Got my fix

Okay this is going to be quick because I'm in the hallway at my lodging place and right by the outside door so it's freakin' cold. If only they had internet in the rooms, but at least this is something, right?

Today was awesome, even though I woke up at 3:11 this morning, tossed and turned for 2 hours and finally decided to get up. Then I checked email, putzed around and finally dried the dishes and packed my bag to head on the road. It's not that I was dreading coming to the cities but waking 2 hours earlier than planned kind of sucked so it took a little bit for me to awaken.

My two-hour massage with Keith was painful, laughable, and so awesome. He does deep tissue although he's gone deeper on earlier massages. I told him my muscles were on the verge of atrophy so I just needed him to kick start them so I can really start running this week. I've been inspired from The Movie and can't wait to get back running. Tomorrow is supposed to be 39 here so I'm hoping to get outside even. YAY!

Then, I got my fix. I got to see my gay boyfriends. This was so fun. I love these guys. They make me so happy and it's always fun to see them. I helped one pick out new eyeglass frames and then we and Debbie all huddled together at Wilde Roast for some conversation and fun. *sigh* Life is good and like I said, I got my fix so now I feel normal again.

The rest of the evening was awesome, spending time with Debbie and John and just kicking back for awhile. Tomorrow: bring on Ikea! and my quest for Diet Coke with Splenda before heading to the Guthrie. It'll be great.

Looking in the crystal ball

This will be me and Debbie this weekend. Beware Twin Cities!
(My apologies to the true owner of this pic. Thank you for letting me borrow it but I can't find where my link is that brought me to this.)

TGFTW*

This has been one of those weeks - low energy, waving emotions, low motivation, and just plain blahness. So truly *thank God for the weekend.

This weekend I get to go to the cities and get a 2-hour massage from the fabulous Keith! YAY! I can't wait. My friends at work don't understand my fascination of 2-hour massages, but then again they don't like being touched in general. :)

After a deep rubdown I get to meet up with 3 of my favorite people - Debbie and our two boy-friends. One who is joining us tomorrow is a surprise bonus but a great one. I can't wait to reconnect with my gay boyfriends and superhero friend. This will probably be the bestest part of the weekend.

The rest of my plans are up in the air, kind of. There are places I like to go to when I'm there - the Guthrie (natch), Patina, Ikea (I'm totally buying my chairs this weekend - at least 2 so I can eat at my table), Leeann Chin, and of course Chipotle.

I'm also toying with trying to get into Juut or someplace like that. Thanks for the suggestion, Cate! I really need to do something with my hair and I'd like to do it soon so I can play with it a little bit before my conference in February. A girl I work with cut her hair short again and pulls it into a ponytail for work (we have to keep it off our collars) and it looks like she's a little girl. So I need something professional, but not too short, but easy to manage and style, and if necessary easy to pull back into a bun so it's off my collar for work.

All in all, I'm really excited for this weekend. I really need to get away from here. It's been awhile since I've been back to the cities (wow, just over a month - gee Moe can't you stand being away?) and I need some culture, something not John Deere related.

Fingers, Running

Back in my younger days I had occasion to listen to country music. It didn't happen often but there was one song I always liked. Do you remember the song Daddy's Hands? Well, I would often look at my Dad's hands as I grew up. He was a carpenter and did amazing things. But in the winter when he would come home from work his fingers were yellow-white from being so cold. It scared me to see his hands like that but he always reassured me that they were fine.

I know now that he had frostbite most of the time. Tonight after coming out of the movie, which I'll talk about in a moment, I drove home (wearing gloves, mind you) and when I headed to my apartment I took off my glove and my middle and ring fingers on my right hand were that same yellow-white. They felt like ice. it sucked. But I guess instead of having Daddy's Hands I have Father's Fingers. Hahaha.

Okay...so the important thing here: tonight I went to see Spirit of the Marathon. It was a one time showing at a theatre here in town (which surprised me since we usually never get cool stuff like this). Anyway, I went by myself and sat alone in the top row watching all the runners walk in through the door and take their seats.

First, it was pretty surreal since maybe 3 people in the theatre had popcorn, maybe another 5-10 had drinks. Everyone else was fine. One guy said, "I bet they don't sell many snacks at this event tonight." Very true. I didn't even drink my entire soda.

The other oddity was how loud it was before the movie. I've vented about movie experiences before with the chewing noises and chomping and blah blah...but this was loud in that everyone was talking to each other about previous races, upcoming races, current training, hi how are you, wanna run tomorrow, are you excited for this...yada, yada, yada.

I felt very out of place. These were true runners who all knew each other. These were the hard core people I see out on the streets even now when it's -27 wind chill on a weekday morning or running in shorts when it's 20 degrees out. This isn't me. I'm not a runner. I'm a jogger and I wondered if I really belonged here.

Then a group showed up with a lot of people and I graciously gave up my prize seat (direct, middle, back/upper row) so they could all sit together and I ended up sitting next to...(figures)...a Boston Qualifier.

Shit. Fcuk. I don't belong here. She was polite and asked if I was a runner and I said I'm new to the sport and ran my first marathon last year but didn't finish well so I need to run it again. She asked which one (of course) and when I said TC she understood. She did help ease my tension by telling me that most everyone she has talked to finished about 50 minutes or so slower than their normal pace. And that would be about accurate for what my goal and plan was, and I think same for E and JB. So that was nice. Of course then she started talking to her friend and revealed she was a qualifier. I felt very fat and sluggish at that moment.

But the movie...OMG the movie - if you've never ran or if you've ran thousands of races, this is such an inspiring movie. It was so great to follow elite runners as well as novices as they prepped for Chicago. Deena Kastor won that year (I think this was 2006) and following her story was amazing. If only I had that kind of time (and a massage therapist as a husband) to help me through. I could kick ass at any race. One favorite moment at the end a tag line came up and said that in the time it took to watch the movie the elite runners would be at mile 20 in a marathon. Great...

So now I'm realizing I really need to get going for Brookings. That's coming up way too soon but this was good for me to see to get me motivated. I figure I'll go to this in March to keep me motivated.

And thank God for my iPod shuffle since it's looking like I won't have a running buddy this year with deployments and schedules and God knows what else. So I'm completely on my own. But isn't that really what happens in a race [life] anyway? Might as well train for it.

I'm such a class act...not

Tonight's Genesis class was fun. Of course, I was the youngest person there by at least 15 years (to one person) and probably at least 30 to everyone else. Oh well.

Tonight we talked about Cain and Abel. Somehow we got onto predestination, which just started to annoy me so when we finally got back on task I asked, "Who was Cain really mad at?" I thought it was a simple question with a simple answer but that took 20 minutes for them to discuss. But it did give me time to do some more thinking about a thought that I didn't dare bring up for fear of being thrown out by the Q-tips.

Let's start with the facts we have:

• Abel was in high regard with God for his offering of the firstlings of his flock.
• Cain was not in high regard and was angry.
• God told Cain to suck it up, because if Cain would do well then he would be accepted
• Cain plays his own version of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and kills Abel.
• Blood is sacred to God for it is life.
  

So my question is this: If Cain wanted to do well to be held in "high regard with God", and Abel was the epitome of "high regard with God" for his offering of a sacrifice of a lamb, could Cain be trying to win favor with God by offering Abel (the favored) as his own sacrifice/offering to God?

Then the group got on to the whole Land of Nod (Wandering) thing and where did these women come from that Cain 'knew'? I never understand why this is a question. Creation wasn't just the Garden of Eden - God created everything, but within that creation set aside one place that was pure with pure individuals who were holy. That didn't mean God stopped creating everywhere else, or that the garden encompassed the whole world.

Anyway...we finally moved on to chapter 6 (basically skipping the genealogy in 5 but I think I'll be bringing us back there next week, just for fun) but we ran out of time so we couldn't dive into Noah and the ark.

I'm liking this. It's fun to be back in an "academic" setting. I probably shouldn't put that in quotes since everywhere is an academic setting, right? You bet. Maybe I need to start reading my OT books again (if I can find them in my storage) and I could lead the class instead of Ole. Or we could team teach. ... yeah, right.

It's time to fess up

Okay internet pals, I need someone to take claim on this: who is sending me Entertainment Weekly?

Today I received the 2nd issue and I haven't ordered this since I lived in my college town so I'm confused why I'm getting it. Did someone gift it to me? Please fess up so I can thank you properly!

What a day - it was insanely busy at work today. I would love to vent about some of the issues but I can't so I won't. Basically having 4 days off is nice, but coming back to a whirlwind of tasks was a bit much.

So tonight I'm going to venture back to my roots, all of our roots actually. The church I frequent is having an adult ed class tonight on the Themes in Genesis and tonight is 4-11 (chapters, not hours or verses). I must have missed 1-3 but that's just the creation story so that's no fun anyway. :)

What is really fun is the fact I'll be back in a class with Ole who encouraged me to go to Seminary for years before I gave in, and I haven't delved into my OT background since, well, I graduated. Wow, it's been almost 4 years now, so maybe it's time. Should be fun!

Thank you, Internet

I haven't slept well the last few days. I've been trying to get my sleep schedule back on track which always gets off with long weekends but it hasn't been working. I got maybe 5 hours last night, waking up at 4:30 this morning - wide awake and no way I'll be able to get some sleep. This is more than interesting since I've been going to bed around 10 or 11 and not getting up til 8. Oh well...at least I shouldn't be late for work today.

I've been taking my time getting ready this morning. I could have gone to Dunn Bros, I guess, and had a Chai but I'm not really in the mood this morning (figures, the mornings I want it I don't have time, and days like today when I have oodles of time I don't want it). And then to add to my lack of sleep, I accidentally got lens cleaner in my right eye this morning so contacts are not an option today. My eye is red and painful. I tried to rinse it out with water (according to the directions) but that just made it burn more. So I'm just trying to generate some tears to rinse it out naturally.

What a great way to start the day, huh?

Then I logged on and hit Stumble.

THIS was the page that opened. Thank you, Internet. I needed that.

If you click here you can go to the main page. This is actually a cool movement that's been going on for awhile. I had forgotten about it but had first read about it at Andrea's page here and here. Pretty cool.

And remember, you are too.

It's not easy being green.

Boy, Kermit was right.

It's been awhile since I've been on my soapbox about Envirosax bags and such. Wait! Come back! I'm not going to talk about that today.

Today I'm going to make a plug for better laundry. I have a Johnny Dangerously quote in my head but I'll let that go for now. Back to laundry.

I do a lot of laundry. I have basically three sets of clothes I wear most days of the week: uniform, workout clothes, and generally fun clothes to wear. So laundry is a hefty chore. For a long time I was using Woolite, because I wear a lot of black and dark clothes so I want to keep them dark.

Well, my budget isn't cut out for that, plus the plastic bottles all the time started to weigh heavily on my brain. A few months ago I found these: Dropps.

These are great. You drop one in with your laundry and wash as normal. There is very little waste because the plastic the liquid is in dissolves in the wash. They are enzyme-free and gentler on clothes and I love that you don't have to measure anything. Plus they travel well.

The bad thing is, they aren't available everywhere. I bought mine on my last visit to the Cities but I had just purchased Arm&Hammer detergent because I was out so I haven't used them as much as I would like. You can buy them online here (and get a mail-in rebate!) if you don't live in a Dropps area.

Seriously, this is as exciting to me as the Envirosax bags. I suck at saving the environment but at least I can try to do a little.

OH! And did I mention you probably won't need fabric softener or dryer sheets either? And they are safe for kids clothes? And they work really well in cold water which is also better for the environment? Suh-weet. Bonus.

Shuffle me senseless

I hate treadmills. I think I've mentioned this before. They don't take you anywhere and the gym where I work out is infested by men who like to watch the outdoor channel where supposed hunting experts dissect a recent kill and talk about how great it was completed even if it was essentially torture to the poor buck in the process. (Have I told this story?) (And I'm not against hunting, just the glorification of it on this particular story.)

Anyway, I am in desperate need of training for the May marathon I signed up to run. I needed a goal and so I stupidly signed up and then Mother Nature decided that last winter was too warm for us to enjoy and decided to throw some serious cold our way (and I hate running outside in the cold even more than the treadmill).

I decided I needed to do something about it. I have been wanting an iPod shuffle since before they were even released. But paying $80 for a tiny music player always seemed a little off for my finances. Well, in searching I found that Apple offers refurbished iPod's (varying types) for a cheaper rate. $50 vs. $80. Yeah, I can do that. So I ordered one just like the one up above and I got it today.

Songs loaded: 14
I have some work to do on that, huh? It'll be primarily used for running so I need some upbeat stuff so I'll have to sort through my music first. I can't wait!

Reality Check

So I've been watching TLCs special Miss America: Reality Check. They are trying to bring Miss America into the 21st century, is what they are saying.

What kills me about this show is that there are celebrity guest judges who are, to me, close-minded. There's the Army girl on there who isn't into fashion or makeup so they tell her to do more. So she does more and they get pissed because they think she's making fun of it. They gave the all the girls an opportunity to have hair and makeup makeovers by big name people. One girl politely declined to have her hair cut and the judges got all pissed because they "flew in expert advice and she denied it". But because she still took some of the advice on her own and took excellent pictures they were okay with it.

So makes me a little annoyed is they are trying to bring girls into the 21st century but it's their ideal of what the 21st century woman would be. To me that means a strong, confident, leader who stands up for what she believes in and is herself. To me that's these two girls - the Army girl who has fun and is strong and confident in herself despite the lack of makeup and fashion sense; the woman who stood strong in what she believed herself to be and thereby denied 'expert' makeup and fashion sense because she was okay with who she is.

I will say I was happy that they did encourage the girls to drop the 40-year-old look as Miss America and brought it down to who women are at that age.

But what the hell do I know. I relate pretty well to the Army girl - I don't know shit about hair and make-up other than it needs to be off the collar and conservative. Maybe a makeover would do me some good.

Horoscope

You don't need to do anything out of the ordinary today except believe in yourself, no matter what you face on the road ahead. This is not a guarantee of success; it's merely your ticket of entry. Your journey this year will teach you how to be more practical than ever before. Self-confidence is a good start, but you'll still have to apply yourself to succeed.

Mucho better

Like I told Karen, I'm much more productive on Sundays for some reason. I'm not sure why, but when I can get my ass out of bed and get going in the morning I do really well.

Today I did 3 loads of laundry, swept and vacuumed the apartment, cleaned up a lot of crap (i.e. moved it to my storage area), did a little dusting, hung 4 posters (I'm waiting on one more and then I'll post my accomplishments with those), and made cookies.

*sigh* I'm feeling good. I really like when I can get things done. Hopefully tomorrow will go as well.

For now, I need some help. I have long hair which I've talked about once before. Well, I know it's partially the current weather, but my hair is really, really dry. Any tips?

And I'm kind of sick of the length. I also know I should post pictures but I can't bear to take pictures just yet. I'm thinking of sending them to Whoorl for Hair Thursdays but I'm not sure I can wait that long.

Does anyone have any suggestions? My hair is super straight, past my shoulders and most days I have it either in a make-shift bun or pulled back braided so it stays out of my face. I've thought about bangs but they can't be too long or too short (since I'll look like an idiot then).

If I feel up to it maybe I'll take a pic tomorrow...no promises though.

So much for Saturday

I had all these big plans for today. I was going to get up early, go to Dunn Bros and study til 2 or 3, then go grocery shopping and run a couple errands since I was already out. Tonight I was going to make my chicken/spaghetti thing I made the other night with Tre and study some more. I wanted to go to bed early and try to set my inner sleep clock back.

Well, I did get up at 8, and I did go down to the apartment office to pick up a package that had been left there for me the other day. But after that, well...I didn't do much of anything. I suck.

I did finish watching all of Six Feet Under (K&E it'll be in the mail Tuesday for you). Man, I love that show. I'm so glad I bought the series. Besides the cute box with the fake grass on top, it's just so incredible. I can't even describe it.

But that pretty much killed me emotionally so now I'm watching/listening to Hairspray. And I did start my PIF #2.

So tomorrow I HAVE to get some things accomplished. Not only do I have to have to study, but I really need to do laundry. I'm left with only my icky underwear in my drawer. And my kitchen is a mess, which sucks because I was in the mood to make cookies tonight (especially after Ruth had made them for Anthony and Durrell in SFU) but it was such a mess and I was an emotional mess so I couldn't even muster the energy to clean it up so I could bake cookies.

Wish me luck!

Lamenting

I really don't like the cold. Nor do I like when my bosses are gone. The two really aren't related, not even by marriage, they just are both affecting me today and I'm not quite as chipper as I usually am.

The cold is just annoying. It's 0 degrees right now and it has been this most of the day. The wind is bitter and I just like the warmth. So I'm curled up in a blanket I got for Christmas and really wanting to take a nap.

My boss was out today and when he's gone the energy level in our corner drops dramatically. The area is super quiet which is not conducive for me to work. I need some noise and today my music selections weren't working. I should have gone to the gym and ran, sweating out some of the evil and getting my energy back up. But I didn't because that would have required me to walk outside. Ugh.

I miss spring. I love when the weather starts changing and things start growing; when you can walk outside and smell the dirt as grass and plants start to merge their way out. You smell the newness of life. The cold just seems, well, cold and frozen like the world is stopped in time and only the bestest of miracles could warm the earth again.

It probably doesn't help that friends are in Hawaii and I didn't get to go. I need sun.

I'm not good with titles

So today was uneventful, quiet, awesome, exciting, super fun and exhausting. In that order.

My day started uneventful and really quiet. Literally quiet. It was so quiet in my office I could almost hear my boss in his office breathing. Ugh.

But at noon I was a rockstar. I left at 11:26, picked up toner at our toner place, went to BK for lunch for the Snoopy toys, then to the PO Annex to pick up my package from the awesome Bethany Actually, went to the grocery store to pick up tomatoes/dressing/lettuce for supper tonight, and dropped it all off at my apartment. The time: 11:58. Holy crap, I rock.

The afternoon was exciting. Due to some staffing issues coming up in my old section over the next few months, the current supervisor who is full-time has asked for my help with our newsletter. I'm so excited for this because I have really missed working on the paper. It'll be a lot fun I think.

Tonight I had Christmas with Tre. She is so awesome and got me a new pie pan, pie server and a round cake carrier which the pie pan will fit. It's not really a pan - it's kind of like pottery (I know there's a word for that but I can't think of it right now). I got her a Slanket and Envirosax (yes I'm giving them to everyone I know).

And now I'm exhausted and going to go to bed. My hope is to make it to Dunn Bros in the am to get a vanilla chai latte for work. I'm thinking it might be my Friday thing now. We'll see.

I did want to address one thing. My post yesterday regarding my pot stirring wasn't very well written. It kind of made me off to be this snotty little bitch going behind people's backs and fixing their work. And while that is kind of true, I don't normally do this (I just want to help!) and there is a lot more to this story.

The woman who normally does this has been doing it for years and it's never ever changed format (except to get bigger). And it's not all her fault because people who submit items don't give her a suspense date to take it out. And so she just leaves them in until someone calls or she notices that it's out of date. And people would send her flyers to put in with upcoming events but still put them in our distribution boxes as well. So the bulletin would be printed with lots of pages, including the flyers that everyone had already received. Kind of a waste of paper if you ask me.

(Oh and don't get me started on all the copies of the draft that would get printed and then the final copy that would also be printed two days later with nary a change to it but the drafts would be recycled for the final version and paper wasted there. And don't even think about asking me about how many were being printed in the final form and distributed plus all those still printed later because there were too many given out in one area but not enough in the others. Yeah, don't start me on this.)

Over the past few months there's always been talk to make it smaller and "Yeah, I'll talk to her about it." or "I'll talk to her supervisor and get him to have her change it." That hasn't happened. It's kind of a touchy thing because if this gets changed or moved from her job (back to me where it originated years ago - my office, not me) then what will she do for work? Well, in my head she has work to do, this is an additional duty kind of thing, but I'm not her supervisor.

And then there's the inevitable downsizing of the content which I tried to do earlier this month for the January issue and when I asked people to cut things out that had been printed since the last time I helped with the bulletin, I was told it had to be there for reference material (I thought we had a web page for this stuff but whatever). And the constant complaints about it to me or the insinuations that it needs to be fixed but no one would step up finally broke my back. And so I did.

Like I said, I fear a freak coming on next week, but hopefully we'll figure it out somehow. Maybe I'll offer to take it on or I'll talk to her supervisor and see what his thoughts are first. I don't know.

Anyway, I just didn't want you to think I was a bitch for doing this. I just got tired of all the talk and no action.

Good day

Sometimes it seems like I have nothing exciting to say anymore, but these few things here make me very happy so I'm going to keep writing. :)

Cate - how I made it in and out of Target without losing myself was simple: I went straight in, picked up my shredder, paid and walked out. Well, no, I did check out the Global Bazaar and check prices on a couple things but it was cold outside and I just wanted to get home. Normally, I go in with a plan to buy one thing and an hour and a half later I have a cart full of things. I've started investing in Target. I might as well make some money off them since they have most of mine already.

Pot Stirring - well, my pot stirring went well (so far). What I did was this: I've been covering for a woman who has been out on sick leave for awhile. Each month we do a bulletin with information. However, over the past several months during our monthly meeting people have kept saying that the bulletin needs to be downsized. With the information, flyers, etc. it had gotten up to 41 pages (so 21 front and back). The kicker is that most of the updated information needed each month got buried in the middle pages and a lot of the repeat info was being glossed over. And the other problem was that so many copies were being made and not utilized it became a waste of paper and resources.

So what I did was to revamp the whole bulletin. Boss #2 had sent me a different template that others use and last week he, LH and I had this long ass discussion about fixing our bulletin to look more like this other template or something better than what we had. So I did. I revamped the whole bulletin, shifted the new and important info to the first 4 pages and the rest is now called Reference Information. Total - 10 pages (5 printed front and back). Can you believe this? I showed it to Boss #1 who loved it and who took it to the other woman's boss to clear it. That happened yesterday. Boss #1 came back today and said the improved bulletin will now be the new bulletin. But I'll need to do some training when she returns.

The only problem is that when the woman comes back who normally does this, well, I fear a freak coming on. I kind of wish that this whole thing would come back to my office, where it used to be a long time ago. But that probably won't happen.

Friends - Today I got to have lunch with one of my dear friends whom I haven't seen since September. It was so much fun catching up with her and reigniting our friendship. We've already set our next lunch date next month. YAY!

Today's Horoscope

Stabilizing your life now sounds like a good idea, but you may not have the patience to do what is necessary. You could make plans in the morning, only to revise them by midday. Don't be hard on yourself if you lack follow-through today; allow your imagination to roam freely without having to make any one thing real.

What's funny is that I should be working on my file plan and filing papers this week, but I haven't started yet.

A simple post with great things

• I bought a shredder today! Let the meditativeness commence!
• I got to go to work today! WOOHOO! I love my job!
• I stirred the pot at work today, just call me a Pot Stirrer. We'll see if anything comes from it. (This is a bit of a long story...but for the betterment of the Earth - less paper waste, tis my goal).
• I ran all my errands today - to include buying more yarn, going to Target, and getting groceries - in the space of an hour. And that includes driving time. I rock.
• One year ago today I was getting settled in my new apartment (which seems to be a bit cold tonight, not sure why).
• I hung one of my 5 new paintings [re: posters framed] yesterday. 4 more to go!
• I'm now watching season 5 of Six Feet Under. This is a happy note and a sad one for the series will be over soon. BUT I love this show and will totally be watching this all over again.
• And the best thing of all: I get to go back to work tomorrow!
  

Singing with the O'Jays

Money money money Mo-ney...MONEY!

I've been meeting with a financial advisor as of late. This is a good thing since I'm no spring chicken...though I'm not really old either and I'm not completely inept with money. Anyway, I've been re-evaluating how I distribute my money and funds and Anthony has been helping a lot. It's great. I'm excited.

My hope is that someday I'll have a house, with a big kitchen, much like the Snake Charmer's Wife's kitchen. I love hers. I'm so jealous. I sit and look at toy catalogs (e.g. Crate&Barrel, Williams Sonoma, etc.) and pick out the things I "need", wishing I could get them now but knowing I should wait. Of course, to get the kitchen I want I'll be waiting for a few more years, so I might buy one or two of the toys before then. :)

Little by little my life is coming together (not that it was completely in pieces, but you know). I was thinking today about a conversation I had with a couple girls a few weeks back. One is 30 and has been married for 7 years already (no kids yet), we'll call her J1. The other is early early 20's, we'll call her J2, and was giving J1 a little bit o' crap about not having kids yet. I, on the other (more worldly) had said there's nothing wrong with them waiting. It's not like J1 is ancient yet. So then J2 turns it on me, "Are you dating anyone? Are you going to get married? Do you even want to?"

Ugh. It's bad enough I get this from my parent/family, but to get it from a wide eyed 20 something drives me nuts. So I told her that I'm not in a hurry to get married or even date, I'm not past my prime to do either and I might not even have kids. She was flabbergasted. How could someone not want kids? How could someone not want to be with someone else? Don't you get lonely?

That's the fear, isn't it? Being lonely. I am alone at times, but I also know I have awesome families - both natural and urban, kick-ass friends, and a great life. Yes, being with someone adds to it, but if it doesn't happen today, or tomorrow or this year, I'm not going to fall to pieces. Wait, how did FedEx Nick put it? "I'm alone, but I'm not lonely." That seems right. And if you are lonely, how is that really going to help you find someone to spend your life with? It seems desperate. I don't feel desperate to be with someone. I'm just me.

Yep, I'm just me. And will be a rich me, thanks to Anthony. Bwahahaha!

Maybe there is something good here

So I know a lot of people would think I'm odd to like staying at home on weekends. Today I spent most of the day knitting or sorting through papers while watching Six Feet Under.

But then I realized, that if I stay home knitting and sorting through papers while watching Six Feet Under, I'm not out spending money and maybe for once my budget for my credit card each month will actually stay under my limit. That is one of my other goals for the year - besides all the rest - but maybe that's part of my intention to purge myself of excess...my credit card has been used to excess and to purchase excess. Maybe this is a good start.

I do wish I lived somewhere warmer so I could go running outside. Yes, I know I could go running outside anyway, but I hate running in cold weather and I really hate treadmills. But I have to get on the treadmill tomorrow. I have to!

Let's try this again

It seems with my last post that I've already messed up my Mondo Beyond intentions for the year. My first one said, "My intention is to focus on the positive thoughts and things in life by looking for the good in situations instead of the bad." And what did I do instead? Hell, that was a messed up post.

So I'm going to try this again. My life has been very blessed. My time, however short, with my Dad was incredible. We were pretty close and I learned about his life. He influenced me in so many ways. A big reason I went into the military was for him. I didn't go active duty because he advised me not to, and I didn't wait until after college to join, but I think he'd still be proud of me.

I'm continuing to work on my PIF gifts. I'm also continuing to watch Six Feet Under - it's such an awesome show and such a reminder how short life is. Life each day to the fullest...at least enjoy every moment.

Saying goodbye

Today was the funeral for my friend's father. Sometimes life sucks when death becomes apparent.

The funeral was nice. It was a little funny at a point when the pastor explained that his daughter-in-law was the youngest daughter of the deceased. It all clicked for me - the pastor, the pianist, J's hubby - all related. I had met the pianist at Sarah's church when I was visiting, so it was odd to put it all together.

Anyway, Anthony and I were talking afterward and after our co-worker left he looked at me and he said, "It's weird to find out what you went through this way. It sucks." Oh it did suck because so many emotions came flooding back with Dad.

I remember saying to Anthony at our after-funeral-party for Dad, "You just wanted to get out of school." When he said that no, he really wanted to be there, I felt horrible for accusing him of that.

I remember being at the cemetery and the whole family standing in a circle with our arms around each other, laughing and crying at the same time because Dad would have hated it - us making a fuss over him as we were.

I remember sitting with Mom and Lisa talking after the funeral and Mom telling us to pick what we wanted to remember them by right then. Lisa claimed the family pic. I claimed the clock (and mom said, "I thought you'd want the piano." I said, "I thought that was a given.")

I remember being at the funeral home making the decisions that no one thinks they'll have to do for their father when they are only 19 - picking out a casket, picking out hymns, trying to decide about casketbearers...ugh.

I remember that whole freaking weekend - the crying, the stress, the wishing, the hoping, the praying, the lamenting, the decisions we had to make, the total shit of it all.

The beauty of it was that at least I was able to take time to say good bye...sort of. You don't say goodbye when you hope that they will recover. But somehow I knew. I was crying like there was no tomorrow (and in some ways that was true) and Dad, always the caregiver, said, "It'll be okay, honey."

I don't know...sometimes funerals just suck. I believe that we'll all meet again, but the in-between times...well, sometimes they just suck.

12:01

Sometimes flipping channels can be a good thing. I was just doing this and stumbled upon the SciFi channel, which I never watch, but one of my favorite movies is on!

My dad and I were watching some stupid tv show one Saturday and started watching this movie, 12:01, and I totally fell in love with it. Of course it helps that it has Jonathan Silverman and Jeremy Piven in it.

It's great and if you can ever find a copy of it, watch it. It's like Groundhog Day but better. I'm going to go do that now.

Where will I go?

Again the fabulous Andrea inspires others with the continuation of Mondo Beyondo. This portion is where we look forward into 2008 and beyond (get it?). Her first suggestions are to declare what you want to draw into your life. And I agree she's right when she says the difference here exists in language. Instead of "I won't" or "I'm giving up...", things become "I intend to". I really like this way of thinking and so here I go.

• My intention is to focus on the positive thoughts and things in life by looking for the good in situations instead of the bad.
• My intention is to finish all my online training and testing for work by end of March (with the first major test to be completed by the end of January).
• My intention is to complete my PIF promises NLT May.
• My intention is to knit at night while I watch TV instead of eating or slumming.
• My intention is to purchase chairs for my table and eat dinner at the table each night instead of on the couch. I deserve to have a good meal eaten upright at a table with real plates, napkins, silverware, even if I'm single and eating alone.
• My intention is to buy myself flowers more often - joy!
• My intention is to purge my life, a little at a time, of excess: papers, pounds, clothes, stuff until I feel lighter and freer or by October, whichever comes first.
• My intention is to try new foods that are healthier for me and add back in the healthier foods I used to eat on a regular basis.
• My intention is to run two marathons (and other races) for sure under six hours, hopefully under 5.
• My intention is to give more than I receive.
  
  My one thing with this is that I feel like I should reevaluate these in 6 months and see if I have accomplished what I wanted to by that time and what I need to refocus on for the rest of the year. Things change so rapidly anymore that it seems 6 months is as far out as I dare to go right now.

But then I come to the next part of Mondo Beyondo, which is to write things "you are wanting to manifest that are almost too scary to even write down." This is scary to think about because as a youth woman person you're are told that you can't do things, that it won't happen, or that you're not good enough (or that you're not quite good enough). And these could be accomplished in this year or in 5 or 10 or 50. It's good to look forward and dream big, as they say. So...

• Write a book and find a publisher. I've been toying with this since high school, maybe it's time to think more seriously about it.
• Begin an etsy shop with knitting projects and that other project I haven't told anyone about but really want to do.
• Get commissioned and achieve the rank of Colonel (Lt or Full).
• Get the training needed to be combat camera trained and get back up in the F-16 to take photos.
• Get better training in photography and look into finding a class or training.
• Learn to fly.

How about you?

Despite all this, I still love it

I feel like I can't quite get a grasp on things right now. The ironic thing is a year ago I was feeling the same thing as I started this job. It's pretty funny, if you think about it.

The last couple days I've been working on the file plan at work. Yes, folks, I not only need to get organized at home, but also at work. We're required by regulations to have a file plan, and it has to follow all these fun rules and format. The one for my office was last looked at in 2003, so it's in need of a tiny bit of updating. Of course when I say "tiny" I am referring to the same "tiny" as the guy who has the nickname "Tiny".

It kind of sucks because since it hasn't been looked at in so long there are a lot of things that have changed. And I have taken on a lot more than my predecessor in responsibilities which I now I have to log as well. So what I was hoping would have been finished up tomorrow afternoon is really just getting started.

But, the weirder thing is that I am actually excited to get this set up so I understand it and can utilize it well. I have so many piles of things laying around, and if I can get my files set up and usable that will alleviate a little stress there (and maybe give me some good ideas how to set up my file plan at home). [See, I really do love my job - even the filing!]

I had promised Mondo Beyondo today, but that'll have to wait until tomorrow since I started the post there, was interrupted several times and forgot to send it home. Stop back tomorrow and I promise we'll continue the journey.

And if you have a moment, please send up some prayers for my friend Anthony and his siblings. Their father, Ed, died suddenly and unexpectedly Tuesday night. Ed was the same age my Dad was when he died.

Already written far better than I ever could

I was going to blog something profound (not) tonight (Mondo Beyondo continues tomorrow), but I think TS has a better blog that you should read instead. I found TS via ericjay a few weeks ago. If you have a chance, this is an interesting blog, a different look at things we may not think about all the time.

Anyway...go HERE and read this awesome post (and the links). And one other request, whatever your thoughts are regarding this war, please remember those who serve and their families. Thanks.

Sleepy

Today I wish I was a celebrity. My only reason for this is so I would have a personal trainer who would pull me to the gym and a personal chef who would feed me better food than I ate today.

I was a busy day today. I got stuck in the middle of a few different situations which drove me insane. I stupidly stayed in and ate lunch at my desk instead of working out (thinking I'd get to the gym at the end of the day) and I didn't. The end of the day proved busier than the beginning and I didn't get out of work until almost 6:45. Now I'm tired and I'm going to bed. Tomorrow is going to be even busier.

But lest you forget, I love my job. :)

Anniversary

Today I have officially been at my fabulous job for one year. I cannot believe how time has flown. K and I were talking about this last night. It's freaky to think that a year ago I left my job and started all anew. It's just crazy.

Despite being a blip in time, this past year was awesome and I'm so glad I took these steps. I love my job; my boss is awesome; my co-workers are great; and I finally feel like I have some purpose in this world.

Guilt

Have you ever felt guilty about something, so much so that it occasionally pops into your head and invades your thoughts to the point where you just want to pull your hair out so maybe you could sleep at night instead of thinking about it?

I get this every now and then. There's one incident from my youth that continues to pop into my head and I probably need a therapist for that (that and many other things...I do think about this K as you have advised me before...I really should). But this other thing drives me nuts and I think I need to cleanse my head of it. I'm hoping this forum will help because I don't think I'll be able to wash clothes again if I don't.

To the girl in the laundromat in Aberdeen sometime during my college years - somewhere between 1994 and 1996 because Ernie and Beans were there - I am extremely sorry I laughed at you for removing your clothes one at a time from the washer and folding it before putting it into the dryer. It was a different technique than any I had seen before and for whatever reason I found it extremely funny. I shouldn't have laughed, everyone has their own techniques. Please forgive me.

*sigh*

I hope this will help. I see her face everytime I take clothes out of the wash. I don't know why, I haven't thought about this in years, but I do feel horrible. I'm sure I do things that people think odd or weird and they laugh at me behind my back or in front of me. But I really hate that I did this to her. There was no reason and it was just stupid. I really am sorry that I did that.

It's an Epiphany!

Or it actually IS Epiphany. Well, both actually. Or neither. I'm confused.

I took down my tree and stockings* at work today. It's Epiphany so it's time to let Christmas go with the last year, right? Well, I should take down my tree at home too, but I decided to have one more night of Christmas light goodness. Tomorrow the joy will come down, not only because Christmas is over, but I desperately need to put those boxes away so I can continue my de-cluttering.

Tonight was a great night. I got to chat with K&E as we continue our plans for my next visit with them in May. Apparently E thinks I'm a weekend woodworker like my brother and can help him build a deck. I best start reading up on that one (and maybe buy a better drill).

I'm just so excited to see them! I haven't seen them since October and I'm in desperate need of fun with my awesome friends.
They have the sweetest cat who loves me oh so much. He likes to curl up on my lap while I read and will sit there for hours. It's great. I can't wait.

*Hey former ID workers - anyone recognize the tree? I had to continue my tradition of making stockings for everyone in the office again. Miss you!

I need chai!

Today was another work day for us. It was good but busy. Yesterday afternoon I had looked at my schedule for today and thought it would have been pretty quiet, but somewhere along the line the shit hit the fan and it was crazy.

I think it started last night after I completed my "completing" Mondo Beyondo. I went to bed but somehow I had stirred up my thought process and kept thinking of things over and over again. At one point I called my work to leave a voice mail of things to talk about at roll call. And I woke up, unrested, thinking of about 6 more things. It was not a good way to end the night nor start the morning. And the Dunn Bros here doesn't open til 7 on the weekends so I couldn't ease my suffering with my vanilla chai as I did yesterday.

Thank you to those who have responded to my mondo beyondo yesterday. Your words are encouraging. I'm excited about looking at the year differently. I think there are more parts to this. I'm waiting for Andrea to post and I'll add the next steps here too.

Mondo Beyond via my Superhero

Bear with me a little here because this will hopefully be a introspective post.

The fabulous Andrea celebrates Mondo Beyondo instead of resolutions. I like this idea and so I'm going to try this this year. This section is completing. Here we go:

1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2007?
I kept my promise to run the TC marathon. This was both a challenge of my courage and strength as well as a brave choice. I'm very proud of this (and now want to do better)! I also left my stifling, soul-sucking job (not truly but moments it felt like this) and began one that has fulfilled me and made me very happy, even in times of stress and struggle.

2. What is there to grieve about 2007?
One thing to grieve is Art. I do miss him. On a personal level: I'm disappointed in some of my emotional reactions to situations: one person said it's because I'm so passionate and compassionate, but in truth the emotions I showed were inappropriate and wrong. Scary was leaving my urban home to return to the land of flatness. Hard has been dealing with living so close to Mom and feeling smothered and not sure how to express those feelings to her without making her feel like it's all her fault or upsetting her. I'm not sure I can forgive myself yet for some of these and other things, but I am working on it.

3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?

I need to realize that while last year was an incredible year, I need to work hard to continue and improve. Things I screwed up, things I succeeded at – they are all in the past. This year starts anew. I can learn from my experiences, but that knowledge needs to guide me in my next steps.

I'm declaring 2007 complete! Of course, some of my issues still need to be said – I need to forgive myself but that will take a bit longer and maybe a post somewhere where no one reads it, despite Andrea's suggestion to share with others. I know if I stated things I'm thinking about that my friends would tell me to forgive myself, but that won't work in this case. I'll get there.

2008 is my year of cleansing: I want to declutter, depaper, declothe my storage and apartment space – throwing, recycling and goodwill-ing so I can feel (and be!) freer and more relaxed. I also want to cleanse my head of negative thoughts about myself. I know this may not ever completely happen, but I need to realize that while I most likely won't run a marathon in 3:15, I could run it in 5 and that's okay (the fact that I'm out there doing it is amazing and that needs be the driving force to push out the bad thoughts that sneak in); that I will never be 125 pounds, but I can get to 135 or 140 and this is doable if I focus and keep on task as I eat or not eat; and that while I'm single, this isn't a bad thing and I will meet someone when the time is right.

Tiny Steps

As opposed to Giant Steps.

Thank God for mothers - especially those who can sew. I ran up to mom's tonight with some groceries she asked me to pick up and she sewed on my patches and let me do a load of laundry. YAY!

I haven't purchased my shredder yet, but I have it on my list to get this weekend. I'm excited about it because I really do have half a box to shred. I did forget to add one thing to my list to do this year: Buy chairs for my table. I really do want to eat at my table this year. But I kind of liked my 8 plans for 08. oh well. make it nine - one to grow on, right?

One thing I must say: I am really glad that I've been back to work these past couple days. Routine is so much better for me. I'm sleeping better, I'm eating better, I'm excited about my days. My whole energy and mood levels have increased. It's great. YAY for work!

Sew what? I knit!

I had a flooding of memories of basic training flowing through my brain just moments ago. As you know, I was promoted recently. Normally as a little NCO I'd just swap out rank on the sleeves and hope people wouldn't notice the previous needle tracks (it's a little like a drug problem).

Well, since I'm now in that upper tier I thought I should order real uniforms from supply and have items professionally sewn on. It's not that I can't sew but I don't like it, so if I can avoid it, I do.

I picked up my new shirts today and everything was sewn on - yay! - everything except our unit patch. Shit. I had enough crap today from everyone telling me I was out of uniform and then when I put on the new shirt, sans unit patch, I still got crap. This led to me attempting to sew again.

Like I said, this isn't normally a problem. I can sew. I learned from both my mother and Mrs. Wiese - the ultimate Becky Home-Ec-y. But my problem lies in the minor fact that I don't have thread, only yarn. Yarn is durable but doesn't fit through that tiny little eye very well, nor does it last when you have to pull it apart to a single thread so it will fit through the tiny little eye.

Sew (haha!) I sort of tacked on one of my unit patches and then put double sided tape on the other side and ironed the hell out of it. PRAY that it stays at least a day or two. I talked with my mother - the other ultimate Becky Home-Ec-y who actually owns thread - and she's going to sew my other shirt and then we'll swap and she'll fix the ironed/taped one. Crossing fingers.

But the basic training memories flooded my senses as my nose was overloaded with the smell of "new shirt being ironed". Trust me, this has a smell and a memory, and neither are good. And I did wash the shirt, but the stench is still there. Hours of ironing, starching, tweaking, aligning flooded through my pores and I just wanted to scream. Thank goodness I've gotten pretty good at ironing a shirt so I didn't have to deal with it for very long.

• I have a vivid picture of Cynthia starching, ironing, and restarching and ironing an already starched and ironed uniform that she had just brought back from dry cleaning.
• I can see me and Speirs (or was it Spears) sitting on our cots on a rare down Saturday, t-shirts between binders, and tweezers at hand tweaking each piece of shirt so that it was all completely even across - then ironing it down again only to find one bit was just slightly off.
• I hear Tim coming up to me and asking me academic questions while we stood in line waiting for our flight's turn at chow and me being a smartass during it, for one because he was ever so dreamy and I had a huge crush on him, and for two because I just wanted to see if he would ever crack - I got him once...once. :)
  
• I remember standing door guard in the middle of the night, memorizing my lyrics for my upcoming recital (once I returned home), doing the tongue exercises in front of the mirror Dr. James insisted I continue since I wouldn't be singing on a daily basis, and getting caught by girls getting up in the middle of the night. "What the hell you doing, girl?" nevermind...
• I see SrA Cribb staring me down - he was my height - trying to intimidate me and all I could think was, "Dude, I'll be home in a month - give it a rest." And SrA Dunston - OMG - this man was hilarious...to imitate. Tim has him down to a T. "Nuh uh. Nuh uh." That was Dunston's key phrase.
  

So many memories...that was 11 years ago...and they are all so fresh and are alerted by the simple act of ironing a new shirt.

Resolutions?

A year ago I wrote this post. Of course I was dealing with a lot of stress with packing up my entire apartment, finding a new apartment, moving 4 hours away, finishing up my previous jobs details and doing it all in a week.
So I still haven't bought a shredder, I still haven't given to Goodwill (though I have set aside a lot of clothes to give once I can tag it all), and for whatever reason I'm still saving every shred of paper. Ugh.

So resolutions for this year:

• Buy the damn shredder
• Get rid of access - access anything: paper, clothes, stuff. Declutter your life! Give to Goodwill!
• Give to charities more than 2007
  
• Get an iPod shuffle for better running
• Run your 2nd and 3rd marathons - May and October respectively
• Knit blankets for Debbie
  
• Send PIF gifts and open it up again next year
• Smile and be happy - life is great and a gift. Enjoy it!
  

See ya next month

I've mentioned before how vacations aren't a good thing for me, unless I have some sort of itinerary I end up doing very little. Sometimes this is a good thing, but most of the time for me it's not. Oh well. Such is life.

So I'm working on my Christmas letter - yeah I still don't have them finished, in fact it'll probably become an Epiphany letter instead. The latter is probably more appropriate since my new year began around Epiphany last year with start of my new job. But I thought to help my writing of that I should recap a few highlights here:

In January I said goodbye to the cities and hello to back home. I started my new job, which everyone knows by now that I love. I started my job quickly, jumping in with both feet and haven't stopped since. It's been great.

February was monumental. I tried sushi for the first time with my awesome friends K&E and I made a few goals for the year. I actually accomplished some of them which makes me glad.

May was another monumental month: I finally got my computer, I signed up for the TC marathon and I ran a 10K. I also went up to the cities to see my friends and spend some time at graduation. It was a good month overall.

June took me south of town to see my nephew and niece play a lot of baseball and tee-ball. I'm so glad I'm here so I can see them. I also started wearing my contacts again for the first time in several years. It's been great for running.

July was a crazy month. It started off rough but I got my new camera and then spent two weeks in the Black Hills, getting to see fabulous Karen and spend sometime in the middle of nowhere.

August began with a tragedy in the Cities. But my life was blessed as Sarah and Eric got hitched. And then I popped my cherry and made it to the lake with the cool kids for the first time ever.

In September I took my nephew to the cities to see the Indians triumph over the Twins. Z was just excited to be at the Dome. I have a feeling we'll be going again. I also designed my new office and stressed about the upcoming race. How did I survive?

I don't remember much about October, other than this. Did anything else actually happen?

November was NaBloPoMo again and for once I actually had a lot to write about. Not sure why, but I did. I am participating in Pay It Forward - the Blog Version as well. To my winners, I am working on your items! I promise you'll get them within 365. I think I talked a lot about my job this month too...like how much I love it? Yeah. I did.

This month has been a good month. New furniture, new promotion, and trying to organize my life. Let's hope 2008 goes as well.

Blessings to you all!

Making headway

Well, no, not really. I've been sorting through papers and trying to sort through a few boxes and it's been insane. I did find my table and put my very wrinkled tablecloth on it so hopefully that will keep me from putting more things on it again. It looks so nice now! (Next step: buy chairs)

But the rest of the papers...ugh. I do feel better that I've been able to sort through a lot and created two boxes of items to recycle and a half box of things to shred, with a pile of more possibilities. I have a crate of my military papers that I need to organize and file - I'm thinking a new filing cabinet just for that stuff.

And in the midst of it all I found some items that made me smile (much needed in the sea of papers): I found letters from some old friends I haven't talked to in a long while (Joy, Tim, Noogie Grant, Terri), and I found some great quotes in my books. One was "It's not a lie, it's a gift of fiction."

But my favorite was from either a book or my humorscope one day: "There are at least 70 matters that you could become fully immersed in today, but all of them will be in varying stages of undress, disarray or disrepair by the time you're finished handling, uh, deconstructing them. Moreover - for obvious reasons - your sense of accomplishment will be nil. Just stick to your knitting instead."

I always thought this was hilarious, but many of my friends were confused. It did come in handy today as I became overwhelmed a few times and took a timeout to knit instead. My next blanket is coming along well. YAY!

But back to my, ahem, project. God willing I'll figure out the best thing to do with all this stuff. A large bonfire sounds great but not practical. So I'll just try to sort and keep my sanity.

I need to purge

I have way too much shit. When I began packing a year ago to move here for my new, awesome job, I initially tried to sort through items as I was putting things in boxes. Unfortunately time constraints between packing, needing to leave for the new locale by the 5th and still having to finish up my job - setting up a contingency book and writing down everything I knew so others could try to fill my shoes - left little time to really delve into everything I owned and sort through books, clothes, and papers to either sell, donate or recycle.

This past year I had set a goal to go through a box a week, which is really hard to do with the way I packed (re: tossed) things in boxes. So eventually I gave up. Well, this past weekend I tried to begin again and grabbed the first box in my storage unit. Sadly, it was filled with papers and papers and more papers. If I felt safe about just dumping it all I would, but I don't. I have no idea what I put where, one box could have articles I rip out of magazines mixed in with receipts or medical info, so inevitably I have to look at everything.

So I'm in need of a new plan for this process. Any suggestions?

I do know that I need a better plan over all - like filing things right away when they come in and reading the magazines right away and then getting rid of things before they pile up. It just has become an avalanche lately and I'm not sure how to dig myself out.

More proof of my insanity

Yes, I signed up.

You can, too!

Yes, Master?

I took a big step in my career today. I met the promotion board and by the grace of God I was awarded Master Sergeant. This is a huge step and I still can't quite believe it.

When I first joined the Air Guard I had many reasons: money for education, getting some discipline (see how well that's helped?), and great opportunities. Of course these were the thoughts I thought at the time. Looking back on it I think I need to be more honest. I joined to serve my country, to follow in the footsteps of my brother (an Army Guard brat) and to achieve the same rank my father was able to achieve in 4 years of Active Duty: Staff Sergeant.

I did make this rank back in 2001, and one-upped Dad in 2005. But now I'm stepping into something that just is overwhelming, amazing, and overwhelming (did I say that?) all at the same time. Becoming a master sergeant takes on so much more responsibility, so much more opportunity. I've moved into the top tier, the one that people look up to, Lord knows I did. My mentors have been chiefs who have been there for me every step, guiding my path, guiding my career. A toast to Ronny, Mungie Boy, Dinger (aka Murdock), Buck, hell even Ozzie. You guys helped make me who I am today. And not just chiefs - senior master sgts have guided my ways. Here's to Tommy and Jenn and others.

To be honest, I'm a little scared with this. Plus RAC told me he never quite knows when he's going to retire, he could at any time now, and his is a job that would be awesome, but would be a step to a completely different level. All this is so much to take in on the last day. One of the questions was "What does this day mean to you?" I choked up - this is monumental. Seems pathetic to say, but I really does mean a lot. I never thought I'd make it to this point...it seems really surreal.

Sometimes...

Sometimes Stumble stumbles you upon something so great (via http://www.ibelieveinadv.com/commons/jess_pali.jpg)

Thank goodness

Finally! Yes, I got to go back to work today. Don't get me wrong, I love vacations, but I'm not one to motivate myself if I can put it off easily. Like cleaning. I hate cleaning, but whatever - it will get done.

But today I got to go back to work. I'm thinking it was the excitement of it all that kept me from sleeping well last night. I tossed and turned for hours...it sucked. So for your reading pleasure, I have borrowed one of the approximately a shitload of meme's from Lotus.

Your Month Meme

Tagged by: no one, like I said, I'm borrowing this from Lotus.

1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months (see below).
3. Pick your month of birth (see below).
4. Highlight the traits that apply to you.
5. Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving a comment for them.
6. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve done it!

My birthday is in April. I'd give you the actual date so you could mark your calendars and start ordering gifts for next year now, but I'm okay with surprises and gifts all month long. Feel free to start mailing in March if you'd like. I promise to wait until April to open it. And if you're a little late and I don't get it til May, you'll still get a thank you card. Thanks! *smooch*

APRIL:

Active and dynamic. Maybe, I'm not so good with this kind of thing. I try to be active. Dynamic? I don't know. Maybe

Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. You have no idea - when I can actually be decisive it usually is hastily done and I often regret it. But when I take my time deciding things, I still regret it.

Attractive and affectionate to oneself. I have my moments.

Strong mentality. Yeah, I like to be strong.

Loves attention. Yes and no. I don't know... You tell me. What do you think? Do I love attention? Do I?

Diplomatic. Almost to a fault.

Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Yes, again almost to a fault.

Brave and fearless. When I am decisive about something. :)

Adventurous. If you looked at me this past week, no. But there have been moments in my life.
(sheesh - am I really an April baby?)

Loving and caring. Yes. This is true, again almost to a fault. I love my friends and family and it kills me when they are in pain or hurting, and I love to celebrate with them.

Suave and generous. Yes, I'm not suave but I do love to give to others. I wish I had more money to give as much as I really want.

Emotional. Holy crap...this is so true. What? You don't believe me? Well how's this for embarrassing proof: I cried at "Honey I shrunk the kid" when the girl and neighbor boy kissed for the first time in the Lego.

Aggressive. Only if you want me to be.

Hasty. Didn't we talk about this already?

Good memory. See above and my nickname in college was Calendar Girl. You tell me.

Moving. About every 2 or 3 years, sometimes sooner, sometimes later.

Motivates oneself and others. Others more than myself...I'm working on that.

Sickness usually of the head and chest. Huh? I guess this is better than my ass or gut.

Sexy in a way that only their lover can see. Hello? Lover? Is this true? Since my lover is a phantom, I must be sexy only in a way he can see.

It's a little scary how close these were, with the few that I'm not. Interesting. Does it match you?

All right, I'm tagging anyone who wants to play...and tagging everyone to go read Lotus. She is a riot. Oh and I decided to leave the months off because it was getting really long, so catch them at Lotus via the link at the beginning. Have fun!

South Beach Breakfast, kind of

I got bored this morning so I made bacon and eggs for breakfast. Dr. S is coming by later so I made some for him too, except I don't eat ham so he's getting bacon.

This is Christmas

Seriously folks, this has been a very weird holiday this year. I slept in this morning again after a great Christmas Eve service. Olaf had a great sermon and boss #2 surprised me there with his family. That was a shock. And I think I accidentally spit on his wife after church - I was chewing gum and telling a story and I think I glicked a little. Whoops. Hopefully she won't hold it against me. Maybe not since she hugged me before we parted ways.

But today I talked with my family a bit, then putzed around for a couple hours. Then I went to this. Truly a Christmas movie if there ever was one. I was surprised how many people were at the movies today. It was crappy weather - snow, snow and some more snow to mix on to the crappy streets - but the theatre line was packed. Charlie Wilson's War sold out but luckily I wasn't going to that one.

There were more people at my movie than I thought there would be. I mean, yeah, it has Johnny Depp, Alan Rickman, Helena Bonham Carter, and was directed by Tim Burton, but it's a musical. The guy to my right said to his friends after the show, "I just about threw up when they started singing. I didn't know this was a friggin' musical." But at least he said he liked the show despite of the singing. The guy to my left, however, snored through the first 30 minutes, then his date/wife/whatever woke him up so he breathed loudly for another 15 before pushing through our row to go get food. He came back with the one movie snack that should totally be outlawed: Nachos.

Popcorn isn't a quiet food either, but at least you can kind of eat it quietly - it's all about taking just a few pieces at a time, squishing it in your mouth and then chewing quietly. Nachos aren't a quiet snack. The guy chomped and chomped for 20 minutes, occasionally pausing to slurp (seriously, slurp) his drink. Then he'd sigh because it was a lot of work to chomp and slurp. And I think he had some breathing issues because he breathed really loud for a lot of the movie, snoozing a bit more later, and truly annoying me and the people in front of him (who left about 75 minutes in and didn't return - not sure if it was because of the show or because of him).

Anyway, the show was amazing. Tim Burton is a genius. The color of the film - hard to describe - but it fit so well...showing the dark side of the life Sweeney had to live, but the flashbacks and fantasies in brilliant color. And the music....ah Sondheim. *sigh* The music was incredible - brilliantly written and scored. And Johnny can sing and so can Helena which surprised me. It brought back a few memories since I sang "Green Finch and Linnet Bird" for my senior recital. I'm really looking forward to seeing the stage version in February.

Do go see this film if you like musicals, or Johnny Depp, or bloody shows. It's a win, win, win on all counts. And Merry Christmas! :)

Is it really Christmas?

This has been the weirdest holiday ever.

After sleeping off my wine stupor from last night, I spent most of the day watching A&E's Cold Case marathon. It's scary to think of how many unsolved murders happen every year. My heart went out to all the stories of people - even those they solved, it was just emotional.

I finally pulled my fat ass off the couch and went out into the world. I needed some sunlight or I was going to go nuts. I bought some more wine and ran a couple errands. Surprisingly traffic wasn't as bad as I expected it to be, though as soon as I thought that to myself while driving on the busiest road in our town, I was almost the part of one could-have-been accident and the witness to another. People were in just a huge hurry. I wasn't so I'm sure I was the problem. :)

Now I'm trying to decide if I should go to the 10 or 11 o'clock Christmas Eve service. I'm thinking the 10, but I have nothing going on so I could go to the 11. Santa already came for me so it's not a big deal.

Yes, I'm a dork. I bought some little things today at put them in my stocking so I have something to open tomorrow. I should have wrapped them but that would have been a waste.

But for now I continue to clean during my Discardia phase and watching the best Christmas movie ever (well, after White Christmas, of course): A Christmas Story. TBS is the greatest.

Napping - bad for your brain; Discardia

Vacations aren't good for me. The time off is nice but when I start it out by taking a 3 hour nap that I didn't need but decided to have just because I could, that's not a good thing. I came home from church today and read the paper, read Post Secret, had a little breakfast and then decided to take a nap.

I just woke up. And the dream I had was pretty weird.

It was the last day of work before a holiday. For some reason my boss and I were sharing the same office. It was the office I have now, but his conference table was perpendicular to the window with his desk at the window end and mine by the door facing him - like a big capitol I. He was in jeans and blue shirt and I was in uniform for whatever reason. At 11 I decided to go for lunch, but when I left I was walking around my hometown outside our old elementary school. Around 2 I decided to go back in, and when I did I ran into Maria from my old job (Hi, Maria!) and Sandra Oh, for some reason.

Sandra asked me to watch her 3-yr-old boy for an hour until she finished her meeting. I agreed, Sandra took off, and I asked Maria questions about the boy - mostly how to pronounce his name because I couldn't remember it. It was something like Chai Lee or something. I kept pronouncing it wrong and the boy kept correcting me.

Then I started feeling guilty that I hadn't been back to work yet, so I took the boy and we headed toward the cafeteria (not on the way to work). Suddenly there were a bunch of kids I was taking care of and they had all taken their coats off and thrown them on a booth. They got their food but sat at the booth behind the coats. I started picking up the coats and on my left showed up 4 big, burly men who had been sitting at the booth. I apologized for the children and they smiled big grins with teeth missing and said it was fine (it felt kind of like a truck stop, not really a cafeteria at this point).

Well, then I ditched the kids (I think Sandra showed up and I left) and headed back to my office. When I got there my boss was sitting on the floor behind his desk going through his recycling bin. I chuckled and asked if he was sorting out the stuff with SSNs so I could shred and the color/magazines so I didn't have to. He said, "No but if you take this one then you can shred it." He handed me our goals for this year, based on last year's and pencil marks all over it. I said, "You want me to type this up?" He said, "Yeah, then shred it." Ok.

Then I walked back to my desk, took off my gortex coat, and sat down, watching his head as he went through papers, occasionally seeing his hand come up and set paper on his desk.

Then I woke up.

I'm sure part of this stems from my slight, ever so slight, guilt at taking a non-needed nap. It also stems from my need to clean my house. Discardia started again on Friday but with my niece coming and Christmas I just didn't get started yet. So I need to start it now.

The one good thing about napping - it keeps me from eating. Maybe I should sleep this whole week and I could lose some righteous weight. :)

As the days go by

I just thought of this, which is funny that I forgot to mention it sooner since I've been thinking about it all week. A year ago today I resigned from my job at the sem. Interesting.

I've been counting this down all week. Thursday I had my review for the year (this is an annual thing from my part-time portion of my job). Before my boss and I sat down to talk about it I reminded him that a year ago that day he and I had met at that same table and I interviewed for my position. That played into my review a little bit. In '06 and previous years my interview revolved around PA (Public Affairs), classes and training I needed for advancement and moving up in that world. But now with the job I'm in and the change in the PA section, that opportunity won't be there for several years.

Well my review began with my boss telling me what a great job I've been doing and how happy he is to have me in that office (with all the nice furniture). I reiterated to him that I'm so happy where I am and that I love my job. He said that every time another position opens up he fears he's going to lose me, so I chided him for disappearing to conferences during November when the other job was open. We had a good laugh and then he asked me about looking at an officer role.

This floored me. I wasn't really expecting him to ask me about this. He wondered if I had ever thought about it, and I had but next week I meet the board for promotion and I start the top tier. Do I really want to go back to the bottom and work my way up again? The money would be great, but I'm not certain it's for me. However, that said, boss 3 will be retiring in a few years and his job would be awesome. My boss said that's one reason he was asking me about my thoughts on it.

We had a great conversation. I was so grateful for the few moments we had together, alone, without phone calls or interruptions. It seems any time he and I try to talk we get interrupted which sucks.

Anyway, he wants me to stay so I guess that means my review was a success. :)

And yesterday at 8:52 a.m. a year ago was when I received the call from said boss inviting me to take the job. And I said yes and subsequently went to sing at a funeral. Interesting.

And one year ago today, I sent in my resignation, shocking the president and vice of the sem. It has been a crazy, wild ride since then. And other than leaving the awesome atmosphere of the Cities, I don't regret it at all.

I'm just a love, uh, bun machine

Well, that doesn't sound good either.

The last two days I have been a baking freak. Yesterday after having an awesome lunch with Sarah, I went grocery shopping to pick up the items I needed to keep a 7-yr-old happy and to bake the things I needed/wanted.

My niece came to stay with me last night. We made snowmen cookies. Put together graham cracker houses and made dough for no-knead dinner rolls. While this was a super plan I learned a very valuable lesson:

Don't try new recipes when your niece is coming - always test them prior to her arrival.

None of these worked. I was ticked. The snowmen cookie recipe was bad, and so if I do those again I'm going to use my own sugar cookie recipe. This one was just odd and the cookies ended up being really heavy and not turning out well. The graham cracker houses wouldn't set so our roofs fell apart, and soon the buildings did too (we even frosted everything together last night and did our decorating this morning and they still fell apart - sort of. I think mine are still together.) And the rolls...oh the rolls.

I love this recipe so I'm hoping that I can get it to work. There's no kneading needed and it's fun to make. But I'm still new to this bread thing so I'm not really sure what I did wrong, if the yeast wasn't happy or I didn't let them rise long enough, I don't know. The buns I made ended up not poofing up like they should have and my oven was heating weird so they burned on the bottom before they even were able to poof. I have some dough left so I'm going to try the rest tomorrow.

But it was fun to spend time with my niece. We had a good time and the next time she comes to stay with me our baking projects are going to succeed.

The rest of today was Christmas at the Moe's. We had dinner, opened presents, played our traditional game of Cranium, and then packed up and headed home. Pretty quiet but fun to be with everyone again.