So maybe this will help my writing that I've been wanting to do for so long. Andrea at Superhero Journal, one of my favorite writers and if I can ever meet her a Mondo Beyondo dream come true, wrote recently about "favorite parts".
This really hit me tonight. Recently in our company we have suffered two losses, both to the sad act of suicide. One was a member of the company, another was the daughter of one of our workers. We found out about the latter as we were driving to a conference and Steve said, "This really puts all those little things into perspective."
And it really does. I think about this whenever I talk about the fact I'm trying to fix me with therapy. The things that bother me, and things that irk me to the point where I can't see the happiness in life, are so minor...so trival. I can't even fathom getting to the point in my life where I would want to end it. There's so much that I want to do, but for some there is so much they don't have hope for.
I have hope. I have faith. I have a wonderful life. So why do I let all these little stupid things weigh so heavily on me. Like this distance between remorse and repentance thing? Why is this so important to figure out in me? Why can't I just bury things down and forget about them and the rare moments they rise up, I just cry them out and be done with it? Why drag all this crap out in to the open which is just causing me so much heartache while I'm supposedly "getting better"?
But maybe i do need that help. And maybe if I take a moment at the end of each day to do what Andrea suggests - "What was the best part of the day? What was the highlight" - I can find the happiness and joy all the time and not worry so much about the rest of the little stuff.
So today - I had a fun moment where I was hanging out with bosses talking fishing; and the best part was talking with MS this morning, hearing his soft chuckle in my ear and him telling me that he loves me.
And the fact it's Nika's 2nd birthday doesn't hurt either. Love you, Nika!