Okay...someone named Anonymous asked me how Wednesday night went. I'm not sure who Anonymous is and since not many know I have this site I'm a little scared. Oh well...
I did try to write all this yesterday but it didn't take for some reason and I got annoyed and didn't feel like retyping it all. Wednesday went okay. It wasn't as good as I wanted it to be. The chanting sucked...I was off on the first section and ended about a step higher than I should have. But after that Debbie said I settled into it quite nicely. The solo wasn't very good...I wasn't expecting the accompanist to play the organ...it's hard to hear on organ but it worked I guess. Carolyn and I hadn't had a chance to practice together so we were truly winging it. Whatever it's done.
It was just an off night in general...no one really was - well there was a weird disconnect in both choirs and having to sing between the two rehearsals didn't help me at all. No one was on pitch, nothing seemed to be flowing together smoothly...it was like we were fighting with ourselves the whole way. We got to one point where I'm supposed to sing the middle part with a trio and by that time I was so frustrated and depressed I felt like I couldn't hear a thing and I was singing completely off, which made me even more frustrated. Later we practiced together and I still felt off...I just felt naked and exposed and people were laughing at me...even though they weren't.
Debbie, dear sweet Debbie, came up to me after teh rehearsal and said..."You need to not let them control the trio. You're not getting the notes wrong, you just think you are. You're better than you think. Have the confidence and sing out!" That was a little much suddenly and I started to cry...which made Debbie feel guilty and then I felt guilty for making her feel guilty...
I just seem to have no confidence in myself lately and it's frustrating. Last night, Mary and I were walking through Ikea and we were talking about Jay for some reason and she said, "No, he wouldn't date you because you have no goals." damn...talk about a slam. It took me a bit to realize that she wasn't even talking about the first time Jay and I met when he wasn't quite dating Heather yet, but then was 'because she asked me out first." No, he said this to her not all that long ago...I have no goals, I have no purpose for my life and I'm just wandering through apparently.
Now granted that's true...and that's really scary. Because I don't know how to fix it. I am in awe of people who have found their passion in life. I have no idea what mine is. ugh.
2 comments:
Perhaps the best way to solve the goal problem is to let friends set them for you...so..hmm..let me see.
Goal #1 for the life of Sara: learn to always, always ask for extra ketchup in drive through's so as to save the world of polution through excess ketchup bottles. (this one is an excellent goal because you are saving the world)
Goal #2: strive to find a different sporting activity to do every tuesday at 7:02 pm in order to put self in position to become next host of ESPN 3. Will report on strange sports in manner of Joan Londen meets Dennis Rodman style of interviewing. (haven't I seen you on TV before?)
Goal #3: audition for a Crystal Light Pink Lemonade commercial with fellow fanatic, Karen.
Goal #4: become a courteous (unheard of) MN driver by allowing people to merge into lane when entering busy road.
Goal #5: Stop listening to friends who say you have no goals. Goals are over-rated and half the time NOBODY actually HAS goals, they just say they do to look impressive in manner of peacock showing off its feathers.
I've given you plenty to work with..so go out an ACCOMPLISH, ACCOMPLISH, ACCOMPLISH. I see the need to stress goal number 2 as I think you would be marvolous on TV..esp. when interview a man who claims eating tofu is a sport.
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