Turkey!

You're not a turkey, at least I don't think you are but then how do I really know? With all the advances in science these days you may very well be a turkey and have incredible intelligence allowing for you to actually be able to read this. But what am I saying...if you had intelligence, even if you were a turkey, you probably wouldn't pick this blog to read – you'd be at dooce or fussy or whoorl or SAJ instead (or the countless others I read but can't think of right now because I'm a little bit of a turkey myself – not the smart kind).

But it is turkey day! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

My turkey day was pretty quiet. Mom came over and we had some weird supreme type of pizza with sausage and green and red peppers and black olives and pepperoni or something. It was okay. I made apple pie, as usual, and my apples turned to mush again (not usual). I don't know what I'm doing wrong. But that's beside the point. (though if you have ideas, please let me know)

We watched Ratatouille and ate and then went to Shopko because they had sales today and we figured it would be pretty quiet. I got the Lord of the Rings trilogy for $20 and White Christmas - my favorite! I was going to get the first season of Psych for $14.99! but they were out so I got a raincheck. The customer service lady was shocked since it's normally $52 there. I'm so smart.

Then we came back and were going to watch Garden State and my DVD player took a shit again in the middle of the movie. Mom's like, "Maybe you need to put that on your Xmas list". And I'm thinking, maybe I need to just get one before then. I mean, hello! I have White Christmas to be watching, not to mention all the other movies I have recently purchased and CSI comes via Amazon next week! HELLO!

Wow, my life revolves around tv. oh well...whatever.

So we flipped channels and found "Christmas with the Kranks" which turned out to be a really good show. I read the book a long time ago (Skipping Christmas, by John Grisham) actually - I read that on my way to Turkey when I was going to be there over Christmas for a business trip. Pretty cool.

Huh, how ironic. It's Turkey Day and I watched the movie based on the book I read when I went to Turkey. Weird, huh?

ANYWAY...Now I'm watching Ugly Betty and then will watch CSI and Grey's Anatomy off the tape. Then bed probably. I finished my blanket so now I need to start the next, whatever the next will be. I want to make the one for my couch but I need to color it out first so I don't screw it up. I'll probably do that too.

Anyway, how is your life today? Are you full of turkey and stuffing and such?

Write what you want

The Goddess who is Eden wrote today about blogging. Hmm, imagine that. A blogger writing about blogging. That never happens.

But she had some good points when it comes to art, how it gets better with practice, and whether or not blogging is an art, there is something to be said about writing improving the more it is written.

One of my instructors for one of my favorite courses used to say, “if you want to be a better writer you have to write.” His goal was for me to write a novel. I can't quite get the plot thing down (hence, why I'm here and not at NaNoWriMo) but maybe in time I can. I would love to be able to actually do that and dedicate the book to him. JC wherever you are now, I miss talking with you. You are awesome.

But it did make me look back on this month (so far). Last year I struggled to get things out, things I thought I should say because dammit I had to blog yet for the day. This year it's felt different. I've wanted to write. I've wanted to say things and get them down. Often they are incoherent and equivocal because they don't quite make sense in my head, let alone when I put them down on paper. But I get them out.

Sometimes it's like it's building up inside and I just have to write. Often these moments come at work and I send myself emails with the blog posting for the night. Other times I email them to me but I never post them. I actually have two in my inbox right now waiting publication, and two meme's I've completed but set aside for days when I really don't have anything to say.

But do we ever not have anything to say? Blogging started as a web log – a place people could write their own thoughts, right? At least that was the understanding I had when I started – a place I could write my thoughts and if my friends or others wanted to read my thoughts and keep up with the goings-on in my life they could. But it seems blogging has evolved into this thing. A thing where you are either a mommy blogger or a political blogger or a photo blogger or whatever. And those of us who just write to write are lost in the shuffle. And I am okay with being lost in the shuffle. I do not need to be read by everyone. I just find it funny that if you are not one of the chosen groups you are not really counted.

I don't know. Maybe that's not true either. I write because I need to and I want to. If someone wants to read my dribble, they are more than welcome to. And if not, that's fine too because I will post what I want.

* And what fun! This is post 555! WOOHOO!

Just keep running, just keep running*

Today's run was interesting. RB and I stayed in today (re: treadmills, joy) and were kind of in a rush. I was supposed to do 4 miles today but due to time restraints I only ran 3. The treadmill sucked, though we have new ones at work and they are a lot better than the old ones.

RB and I have been talking about training ideas and after today's run I think he's right – I need to get back to using music. We didn't talk while we ran today, which actually helped me keep going longer and a steady pace. Though I really missed the conversation, maybe it's better if we don't talk a lot while we run. I don't know. Talking helps to build the lung capacity, too, and keeps the run interesting (we had TV to distract us today) but breathing vs. talking...hmmm. I'm not sure.

And then to top it off after running I subsequently hit both of my knees on various drawers the rest of the day and they hurt! Great...can't wait for tomorrow's have-to 4-miler.

*I don't like this movie, but I tend to paraphrase it a lot.

Knitters 'R Us

Kat asked for pictures of my knitting projects. But let me first state this disclaimer: I in no way claim to be a phenomenal knitter. I basically do flat items – blankets, scarves, blankets. I tried a sweater for my niece once but I couldn't quite figure it out so I gave up. So I stick to blankets, usually baby blankets. It's just a way to keep my hands busy in the winter while I watch TV.

Anyway, here you go:

Above: These are the two lap blankets I have completed for Debbie. The sizing is a little off so I just folded them up here so you could see the colors. These are super soft because I use baby blanket yarn. I love this stuff. It's washable and soft – two of my favorites.

This is the one I'm trying to complete. I started on the dark blue last spring and ran out of yarn. As you can see I use cheap Caron yarn because I'm poor and this stuff is kind of scratchy. I'm hoping when I wash it it'll get softer. Anyway, so after I ran out of dark blue I found the middle mixed color in my yarn drawer and the other lighter green blue and thought they might work. The colors aren't quite right but it doesn't look too bad.

I'm hoping to finish it soon so I can make my blanket for my living room with these colors:

These are the colors in my living room. I have a Turkish beige rug with the autumn red, black and smattering of blue in it, so I thought these colors would be great together. I just have to decide on my pattern and then start...after I finish the one above. I know...again with the Caron yarn, but this stuff is soft (Simply Soft!) and I do love how these blankets turn out.

So, there you go!

I'm pretty sure it's Monday

Yeah, it's Monday. I slept til 9:30 which is a total oddity for me but it is standard to sleep in on Monday's so it must be Monday.

First things first – I ran today and it was pretty great. I had a new running partner today. I run on a trail near my house and as I was heading to my starting point there was a beautiful black Lab sniffing around the yard by the trail. I kept walking and soon he was trotting along beside me. I started to jog and he ran ahead, sniffed around, looked back at me and when I caught up with him he jogged beside me. We went for 2 miles together before he started to chase a squirrel as I turned left onto a bridge and we lost each other.

I was kind of sad for the dog because he had no tags and I was really hoping he'd follow me all the way back so I could call animal control, or at least get him back to where we met. On the other hand, it was really fun to run with a dog. No offense, RB, but he was kind of fun to run with for a long distance. He was fun to watch running around, chasing squirrels, sniffing at everything and so sweet.

I'm sure the people walking along the trail thought I was breaking city ordinances by not having him on a leash. I could almost hear the old lady's thoughts who got freaked out by him when he stopped to sniff her dogs (He was fine, her dogs were the ones growling), “He should be on a leash. I'm going to report her.” I waited for her to say anything to me so I could say, “He's not my dog, though he's cute so I wish he was!”

So now I'm once again wishing I had a dog. But I need to have a house with a yard to have a dog because he'll need to have some place to run. And I need to figure out just what kind of dog I'd want because I don't like super big dogs, but I don't want a tiny dog that won't be able to run with me. I need a medium dog, short hair. Any suggestions?

It's officially Saturday

I am stating today is Saturday. It has to be! I had pizza for dinner which is a Friday or Saturday night thing and I know it's not Friday because even though I worked no one was in the office and since it's cold out it can't be a Friday in the office because then everyone would be there. If it had been warm today and no one was in the office then maybe it could have been Friday because no one seems to ever be in the office on a Friday when it's warm outside.

So it must be Saturday.

I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow when it will actually be Monday and I don't want it to be.

Well, I haven't finished my cleaning as I had intended but I have been getting some knitting completed. That makes me happy because I really want to finish this lap blanket for Debbie so I can either start another one with better yarn or start my blanket for my couch.

I hope everyone else is having as much fun on this Saturday night as I am!

All turned around

Yesterday felt like Sunday when I drove up to AJ's party. Today felt more like Monday with a little bit of Saturday and Sunday mixed in. What in the world will tomorrow be?

Slept in this morning, had a nice long shower and then went in to work. I had a few hours to make up from last month so I can get paid for that day. It was really quiet at work (it being Sunday and all) but I got all my shredding done which made me happy. I didn't get enough of the rest of my goals completed so I may swing in tomorrow for a bit just to catch up a little more.

Then after swinging by Jimmy John's for lunch I came home and played the domestic for awhile: I plasticated my windows with a little help from a friend. One window was being a total bitch and not tightening up so it took a lot longer than I had planned. And then when I finally got it I got a little cocky and ended up putting a small hole in the middle window plastic. Whoops. Which helped me discover that I'm out of Scotch tape.

Now I need to frame and hang my new pictures and finish cleaning this messy apartment, because...it's time to decorate for Christmas! WOOHOO!

I love decorating for Christmas. I totally missed out on Halloween this year because my decorations were at my other storage facility and by the time I remembered this fact the season had passed me by. But this...I can not miss this. I love Christmas decorations. YAY! And I want to get it done soon so I can start baking this weekend.

In other news: today starts my Pre-Training training for the May marathon. I have 5 weeks of this: Sunday, off; Monday, 3M; Tuesday, 4M; Wednesday, 4M; Thursday, off or Xtrain; Friday, 3M; Saturday, 6M. Actually the training program I read said I could do 4-5 weeks of pre-training so with Thanksgiving and all, if I don't quite make it this week I'm not going to feel too bad. And so it begins...

Growing up sucks

Today was A.J.'s 1^st birthday party. My job was to take pictures which was very difficult with her 4-year-old brother want to “be part of the show too!” But AJ turned 1 and that's all that matters.

Hey AJ, is it your birthday party?

It was one of those days, though, where it was spent with family. And this isn't a bad thing but there are a lot of things going on that are causing some underlying tension. I try to stay out of it all but I'm part of it too, natch.

A big one was that I hadn't told my mother about the marathon in October. So many reasons – 1) whenever I tell her I'm going to do anything it immediately becomes the point of every.single.conversation with questions about how it's going and what are you eating for that and if I were seen eating anything 'not good' I would get the third degree about; 2) she may (emphasis on 'may') have offered to come up to watch me run and I didn't need that extra stress of taking care of her too; and 3) by the time I felt maybe comfortable with telling her then the inevitable questions of “why didn't you tell me this before” would have come up.

Well, the cat got out of the bag today. My SIL knew because I had to call her to see about blisters and a couple other issues that weekend and I had already told my brother about it. But she was sort of sworn to secrecy. Today we were talking to her about all her accomplishments this year and the spotlight was getting pretty hot on her so she blurts out, “Moe ran a marathon this year.”

Oooohhhh the burning of the eyes from my mother. I have scars. You can see them all over my face from other times this has happened. And the first thing out of her mouth was “You didn't tell me that.”

There was no word of “that's great!” or “congratulations” or “wow, that explains your obsession with running this year.” Just “you didn't tell me that” and “when was this”.

The tension was THICK.

As I drove home, watching intently for deer – damn hunting season, I pondered this. It's not like mother/daughter relationships are easy, and with being the youngest, that hasn't helped some situations either. Mom is one who likes to be needed, and I'm desperately trying to keep my own life my own, especially since I've moved back closer to home. When I was in the Cities it was easier because I did need her to keep me in touch with my siblings a little bit more. But now, I'm here and I can do that on my own, and I do. When I was in the Cities I spent my nights much as I do now – reading, knitting or watching tv or baking, I didn't go out and party. And Mom had told her boss earlier this year that she felt like she needed to make sure I got out and did things because I didn't have any friends. Which is wrong – I have friends here, I got out and did things, just maybe not what she was thinking I should be doing. And it's been tense much of the time.

Maybe that's the issue. I need my own life. And I need to be able to trust Mom with information I give her. And not find out later that she has told all of her friends. That was another issue once. I had been given some information that would affect Mom too and I told her and told her not to say anything to anyone about it. I found out later she told a lady she worked with about it (or maybe danced with, I don't remember – I just knew I didn't know her and mom had betrayed my trust). When I confronted mom she said, “Well she doesn't know you, so it's fine, she won't say anything about you.” But, Mom...it was also about a place I work, which you told her that too and other people work there who are also affected by this. Now they are in jeopardy too.

So I've been finding that I've been avoiding my mother more than I used to, and I get tense when spending time with her. I'm always on guard – with what I say, with what I do, with how I act. That can't be healthy. I'm not sure what to do.

Yeah, I could talk to her, but I don't know that that would help right now. There are defensive tactics that she takes immediately in any conversation and has trouble focusing on conversations (e.g. I'll be explaining something that happened at work that day and she'll be eating supper while reading the paper and occasionally saying “mmmm hmmmm”). So I'm kind of at an impasse right now. So I guess I'll just have to keep going until I can figure out how to talk to my mother. Sheeeit.

Good Question

WCCO has a segment they call Good Question where they ask locals on the street about a topic and then try to find the answers. A recent one was about what you would ask God if you could ask him anything.

There were a lot of interesting questions - of course, the standards: What is the purpose of my life? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do children die? Am I doing enough?

This leads to me evaluating my own life and wondering what questions I would ask God. But then again, I do ask God these and other questions and whether or not I get answers seems to be whether I want to hear the answers being given. I'm sure God answers me but do I listen? Do I really hear God? Do I want to know? Would I like the answer I'm given?

Happy 1st Birthday, A.J.!

Overheard speakerphone conversation

Caller looking for company: Where are you located?

Receptionist from company: Do you know where the airport is?

Caller: Yes.

Receptionist: Take Minnesota Ave north and turn on John Doe Road.

Caller: Are you on the west side or east side of Minnesota?

Receptionist: If you're heading north we'll be on the west side of the road.

My question is, if she was heading south, which side of the road would they be on?

Bull's Eye and I missed it

Today was Cities 97 Sampler day. For those of you out of the area, Cities 97 is an awesome local* radio station that puts together a sampler CD of various artists throughout the year. The tracks are from their own recordings in Studio C. The lead track this year is by Shawn Colvin who does a fabulous acoustic version of "Crazy". Remember that song - the up beat, pumping song "you're making me crazy"...well Shawn's version is ethereal. It's amazing. I heard it earlier this year and loved it. So I'm very, very sad I wasn't in the Cities this morning to purchase one.

And yes, this is one of those things that you have to be there the morning of to even have a smidgen of a chance to get a copy. They print only 30,000 copies and every person is limited to two. When they sell out, they sell out. No reprints, no exchanges, no substitutions. You have to find your way to a Target store in the Cities, camp out like you're waiting for a rock concert, and have your money ready.

The best part is that all the money goes to charity. All of it. Which makes it all the better and disproves that stupid email that always goes around this time of year that bitches about Target not allowing bell ringers and that Target doesn't support veterans or charities. A total lie.

So here is the track listing, just in case you were wondering. (You should be able to click on them and hear a bit of the songs.)

http://www.cities97.com/pages/sampler/2007vol19/index.html

A big shout out to Cities 97. Great work and thanks for all you do.

*I just noticed I typed "local" radio station. Well, it's local for those in Minneapolis and St. Paul, but not so local to me anymore. A pleading request to my comm guys at work - please allow streaming so I can listen to this station during the day! I miss it!

sorry for the crappy post previously

Let me end the night with this instead:

I want to wish the gentleman well whose son is coming home from Kuwait tonight. God bless you, your son, and your family. Thank you all for the sacrifices you have made for us all. I'm proud to serve beside you.

Why didn't I think of that before?

As much as I want to build my equity by buying a house I realized tonight one big reason why I don't want to buy right now.

I agreed to bring a side salad type item for a lunch thing tomorrow and so I stopped at the nearby grocer to pick something up. It's freakin' cold here today with wind that is just insane. (Why? Why is there wind?)

So I was still in my work gear and doing the Truffle Shuffle* back to my car when I hear this guy standing on the corner say something to his friend about me. I shuffle to my car a little quicker, because seriously it was cold, but also I wasn't in the mood for a confrontation tonight.

Anyway, I'm buckling up (I'm a safety girl!**) and the guy knocks on my window. I lower it a little bit and he says, “Hey... uh hey there, girl. You look like you could go for a steak.” Now several things flash through my mind – a) he's going to kill me, b) he's cold and hungry and I should just give him money but I don't have any cash on me, and c) maybe today is a good day to be a vegetarian because ew! what kind of pick up line is that? And besides I have leftover chicken at home and I just swore off buying more unnecessary items and steak is truly unnecessary.

So I go with the latter and say, “Nah, I'm not a steak eater. I'm a vegetarian. Thanks though.” and rolled up my window. And as I drove home, I felt bad because I should have helped him out, though I'm not positive he needed help (maybe he really was trying to pick me up – or kill me) and maybe I need to start carrying more cash, because I'm not comfortable with strange men in my car (who want to pick me up – or kill me).

Then as I got to my apartment I realized that even though I really, really want a place I can call my own, having a house would be a little nerve wracking. Because – well, because I'd be there alone.

Now I know this seems a little odd since I had that post not long ago about how I hate coming home alone. But I realized that even if I do come home to an empty apartment, I'm not completely alone. There are people around me – next door, down the hall, the next floor up or down. There are people nearby. If I move to a house, my very own house all my very own, I will be all alone. And that is just a fear I'm not ready to face. There's safety in numbers and even if I don't know people in my apartment building, they are there.

* God bless Chunk.

** Yay Vivian!

Moe's Randomizer

Today has been an off day, mostly because I wasn't at work, so I just have random things to talk about.

• I can't understand how anyone where I work would want to complain about their job. We normally have a 4-day work week, working four 10's instead of five 8's. We get to workout at work (in fact, it's highly encouraged). And on weeks like this one where Monday was an official holiday, we also get Tuesday off for our holiday. So we had a four day weekend, we'll have a three day work week, another three day weekend and then two days before Thanksgiving (which we also get Friday after it off – for a fabulous 5 day weekend). Why do people complain? My job is great!
• E&K: you'll love this one. I had Japanese today. And I loved it, again. AES met with me again to talk a little more about finances. I'm reinvesting some items so I can be well-off when I retire. But he wanted to meet over lunch so we could eat. So we had the California Roll, which I've had before and love, and then the Avocado Eel. Yes, I said eel. I can't believe I ate that but I loved it! E&K, when you guys come to visit we are totally going here and I plan to go a few more times before so I can be better versed on their menu (and maybe this time not tip over my diet coke).
• I'm no Angela but I did return to knitting last night. I was watching the Monday shows on CBS and decided I should do something productive so I don't eat all night or waste time on the Internet. So I dug into my bag and found a half-completed (or half-started, which do you think?) blanket. This one will be a cluster of just using up some of my yarn but hopefully it'll turn out okay. It'll have a navy side, a myriad of colors in the middle and then light blue on the other end. It felt good to be back doing this again, even though I know I'm pretty basic at it all.
• Debbie and I have begun planning our trip to Ohio next June (yes, already). We have two goals, maybe three: 1) Go to the Jake and see a game. 2) Go to Cincinnati. We're going to see our friends and some artsy fartsy kind of things. We're so stoked. I can't wait. Now we just have to figure out when to leave and all of the other stuff. (our 3^rd goal may be seeing our friend Chris if we can make that work out too).
• My sleep has been messed up lately. The past couple weeks I've been waking up in the middle of the night for no reason. So Sunday, knowing I could sleep in Monday if need be, I went to bed at what should be my normal time and still woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get to sleep for 2 ½ hours. Man, 150 minutes of tossing and turning until I could finally get to sleep. Yet last night I went to bed 2 hours later than normal and slept til 9. What is going on?

Okay...I'm done boring you for now. I'm sure I can do better tomorrow. Or at least bore you better.

Anyone for a meat pie?

This morning I purchased tickets for Sweeney Todd. It'll be playing in Mpls in February and I can't wait!! Debbie and I are going to go and I'm really excited to see one of my favorite shows by my favorite composer with one of my favorite people.

My only dilemma is whether or not to see this before I go. Will it ruin it or will it make it all the better?

Part of my joy of this show is that I sang "Green Finch and Linnet Bird" for my senior recital. *sigh* I love this show...

To all the Veterans

To us in America, the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those who died in the country's service and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of the nation. ~President Woodrow Wilson

There's no place like home

It's good to be home. And yes, I'm quoting the Wizard of Oz only because it has been on TV a lot this weekend. And not that I don't like that musical or movie, but after 32 years of it when it came on Friday night I opted for Tango & Cash instead.

Anyway, so I'm back from my great weekend with my sister and her kids. After a long trip up to the cities, because we stopped for lunch and haircuts for the kids – not because I took the supposed longer trip route option, we made it to our hotel and then headed to the Mall of Death.

The kids had been given $10 from their grandparents for the trip so the focus was on “what can I get with my money” and “what do I want”, neither question either child new the answer to so it was kind of a cluster most of the time in the mall. My niece found a little purse that should have cost $8 but my sister doesn't think she got her change back from her $20 so it ended up costing $18. Great. My nephew, however, had a very tough time finding anything he wanted. I tried to encourage him to put his money in a savings account where it would grow with interest and then he'd have more money later to buy something he really wanted – like batting gloves. But alas, no.

So there were some tense moments and many moments of me reminding my sister that this is why I'm still single and not a mom. She'd laugh every time. At one point she said something to her daughter like, “Do you want to have more cousins?” “yes” was the reply to which my sister said, “Then blow your nose or your aunt is never going to have kids.” It seems odd, but trust me at that point of the sniffling between both children and the chomping of my nephew when he eats (it's like he thinks the food is going to disappear so he just keeps shoving it in – with his mouth open – slobbering it up like there's no tomorrow, and then when the food has emptied from his hand he chews with his mouth open so I can see it in all it's glory) I was seriously considering tubal ligation.

Don't get me wrong, I love kids. But at certain points I was very glad I was going home alone. and we did get to see Home Plate which my nephew really wanted to see and we ate at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. which he also wanted to do (he had shrimp, my niece had pizza while my sister and I had burgers).

But the fun of it all was going to The Lion King. The bad of that was that it had already been a very long day and so the kids were tired, esp. my niece. But my nephew who swore up and down that he wasn't going to like it and it was going to be boring was actually on the edge of his seat the entire time. That made me glad.

As for me, I started to tear up at the first note – not sure why exactly, but those first moments were intensely powerful. The rest of the play was amazing, the costumes, the acting, the singing. There were a few parts where I thought it drug a little but overall it was very awesome. I had gotten the kids binoculars from Scheels so they could see a little better. My nephew loved those and used them a lot. It was really a great time. And my happy moment was getting out of downtown Mpls without incident and finding my way back to 35W South easily. That made me happy because usually I'm driving the long way around just to get to where I know. I did a little this time only because I missed my initial turn because of other crazy drivers. I'm really, really glad I spent the money and we all went. It was wonderful.

Today we finished up our trip at the Medford Outlet Mall, where I found jeans, a sweater, a tee, socks and new shoes. Much needed items for me. And my nephew still didn't find anything he wanted to buy. Maybe he will take my advice and invest it instead.

Doubt it.

Hakuna Matata

I am so excited for tonight!

Tonight my sister and her kids are joining me at The Lion King in Minneapolis. I'm so stoked for this. I had missed it the first time around and so to be able to go now and bring my niece and nephew along will be awesome.

My sister hasn't been to the Mall of Death before either so our plans are to check that place out. My nephew and I are planning to find Home Plate so at least it'll be a little fun for us. I hate the MoD but I'll make it work today. It'll be good to get away and spend some time with them.

Have a great day! I'll be back tomorrow with details on how it went! woohoo!

Don't forget the candles.

Today is Andrea's Birthday. Happy Birthday, Superhero!

Her comments today made me think about my own birthday. I've never been one to really celebrate. Okay, wait, let me rephrase. I used to be a big "me me me" day kind of girl until the year my brother was in the hospital and my birthday consisted of a card from him and my sister and a spring coat from mom and dad. It was then that I realized that what my dad had been saying all those years really was true, "It's just another day."

I never had a coming out party or a Sweet-16 party. (Of course, let's be honest. I never went to or ever had any kind of party in high school.) When I turned 21 I had to close at work and did go out for a few drinks after - of course that was with a co-worker and not my boyfriend because he didn't want go out, even for one drink. When I was 22 I was at basic training and got to shoot an M-16 that day (talk about a party! woohoo!). Last year I made cupcakes on my birthday because I that was what I wanted to do (I had found a cool recipe to make bluebird nesting cupcakes, very fun). This year I was at a conference, recovering from being sick and came back and worked for a few hours (which I later found out I wasn't supposed to do). One of my friends felt badly for forgetting my birthday that he gave me three cards to make up for it. Funny man.

In college, my friend and I bonded completely and forever when we both discovered we didn't like to do the public displays of birthdays. So when it was choir time and they sang happy birthday to everyone I would vehemently deny that it was birthday and she would back me up, and vice versa. Now I send her flowers on an off day just for fun. She sends me cards on random Tuesdays. Instead of picking one day of the year to celebrate each other because it was destined by fate, we prefer to celebrate each other all year long.

And maybe that's my thing. I got annoyed with birthday's because it never seemed to be about what I wanted. I would have friends come up and say, "We need to go out and party tonight because it's your birthday!" And I would think, and sometimes say, "I don't like to party like that and I would rather just stay home, so why?" They would get mad and tell me I was spoiling their fun because they wanted to celebrate me. Well, if you want to celebrate me, shouldn't we be doing what I want? Celebrate me and let me go home and curl up on the couch and watch My Blue Heaven or Friends. Or come over and bake cookies or cupcakes with me. Or offer to do my laundry. Don't instill on me your definition of fun. How is that celebrating me?

I will say, one of my favorite birthday's was when my friend wanted to celebrate me and she asked me what kind of fun things I would like to do. At the time I was learning to knit so I said I wanted to learn how to purl. So we had a Purling Party. She made dinner (chicken, of course), my favorite cake (unbeknownst to me, but a super fun surprise) and it was a very small, low-key evening. For the longest time I didn't think the other guests knew but then they gave me earrings and taught me to purl so I was very happy. It was nice because it was what I wanted. And that's how birthday's should be. Celebrate yourself.

My birthday is pretty low-key. I'm okay if people "miss" it, because I know that people have lives outside of mine. I'm not the center of the universe, despite what my head sometimes tells me. And if you want to celebrate me - do it anytime - there's no need to wait for a specific day. :)

Pictures, maybe?

I was just chuckling to myself that since NaBloPoMo I've had zero comments on my blog. Maybe I need more pictures.

A.J.? Do I need more pictures? Yeah? Yeah.

I think she agrees, so I'll see what I can do. For now, enjoy this one – standing girl with monkey. Ah, youth. I miss it.

A tribute to the O'Jays

So the mug thing has sort of resolved itself. The guy who gave me one found another extra on his desk that he gave to the woman who lost hers. This still doesn't resolve the fact that I was passively accused yet never confronted about it and I doubt the truth will ever come out and this will be a stain on my social economy forever. Grrr.

And that kind of pisses me off, because no matter what – she has her mug now – the element of question and accusing is still out there. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time now. I was walking down the hallway behind her today and I wanted to scream out “I didn't take your damn mug!”

See, I told you I have issues.

Anyway, my tribute to the O'Jays stems from my meeting today with AES regarding my finances. Woohoo! Apparently I have more money that I thought and my portfolio isn't as bad as it would have been. AES has some good plans for me which will be great in the long run I think. And I've known him for years and I trust that he will be a great financial planner for me. It's his passion to help people and he's been telling me this stuff for years.

So, to K&E who have been hoping I'd get some equity soon, my portfolio isn't looking too bad and I'm hoping to buy a house in the next couple years. There are some job issues, that if they happen may make that happen sooner than later because it will completely change my money scheme. And if not, I'm okay with waiting. I really do like my apartment and the location (despite some earlier posts). I'm happy right now. (I'm even decorating with our favorite artist...more to come on that one.)

So life is good today. I took off work early to meet with AES and now I need to do a little laundry.

Oh and I broke down and turned on my heat. It was 63 in here when I came home tonight. Last night a friend was over and I was literally shaking the entire time we were talking. So I guess it's time.

There goes money down the drain.

Coming Clean

I must have issues.

HA! Everyone reading this, all 3 of you, are saying, "No shit, Moe. We knew that."

But here's the latest in the land of Moe. We have a few bathrooms in the office building, as most office buildings do, and one of the main ones here has the best water pressure and hot water. In fact, there used to be a sign that said, "Caution: Hot Water". I love this bathroom. It's the place to go when your hands are cold (like today, or any day for that matter - it's always cold in here). But it also seems to be the place to go to rinse out your coffee mugs, and often these mugs are left in the bathroom for hours, sometimes days at a time.

Last week there was a nice company mug left in the bathroom. I secretly coveted it because I have a weakness for mugs - it's a blue, marble print, very pretty and big! - but I knew it not to be mine so I left it. Plus, let's get real here folks: EW! Ew, Ew, Ew! Who would want a mug that's been used, is still caked with coffee and has been sitting in a bathroom which everyone knows is riddled with germs, hot water or not. I'm so glad I left it and went back to using the pseudo-opposing company's mug instead, which was okay looking but not as big. I can handle it. Supposedly size doesn't matter and I'm all for equal opportunity and all that crap.

But one of my co-workers saw me using this other mug and started giving me a little bit of hell. I tried to explain that the only mug in my office I could use that would be associated with our company is almost 20 years old from when we were under another name and really should be preserved as a collector's item with all my other unused china in the office, not just used for hot cocoa. He offered up a company travel mugs, but I hate those and have thousands already, so he said he'd see what he could do.

Yesterday I came to work to find a dusty, but new and never used awesome mug like the one I had seen in the bathroom. He had given me it so I could at least promote our company and stop using the icky one. He had had his on display in his office but said I could have it! Suh-weet. I was so excited I had 2 cups of hot cocoa yesterday and 2 more today. Now I need to make him cookies as a thank you.

Here's where my issue begins. I know, stop laughing. At least I'm admitting them. Anyway, after my second cup today I went to the main bathroom and there was now a note: "Does anyone know what happened to the blue Company mug that was here?" The note wasn't there yesterday and so my paranoia immediately springs to the forefront. I know I didn't take it but there is the question of whether the person whose cup is missing is now thinking that I did take it because she saw me with mine this morning.

I refuse to get sucked into this game, but being in a building where you're either In or you're Out and I've been trying to ride the fence (doing well, so far, I think) having people think badly of me won't help the fence game. So I think, maybe I should go to the woman and say something like, "I hope you find your mug. Brian gave me one for me to use and I love it!" But then I feel like I'm just playing into them and maybe it's better to be on the outs just a little bit and let them think all their own horrible thoughts about me (stealer) because I know the truth and if they aren't man or woman enough to just ask me then screw 'em.

So that's what I'm going to do because we work in such a junior high already I don't want to go there. This is why I just stay in my office and work. It's not that I don't socialize but I'm not 'them' and this just works better for me. You can stop laughing now. I know this is idiotic but it's NaBloPoMo - what else am I going to write about?

Ups and Downs

It's freaking cold again. I hate cold. I hate heat. I'm such a fair-weather runner. So today I had to run on a ... I almost can't bear to say it ... a treadmill.

Oh the shame, the horror! Nah, it's not that, I'm just not a fan of treadmills. You run and run and go nowhere. I'm always stuck in the tiny garage with sweaty men who want to watch ESPN. Good thing I like sports but yuck. And I don't run with music because I can't run with it in the TCM or the Brookings Marathon so why even practice with it.

At least we have new treadmills in the garage. They run smoother and quieter, which is nice. The one I was on though was a little off so I had to run at a 1% grade just to be level. Weird. Treadmills don't make me happy because my shins tighten up. I can't get the bounce I can get on a road or grass or gravel. It's just so solid.

Anyway. Another sad thing was weighing myself today and realizing I've gained since the marathon. Dammit. So I need to figure out how to drop some poundage...of course, exercising more would be a good start, no?

One good thing, well two. I found a great chicken recipe: chicken breasts, sprinkle with salt, cover with a salsa/hot sauce mix, top with shredded Mexican mix cheese. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes or til juices run clear and devour. YUM. And I bought some of my favorite stuffed olives the other day – olives stuffed with jalapeños. Double yum.

Yeah, that'll help the diet.

Now I remember why I haven't done this

I can't scrapbook! I need help! I suck! I'm even trying the “have a drink and work on it” option K usually does. It's not working! Or maybe I'm just too picky. But it's probably just that I suck! Either way, ugh.

And the cycle continues...

Does this ever happen to you?

You're having a pleasant afternoon, watching tv programs you've recorded from the previous week and enjoying a snack of chips and salsa. Suddenly the salsa runs out but you have several chips left in your bowl. So you get more salsa. But then...you run out of chips but you have a lot of salsa left. You can't pour it back in, that's like a total Seinfeld faux pas – practically double dipping, so you have to get more chips. And the cycle continues until you're out of both salsa and chips and you've gained about 10 pounds from your 'snack'.

I hate when that happens.

So I'm going vent and see if I can drop a couple pounds of salsa and chips off.

I went to the store today and, of course, brought my bags. I was going to use the self checkout but they only had 1 (of 10) lanes available and a hottie was already using it. I was going to stand in line after him but being a Monday afternoon it was awfully slow the lady at 12 items or less said she'd help me even though I had more than 12.

So I said, I have my own bags and I can bag my stuff, thanks. She starts scanning everything and when she gets to the chicken I reach for it but she swings it into a (egads!) plastic bag. I literally gasped and groaned out loud, “Ohhhhhh, I didn't want that in a plastic bag.” And she looked at me as if I was insane and I was forced to take it because she had already used the bag and to take the chicken out and reuse the bag for someone else would be a bigger double-dipping-faux pas so I was ticked the rest of the time I was there.

And I still am, obviously.

I know, I know, that it's their job, and I know that not everyone can be as cool and hip as I am (she says tongue in cheek and eyes rolling). But here's my bigger beef: Why can't they just ask? It's a simple thing to do, “Would you like your scrumptious, already plastic-wrapped chicken in a separate bag?” “Why, no, thank you! It will be quite lovely in my fabulous reusable bags I have with me right here.” (read that out loud with an English accent...it's much more fun.)

I mean, seriously. They already ask you how the weather is, and how you're doing, and if you found everything okay. Why can't they add one more to their repertoire and ask if I'd like my chicken in a separate bag? Or are 4 too many questions to memorize amongst coupon codes and scanning items?

I'm feeling like a cheater...

So I feel like I'm cheating this NaBloPoMo thing by just posting photos (below) of my adorable niece. I hate feeling guilty so I'm going to write a little. If you'd rather just see the beautiful girl, skip this post and scroll down. I would.

My sleep was so much better last night. I love when we 'fall back'. I went to bed at 10/9 and woke up at 6:30/5:30. It was great. I finally got 8.5 hours of sleep – much needed and the first time in weeks. I love getting 8 hours of sleep and I function so much better when I get that. When I don't, like the last few weeks, then I get crabby – crabbier than I get when I don't have food.

This weekend was a little weird for sleep. Friday I woke up, as I always do on November 2, and mentally wished Kevin and Chris happy birthday. Why I remember their birthday is beyond me and after I mentally send them wishes I always wonder if I do have the right day or if it was actually November 1 instead. Anyway, Kevin was the tallest kid in my class in school – he eventually grew to be 6'10” and his ego was as big as his shoe size. Chris, however, was the shortest in my class, I think he made it to 5'4” but I'm not positive on that. What killed me was that they were born on the same day. How odd is that? In one small town, two kids are born who are basically opposites? So strange, and it's been 25 years but I still remember.

The other anomaly was this morning at 3:18 (or 2:18 if you had already turned your clock back) and I woke up to a scream and a door slam. This freaked me out because I thought back a year ago when my neighbor upstairs had woken me the same way, except that time it was because a rock had come at her when she was sitting at her computer in front of a window. (I still have the rock – it wasn't small, let me just say.) So I sat in panic for 20 seconds waiting for another scream, but I'm pretty sure (crossing my fingers and praying this is true) that it was just a fight between a boy/girl friend and she was kicking him out of the apartment.

I thought I was past all this. I thought I was in a safer neighborhood, and I guess I am, it's just I hate being woke up, in the middle of the night, when I'm having a good dream and warm and happy under my electric blanket. Not that I don't expect couples to fight, I just hate the drag down, kicking and screaming and slamming kind.

Which leads to another topic but I'll let that one go for now because I don't really have an answer or thought process for that one yet.

Anyway, I'm hoping for another 8-hour night and getting back in sync with myself.

Photo Sunday

So Pretty
Lady Bug
These are photos of my niece whom I got to play with a couple weekends ago. She's such a doll and was almost walking solo at this time. She turns one in a week and a half. She'll be getting a drum set from me. I know her parents are excited about that. :)

I'm dreaming of a ...

I won't finish it because Heaven forbid we get snow anytime soon.

But here's my question today: What is the magic temperature when a person should turn on the heat?

I hate turning on my heat or AC until I absolutely have to because I hate paying high electric bills for one person. So I'm cold a lot of the time.

But I'm always cold. In summer my hands will be cold and my friends think I'm insane. And to turn on my heat for my apartment seems stupid too because I'm hardly ever here. I thought about this last night as I was curled up in my bed with the electric blanket on 7. I'm at my house maybe 5 hours tops during a normal day when I'm actually up and alert (most of the time it's 3). The rest of the time I'm sleeping or at work. So why mess with a high heating temp when I'm hardly here? By the time it would warm up I'd have to go to bed and to heat the apartment when I'm not in it (other than the electric blanketed bed) just seems silly.

So I think I'm going to set it fairly low this winter and see how it goes. And right now I'm not turning it on... even though I'm cold.

A rum and coke night

As one of my co-workers put it, today is a day where I go home, sit on my couch and repeat to myself, “I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.”

Actually I do do that every night. I really love my job, but like every job there is there are moments where you just want to scream and run away or have a rum and coke at 8 in the morning, not worrying about those consequences.

This week has been crazy. We have a promotion going on this weekend where workers spouses could sign up to go (they had to have special approval from a place in Nebraska first so we also needed SSNs). So last week I had gotten the list, sent it in and then found out Tuesday that our list was wrong (initially we had friends and family listed too – not eligible). So we had to scratch off those not applicable and find others. And every hour I would have at least 2 or 5 phone calls asking if their wife or husband was on the list and for which day. UGH. How many times do I have to say that I don't know if they'll be approved or which day I'll have space.

It got pretty insane, so much so that today I was in a 90 minute meeting and bet the facilitator that the voice mails I had waiting on my phone would total the number 6 and 5 would be regarding the promotion. I was off by one on both counts. I am to the point where I don't even want to answer my phone.

Which got me wondering if I really have to answer my phone every time it rings. I have to answer my bosses line if he's out (and even if he's in to clear the way first). But my line? Do I have to answer it every time or can I let some of them go? This week was overwhelming impacted by the amount of phone calls I had, and I know people just wanted to know answers but I had none.

I do have caller ID so maybe I need to use that more and just avoid the calls I don't need to answer right away, but as one other person put it, if she needs an answer right away she calls; if not, then she emails.

So with that rational, maybe I do need to answer my phone. I don't know. I'm just feeling so overwhelmed right now. Too much going on in the space of a short week. One of my colleagues said, “Make it count! 8 for 8 every day!” I gave him the dirtiest look and he said, “Don't start with you huh?” Yeah, don't start with me. I made it 10 for 10 all week long and I'm still behind. Ugh.

So tell me, because next week will be quieter so I can do some catch up but I'm still wondering about the phone thing. Your thoughts?

So tired...so very tired...

Oh, how to begin? I could recap the day, which is always exciting, not. I could talk about my apartment building which has been creaking more and more as the weather gets cooler. Or I could talk about the evening's festivities.

Tonight, some girls from work and I got together at the Club to play Bunko (or Bunco, however you want to spell it). This is a monthly tradition during the school year for us. I started with the group last March after I had figured out how the process worked. (I'm usually hesitant to start something new until I have a better idea of how it goes).

So tonight was the first go. Every one puts in $5 in ones, $2 to the night's pot and $3 to the year's winnings. After a couple hours of rolling dice, hoping for Bunkos or baby Bunkos, fearing the Snake Eyes, and playing with the Ghostie (since we were short a player), I came in second. It was a good time, I will say.

So now I'm trying to decide if I should stay up later and do laundry or just hold off until tomorrow. I'm so tired. I was so tired this morning I was almost delirious. Everyone thought I was on a sugar high but I wasn't. And at about 2:30 I felt the crash come on. I really just wanted to nap. I hate going up and down on the energy scale. It's bad enough when that happens on the emotion scale, but on the energy scale? On a Thursday? Before a work weekend? When I have a shit load of stuff to do? Oh no...not a good thing.

So off to bed for me now, I think. Tomorrow is another day.