Raise your hand if you're sure. OR Look before you leap.

Okay, folks, quick survey: How many people are tired and annoyed with my continuous conversation about discerning the job thing? A show of hands if you please…

*crickets*

Huh, that makes sense. No one responds because everyone is tired of reading about it, hence no one comes back here anymore! I don’t blame any of you. I wouldn’t come back either. But, I promise, I’ll make a decision this weekend. I know, I know, I’ve said that before, but now it’s down to having to actually apply, since brilliant me told them to open the job to the public - they’ve now had two applicants.

A wise man told me tonight that I may be hurting myself with my current employer too – this discerning thing. “I don’t know if I want that job, but I don’t know if I want this job either.” It makes sense though C hasn’t seemed too upset (the paranoia thing…she was in a meeting off site I didn’t know about and she’s been sick with the flu since). There are appealing things to both jobs, and unappealing things as well. It’s just weighing those out. The money isn’t an issue, so now it comes down to what do I want and where do I want to be in a few years. Starting at this job 3.5 years ago I was in it for the gig – easy gig, I knew my way around it, I liked my boss. A year ago I thought, I’ll give it 18 months after HO retires. It’ll be interesting to see the changes that will, of course, be made with the new administration. We’re only 2 months into that, so part of what’s holding me back is what will these changes be? I’ve worked hard in this company at this position since I began, I gave myself up for the home team when they needed a switch hitter for 18 months. Now I can finally just concentrate on this job, which I do enjoy. I like the planning process. I like working with staff and faculty with their events. I like knowing what’s going on, since most of my life I’ve rarely been in the know.

But then, God throws a curve ball and brings this other option into the picture. This other option is appealing too – it’s starting something new, yet somewhat established. It provides different (not necessarily better) but different opportunities than I have at the current job. But what’s holding me back? The possible inflexibility of hours, the commitment of a few years (though in reality that’s not set in stone, but the responsible person in me feels it is) and the unfamiliarity of it all. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy change – once it’s done. It’s going through the change that’s the hard part.

So what do I do? Many have told me to apply, as I mentioned before. One person told me I could apply, but that’s not saying yes or no to actually taking the job – but the person in me says that’s just wrong. You don’t apply just to apply. You apply because you’re genuinely interested in the job. I am interested but … there’s that but again.

Man, what is my problem? Too many choices. No confidence in self. No confidence in abilities to make decisions. Maybe it’d be better to stay where I am so I don’t screw everything up in a new job.

But then, maybe I just need to jump.