Need more cowbell

Everyone has different types of motivation. Some use music. Some have goals. Some just do.

Last night I went for a 6 mile run. I've been struggling lately to keep my head focused while I run, so when I headed out I was a little nervous.

I started out in my fast shoes, nice and easy. It was warm out which I didn't like, but not so hot that I couldn't function. I eased into it all and ended with a nice 10:08 first mile.

"That's great," I thought to myself and looked ahead to the bridge and kept going. I started to feel a little freer and thought that maybe I could have a good run with a lot of 10 minute miles.

But when I hit the half mile marker and I was under 5 minutes, I started to freak (in a good way). Holy crap, I thought, I could have a sub-10 mile! So I kept pushing myself.

I didn't focus completely on my time because when I do that I tend to stumble and trip a lot. So I just focused on my marathon coming up. The bike trails where I run are similar to the route at TC - lots of trees, the river along the side, and a nice path. At one point, I was imagining running the marathon and when I looked up to a bridge I could have sworn I saw people along the side of the path cheering me on. Until I realized exactly what it was (a couple seconds later) I felt myself surge with energy and pick up my pace just a bit more.

So I switched my tactic slightly. Instead of just focusing on my time and hoping I wouldn't trip, I thought about the marathon and my future run. I imagined around every corner MS and Debbie standing, ringing the cowbell and cheering me on. I could actually hear the cowbell, I was that entranced in my focus.

It helped, it really helped a lot. My 2nd mile was 9:51, the third 9:41. I walked for 45 seconds before starting mile 4 just to refocus my head and finished that one in 10:21. The next couple miles I really had to focus on MS and Debbie...not just around the corners but even along the long stretches of path, yelling my name and jumping up and down to encourage me. Mile 5 was 10:03 (back on track) and then Mile 6 was 10:40 - I walked a bit more here. I think my body was starting to feel the effects of faster running. I'm not used to that.

But it was liberating to realize that, yes, I can run faster than I thought I could. And yes, I'm not sore the next.

So tonight I'm hoping to run 9, or at least 6 again, and see if I can duplicate the efforts. Maybe, just maybe, I will have found a great way to focus when I run so I can keep these paces up. TC is coming up in 5 weeks and I really, really want to finish around 5 or 5:30.

Greased Lightning

Yesterday, MS picked up my running shoes from the bench by the door and said, "Wow! These are slick! You got new shoes!" I was like...no, I've had them for a couple months, but I guess I had been wearing my other shoes whenever he and I ran together. I want these broken in for the marathon though so I've been wearing them more lately.

Anyway, he said, "Well, I've never seen them." I said, "They make me fast." hahaha He said, "Ooo, fast, huh? Like Greased Lightning!" I smiled and then thought, you know, they do kind of look like the car. What do you think?

So bad, yet so good

I've been really bad about updating my blog lately. I should have stuck with the NaBloPoMo monthly challenge...it at least gave me something to focus on and a goal to keep. Of course if you look at it from the standpoint that I'm not living on the 'net anymore, then maybe this is an okay thing that I haven't updated in awhile.

I would make the "promise" that I'll update more often, but we all know that probably won't happen, so I'm just going to write now.

It's been a weird week at work. I've been asked to come up with some examples of lack of communication or just communication issues in general that I've experienced since I started working there. This isn't a big thing but it kind of feels like I'm ratting out people. So I'm not sure how to do it without doing that.

And then I'm still learning how to keep myself in check when it comes to my emotions, both at work and at home. MS wants to help me with my car, but it just seemed too soon one night and I kind of fell apart. Then today at work I was really frustrated with a co-worker and apparently I was showing it a bit too much. Something to work on, I guess.

Then my run tonight was great. I felt awesome during my 5 miles tonight. I can only hope and pray I can keep that pace for 26.2 in a month or so. I would LOVE that. My pace would be perfect to finish in a time I really want.

So now, I'm going to go see MS. He's been working on the yard all day and needs some TLC. Well, so do I after that run. :)

Long weekend

So I took Friday off since MS was back in town and he didn't have to go back to work until Sunday. It was nice. We took a road trip to the Cities to get Morty and just spent the day relaxing and doing "normal" things.

Saturday I started my day off nice and early by getting rained on while helping kids get school supplies. My work helps volunteer for the program each year where the Saturday before school starts one of the food banquet's hands out backpacks and school supplies to the kids in need from around town. Our job is to make sure folks stay in line, orderly, that they have the proper ID needed and that they don't smoke on school grounds. The latter is one of the worst to deal with followed by the penultimate issue. We get some really bitchy people sometimes when you just ask them to follow the rules. Insane.

MS and I went to see Pelham 123 that afternoon which actually turned out to be a better flick than I thought it would be. It's hard to imagine John Travolta as a bad guy and in a few scenes it was just comical. But overall it was intense, funny, and well done. Probably not one I'd buy, but still worth the money.

Then we went shopping for tillers and weed whackers. I've been doing the push mowing around the trees and edging while MS does the main portion of the yard with the rider, but the other night I picked up a rock the size of my fist and left a nick in the blade the size of my small pinky toenail. Not good. So we're looking for a trimmer that I can carry and maneuver but one that MS can use as well when I'm not around. I think we found one for not too much money. The tiller is the trick. There aren't many left in stock these days so I'm not sure if we'll find a good one or not.

Then we went back to his place and watched one of our favorite movies. There are just so many good lines: "You let it die!", "Krull the Warrior King" and others we tend to quote a lot. I think MS has a little man-crush on Matthew though...not that I'm complaining because he is pretty fine to look at. :)

Sunday MS had to work so I went to church and then attempted to clean up my apartment before quartet rehearsal. The latter was fun. It's nice to sing in a group again, and AES, KC and MB are great to sing with. We're working on a few songs for a gig we have in September. (Yes, I said 'gig'.)

Yesterday I had one of the best runs ever - at least for the first 5 miles. I felt free and light and speedy (even if it was only a 10:30 pace). But then my knee decided to act up so the last three were a struggle and an 12ish pace. I ran again tonight to see if maybe it's just a fluke, but I think I need to get back to doing my stretches again.

Well...there's a catchup. I wish I had more exciting things to write. I do but sometimes it's hard to put here. Not sure how much I should say and whatnot, being a public forum and all. We'll see. Maybe I'll let loose soon. Til then, I'm off to bed.

Life is good again

MS is back so all is right with the world. We didn't even work today, if you can believe it. But plans were made, of course.

I'm really glad he's home. It's not that I couldn't function without him, things just seem to go easier and smoother when he's around. It's nice to have someone to bounce things off instead of just trying to figure it out on my own. And it's just nice to not be smooched deprived anymore.

Tomorrow we're doing a support our schools project where a bunch of us from work help with security and handing out school supplies to kids in the city who may need help with purchasing them and having them for school which starts soon. It'll be fun, though stupid me signed up for the first two AM shifts, so I'm there at 6 until after noon. Ugh. But it's for a good cause so it's all worth it.

MS and a car update

First the car update - I may not be getting a new car now. The whole thing stinks and I don't really want to write about it here. Let's just say I'm a little cranky with my car's service people and I'm not sure that I'll ever be going back.

So I need to get my rental back and pick up Morty to come back home for a little while longer. And I need to start car shopping...not my favorite thing to do, but it's a necessity at this point. Ugh.

MS comes home tomorrow. Thank goodness. We're down to 22 hours or something like that so I'm getting happier as the clock ticks closer. He called tonight as he crossed back into the real world from the cold side outside of the states and we talked briefly about the car and then about D (of S&D) who supposedly has 14 pages of questions to ask me. HAHA. She sounds fun to meet. Someday.

Right now I just want MS home. Well, actually right now I just want to go to bed, but right after that I want MS home. Priorities, I know. :)

I should have known

Yesterday had to have been a sign. But instead, I stupidly believed that maybe all things would be okay.

My car is broken. Not unfixable, just really broken to the point where fixing it and paying the cost to fix it would be almost 2 years of a payment on a new car.

So I'm trading it in on a new car. I'll have it and pictures next week.

I'm still not sure about this whole thing. I looked at and drove several cars this afternoon, all while making and fielding calls from my friends and trusted advisors. I was almost to the point to make a decision and then I got a call from Mom telling me to fix Morty and drive him til he dies.

That started a whole round of questioning my judgment and decision again. But I resettled back on trading in. I should have just listened to Eric in the first place. It took another phone call from Debbie to confirm it.

What a mess. I'll end up with a nice car with a few extra options I'm not all that keen about, but it was that or make the switch to a manual and I'm just not there yet. Closer, but not fully trusting myself in that.

I'm just so very tired from this whole day. Not a good day in Moeland...and it should have been since I'll be getting a brand new car out of the deal, but I'm not there yet. It'll take awhile.

uffda.

Spot is gone. :(

Over the years I have traveled the same stretch of road many-a time. To and from home for work; to and from home for school; to and from home for vacation and weekend trips.

Along that way, for as long as I can remember, one of the farm silos had the old 7up can painted on the side with the Spot.

Well today as I was driving along, watching for my landmarks as I do, one of which is the silo of course, I noticed something wrong.

It wasn't 7up anymore.

It's now advertising for countertops.

This just seems wrong.

Getting there a bit at a time

What a weird day, but to be expected considering it was Friday. I got to work and immediately three people walked in to check on a project. Then MS called and I had to put him off which ended up me putting him off for the rest of the day because he had other stuff going on too. :(

But the rest of the morning was a blur, but productive. I picked up my other new glasses, which I'm not sure that I like, but they'll work for work and are transition lenses (at least supposed to be, I haven't tried that out yet) so that's good. I'll keep the red ones for fun. Then SBK and I ran to our new lunch place - the Mix.

The Mix is cool because it's a meal place where you start with a shot of aloe for digestion, then a cold herbal tea (Peach is my favorite), then a protein shake and they have some really good flavors. Yesterday I had Apple Pie, today Strawberry Cheesecake. The meals are all between 200 and 400 calories...a perfect meal and a great getaway for SBK and me.

When I got back to the office I told Boss2 I was going to shut my door so I could get caught up on the rest of my projects. It worked, for the most part, but I'm sure I pissed off a few people in the building. I really don't care. I finally got caught up on my monthly presentation I have to put together but haven't needed since early March. That was a big one.

I have a few more projects to finish tomorrow and I had a couple ideas on the way home on ways to help me with that...hopefully they will work. This weekend will be busy at work, so it's a good thing MS is gone. I'd be spastic. :)

I did get MS's lawn mowed, other than the ditches in the front that didn't look too bad. Wednesday I'm going to leave work a bit early so I have plenty of time to finish it all at once before he returns.

Anyway, I'm feeling better folks. I can't wait until MS returns. It'll be nice to have him back. I need a hug. :)

New Glasses Part I

for the record

A month or so ago I was helping MS move some rocks and while doing so I hit the front of my left leg. For several weeks I had a huge bruise and bump on my leg.

I still have the bump. I just realized that...is that a bad thing?

slowly, but surely

I'm feeling a little better today. Still not 100% but getting there. K called last night and really nailed it on the head what my problem is (or at least part of it). And once again, she's completely accurate. Sidebar: it's good and important to have friends who can read you, even when they are miles away.

Anyway, K pointed out that, basically, I have realized unconsciously that how my life was (i.e. workaholic, work encompassed, work work work) is not how I really want my life to be. I don't want to be working all the time. I don't want to work late and work on weekends when I don't have to or go in on Monday's when it's my day off. There are other things and better things to do with my time. I just didn't realize it until MS came into my life and woke me up.

It's not that MS is the center of my universe where if he disappears I'll be sucked into a black hole never to return. Fact, I probably would be pretty depressed for awhile if he were to no longer be a part of my life, but it's more that he's reminded me things that I can do that I wanted to try but didn't know if I would actually have the skillset to do. And I do, so I can, and I could.

He's also reminded me that work does not have to be the be-all/end-all for my life. I can leave work at the end of the shift instead of staying later. I can leave work at work when I go on vacation and not check voice mail or email. I can make it through a weekend without stopping out to the office to check on things. I can, and it's a good thing that I do.

Granted, because of this sudden change, I've fallen behind on tasks that I normally would have done on weekend (in my previous life, that is), which is where the stress has come and built up as of late because it's all coming to a head and I'm having trouble grasping it, STS. So it's good MS is on vacation this week, away from me, where I can work a little later and play a little catch-up so that when he returns I can be back to my normal, cheerful self, caught up on work and at a place where I can function efficiently (or at least more so than I am right now). It's going to be rough for a few days, but I'll get there and I feel better about that now.

Bad day

Today was rough. It didn't help that I was short on sleep or that the two runs I had yesterday sucked or that MS left today for a 9-day vacation he's had planned for over a year, "Before I even knew you existed," he said.

So getting to work this morning an hour earlier than normal and trying to do any kind of work was extremely difficult. It's not that I don't have things to do, it's just that time of day when I'm not quite awake and not really feeling it, makes things almost impossible at times.

I wish I cared more about my job. Of course as I write that I know it's not completely true. I do care about my job. I care about it a lot. I want to succeed. I have a perfectionist trait and that damned responsibility trait (thanks, Strengths Finders!), but I just hate all the paperwork and it starts to pile up because all these other little things happen and I just find myself frustrated - not only at the extra work, but also at my attitude and motivation towards theses things. And then I get stressed because I don't complete things like I would like me to and then I feel guilty for not getting it done and then I work late to try to compensate but I still stay behind on everything. How can I catch up? How can I get to the point again where I have only one or two projects instead of 12?

MS said out of the blue the other night, "I didn't realize your job stressed you out so much." And I started crying. Part of it was because we weren't even talking about work but it had been brought up in conversation earlier when I talked about stress-eating and he asked what I was stressed about, "Mom, work, K&J and their issues, work, Mom, Work."

The crying threw me off as well as him. It wasn't that I was stressed about work at that moment (I wasn't really thinking about it, honestly), it's the reasons behind my stress. They are all my fault. I go to work and am unmotivated. I have so many piles of things to do that it's just overwhelming and I don't want to do any of them. And then I feel stupid because I know if I did do them then my stress would go away. It's a vicious circle - a circle I create myself.

How do I get around this? How can I motivate myself? I'm trying to figure this out because if I don't soon, I may not have a job to even worry about.

Do you need a hammer with your socks?

So yesterday MS and I were driving. We decided to swing by Wally World to pick up some socks and hit the Subway there for dinner. All was good until...I drove right by the entrance. MS said, "You could have turned there." I said, "Oh, crap. I was heading to Menards." MS busted out laughing. I felt bad but then he explained he had done the same thing earlier that day - headed to Menards instead of Culver's with his mom. Whoops.

Do we spend too much time at Menards? Maybe.

Look who I got to see!

Sarah and Eric came to town to visit today and I got to have lunch at BW3s with them and their adorable son, Eli. :) Eli is a wiggle worm these days, but oh so cute!

Runner's Foot

I'm getting runner's foot. This is nothing like athlete's foot where it gets all scaly and itchy and you need medicine for it. This is worse.

I have a tan line. :(

My feet from the ankles down are white...white, white, white. But my legs are nice and tan (up to about mid-thigh, which is a whole other disease all together, but related). I hate this part of running. I love the feeling of power my legs have as they carry me across the trails. I love that feeling of accomplishment at the end of a run when I have run well.

But I hate that I get a tan line from my socks and shoes. It's not all from running, since it's also from working in the yard with MS, but it still sucks. I just hope I don't have anything important that I'd need a skirt for in the next couple months. It's just going to get worse.

Because there are 9 weeks to Twin Cities Marathon and I need to run a lot. Today's run was great. I had a great 6 miles today with about 10:33 for the average pace: (10:20, 10:09, 10:06, 10:19, now going into wind 10:41 and 11). I love runs like these. I just need to keep these going and go longer than just 6 miles. In 9 weeks I'll need to quadruple that plus a little. I can do it, I know I can, but I need to keep going and lose a little weight and continue to get stronger.

This I can. I can do. This I can do.

But the runner's foot still bothers me.