had our monthly SEC meeting this week, and I thought it went very well. We had a discussion about a couple things, then SED and finished with a little activity (one I really liked, but I’m not sure how the others felt – heaven forbid we do an activity) and I left feeling like we accomplished some things and had a good hour. I haven’t always felt this way, but this one felt good. Then the next day I was told, “Rumor has it the meeting didn’t go so well yesterday.” After a little discussion with my source, it came down to one of the committee members wasn’t happy and talked to someone else who then talked to someone else and so on…

So what happened? What went wrong that made the meeting go poorly? We’re supposed to be an enrichment committee and having dissention within the committee isn’t going to help. Is it me? Am I too pushy? Maybe I should step down. I’m to the point of physical exhaustion when I hear these things come up. It makes me feel inadequate – b/c I must be doing something wrong, but no one will speak up and tell me that I’m being a putz or whatever. And then reading this horoscope worries me because the rumors that go around are so detrimental to any teamwork that we try to encourage. I almost feel like I should hold a special session and make it completely a ‘chair’ roast – I’ll just sit there and they can just speak their piece – yell at me, tell me off, call me all the names in the book, and I’ll soak it all in. Then at least I’d know where I stand with them.

Really, it’s not like I need to be on this committee. It’s one I believe in though – trying to help our fellow staff members to have some feeling of belonging and importance. So much of the importance goes on the students and faculty here (rightfully so), so having this committee focusing on us, the staff, is a good thing. But maybe I’m not doing my job well enough to accomplish this. I just don’t know.

Now I’m re-reading the horoscope and I know the last two sentences state I don’t need to feel responsible, but I do. Nature of the beast I guess.

overheard...

...being said to a lesbian:

"Go get him, girl!"

Huh?