18 September 2009


So in my quest to write a bit more, I blogged some random comments today while at work, but while I was running tonight I figured out a better topic.

I realized tonight that I really suck at this whole dating thing. I figured out that I haven't really needed to be accountable to anyone for at least 13 years, if not 16 (back when I lived at home). So this suddenly being accountable to someone, ie MS, is very strange.

A work week like this one has me wondering if I'm up for this. Before I used to just work late and call it good. I didn't need to worry about being home at a certain time or having to check in if I was going to be late. I just worked until I got tired, then went home - sometimes quite late into the evenings, but it didn't affect anyone but me.

But now, now there are tiemlines and deadlines and I have someone waiting for me. It's a very strange place for me to find myself. I've always been pretty independent, so having the impendingness of needing to be home by a certain time, or to get my run in at a certain point of the day, is very new.

I'm scared I'm not quite up for it and that I'm going to screw it up somehow. Of course it's also whoosh week which makes me moody and cranky and irritable. Add to that the stress of work, doesn't really work well for me either. And I've missed two days of runs. I ran tonight and my adrenaline was so high I ran sub-10 minute miles. That's great but it's not.

I need to find a balance. I need to figure out my schedule so I can make sure I can fit everything in I need to, which means I also need to figure out what I don't need and purge that.

I need to do that soon. I really don't want to mess up anything with MS.