16 December 2009

Checking in

It's been awhile since I looked at the Mondo Beyond page but I felt compelled to do so today. MS and I are still going strong which is great. I'm really excited about our future together.

I do feel that I have been a bit unfair to both him and me with not dealing with my issues and conflicts and struggles with my mother. Truly, who doesn't have issues with their mom, but mine have continued to grow in the past few months. Lately, any little thing she says or does just ticks me off and I'm not sure why. I know part of my fear is that I'm going to turn into her as I get older. In fact, MS joked about that the other night, "You know, the good thing about all of this is that we are getting to see what we'll be like when we're that age." God help us. I told him it's his job to keep me from being her.

I'm not sure why some her actions, complaints, conversations irk me so. My friend K has suggested a time or two (or eight) that I should go to therapy. She went with some issues she was dealing with regarding her career and decisions and it's turned her life around. I know I need to, but I need to figure out how to afford it.

So I took that step last night and actually read my benefits for my insurance for 2010. I figure if I'm paying for it I should take advantage of it. I need to find a preferred provider and then call to see how many sessions they will cover.

It's a scary step but I don't like feeling like this. I don't know why I get so annoyed with her. Part of it I'm sure I'm bringing on my self by not speaking up but when I do speak up she gets this hurt look or she gets pissy and snaps back at me.

Hopefully I can find someone to work with and work through all these stupid issues. I need to be fair to me so it's not weighing me down anymore.


jillwillrun said...

Just make sure you find a therapist that you "click" with... if something is at all off in that relationship, you won't get anything out of it! Good luck! I used to think it meant I was "broken" because I needed to talk with someone, but now I realize it takes strength to take care of myself properly.

~moe~ said...

Thanks, Jill. That's my concern too, because trying to follow the insurance guidelines and still find one that clicks might be tough. Hopefully i can.

I had the same thought. I still do from time to time because often i feel broken, but I need to figure out something to fix me and get me on the right track. :)

CindaRu and Dustin Too! said...

It's true getting the right person is the key. I have an incredible therapist. She is amazing! ELCA insurance covers 6 sessions/yr. really, I went to 5 and have one left. She gave me great tools to work through a lot of stuff. How much time I went was very dependent on how much work I did when I wasn't there. It makes a difference. Some things sounded nuts, but they were helpful in the end. I'm deciding to start again in January and go about every two months, it really has helped me become a healthier person and more aware of my reactions.
You may have to try a couple people, but find the right one and you will be amazed. Truly. good luck.