I’m staying with my tradition of dressing my avatar well when I want to not be here. Not that today is bad. I had a great work out this morning and plans tonight to make these, so it’s really not a bad day. Just wanting to stay focused. Had a bad dream last week that I’ve been avoiding talking about, but maybe it’s time. So, Tre if you’re reading this…help me sort this out!
So I was at guards in our office, working, pulling things together for whatever project I was working on. The day was beautiful, warm, sunny and gorgeous. It was around the time I was supposed to go to
Suddenly, I freak. Was I supposed to be on this? So I run outside to the guy in charge – who wasn’t Larry but kind of looked like him – and he starts barking at me wondering where my stuff is and why I’m not in line. I said that I never had notice we were leaving today. He looks at me like I’m the biggest idiot in the world and screams at me to get my crap together and be on the bus in an hour. So I run home (apparently it wasn’t as far as it really is) and start packing my stuff, crying my eyes out, freaking out for screwing up and wondering where the hell I’m going to find dark blue jeans and a red shirt so I’m in ‘uniform’. I grab my stuff and haul butt back to the base and get on the bus.
Then, suddenly we’re in
Then I woke up.
I’m sure some of this stems from not knowing when I’m leaving yet and getting an email that I have to get a few things done (dental, duh), and that it’s my first real deployment as a PA alone. My stomach turns when I think about it, though part of it is excitement, but other parts of it are just fearful. That fear of rejection and screwing up… maybe someday I’ll get over that.