It's hard to believe that March is over, or that it's 9:06 pm for that matter. This month has flown by. It feels like just the other day we were changing our clocks and now we're moving into April. Crazy.
The 10-wk program is going well. After recovering from Monday, the last three days have been great. I really like the kick-boxing days - it's nice to actually hit something for once...years of TaeBo and KenpoX and punching the air is paying off. But the bigger workout is with the resistance bands. I hate these but I can feel them working, so I'll stick with it.
And the eating plan with the program is going well too. I haven't had pop in 2 days, and I haven't had caffeine since Sunday. My new hobbies are eating and peeing it seems, but if it helps, I'll make it work.
For now, March is over and I'm moving forward. Blessings to you all!
31 March 2011
29 March 2011
Ups & Downs
That's about all I can say for the last few days - ups & downs.
So I won this 10-wk body shaping session thing. I signed up, agreed to do it - I did talk with them about my marathon training. They said they had a gal in the winter session who is a marathoner and her time and strength improved. So hopefully that will happen. I did find it funny that at the orientation they kept telling us that our weight probably won't change, but we'll lose inches. That's great...I actually need to weigh less - less weight=faster moe.
Thursday we had a retirment party for one of our old-timers. KC, MB and I sang the anthem together and sounded great. I love singing with them. I wish we had more gigs, but then we'd need to practice more and with their 2.5 children, time is limited.
MS and I had a great weekend. We took a little road trip Friday, then spent the weekend on the couch watching movies. Yesterday we ran errands and I proceeded to get a migraine and nausea. It was awesome. Not. I haven't thrown up since college (and that was alcohol induced) so last night was really weird for me - and for him. He didn't know what to do and I didn't know what to tell him. I feel better today, but not 100%. I still had a headache most of the day (it finally went away about 45 minutes ago), and have had the chills a bit too. Weird. I don't like being sick.
Anyway, my first class for my 10-wk program is tonight. It was supposed to be last night but alas... Anyway.
So I won this 10-wk body shaping session thing. I signed up, agreed to do it - I did talk with them about my marathon training. They said they had a gal in the winter session who is a marathoner and her time and strength improved. So hopefully that will happen. I did find it funny that at the orientation they kept telling us that our weight probably won't change, but we'll lose inches. That's great...I actually need to weigh less - less weight=faster moe.
Thursday we had a retirment party for one of our old-timers. KC, MB and I sang the anthem together and sounded great. I love singing with them. I wish we had more gigs, but then we'd need to practice more and with their 2.5 children, time is limited.
MS and I had a great weekend. We took a little road trip Friday, then spent the weekend on the couch watching movies. Yesterday we ran errands and I proceeded to get a migraine and nausea. It was awesome. Not. I haven't thrown up since college (and that was alcohol induced) so last night was really weird for me - and for him. He didn't know what to do and I didn't know what to tell him. I feel better today, but not 100%. I still had a headache most of the day (it finally went away about 45 minutes ago), and have had the chills a bit too. Weird. I don't like being sick.
Anyway, my first class for my 10-wk program is tonight. It was supposed to be last night but alas... Anyway.
22 March 2011
Da Winnah!!
I'm sitting at work laughing my head off today. I just got an email from a co-worker that said, "I just heard on the radio that Ben and Patty are going to pump up Moe. The winner of this weeks facebook friend. Is this our Moe??"
Yesterday, I signed up for the local radio station giveaway for a 10-week body makeover session at a local place. I was laughing as I signed up even...because with my luck I'd win and I don't know that I really want it, though I know it would be beneficial. But then again, I rarely win anything, so why not?
So when my co-worker sent that email I busted out laughing. So now I have this 10-week body makeover session (still waiting for details because I think it starts Saturday) and I'm curious if a) I should accept it and b) if I can make it work in my schedule and c) what MS will think about all of it.
The 10-week thing doesn't worry me too much other than I have a marathon in 9 weeks...well 8 by the time it would start. And that's totally different training.
Lord knows I need the help, and having a free workout worth $399 may be well worth my time and energy if it can get me on track and ready for the marathon and for summer. I have a lot of work to do, and maybe being forced into going would help. Of course, because I'm NOT paying for makes the incentive to go a little less because I really have nothing invested in it...nothing but myself, I guess. :)
So do I take it and do the program? Or should I give it back to another lucky winner?
Yesterday, I signed up for the local radio station giveaway for a 10-week body makeover session at a local place. I was laughing as I signed up even...because with my luck I'd win and I don't know that I really want it, though I know it would be beneficial. But then again, I rarely win anything, so why not?
So when my co-worker sent that email I busted out laughing. So now I have this 10-week body makeover session (still waiting for details because I think it starts Saturday) and I'm curious if a) I should accept it and b) if I can make it work in my schedule and c) what MS will think about all of it.
The 10-week thing doesn't worry me too much other than I have a marathon in 9 weeks...well 8 by the time it would start. And that's totally different training.
Lord knows I need the help, and having a free workout worth $399 may be well worth my time and energy if it can get me on track and ready for the marathon and for summer. I have a lot of work to do, and maybe being forced into going would help. Of course, because I'm NOT paying for makes the incentive to go a little less because I really have nothing invested in it...nothing but myself, I guess. :)
So do I take it and do the program? Or should I give it back to another lucky winner?
21 March 2011
Expiration Date
My dear friend KC sent me this email today. I've seen it before, not sure if it's true, but I do think it's a good reminder that we need to live in the moment. And it's a good reminder that sometimes we need to be like children and stop for the "something shiny" because it may be something amazing.
THE SITUATION
In Washington , DC , at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.
About 4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.
At 6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
At 10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.
At 45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
After 1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.
This experiment raised several questions:
*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made...
How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?
Enjoy life NOW ... it has an expiration date.
THE SITUATION
In Washington , DC , at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.
About 4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.
At 6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
At 10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.
At 45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
After 1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.
This experiment raised several questions:
*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made...
How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?
Enjoy life NOW ... it has an expiration date.
20 March 2011
Discardia time again!
Today starts another season of Discardia - YAY! So I'm working on purging my life, once again, from all the extra clutter and crap that inflicts my life - not just physically, but emotionally as well.
So this weekend I signed up on a website to track my food and calories and exercise so I can lose 15 pounds by the May marathon. I need to get rid of my winter weight. I know it'll make running a LOT easier and I'll feel better about myself as well - which will help mentally. In 2009 when I was 15 pounds lighter than I am now, I was happy, because I felt good and ready to go and as a result the marathon was awesome. I need that.
On the paper side, I spent the morning after church going through my pile of mail from the week, as well as all the extras that had piled up in my basket by my side of the couch. It was good to purge of the excess. I still have more to go through, of course, but it's a great start.
Yesterday, I updated my marathon scrapbook, too, which puts my running in perspective. It's fun to see how I've progressed (or not) throughout the last few years. I only started running in 2007, so it's still new. I'm really thankful MS got me started with the scrapbook. And he's been super supportive this week, riding his bike alongside me as I've been running. He's a lifesaver.
All in all, this will be a good Discardia, I think. It's Spring and Spring cleaning is running rampant in me and I'm excited to make some changes.
So this weekend I signed up on a website to track my food and calories and exercise so I can lose 15 pounds by the May marathon. I need to get rid of my winter weight. I know it'll make running a LOT easier and I'll feel better about myself as well - which will help mentally. In 2009 when I was 15 pounds lighter than I am now, I was happy, because I felt good and ready to go and as a result the marathon was awesome. I need that.
On the paper side, I spent the morning after church going through my pile of mail from the week, as well as all the extras that had piled up in my basket by my side of the couch. It was good to purge of the excess. I still have more to go through, of course, but it's a great start.
Yesterday, I updated my marathon scrapbook, too, which puts my running in perspective. It's fun to see how I've progressed (or not) throughout the last few years. I only started running in 2007, so it's still new. I'm really thankful MS got me started with the scrapbook. And he's been super supportive this week, riding his bike alongside me as I've been running. He's a lifesaver.
All in all, this will be a good Discardia, I think. It's Spring and Spring cleaning is running rampant in me and I'm excited to make some changes.
17 March 2011
The need to learn how to play
Today I saw this picture of my adorable Goddaughter fresh and happy in the midst of playtime. Her mom commented on how they have to pin her hair back now because her bangs are so long they get in the way of her playing.
That statement made me smile. And smile fully. Partly because my Goddaughter is like me in that aspect - I hate having hair on my face. It gets in the way and makes it difficult, if not annoying, to enjoy things fully. It's a nuisance. But the statement made me smile because playing is so important that my Goddaughter has to be prepped for it.
Play time is so essential and I think as adults we forget that. So much of life is work, home work, work, etc., that we forget to play. When was the last time you were on a swing? Or were running with complete abandonment? Phoebe, from Friends, said once about running that it was funnest when you were running from "Satan" (the neighbors dog).
There's that reckless freedom about it, about play time, that I think adults fear. I know I do. I don't have control! I need control! But I'm missing out on some of the best moments in life because of that fear. Why can't I just let go and enjoy each and every moment? How do I find that place deep within myself and let it out?
I need to spend more time with the young people in my life - my nieces, my nephews, my Goddaughter. I know they can teach me. I know I can learn to play...if I can get out of my head long enough to let it happen.
15 March 2011
Road trip!
MS and I took a mini road trip yesterday to a nearby city. He had a tax appointment and I wanted/needed to do some shopping. Our road trips tend to be a split between super fun and super revealing, depending on our conversations at the time.
For fun we started things out right. I have such random CDs in my car and so as he was flipping through them he came across Schoolhouse Rock. I grinned and he said, "You want to listen to this?" I said, "At least track 2, 'cuz it's my favorite." Track 2 is "Three is a Magic Number". I love that song. MS just laughed at me as I sang along, bobbing my head in the white-girl way as we drove down the road. :) This started a lot of singing throughout the day. Later we sang "Rawhide" and "Minnie the Moocher" off the Blues Brothers soundtrack. And we had a little "Cumbia De Los Muertos" by Ozomatli from the Never Been Kissed soundtrack. I think by that point MS thought I was losing it.
We also talked about travel...again. I really do love to travel; MS does not. But we talked about places I want to go, places he wants to go. I think we'll get to a compromise but we're still working on it. There are so many places I still want to see in this world - Ireland, Australia, London (again), Paris (briefly), Rome, and even places in the states. MS has traveled a lot already in his life so he's good to just stay home. But I think he understands my need to get away when I said, "I can't go through my life with just going to work, then home, then work, then home, then work, then home. It's too much. I need more."
We're getting there. Our trip was great though. MS got his taxes done, I got my necessary shopping done, MS got some new kicks and I oogled over the tiny Chucks for toddlers. :) Tonight, is date night. I'm really excited for this one. :)
For fun we started things out right. I have such random CDs in my car and so as he was flipping through them he came across Schoolhouse Rock. I grinned and he said, "You want to listen to this?" I said, "At least track 2, 'cuz it's my favorite." Track 2 is "Three is a Magic Number". I love that song. MS just laughed at me as I sang along, bobbing my head in the white-girl way as we drove down the road. :) This started a lot of singing throughout the day. Later we sang "Rawhide" and "Minnie the Moocher" off the Blues Brothers soundtrack. And we had a little "Cumbia De Los Muertos" by Ozomatli from the Never Been Kissed soundtrack. I think by that point MS thought I was losing it.
We also talked about travel...again. I really do love to travel; MS does not. But we talked about places I want to go, places he wants to go. I think we'll get to a compromise but we're still working on it. There are so many places I still want to see in this world - Ireland, Australia, London (again), Paris (briefly), Rome, and even places in the states. MS has traveled a lot already in his life so he's good to just stay home. But I think he understands my need to get away when I said, "I can't go through my life with just going to work, then home, then work, then home, then work, then home. It's too much. I need more."
We're getting there. Our trip was great though. MS got his taxes done, I got my necessary shopping done, MS got some new kicks and I oogled over the tiny Chucks for toddlers. :) Tonight, is date night. I'm really excited for this one. :)
13 March 2011
A little luck o' the Irish, a little God, and Pi(e)
Yesterday was the Irishman races in our town. There were a few of my co-workers who signed up for the 5K as the team challenge. I, stupidly, signed up for all 3 as I have in the past. But calling the races an Irishman confused a few who hadn't run before, thinking it was just the one 5K race. A little education was given. :)
Anyway, I was actually psyched for these races. Normally they're fun and while I haven't been running as much as I'd like, I felt like I could do these fairly well. That was until...I woke up to find 25 mph winds from the WNW which was the main direction we were running for all 3 races. Ugh. I can handle the cold but I hate...hate...hate the wind. Suddenly I toyed with not running and I'm not usually one to back out of races. Hell, in 2009 I even attempted a marathon though my knee had been killing me (I stopped at 13.1) and last year I even ran the full half when I had horrible chest congestion and ended up sick for 2 weeks after. I just don't Not Go to races.
So I continued to psych myself up and decided to not worry about time, but just to finish. I got to run with a few friends Tom, Tom and Sara, and saw a few other runners from the area which was fun.
After the first 5mile race, we went to the local tavern for a free Guinness, as is tradition for these races. I normally don't go in between races because it's my time to recoup, but I went yesterday. I was glad I did! Not only did I get a Guinness but I got to keep the glass! And both were free! YAY! That made the wind and weather all the more worthwhile.
The 5K was colder than the 5mile and the 1 mile even colder than both. I relished the 90 minutes between the 5K and 1 mile...I sat in my car and read! I got time to just sit and read!! (plus I got to catch the end of Wait, Wait...which I always miss). But the time to just sit and read was so wonderful! I forgot how much I love that! I haven't had much time to just sit and read as I used to...Oh how I miss it.
After the races I came home and had a long, hot shower and ate half a pizza. I was so hungry and so excited to just relax on the couch. That's the true reward after running...and something to keep me running.
Today MS is working, so I'm on my own. I went to my old church, that being the one I used to go to on a regular basis when I lived on my own. Big O had a great sermon and one I needed to hear. I am a baptized child of God. I am saved. I am loved. I am blessed. Oh how I needed to hear that. I wanted to chat with Big O a bit more but he had a line up of little old ladies who wanted to talk to him too, so I'll have to set up a time to meet with him later.
Then I went to Target and the grocery store as I used to after church. Then home to relax, study, read, and make an apple pie for Pi Day tomorrow. Plus I have apples that need to be baked. :) It's a good day.
Anyway, I was actually psyched for these races. Normally they're fun and while I haven't been running as much as I'd like, I felt like I could do these fairly well. That was until...I woke up to find 25 mph winds from the WNW which was the main direction we were running for all 3 races. Ugh. I can handle the cold but I hate...hate...hate the wind. Suddenly I toyed with not running and I'm not usually one to back out of races. Hell, in 2009 I even attempted a marathon though my knee had been killing me (I stopped at 13.1) and last year I even ran the full half when I had horrible chest congestion and ended up sick for 2 weeks after. I just don't Not Go to races.
So I continued to psych myself up and decided to not worry about time, but just to finish. I got to run with a few friends Tom, Tom and Sara, and saw a few other runners from the area which was fun.
After the first 5mile race, we went to the local tavern for a free Guinness, as is tradition for these races. I normally don't go in between races because it's my time to recoup, but I went yesterday. I was glad I did! Not only did I get a Guinness but I got to keep the glass! And both were free! YAY! That made the wind and weather all the more worthwhile.
The 5K was colder than the 5mile and the 1 mile even colder than both. I relished the 90 minutes between the 5K and 1 mile...I sat in my car and read! I got time to just sit and read!! (plus I got to catch the end of Wait, Wait...which I always miss). But the time to just sit and read was so wonderful! I forgot how much I love that! I haven't had much time to just sit and read as I used to...Oh how I miss it.
After the races I came home and had a long, hot shower and ate half a pizza. I was so hungry and so excited to just relax on the couch. That's the true reward after running...and something to keep me running.
Today MS is working, so I'm on my own. I went to my old church, that being the one I used to go to on a regular basis when I lived on my own. Big O had a great sermon and one I needed to hear. I am a baptized child of God. I am saved. I am loved. I am blessed. Oh how I needed to hear that. I wanted to chat with Big O a bit more but he had a line up of little old ladies who wanted to talk to him too, so I'll have to set up a time to meet with him later.
Then I went to Target and the grocery store as I used to after church. Then home to relax, study, read, and make an apple pie for Pi Day tomorrow. Plus I have apples that need to be baked. :) It's a good day.
08 March 2011
Fat Tuesday
I have never understood the point of pancakes on Fat Tuesday for Mardi Gras. Maybe someone can explain that to me. Of course, I also have never understood the "giving up" tradition of Lent. My SIL is giving up FB for Lent. Another friend is giving up chocolate. Another Chipotle.*
Granted I agreed to do a 15lbs of Lent with a friend from Seminary on FB. We're tracking our weight loss from March 9 until Easter (April 24). That's a good 40 days to work on losing weight and getting in shape. JG hooked me up with a good workout, and my goal is to do that daily and get back to a good habit.
Part of that goal, or Lenten discipline as it were, is to learn and understand that the gift God gave me of my body is to be treasured and adored. I often ...hate is a bad word... really dislike my body. But the truth it, I haven't been treating it well and it deserves better.
Another Lenten discipline is for me to really appreciate life. I bought a gratitude journal after I read Andrea had gotten one too. I really like it and I need to be reminding myself that life is good and show my gratitude for it.
I want my Lenten journey to be just that - a journey. A journey into my inner self where I can learn more about me and what makes me happy. A journey with my outer self where I can strengthen my body so I can physically handle anything that comes my way. I have some lofty goals for running this year, and I need a strong body to do this.
I know I can do this. I can be a strong, confident woman, so help me God.
*Update- I'm not saying any of these things are bad. They aren't. I need to find another option - adding to my life instead of removing. :) That's just me.
Granted I agreed to do a 15lbs of Lent with a friend from Seminary on FB. We're tracking our weight loss from March 9 until Easter (April 24). That's a good 40 days to work on losing weight and getting in shape. JG hooked me up with a good workout, and my goal is to do that daily and get back to a good habit.
Part of that goal, or Lenten discipline as it were, is to learn and understand that the gift God gave me of my body is to be treasured and adored. I often ...hate is a bad word... really dislike my body. But the truth it, I haven't been treating it well and it deserves better.
Another Lenten discipline is for me to really appreciate life. I bought a gratitude journal after I read Andrea had gotten one too. I really like it and I need to be reminding myself that life is good and show my gratitude for it.
I want my Lenten journey to be just that - a journey. A journey into my inner self where I can learn more about me and what makes me happy. A journey with my outer self where I can strengthen my body so I can physically handle anything that comes my way. I have some lofty goals for running this year, and I need a strong body to do this.
I know I can do this. I can be a strong, confident woman, so help me God.
*Update- I'm not saying any of these things are bad. They aren't. I need to find another option - adding to my life instead of removing. :) That's just me.
02 March 2011
Better
Today was a much better day. I was impressed that I got up at 4:17 again and made it to the gym by 5...they actually had to open it up for me. Ha! I got in 4 good miles, and while slow, they felt pretty good. I got to run in the dark because the guys, while making fun of me, finally realized that it isn't so bad to workout in the dark - cooler, TVs show up better, and you don't have to see how sweaty and rough others look. :)
It's now 8:30 pm and I've been up for 16 hours and I'm still pretty alert. It's so weird. I don't know why I'm not tired, but I'm not. It's strange how adrenaline works.
I also got "attempt #2" from my trainer. It's much more scaled down for a training plan but still will help me get stronger for the marathon. I also checked on my marathon in May and I do have the option to switch to the half up to 3 weeks prior, so I'm going to see how the training goes the next 8 weeks and then make a decision. MS is all excited that i can do a half, but I don't want to discount the possibility of a full just yet.
And I signed up for the Irishman again - 5Mile, 5K and 1Mile all in one day. I was just going to run the 5Mile but there's a group getting together at work to run the 5K and if I'm going to do both I might as well run the last one too. Bragging rights are good.
So today was a good day. But I probably should be going to bed so I can get some sleep before I get up for another run and a day of fun.
It's now 8:30 pm and I've been up for 16 hours and I'm still pretty alert. It's so weird. I don't know why I'm not tired, but I'm not. It's strange how adrenaline works.
I also got "attempt #2" from my trainer. It's much more scaled down for a training plan but still will help me get stronger for the marathon. I also checked on my marathon in May and I do have the option to switch to the half up to 3 weeks prior, so I'm going to see how the training goes the next 8 weeks and then make a decision. MS is all excited that i can do a half, but I don't want to discount the possibility of a full just yet.
And I signed up for the Irishman again - 5Mile, 5K and 1Mile all in one day. I was just going to run the 5Mile but there's a group getting together at work to run the 5K and if I'm going to do both I might as well run the last one too. Bragging rights are good.
So today was a good day. But I probably should be going to bed so I can get some sleep before I get up for another run and a day of fun.
01 March 2011
A running post, for lack of a better title
I know I usually put these posts on my other blog, the running one (or the top secret one), that is, but today it's not just about running. Well, that's the basis for why I'm writing but there's more to it than that. And since I'm at work, I'm going to hope I can get through this quickly and easily.
I read a blog post today about self-confidence. This is one huge area where I'm lacking. I lack self-confidence, not just in running but in life in general. But we'll get to that in a moment.
I lack S-C (as we'll call it) in running because I just wonder sometimes if I can even do it. I know I can run and I make it through races well enough, but not great enough. I often feel slow, sluggish, Clydesdale-ish (in fact, for some races, because of my weight, I would actually be put into a category called this). I try to lose weight but I struggle with that, which causes my S-C to drop even more. I can feel the fat rolls over my pants while I sit at work. So I sleep lying flat on my back because I know that at least the fat I "feel" is smooth and flat (though I also subconsciously know it's all flopping on the bed under me instead).
I thought, once, that running would help my S-C. Which maybe is why I keep forcing myself to run marathons. Those aren't something "normal" people do. I'm told a few times a month that I'm crazy for running them, but I'm desperately trying to find something to raise my S-C to a level where I'll be comfortable with myself. So I continue to sign up for them.
Of course, then I'm stupid and I sign up for a marathon in May (which I'm pretty sure I vowed not to do ever again after the 2009 incident with my knee). And not only did I sign up for a marathon, but also a challenge where you run a 5K the night before and the marathon the next day (3 medals!). MS made the comment last night that he wishes I was into half marathons more than fulls. Which makes me wonder if, once again, my thinking has been so skewed that I can't see past my nose. I don't know.
I can't seem to figure out what works best for me. I'm a workaholic so ditching work to run isn't an option (though I've tried that a few times). I'm not really a morning person but lately that seems to be the only time to run, though it requires a dreadmill which makes me annoyed. I'd love to run on the bike trails at night but that takes away from my already limited time with MS. But maybe that later option is what needs to happen, at least for the next few months. I don't know. I'm very conflicted, which doesn't help my S-C.
And that confliction and low S-C is hampering the rest of my life as well. I'm constantly second-guessing my decisions and thought processes. And those decisions, if I even make them, are difficult to make to begin. I've never been a great decision maker, but low S-C isn't helping when I do.
How do I find this S-C? Where can one get it? What can I do? I don't know anymore. I keep trying new things, buying books to read to help, but I don't have time to read as I'm working on an online class for work, have a couple other online classes I need to do for work, am knitting a blanket (sanity fix), and trying to get my runs in for marathon training.
I'm a wee bit lost.
I read a blog post today about self-confidence. This is one huge area where I'm lacking. I lack self-confidence, not just in running but in life in general. But we'll get to that in a moment.
I lack S-C (as we'll call it) in running because I just wonder sometimes if I can even do it. I know I can run and I make it through races well enough, but not great enough. I often feel slow, sluggish, Clydesdale-ish (in fact, for some races, because of my weight, I would actually be put into a category called this). I try to lose weight but I struggle with that, which causes my S-C to drop even more. I can feel the fat rolls over my pants while I sit at work. So I sleep lying flat on my back because I know that at least the fat I "feel" is smooth and flat (though I also subconsciously know it's all flopping on the bed under me instead).
I thought, once, that running would help my S-C. Which maybe is why I keep forcing myself to run marathons. Those aren't something "normal" people do. I'm told a few times a month that I'm crazy for running them, but I'm desperately trying to find something to raise my S-C to a level where I'll be comfortable with myself. So I continue to sign up for them.
Of course, then I'm stupid and I sign up for a marathon in May (which I'm pretty sure I vowed not to do ever again after the 2009 incident with my knee). And not only did I sign up for a marathon, but also a challenge where you run a 5K the night before and the marathon the next day (3 medals!). MS made the comment last night that he wishes I was into half marathons more than fulls. Which makes me wonder if, once again, my thinking has been so skewed that I can't see past my nose. I don't know.
I can't seem to figure out what works best for me. I'm a workaholic so ditching work to run isn't an option (though I've tried that a few times). I'm not really a morning person but lately that seems to be the only time to run, though it requires a dreadmill which makes me annoyed. I'd love to run on the bike trails at night but that takes away from my already limited time with MS. But maybe that later option is what needs to happen, at least for the next few months. I don't know. I'm very conflicted, which doesn't help my S-C.
And that confliction and low S-C is hampering the rest of my life as well. I'm constantly second-guessing my decisions and thought processes. And those decisions, if I even make them, are difficult to make to begin. I've never been a great decision maker, but low S-C isn't helping when I do.
How do I find this S-C? Where can one get it? What can I do? I don't know anymore. I keep trying new things, buying books to read to help, but I don't have time to read as I'm working on an online class for work, have a couple other online classes I need to do for work, am knitting a blanket (sanity fix), and trying to get my runs in for marathon training.
I'm a wee bit lost.
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