04 February 2011

LIke a long running hot air balloon

I had to use this explanation for MS tonight. But let me back up for a moment.

One - I'm not an extrovert like so many people think. I can play the part well, but it's not who I really am. I'm good with being alone. Occasionally, I like going out with people. But I'm better one-on-one.

This week has been intense. It's been good - I've gotten a lot accomplished at work, had some great comments from Boss1 during my appraisal for the last year. Projects are getting tied up and work is feeling pretty good.

But it's been BUSY. Super busy. And last night as I was driving home, I felt myself unwinding - not necessarily in a good way. I started to cry a bit, just releasing pent up energy, and so when I got home, because I know my crying disturbs MS a bit, I shut down. I sat on the couch and tried to regroup my thoughts. I ended up in an almost catatonic state - totally zoned. That was, until, I got up for dinner (which MS made so lovingly). I sat down in front of my bowl of soup and the tears just started falling. MS got worried and wondered what was wrong. "Nothing," I said. "I'm just tired." He didn't understand and I didn't know how to explain it.

So tonight, on the way home, I tried to come up with a way to explain why I fell apart a bit and why I was asleep at 7:30. Basically, I'm like a hot air balloon that had been up for 3-days straight - hot air continually blowing in it to keep it moving and upright. And then suddenly, the air was shut off and everything deflated. I was deflated...and everything I had been holding in was let out.

Funny enough, that made sense to MS and he appreciated the insight. I don't often understand why I am the way I am, but sometimes I just know that I have to shut down to recharge. And I'm better today, which is what matters.

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