Dress nice, but not in red and blue

I’m staying with my tradition of dressing my avatar well when I want to not be here. Not that today is bad. I had a great work out this morning and plans tonight to make these, so it’s really not a bad day. Just wanting to stay focused. Had a bad dream last week that I’ve been avoiding talking about, but maybe it’s time. So, Tre if you’re reading this…help me sort this out!

So I was at guards in our office, working, pulling things together for whatever project I was working on. The day was beautiful, warm, sunny and gorgeous. It was around the time I was supposed to go to Alaska but I hadn’t received my orders yet, so I was killing time, waiting to hear. When suddenly, I look outside and see a huge blue bus pull along side our building (which was on a tarmac for some reason). People start filing up to the buses with their army duffle bags, dressed in dark blue jeans and red shirts (one of whom was my friend, Debbie – in fact, most people in line weren’t from my unit) and begin loading their luggage on the bus (kind of like greyhound buses but more like the blue school buses we have on base). Then they all line up in a pseudo formation.

Suddenly, I freak. Was I supposed to be on this? So I run outside to the guy in charge – who wasn’t Larry but kind of looked like him – and he starts barking at me wondering where my stuff is and why I’m not in line. I said that I never had notice we were leaving today. He looks at me like I’m the biggest idiot in the world and screams at me to get my crap together and be on the bus in an hour. So I run home (apparently it wasn’t as far as it really is) and start packing my stuff, crying my eyes out, freaking out for screwing up and wondering where the hell I’m going to find dark blue jeans and a red shirt so I’m in ‘uniform’. I grab my stuff and haul butt back to the base and get on the bus.

Then, suddenly we’re in Alaska, I’m in normal uniform and I’m trying to check into my room. This was really weird, because the housing was set up like school – rooms off to the side, narrow corridors and lunchroom/rec room right in the middle and people everywhere. I go to the room they’ve assigned me and find it packed with women – 5 beds, 4 of which are larger, and 1 open one that looks like an easy chair (there were arranged weird…the little one was in the middle but they almost looked like they were standing upright in my dream). “That’s your bed,” they say cackling cattily (yes, women cackle). So I drop my crap and head to look for another place in case somewhere else is open. I end up running into some guy who starts yelling at me that I’m not where I’m supposed to be and that I was supposed to unload all the equipment and I better get going. I’ve been there all of 5 minutes and this place is insane and I have no idea where I’m going. So I start walking toward the planes and trucks, hoping this is right. The guy who yelled hooked up with some buddies and start following me in a jeep. So I walk faster. And they drove faster – staying just behind me, but taunting me the whole way. I finally made it to where all the equipment was being unloaded and I ran into someone from our unit (I recognized his face, but can’t think of his name now) who took me under his wing and helped me find my box and load it on a jeep and drove me back to the housing.

Then I woke up.

I’m sure some of this stems from not knowing when I’m leaving yet and getting an email that I have to get a few things done (dental, duh), and that it’s my first real deployment as a PA alone. My stomach turns when I think about it, though part of it is excitement, but other parts of it are just fearful. That fear of rejection and screwing up… maybe someday I’ll get over that.