No, I'm not talking about the 4-letter sh word, I'm talking about the longer one:
And even more so, "should have". As in, "I should have ... "
Last night, i.e. this morning, I woke up hearing the two words repeatedly in my head, "should have should have should have should have". They blended together so well they became that dreaded English faux pas, "shudof shudof shudof".
Yesterday, was my 4th day off in a row. Because of how our job lines up we had the day off and so I was able to relax. Saturday I had a girls party, Sunday M&I ran some errands and had supper with my mom (saving her from the hospital for awhile - her SO has been in since Friday), and Monday we hunkered down during bad weather, doing laundry and reading (I read an awesome book, but more about that later). So Tuesday should have been my day to run my errands and get some taskers accomplished. Should have.
Instead, I got home from resistance class and took a 90 minute nap. I took a shower and then got on the Internet - not good. I intended to go into town and run my errands, especially trying on dresses for the wedding, but around the time the stores started opening, I decided, "eh..." I was not in the mood. Mid-afternoon I made some cookies and watched Psych. M came home and I made dinner and we watched NCIS. It was a good day.
Until I woke up with my list in my head and my brain screaming, "SHOULD HAVE". Not pleasant. Someday I'll learn that it's okay to relax, but part of me still has that great guilt that I didn't take advantage of the day and get things accomplished as I could have (re: should have).
It's a struggle. I struggle with a lot of guilt anyway (Yay, for Lutheran upbringing!) so this didn't help. I have some work to do. Good thing it's Lent.