Pixar has done it again

Ratatouille is awesome.

Do I really need to say more? I will, just because often a one liner of a post kind of sucks. So here you go.

Ratatouille was awesome! (The exclamation point adds so much more, does it not?)

But seriously, this was a great movie. I was truly hooked from beginning to end, moments on the edge of my seat, at times laughing out right when no one else in the theatre was, other times tearing up ever so slightly (I am a sap, you know).

And I love the message – that not everyone can do everything, and that's okay. And that sometimes you have to drop your prejudices at the door and believe that someone you may least expect could be the resident expert on the topic at hand.

I'm not going to give any spoilers here, but I do highly recommend going.

Rambling confessions

TV

I love “The Starter Wife” on usanetwork. This is such a great show! I'm sad tonight is the season finale (after only a few short weeks! - why? Why would they do that?)

(Spoiler alert) I really do love that Molly woke up with Lou. Lou is so awesome. For some reason I find him so attractive. I shouldn't but I do. I can't help it. I'm allowed a crush, aren't I? Holy crap, Lou even mentioned the 'wife' word! WOW! And yet in the end, she lets him go. I totally understand wanting to start over anew on your own, but man! Lou is so great!

Reading between the lines.

I also love watching tv shows with closed captioning on...it's one of those things I do (it annoys my friends, but then I don't miss anything). But on some of the tv shows they actually have lines that show up on CC that don't actually get said. It's great. It kind of adds to the show and you wonder if they meant for it to be a voice over or if the character just forgot to say it or maybe the sound track didn't work for a bit or something. It's fun.

PB love

I've recently discovered PB Loco. Mmm good. That's all I've got to say about that. Except this: try it! If you live in TC, check it out at the mall of death (I actually haven't been there specifically, (the PB Loco store, not the mall of death) but I hear it's great!).

Running

I love running. Today was the best day ever. To quote James: What a beautiful day. Warm Sun, beautiful women, and the air... is just right... for drinking. Anyway...it was a great day. TC is looming closer and closer every second. And every second I start to freak out a little bit more. Today's run gives me a bit of hope, especially considering I haven't run since Friday since I've been sick. Maybe taking a few days off was good for me. The experts say not to underestimate rest days (of course, I think they only talk about one day off, not 5). But it was one of those runs where the first two miles I felt like the sidewalk was springy and helping me bounce right back up...rising up to meet my feet, or something like that. Sunday at Mark's party during the question game, one of the questions was “what makes you feel alive” and my answer was running. Most of the guys said it made them tired, which yes it does do that to me too, but while I'm running I can't help but think about JB's comment where it's just amazing what we can do. God really has done something amazing with these things we call bodies. I'm excited I can do it. I love that I can run. Someday I'll get back into the weights (funny how that's changed for me in life – I used to just lift all the time and hated cardio...now I just run, weird.).

Moments of Clarity

I'm back in contact lenses. Some of you may have never seen me with contacts. Lucky you! Last Friday my prescription sunglasses broke at Z's game and I was blinded the rest of the night. Luckily, I picked up my new contacts the next morning and headed to Lewis Drug for sunglasses. It's nice to be able to really see again. Not that my glasses were bad, but really they weren't the best. Scratches and 4 years old is not the best way to look at life. The bad thing is my contacts make my eyes red, so I always look hungover. I guess I'll just have to start drinking heavily at night so that will be true. They say the eyes tell no lies, I'd hate to make liars out of them.

London, baby!

I miss London. Megan wrote about some of her favorites today (or at least I read it today). I really loved being in London when I was (1998, 1999 – 10 days each). The shows, the sights, the life. It was great. I want to go back.

More TV

I'm really sad that tonight is the last night for Studio 60. This is so crappy that it's ending. “She missed 'grimace'.” But all the loose ends are tied up – Danny and Jordan are together, Mark was saved by a very successful rescue mission, Matt and Harry are back together. Sigh Isn't it nice how they can clear everything up? If only they were continuing the show... but enough of that.

My fix

This weekend was Pride weekend in the cities. I didn't attend the parade or many of the festivities in the park, but I did get a Groovy pedicure and got my fix at Mark and Jeff's annual Pride party. Fun fun!

How can a girl argue with a night hanging out with all my fun gay boyfriends? I did chuckle as I was driving away at some of the oddness of the night. I hang out with straight guys too, but they'd never have a night like I did – where we talk about recipes or take pictures of each other hugging or finish the evening by playing the “question game”.

What's the question game you ask? Well, everyone writes down a question and you put it in a bowl. One person draws a question, reads it aloud and answers it. Then they pass that question to someone else who has to answer it, then draw a new question and the process is repeated. This can be quite fun, especially as the only girl, only straight girl, in the mix of an all gay boy circle. Questions like “Have you ever slept with a girl; if so, how many times; and if yes, did you puke?” are quite interesting to answer. Of course the question of who was and describe your first boyfriend is just as fun as if you were talking with your girlfriends (which essentially you are) and the entire group ooo's and ahhh's over your description of your sprinter/track star boyfriend from college.

Check out my Groovy pedicure on my weird shaped feet! :) (oh and see the awesome Jonathan Adler sheets?!)

My life revolves around TV, apparently

“God always wins.” - spoken by Harriet Hayes (played by Sarah Paulson) tonight on S60. K had a great post tonight about Word and Sacrament. Luther believed in the earthly elements with sacraments – I believe in that too...but I really do believe in faith and grace and the spiritual element of life.

My prayer life has taken a beating over the years – going to seminary really hurt my spiritual life at times – see here for one example. It's amazing the things that will change that – a friend in the hospital, a change in life patterns, a big test...etc.

How do you learn, or relearn, to pray? Is there a trick to it? Sometimes I wonder if there is a better way of doing it than the way I do. In writing you're taught to have a beginning, middle, and end. My prayers tend to be sporadic and scattered (read: scatterbrained, kind of like this post). Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my faith because I don't know how to pray, which of course scares me and I should pray about it but I don't want to pray about that the wrong way and not have it work. Does that make sense?

What's funny about that above paragraph is that I'm an OT major – is there a trick to praying? Hell, no. People scream, people cry, people dance, people sing – whatever they do, they are praying. Right? So if I talk to God while I run, or while I'm typing this blog about praying or whatever, I'm praying.

I don't know. Sometimes I worry about this. I hope God still loves me even though I don't know how to pray.

It?

(Spoiler alert)You know how in Stephen King's book, It, the children attacked by Mr. Bob Gray, aka Pennywise, get stuck in the sewer and talk to people through drains and pipes?

My bathroom sink drain is knocking and gurgling at me.

Should I be worried?

"Why don't you make like a tree and ...

...get out of here.”

Yeah, that's one of my favorite stupid lines in a movie. Back in the day I used to watch this movie every Thursday night while babysitting two girls. We would make popcorn, pull out the sofa bed and watch Back to the Future. How sad, really.

But that's not my point tonight. Tonight is the interesting play on words. Biff didn't quite have it down since the end of that phrase was supposed to be “leave”.

Leave is an interesting word. It has several meanings – well at least 2 that I have become accustomed to.

One is the evil side, usually stated with an exclamation point following it. Leave! It's angry. It's violating. It's just plain mean. Most people hear this at some point in their life, and they can take it however they want to.

I had the joy (?) of experiencing “Leave” first hand at, of all places, seminary. You'd think seminary would be an inclusive place.

Sidebar – I'm watching S60 and I'm pissed – they have the Captain's lapel pins wrong. UGH! I can't see the ribbon rack but it might be close...but the lapel pins are totally wrong! Why? Why would they do that?

Okay – back to the inclusivity of seminary – yeah, you'd think there'd be some since everyone is all about Jesus and all. Well, the second day of reading days in October of my first year (I had been there about 4 ½ months by then) I woke up to find “LEAVE” written on the white board outside my dorm room. Hmm...what to do about that. Did they (the elusive 'they') want me to go away? Did they think I wasn't seminary material (I was having my own issues with that one)? Was I too loud the night before (doubtful since I was reading and writing papers all night and asleep by 10)?

I didn't have the answers to these questions. I wasn't sure what the hell was going on. So I, being the sarcastic woman I am, wrote “I feel so LOVED!” on my board and drew an arrow to the word. Then I left for an hour or so.

I came back to find a couple people had written things like we love you and stay on my board. It was nice to have people circling the wagons and standing up for me, but the word still hurt. I never did find out who wrote it or why – i'm not sure I'd even want to know – but it still hurts today.

The memory came back today. Where I work 'leave' has a different meaning. Leave means vacation, time away from work, you're outta the office, baby! Most people write on their white boards outside their office what their status is (don't ask me why we are continuing the college trend in a professional environment, but I was practically ordered to get one my first day on the job). So often you'll see 'Mtg, back at 1230' or 'Lunch'. But today one worker had simply “leave” written on her board. It really caught me off guard.

I'm sure part of it is because I'm hypersensitive since I'm still trying to get over this illness, whatever it is, but part of it was why would you just write “leave”? Shouldn't it be “On Leave”? That would make more sense, I would think. And then, put when you'll be back. If you're that big on telling people where you are then tell them when you'll return!

Of course, I'm just against writing anything on my board – people don't need to know where I am or why I'm gone. There are people who even write 'Comp Time', like I care if they are using comp time? Why do people feel the need to tell everything to everyone? I don't know...But truly isn't the only person who needs to know their immediate supervisor? Although, I guess most people in my building are in, what they call, customer service roles and I'm not really. Though people seem to get pissed when I'm not around.

Oh did I tell you, too, that one day I was walking back to my office from the bathroom and saw a chief walking out of it? When I asked him what he needed and how I could help he said he just needed a signature stamp from my boss and he found that – which means he was searching through my drawers in my desk? Yeah. Talk about a pissy moment for Moe. I wonder what he'd do if I did that to him. Since then I have no trust for the man.

I guess maybe I need to put on my board when I go to the bathroom.

i'm sick.

suck.

Baseball, anyone?

My nephew plays on a little league team (I think that's what they call it for 9-yr-olds). Anyway, tonight I went to his game. I've seen him play before but tonight was stellar. The kids were having fun. The 2^nd baseman from the other team was a riot – he was so pumped to play. At one point as they were coming off the field he yells out, “I'll race you Nick” and took off at a dead run to the dugout. My sister and I were cracking up.

Anyway, my nephew kicked butt, especially on his last at-bat. He knocked a popper up the middle which I could have sworn would have been caught, but the kid missed it and it bounced and rolled toward center. My boy took of like a bat outta hell around 1^st and 2^nd, they overthrew him at 3^rd and he brought it in to home. Awesome! And since tomorrow is his b-day, it was especially sweet.

I told him that the reason they won was because I was wearing my Indians hat again. That was the only reason they won, right? Sure it was...

But my favorite part of the night was watching the players faces – as they hit, as they scored, as they made a great play. It was so fun to see how excited and happy they were. I think adults forget about that fabulous feeling of freedom and fun.

Why is that we lose that as we get older? Why can't we remember the fun in life? I think about the Friends episode where Phoebe runs. She just takes off like she's being chased, arms flailing about. She tells Rachel about how it felt to run as a kid, how fun it was to run away from Satan (the neighbor's dog). I miss that feeling.

I had a dream the other night that brought it back. I was running with my running buddy from work and for once HE was the one who was breathing heavy and not keeping up. I, on the other hand, had this great stride – long and lean and fierce and free – and I was just running like the wind, no problems breathing, just taking it all in. (Now if I could just get that stride down I'll be set for October – maybe I just need to remember Satan chasing me.)

To quote Ralphie, "Fuuuuuuuuddddddgggggeee"

Tomorrow marks 120 days until the race. Today, today's date, four months from it I will be running. I will be running my flabby butt and hoping to stay upright for 26.2 miles.

I'm scared. Some days more than others, some days less. Some days I wonder what the hell I was thinking when I signed up. I had no idea what I was getting into, and really today I still don't.

What is this going to be like? Hell on earth but with a glorious ending? Will I be able to make it? Am I just stupid? Yes.

I read a lot, which can be good and bad. I'm making plans of what I'm going to wear, how I'm going to pack my fuel belt (with accelerade!) and how often I'll drink/eat (i.e. Re-fuel). Debbie has said she'd cheer me on throughout the race, and be there at the end with whatever I need (endurox, flip flops, new socks and watermelon – and maybe a towel).

What's bad is that I have the ending planned, but I just don't know how the actual event is going to take place. I have 4 months. FOUR months. Just 120 days.

120 days.

Interesting Twist

So a few months ago NBC pulled Studio 60 off the air for The Black Donnelly's and rightfully so since for some stupid reason people didn't watch the show even though it was artfully and intelligently written.

But ironically now is the time when the start getting into the tougher issues – like the war and, my favorite, the difference between a Soldier and an Airman. (one works for the Army, one for the Air Force – can you guess which?).*

What pisses me off is that all these issues they are bringing in now at the end – Jordan with her rough pregnancy, the cord around the baby's neck, the kidnapping of Tom's brother, how to show the information on the news, what about the other two Airmen kidnapped (not just Tom's brother), etc. - all these issues could have sucked more people in and maybe saved the show.

It took me awhile to get into the West Wing when it was on, but a class project on Ethics and the Bible and Luther pulled me into it. Unfortunately I haven't watched all the seasons, but bits and pieces of most. (Someday I'll actually rent them all and watch them). Aaron Sorkin is a brilliant writer, and the actors were phenomenal. I see no difference with Studio60. It's brilliantly written again and just so good! (It's late and I'm running out of adjectives.)

Anyway, there are about 4 episodes left, I'm guessing, so if you'd like to witness some great TV before it disappears into neverland, check it out, Thursdays 9/8central.

*Seriously, I hate when Airmen are called Soldiers, and vice versa.

Suffering = hope

A runner will think of all sorts of things as they are in the groove. I tend to talk to myself, sometimes out loud even. Today as I stopped at the end of mile 2 to walk and re-accelerade a bit, I felt myself channeling Phoebe - “I already had a baby. Leave me alone!” Though I said I already ran 2 miles, leave me alone! Then a little later as I was getting passed and occasionally passing others (walkers, of course) I got to thinking of my gear and channeled Elle, “I totally look the part.” I was running with my Brooks (Brothers) running shoes, my fuel belt, filled with Accelerade, wearing my heart rate monitor watch and running my little fat legs off. I felt like I looked the part but I'm still not sure I actually feel the part. Am I a runner? Or at the very least a jogger?

It's 125 days to race day and I'm scared shitless. Yesterday I skipped on my run because I am completely talented at avoiding something hard. I felt crappy the rest of the day because I should have run anyway. As I was watching the thunderstorm later that afternoon before I headed out to see Tre I actually said a little prayer for more motivation. I'm losing my motivation, I'm losing my drive. And it scares me.

Luckily, thankfully, my newest Runner's World came in the mail and there's a whole section on how to train for your first marathon. There's some good motivational stuff in there.

But also today's NT lesson was very essential for my pathetic ears. Romans 5:3-5, “...but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.”

Suffering produces endurance. How true when you're training for a marathon. And endurance produces character which produces hope which does not disappoint. I don't like to be disappointed. So...if I don't want to be disappointed I have to earn hope from the character which comes from the endurance I get from suffering. Therefore, I must suffer. And I can't just expect suffering to find me, I think I need to, in this case, seek out suffering. Only in the name of running (and not being disappointed). Because only from suffering will I find hope that in 125 days I will complete the TC marathon.