My brain hurts

I've been freaking out a bit this week. Last Monday, the 15th, when all the shit was hitting the fan in Boston, I realized that I have 3 months to Little Moe's due date.

That's three months to:

• Get the baby's room ready
• Gain some more weight (but not much more!)
• Buy stuff for Little Moe so she won't be naked all the time (though if she's like her father, she'll want to be)
• Figure out this breastfeeding stuff
• Get some sleep before I won't be sleeping ever again
• Exercise so I'm not a total pudge during delivery
• Get all my projects done at home so I don't have to think about those when I'm trying to learn how to take care of Little Moe

I also have only three months to:

• Figure out how much time I'm taking off of work (I'd like to take 12 wks, but I'm thinking I might do 9 full weeks and then come back half time for 3 more - I don't know).
• Figure out who is going to cover for me while I'm gone
• How to train said person or persons for basically everything I do
• How to get them paid
• How to sleep at night worrying about if they're doing it okay or not
• How to sleep at night wondering if they're doing it better than me

The biggest issue is that I have no idea who's going to sit at my desk. My boss is all about stealing people from other areas, which is great, but my job is more than just sitting at the desk and answering phones. And it's not just normal projects, it's a bunch of little stuff. And if it ends up being not one person, but several, then there's little continuity, so whatever information I put together for them will have to be detailed and understandable and accessible. Right now I have a lot on a secured shared drive, so I'm trying to figure out what I can take off and put where, so whoever he steals from wherever can access it.

So do I make a list of "How to do Moe's job" in detail - down to the last step, or do I just say screw it, let them only answer the phones and let it the rest pile up and I'll do it when I get back? And if I do make a list - how detailed do I get? I'm also worried about my email, because I only have so much space and everything comes through me. We do have a telework agreement in place, so I am debating on bringing home the laptop, but not sure the boss will allow that (and I think hubby would disown me if I did).

On top of that, my backup for a lot of stuff may also be gone during the same time frame, which will really suck. That's still up in the air - and I'm waiting confirmation on that.

I'm seriously considering working a half day, at least, each week while I'm on maternity leave, just so I can keep up with stuff and check on things - even if it's a Friday afternoon when most people are gone, just so I can go through email and do the little projects that aren't bad, but are a little tough to explain.

I don't know. My boss doesn't seem too worried yet. But then again, he's better under pressure (I usually am too, but the clock seems to be ticking a little too fast these days).

Less than three months!!! AAAARRRGGHHH! I don't need this stress. Oh and add on top of that: I have my 2-hour glucose test on Monday and I have this feeling of dread that my doctor is going to want to put me on bed rest, which will really screw up my life. Praying that doesn't happen.

Anything else in my life that I can worry about? lol

My friends are awesome

So today my friend Amy was posting on FB about her plight with her yoga class. I'm her biggest fan so I'm often encouraging her to run, walk, yoga, whatever. So I, of course, sent her some encouraging words and cheered her on to keep going.

Her response?

"I love you, Moe, but shut up."

I busted out laughing. In fact, when she followed it up with, "Just kidding! (maybe)" I was laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face.  She's awesome.

Love you, Amy!

My girls: K, me, and Amy :)

M's sleeping

I've been trying to keep two blogs as of late. M and I started one for us when we got engaged, and I'm finally caught up wit h that one, but I didn't want to give up on this one, too. I don't know if it's so I can still feel sort-of "me" even though I'm now part of this twosome, or what. But there are times when what I do is really just my thing, so for now I'm going to keep this one going.

The last couple weeks have been a blur. M's mom got sick - ended up in the hospital and then we moved her to a nursing home. He's been stressing a LOT with everything dealing with that issue, which in turn has caused me a bit o' stress, causing digestive issues. Last week I was home two afternoons sick and finally last Sunday I felt better. M got sick this past Thursday, much worse than me, and he's been down for the count the last two days. So after a long day of trying every remedy we can think of to make him feel better, I put him to bed and told him I'd sleep on the couch for another night (he's extremely worried I'm going to catch what he has.) I already told him he's not going to work tomorrow. We'll see if he listens. :)

Yesterday, in an attempt to do a few Moe things, I went for a walk/jog with my friend Sara. The weather was decent - 30 at 9:30am - and we had a group fun-run happening in town. I wasn't going to go but deep down I really wanted to see how I could handle it. I didn't run a lot but I did jog a little through intersections and parking lots, just to see.

Honestly, it felt really good, other than a little bit of belly bounce. I need to get a belly band or something to help hold Little Moe in place. My abs are basically gone since I can't do crunches or situps, so there's not much holding my abs upright when I'm running around. But the fresh air felt great, and the exercise was awesome.

I know they say prego's can run throughout their pregnancy if they've been running prior to getting knocked up. The bad thing is, I had taken a month off after my awful marathon, trying to get back into the swing of things when I did get pregnant. And suddenly I was exhausted ALL.the.Time. so exercising was the last thing on my mind. The last couple months have been awful for weather and, while I've done some yoga and elliptical, I haven't been consistent enough. (I really should move south for the winter so I can exercise outside where I'm most happy.) But now, the weather is getting better and seeing the runners out makes me itch to lace up the shoes. But now I fear I'm too late to start.

I don't know. I'm frustrated in losing myself a little with this new little person soon to be around. People keep saying my whole life will change, and I know it will, but I think I'm allowed a little grief at losing my non-mom life for a bit.

Countin' the money

Today was my first official day of being an offering counter. Dave, Jess and I were on tap today. I got the updates from Jess on her ultrasound last week. She's had quite a life - a miscarriage and a stillborn on top of her other 2 kids - so the fact she's quite big for only being 32 weeks is quite concerning.

But we had fun. She's a card and so we had lots of laughs and kind of confused Dave. Oh well. We had one funny moment K&E will enjoy:

Church Secretary: "Moe?"
Me: "Yes?"
CS: "Do you want offering envelopes?"
Me: (quite in shock, but starting to chuckle) "Sure, that'd be great."
CS: "Well, I noticed that you have been using the kids ones."
Me: "I just use whatever's in the pew."
CS: "Well, this way you have your own and I'll just assign you a number. You can have envelopes, you know."
Me (as I looked at Jess and started to really chuckle out loud): "Well....I'm not really a member here."
Jess BUSTED out laughing
CS (a little flustered): "Well, you can still have envelopes. It's easier to track."

So I have envelopes now! Those, along with the ones for the other church that I used to frequent (Ole's church), should help me to donate somehow to the church.

More volunteering

Last year, I got involved with my running pals in planning a 5K for a neighboring town. Sadly, due to work, I wasn't able to partake in the day-of activities.

This year, the same group is getting together again. Somehow, I've been handed the task of Facebook page management. This should be interesting. Granted, I'm on FB all the time, but I'm still trying to figure out what the Race Director's vision is for this. For now, I'll just keep working on it.

So Tuesday, I had lunch with the RD and Peter, whom the RD wanted to also do the FB updates. But since Peter tweets more than I do, he's going to take on the Twitter page and I have FB. The fun part is I'll have some giveaways and basically can put up whatever I want that's running or race related. It should be good.

Tonight, we had a full-on team meeting which was fun. Despite the fact that I'm not really running right now (which I do miss, and I am thinking of trying to take it up even though I'm at 20 weeks), it's fun to get together with runners. I miss these days.

I know I'm pathetic. I'm growing a person, I shouldn't be all upset that I'm missing out on things like running, but I am. I need to figure out some new release.

No sex, please! Just books.

Today Mom and I went to the community theater to see "No Sex, please. I'm British!" This was a fun mom-daughter day. (We also had lunch - fun!)

Anyway, it was the Q-tip crowd so when the lead actress was pretty quiet at the beginning and not projecting very well, several people around us started muttering (or talking right out loud), "She needs to be louder!" or "I can't hear her!" or "What did she say?" ugh.

The play was fun though and it was really nice to spend the afternoon with Mom. We need to do that more often.

After I got home, I headed south to Kari's for our first night of book club. She had put out a request on Facebook if anyone was interested and while she initially intended it for the youth in her church, she had half a dozen of us adult types who wanted to read too.

So we're reading "Red Letter Revolution". It's an interesting read by Shane Claibourne and Tony Campolo. It'll will truly engage our minds on this one, and it's really nice to have some interaction with adults who aren't talking about work all the time. It'll be fun for the rest of the spring.

Trying to volunteer more

I made M volunteer to help at church last month, so when I saw a request for offering counters I thought it might be my turn.

So today I was "trained" on how to count the offering bags. It seemed a little crazy and very disorganized, but maybe that was just our "leader" Dave. I did get to meet Jess and Shelly. Jess is pregnant and due in a couple months, so I'm hoping she and I can become friends so I can pick her brain.

This was pretty fun though. I do like to count money and it brought back memories of working at Arby's. I hope to be able to help more in the future.

A regroup of ash

So yesterday I posted my plan for my 40 day long Lenten journey. I put it on facebook, but I think I'll be taking it down today. Because this morning, I read a sermon by the famous Sarcastic Lutheran, Nadia (whom I went to sem with) and I have had a change of heart.

Not that yesterday's plan isn't a good one. These are things I need to fix in my life, but like I said in the last paragraph, Lent is a time to come closer to God. Not biting my nails and reading fun books isn't really going to get me there.

Nadia's point that we give so much of our hearts to so many things that cannot love us back is so true. I give my time/heart/love to stupid things - like Facebook or food - when I should be making more time for Mike, my family, for God. And the funny thing is, I feel empty inside - I NEED God's grace more now than ever.

So while my plan yesterday is good for me as a person, my soul needs some work. Finding Making time to pray and return to God needs to be at the forefront. The rest will come.

From Nadia's sermon:
That’s what Ash Wednesday and Lent is…a thousand opportunities to return to God with all you heart. Returning again to the only thing in which we have any true self-hood …and that is the eternal and divine love of God. The eternal and divine love of God which created you from dust and breath.  The eternal and divine love of God to which you will return after your last breath when again you are dust.
¹²Yet even now, says the Lord,
return to me with all your heart,
with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;
¹³rend your hearts and not your clothing.
Return to the LORD, your God,
for he is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love.
Amen.

A little ash

Today is Ash Wednesday. I fully intend to get my ash in church, which is much needed these days.
A lot of my friends are talking about what they are "giving up" for Lent - whether it's beer, wine, facebook, etc. I like this concept - the idea that we sacrifice something we like to make room for other focuses.
But I also subscribe the concept of adding something into your life that is beneficial, that can help you grow as a person, or changing your life to make it better to being open to receiving God. I've heard of folks taking their lunch money (or what they would normally spend on lunch) and giving it to a worthy cause either daily or at the end of the 40 days (plus Sundays). I've heard of folks adding meditation into their daily routine to help them become closer to God. I like these ideas.
Mine are pretty basic this year, but full and with lots of explanation and underlying meaning.

• In January I stopped biting my nails, in an attempt to 'become a girl', and let them grow. I did really well until last week. One snagged and ripped, so I had to trim it down. Then another did the same. In my trimming, they became rough and ick, so I started gnawing on just those two to try to 'clean them up' (I really need to invest in a good file). My nails are back to my normal, which isn't good. So my FIRST Lenten discipline is to not bite my nails. They did look nice when they were longer, I just need to not let them get as long so they don't snag.
• Also in January, Mike and I took a concerted approach to church and made it more of a priority. He already volunteered to help with building the Faith Boxes for the church's newly baptized members. I am getting training next week to help count offering on Mondays (since I have that day off). And as for going to church we have only missed for guard drill and last week when we weren't feeling well and the weather was crap. It's great to be back in the church community. I'll be attending Wednesday services, too, and hope that he'll join me when he's not with his mom. So the SECOND is to continue to include church in our lives more fully.
• Over the weekend, Mike and I realized that we both really need to get back into an exercise routine. Winter is bad for us as our motivation lacks and it's just so much easier to sleep in or curl up on the couch at night. So yesterday, we got up at 5am to work out. He's going gung-ho, which is great, and started back with P90X. I'm going a little slower but steady with yoga and the elliptical. I wasn't sure if I'd make it this morning too, but I did and I do feel better because of it. So my THIRD add is to keep exercise in my morning routine. I need it - bad - on so many levels.
• This is starting to seem like a lot, but if you didn't have my long explanations, it would be quite short, really. My FOURTH plan is to read more and to take time for me. I haven't read a book in a VERY long time, and I really found I've missed it. This past weekend I needed something to read so I started the Harry Potter series...again. I'm almost done with Book 3 and, while I will finish the rest of the series - because I'm anal that way, I really want to read some other books and get back into a routine to take time for me. I do have quite a few books I've purchased over the last year, so I'm not lacking for books, I just need to shut off the TV and read.
• My FIFTH and probably final, because I may be setting myself up for failure here, is to find and acknowledge the good in my day, each and every day. I really am blessed with great friends, awesome family, a loving husband, great job, and so much more. There are days when the world gets me down and I forget that. I once attempted a gratitude journal - it lasted a day. My hope is to revive that and really think about and acknowledge my blessings each day.

Lent doesn't have to be filled with darkness and depression. It's a time to reflect and find a way to be closer to God. I'm not sure if my plan will get me there, but I have hope that it will help me to be a better person all around which will lead me closer to God in the end.

West Side Story

This is becoming a habit, but I'm not complaining. Kari and I went to West Side Story tonight. It was playing at the Pavilion and we both wanted to see it. She gets season tickets so she invited me along.

This one is a bit of the opposite from Les Miz. I think I actually prefer the movie version of this one. The acting was good, but the staging and choreography was weird. There were times it I wondered if the choreographer was getting paid by the step, and at other times if she/he had just run out of ideas because the actors just stood there.

Example of the latter - During "Something's comin'", the actor playing Tony stood at the front of the stage, a single spotlight on him and just stood there singing. Don't get me wrong, he sang well, but if I was Tony and I was anticipating something exciting happening, I might be doing more than just standing still. But that's just me.

Lighting was okay, but a couple times it was abrasive. At the end of the song I just mentioned, they had wheeled in the "balcony" with Maria standing on it. All of a sudden the spot was BAM! on her and it was so striking that it didn't feel right. Had they eased into it, it would have made more sense.

The other thing I didn't quite understand, and maybe it was just a movie thing or lack of understanding on my part (both theatrically as well as the language barrier) - often the Latinos would slip into Spanish - in the middle of a song or dialogue for several lines, leaving me, the listener, to piecemeal what was being said.

Other than all that, it was a pretty good play, just not my favorite.

Les Miz!

Today was a big day for me. I got to see Les Miserables again - this time on the big screen. The movie came out in December, but M had no interest in going ("It's all singing, isn't it?"), so when Kari and I made plans to get together, we decided this would be an ideal event (since her husband didn't want to go either).

I'm so glad we did. Even if the stage show will always be superior, the movie was pretty good. I was impressed with the editing - especially during "I dreamed a dream" where basically the camera was just on Anne Hathaway the entire time. Up close, tight shot, and on the big screen, you could just feel the emotion running through her. I was bawling like a baby - and I couldn't even chalk it up to hormones (though I'm sure that helped).

I still think I prefer it on stage, mostly because the acting and set is so powerful, but this was good. And it was nice to have a girl's day even if it was only in the theater, snacking on popcorn and sipping a slushy. :)

Girls night!

Last month I drug Sallie out to Color Me Mine for a little pottery painting. Once a month the store has a thing called "Diva's Dish and Design" where they walk you through a pattern which you can put on any product in the store. I had wanted to do this for a while, and both Sallie and I needed a break, so we did that.

That one turned out so well that we decided to do it again for January. This time we invited our new chaplain's wife, Sharon, along for the fun. We had a blast. Funny thing was neither Sallie nor I were drinking, but Sharon brought wine. Whoops. She had some, which was great so I didn't feel too bad.

Our project was a Cocktail Time platter with bowl set - very retro looking. Our biggest issue was picking out the colors we were going to use. I swear that took at least an hour. I'm very indecisive (shocker!) and last month's project was much simpler...it was trees! How do mess up trees? But with the retro look, we wanted to get the scheme just right.

Mine - kind of a blue, weird green-blue and their "new pink" which reminded me of coral for my Daiquiri

Sallie went with a tan, purple and lime green (a true margarita in the glass!)

Sharon's upside down, but you get the gist. Her's was a different blue than mine, a slightly different tan and then the new pink for her Cosmo.

It was truly a fun night. I love painting and even if it turns out icky, they still are fun to do. The next couple month's projects aren't as cool, so I probably won't be doing them. But maybe in April I'll go again. Of course March is Easter so maybe they'll have their egg painting days again so Jake, Ava, Kevin and I can paint. :)